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Love, Not Actually

Imagine being on a date on the supposedly most romantic night and someone drops the L-word on you. Imagine the awkwardness of the moment when you don’t say it back!

People use the word love rather frivolously. I love chocolate. I love the show Fringe. When it comes to true love, do you say it when you feel it? Do you say it when you are unsure?

Have you ever been in a new relationship and got caught up in the moment and told someone you loved them?

What would you do if someone you had “strong feelings” for professed love way too soon?

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

177 comments Add your comment

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
7:54 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!!

hmmmmm Interesting topic……….is there a I Love You time frame……….chuckle! ;)

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:07 am

Good morning!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:12 am

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are? – Ummm, tricky because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But, if the L word was said to me and I didn’t feel the same, I’d probably hedge around and say something like “awwww, I love things about you too…”

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:16 am

good answer Missy! ;)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:23 am

Good Morning

“Awwww, I love things about you too…” = Push me off the roof!!! Damm!! Thats funny!! lol! Hey, at least you said something back to them.

David

February 15th, 2012
8:23 am

Had it happen recently and it is indeed a rough patch of water to navigate. While I LIKE her (and I like her a lot) I really can’t bring myself to utter the “L” word. Maybe it’s because I feel the affection, but not the electricity that I always had when I did say it (only in two of my past relationships and I’m 48). She got upset and hasn’t said it since, but we are still very affectionate to each other and to things for each other all the time. I can’t put my finger on it, but I won’t say it until I am absolutely sure.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:24 am

that isn’t pushing you off the roof Mr U! LOL that is being honest……#smirk Morning Sir!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:25 am

That is fair David. Stay true to thy own self~

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:28 am

@Mr. ~ I know, it’s still comes off as a shady comment, but a little something is better than a lot of nothing. :wink:

SlimNu

February 15th, 2012
8:30 am

If someone tells you they love you but you aren’t there yet, simply say Thank You ;-)

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:31 am

hmmmmmm it is fair to be in two different places…..I have said it and meant it and didn’t get a response once. I really wasn’t offended bc I know where he stood. I truly loved him and I didn’t hide it or apologize for it….I was at peace with it bc I was being true

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:31 am

nice Slim! lol

George Costanza

February 15th, 2012
8:32 am

Yeah, Jerry….I said it. I said “I love you.” and she just left it out there alone. Like an unused Matsa ball. I tell you what….I am NEVER saying THAT again!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:33 am

but with lust and love there is a fine line…….. differentiate accordingly ;)

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
8:38 am

That will work too, SlimNu.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:39 am

people love differently too………….and express it differently….just be open and not get too disappointed with no response….just a thought maybe …..there is hope!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:43 am

but if it is not there then it is not and that must be respected….don’t be a fool…only once not over and over….lol

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:45 am

I need to do a powerpoint and I don’t want to :( sigh lol

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:45 am

I remember that pit of your stomach feeling, when I said I love you for the first time! Your like dang did I just put myself too far out there that a saftey rope can’t reach. I cover myself, I took the punk route and said I know that you are not ready to say this but Iam “Im in love with you”. I didn’t get the Im in love with you too but I felt good that I got my feelings out there. Take the bull by the horns and live your life. At the very least it should it created a conversation topic for the both of us. We were both so solid in our friendship with each other that I got it in return… eventually lol…

Early in life I was to macho to say I love you. Now having dealt with lifes little and big issues I refuse to live with fear. Saying I love you should be one of the easiest things to do. Now I don’t mean on the first date or within the first couple of weeks but within your comfort level.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:48 am

Early in life I was to macho to say I love you. Now having dealt with lifes little and big issues I refuse to live with fear. Saying I love you should be one of the easiest things to do. Now I don’t mean on the first date or within the first couple of weeks but within your comfort level. <<<<<<<<<<Worth Repeating! Love this!

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
8:49 am

Morning ~Sunshine!

Harder....please..

February 15th, 2012
8:51 am

Oh the drama of not being married…

Why does “I love you” require any response beyond “thank you”?. If someone asks you if you love them, and you don’t, try this response -”I don’t love you.”

This isn’t rocket science.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
8:52 am

Bluzgirl

February 15th, 2012
9:00 am

I’ve had a situation where I told someone I was falling in love with him and he said that he didn’t deserve my love and he was sorry. Talk about crushing!

I was in a LTR several years ago where the guy didn’t say it unless I said it first. Sometimes he would say, “I love you, but not the way you want me to.”

I also have learned that life is too short and have some friends die over the past few years that were way too young. When I feel it, I say it. I say it to my mom every single time we get off the phone. I say it to my best friends. When you love someone, anyone, you say it if you feel it. At this point in my life, I don’t care if they don’t say it back. I’d rather have the truth than someone say it and not mean it.

disco

February 15th, 2012
9:12 am

good morning.

leggs – “I love things about you too”. I don’t know, that might be worse than “olive juice”.

If someone tells you they love you but you aren’t there yet, simply say Thank You.
Or you can say “I love me too” – okay. guess I’m not taking this seriously enough.

I’m not the one that verbalizes it too much. my own mother nearly has to drag it out of me and I’ll usually say something like “yeah yeah yeah, love you too”. my son and I don’t do that type exchange on the regular. we are more like “you cool? yeah, I’m cool. cool.” it works for me.

