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Seduction not a one way street

A male reader wants to know why some women don’t feel the need to seduce their men. From his experience, he is always the one that initiates romance. Why is it important for women to seduce men?

I ask because I know some men have a thing about gender roles, especially when it comes to the bedroom. When a woman is the initiator, should she be concerned about how she goes about it? Is it there ever a concern about emasculating a man while trying to seduce him?

What do you think? What is your definition of seduction? Should seduction work both ways?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

Lily

February 8th, 2012
7:12 am

It’s out of sync with nature. I personally don’t want to keep tabs with who seduced whom last. It such a sad state of romance amd relationships when it comes down to tally strokes. Again, why do women have to now take on a man’s role? I’m not suggesting women shouldn’t or can’t, I’m simply saying a man shouldn’t assume a woman doesn’t want to because she doesn’t initiate. As long as a woman is engaged and responsive, then she’s happy to oblige. The sign of not wanting sex lies within nonresponsiveness not the lack of times she doesn’t jump start.

Princess

February 8th, 2012
7:49 am

Not an issue for my SO, he’s happy with flow and okay with our love life.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
7:51 am

Good Morning~ Steamy Hump Day Topic!!! ;)

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
8:04 am

Morning,

Um, every situation doesn’t involve the man always initiating. I have to say often times it’s actually me who is pulling ‘the 1st move’. Now this topic has me thinking what the heyal is up with that. :???:

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 8th, 2012
8:06 am

Good day everyone.

“What do you think? What is your definition of seduction? Should seduction work both ways?”

I think the issue this guy is having is that she is not trying seduce him because he is probably always trying to seduce her. She knows that he is always ready to get physical and she knows its there which is why she probably has no excitement. People like things because they are rare. He can get her begging for it by getting himself to stop begging for it. Sexual control!

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
8:08 am

Chuckle M.!!!!! Spontaneity does rocks! Impromptu acts are so cool and keeps the passion going!

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
8:09 am

& those acts can be done by both WITHOUT keeping score of who does what and when…………..

Robert

February 8th, 2012
8:25 am

“What is your definition of seduction?”

There is a thin line between being seductive or looking like a “slutt”. For example I love to watch my woman put on her clothes in the morning and smell her perfume which can be very “seductive” and increase my passion and desire for her. I hate to see a woman covered in tatoo’s (kids, old boyfriends names, etc.). I hate to see older women trying to dress like younger women (skinny jeans, tights, hair weaves, fake eyelashes, etc.) looking like a “slutt”. Ladies it is not attractive or seductive.

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
8:32 am

Good Morning,

What do you think? What is your definition of seduction? Should seduction work both ways?

I think it goes back to effort. I don’t want to make the first move all the time, becomes boring and predictable. Definition of seduction is to entice the senses. Yes, It should work both ways, not always the case. If she is really into you, theres usually no problem but a women trying to seduce is also some of the greatest entertainment ever! We are so simple to please, it really doesn’t take much. Just show the effort. I would like to know some of the effort that ladies put in to seduce their guy current or past.

Mr. Obvious

February 8th, 2012
8:55 am

Seduction only works if you have a person willing to be the “victim.”

Mr. Obvious

February 8th, 2012
8:56 am

By “victim,” I mean a jungle snake willing to slither into the first warm, moist den made available to it.

Mr. Obvious

February 8th, 2012
8:57 am

Prime Example:

Our 44th President was the “victim” of seduction by Mr. Larry Sinclair.

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
9:02 am

The ex took notes of my likes and dislikes. I was opening an email from a friend that had a picture of a woman in a fish net dress and I didn’t realize she was standing behind me. Soo my bottom jaw was wide open as I was saying a quiet damm to myself and she said loudly soo thats what you like, hmp and walks away! Saturday rolls around, she cooks my favorite meal and we decide to go out to have drinks. About the second drink in she leans in and shows me that she has on a fish net underneath her dress. At this point I’m ready to go, Im very excited smiling ear to ear and we had such a great convo about sex and desires. She hit all the points of seduction for me, Suprise, Teasing the right way, and the things that I like. No need to finish the story..

The entertaining part was when she took off the fishnet there were little X’s all over her body!! lol.. Have fun with it!!

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
9:03 am

creative and cute mr u!

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
9:26 am

Lady~ I thought so too! Would it be safe to say a lot of women are intimidated by the thought of trying to seduce their partner?

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
9:30 am

No sir its just a fine line I think. level of comfort among other things. for me I am passionate and I just have to be feeling you like that. why am I sitting here blushing and typing lol #dead LOL

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
9:35 am

I just got this silly message from a person on fb I prob haven’t seen in 17 years and it goes damn ________ I hadn’t heard or seen from you in like forever its like you lost out there in the world do you even come home during the holidays?!? Lawd the level of access to some folks that you just leave behind plus he poked me and prob will be deleted by 3! LOL

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
9:54 am

Hmm very passionate person thats a bonus for anyone dating you. “Blushing” Sounds like a thought or memory may have crossed your mind.
FB gives way too much access to the people you may dread from the past. I just block all access, Im not searchable. It just saves a lot of unnecessary convo about why am I friends with this and not me, are you trying to act brand new. I have really had these conversation before. I’m from a somewhat small town and everyone wants to be facebook friends with each other. Im too private for my buisness to find its way back to the home front.

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
9:55 am

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
9:58 am

so you feel me Mr U!!!!!! LOL good post sir! ;)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
9:59 am

I am from a super small town as well and boy! LOL

Ms. Assertive

February 8th, 2012
10:00 am

I prefer it work both ways. The men I’ve dated appreciate not being expected to always be the aggressor. Just so happens I like being the aggressor. They say it’s a pleasant and welcomed surprise to break stereotypical gender roles. This gives me an opportunity to seduce, play, dance, strip, talk dirty, on occasion-show subtle domination, then allow them to lead when and if they want. They actually have gotten much more revved up after my initiation, so what I receive is with far more vigor than from playing a coy role! Negotiating sexual behavior between two partners – to me – is sexual freedom. Try it.

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
10:03 am

Alright Lady~ sorry I have to leave ya. Its been fun, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:07 am

you too Mr U!

Mr. Unknown

February 8th, 2012
10:11 am

Lady~ Professor just walked over and was like what are you typing over here. Ha! She saw the title and was like hmmm.. I told her that I have completed the next three chapters already. Nosey A#$!! lol.. She teaches directly from the book boring!! Anyway!! Im out.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
10:12 am

Morning.

All I read was the first sentence of the topic and I immediately thought of the ways I seduce. Seduction shouldn’t be a one-way street. From the clothes I put on when I know we will see each other is a form of seduction, to the high heels and thigh high stockings, is a seduction, my conversation leading (everyday convo with innuendos of what’s to come) up to the negligee and heels I wear to bed is all a seduction!

Now, let me see if I’m remotely on target with the topic?

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:12 am

LOL #dead Mr U tell her to back up out your space!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Enjoy your day sir!

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:13 am

Hey Leggs glad to read ya! Hope you rested up and 100% today!

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
10:24 am

Thanks Lady. Not 100%, more like 75%, but I had a spreadsheet I needed to work on. May forward it home and work from them. Probably should have taken another day. Feel asleep at a stop light and this loud horn jolted me awake…not good!

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
10:25 am

Well, see I still can’t type the right words….

Sexy (my name is not Kizzy) Cool

February 8th, 2012
10:26 am

Hey ALL!!!

I like how Lilly put it. Tends to be my way of thinking more often than not.

However, TheDude has verbalized his desire that I initiate from time to time. So, I have no problem doing just that.

Although, I have to admit, my “seduction” usually amounts to little more than, “Come on over here and let me get some of what you’ve got.” (LOL – which is just fine with him.)