I joke about one co-worker in particular who speaks to her children on the phone literally dozens of times a day. (I’m in close proximity so I overhear). I have told her that she “loves” her kids more than anybody I know. I’m all for folks who say I love you every time they talk but I can’t understand why they have to talk umpteen times a day. frankly it’s annoying and I think the office needs to crack down on personal phone calls. (I know I sound ugly but I’m not exaggerating the amount of calls here)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
9:14 am

How is Misadventures in Atlanta helping you complete your powerpoint today, lol. “I need to do a powerpoint and I don’t want to sigh lol” don’t be using us to avoid your daily chores. lol. Just kidding.

Bluzgirl, pretty much! What a difference saying I love you can make in someones life. Shoot I feel great hearing someone tell me they love me. It means I’m leaving my stamp on someone’s life and vice versa.

Saddest thing in the world to see, someone die and there are only 15 people that attend their funeral.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:16 am

LOL Mr U it helps in more ways than one believe that! ;) #funny

MsMarriedUp

February 15th, 2012
9:16 am

…yes, this one is a hard one too. Must admit I don’t say this word to just anyone, though have recalled one time (a long while back) when I said it, and the moment I did I thought…damn…I bet I shouldn’t have said that.

it just seems to throw people off, and make them uncomfortable. So I just use the word in that generic fashion and with those where we say it so much to each other that it really NOW does have meaning.

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
9:27 am

@disco ~ Or you can say “I love me too” – that will get me to leave you where you stand…too condescending and insensitive. I realize you were kidding, kinda sorta (lol).

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
9:42 am

Lady~ I believe ya.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:44 am

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
9:57 am

alrighty one part is done now one more! #progressing

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
10:09 am

Very funny indeed! You want to date that one,the One who intrigues you but you place a time limit on love?

Very shallow and self centered!

Lady,good question you asked about time limit.

If you luv him/her just spout it. Nothing awkward about it unless you are,Again, self centered/selfish.

Loving or receiving luv has to be on your terms/time frame?

Never heard of that.

And you wonder why some folks are single?

Belch(wocka Flacka style!) :lol:

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
10:16 am

Alright, I’m out… Starting the second part of the day.

Try telling a random person (friend of a friend, co-worker, bill collector, blog friend) in your life you love them. You never know the smallest thing to you may mean a lot to someone else. Besides some ya’ll need the pratice anyway!! lol.. Love you Lady~ Have a good and Productive day!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:17 am

Love you too Mr U! Have a great day!!!! ;)

Mr. Unknown

February 15th, 2012
10:17 am

You know what re-thinking that last statement, uhh be a little selective in who you say this too. Don’t create your own stalker…

Mike P

February 15th, 2012
10:18 am

When it comes to true love, do you say it when you feel it? Do you say it when you are unsure?
– I would say it when I am sure, until then, I would “show” my feelings, while increasing the frequency rate of my outward expression and loving gestures.

What would you do if someone you had “strong feelings” for professed love way too soon?
–I don’t really understand the question… If I had “strong feelings” (emotional feelings I’m guessing) for her, how can she profess love too soon? I would think it would be on point.

Yesterday we talked about how will you know, but what do you do when you know for sure that you are not in love…and they are?
— depends on what role she plays in my mind… if she’s a short term chick, she gets cut from the team while the long-term “wifey type” would NOT be led astray. I would lead this women up the path of growth & prosperity, with me.

Morning!

kimmie - the original :)

February 15th, 2012
10:20 am

Morning All!

Exiled – I don’t get your post at all. What is shallow & self-centered about the topic? It is uncomfortable when one has stronger feelings for you, or has come to “love” you at a quicker pace than you have.

No there is not a time limit, per se, but I’m not going to take you seriously if I just met you a week ago either.

I seem to recall a few years ago you slamming me and calling me desperate when my now husband told me he loved me after we had been dating a year. So yeah, for some there is a “time limit” – even you! :wink:

I just don’t get what’s selfish and self-centered. It takes a lot to put your love, front and center, out there when you’re not sure the other feels the same.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:23 am

Mr U you funny!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:24 am

say if you mean it period….a stalker has mental issues and the word is used loosely but I feel your thought process! ;)

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:29 am

interesting Kimmie!!! good stuff!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

O/T ~ I just took out a blue horsepill called Alka-Seltzer Cold and it has literally disappeared. I can’t find it anywhere. Not on the floor, not under papers, it has vanished right before my freaking eyes!!!!

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

Karma – the joy of watching someone get what they deserve. Professionalism – the ability to sit back and enjoy the show and keep your mouth shut. #random

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:30 am

mr. unknown – during childhood fights with my brother he would say “I love you” while we were supposed to be fighting. boy that got under my skin.

and now I’ve got lenny Williams in my head.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:32 am

lol disco love that song!

Leggs

February 15th, 2012
10:36 am

Used to love that song a lot, now it gets on my nerves. Beggingest song of all time (lol).

disco

February 15th, 2012
10:37 am

and the award for “beggingest song of all time goes to”…

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:39 am

disco they put Kemin that category know! chile that man can sang and they can say what they want lol they say he is a whiner but Kem can get it !!!! LOL he is awesome in concert!

Exiled!

February 15th, 2012
10:40 am

Kimmie?

I am not saying exactly what you are saying but I understand where I may have misled.

My assumption is you are dating somebody and you now ‘know’ them and have developed Deep feelings for them.

Say it. To hold back because you don’t think they will reciprocate or they may not is selfish.

Saying they luv you after a year of dating is late,I think,especially if you have been dating non stop.

I think what u are recalling is me calling desperate,a person who married after a brief courtship. That is proly what the discussion was.
I have professed luv,in the past after weeks of dating. I couldn’t have said what u attribute me saying ,then,about u Kimmie.

Lady~Sunshine!

February 15th, 2012
10:43 am

meant now and not know sheesh! LOL