Back to Kizzying…

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:30 am

oh that is not good! I hate when that happens to me! Get some rest leggs after you finish up that work!

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
10:33 am

Why am I hearing “Let meeee, entertain yoooou” in the background? lol

Why does seduction have to be placed on a particular gender….male or female? Why does a man feel slated if he’s the one revving things up? I guess first off, if he feels an imbalance I would hope we can communicate rather than him “feeling” a certain way about it and never addressing.

Next, I don’t think the art of seduction solely lies within poles and stilettos and fishnet body suits. I think the art of seduction can heavily lie in what’s not spoken or overt. Possessing sexy just naturally. IMO and just my humble opinion, the root thus the art, is in how we ebb and flow. How we interact and exchange and how we feel about one another. From there, if I’m feeling you…like that….and you’re feeling me….like that, it’s just gonna happen. Seduction, all of it.

If it’s IMO way too intentional (not the same as a nicely planned day or evening..not talking about that), then it’s going to feel awkward. I think you can listen and feel a person out to know what they like but trying to do something “cause it’s my turn” or worry cause you feel like you’ve done it way more than I have just takes all the sparks out of it.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:37 am

Why am I hearing “Let meeee, entertain yoooou” in the background? lol <<<<<<<Exactly C! SMH LOLOLOLOL!

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
10:38 am

Morning all!

Leggs, please be careful.

On topic – When I’m really feeling someone and we are in tune with each other, I have no problem initiating, it’s a two-way street automatically, give and take. Thinking back in the past, if I was not really into a guy or we had issues, he did most of the initiating and it pretty much was just taking care of a need. Not so in a passionate, loving relationship like that with my husband.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
10:59 am

Seduction and seducing shouldn’t be pulling teeth for either party…..it should flow effortlessly I feel even after the heated attraction fades……Keep it hot for each other even in simple ways…….its not rocket science but it can be a mastered art for the one you are digging! ;)

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
10:59 am

@Celisea ~ I have to agree with you in that seduction doesn’t rest exclusively on poles, clothes or heels. Mental seduction is the best form, anticipation carried up to the connection of two bodies meshing together into one movement is sexy.

Listen folk, without mental seduction there will be no form of physical seduction, unless you just want to jump someone bones because that’s all you require, a deep thrust with busting slob then wash up only to be shooed out the door. Then, no seduction require, just a room and a bed. Heck sometimes, the floor will do.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
11:01 am

yep mental stimulation holds power and I feel it holds staying power!

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
11:13 am

That’s even better, Lady, it all boils down to staying power unless you’re looking for cheap thrills.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
11:16 am

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:19 am

What up blog fam!

After reading the Wise opening and reading the post, I convinced neither Wise or the majority of the bloggers here know the definition of seduction.

As Celisea stated, seduction is not gender specific. However, women have more to be seductive with than men do.

Seduction: (i) having alluring or tempting qualities; (ii) the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse; (iii) something that attracts or charms

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:26 am

Yeah cause a dude wanting me to put on something skanky cause he got aroused seeing somebody else do it ain’t it. Better not suggest it to me either…lol You can’t mimick or mock someone else. Seduction flows from within out.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:30 am

Leggs/Celisea: I understand what you are saying about the mental play but becareful not to project what floats your boat onto someone else. Different Strokes and alll…..

Oh and Leggs I think you mean without the physcial there would be no mental seduction. A dude spewing “I could search my whole life through and through an never find another you.” or “When you see a falling star to night, make a wish, it will come true because I wished and I found you.” or “If I had to choose whether to breathe or to love you, I would use my last breath to tell you that… I love you.” wouldn’t mean a dayum thing to you if he didn’t have a nose.

Chick: Ummm, Dude where is your fuggin nose??? I ain’t heard ish you said!!! How

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
11:32 am

Celisea – Yeah, that “why don’t you dress like her” thing never worked with me! Just made me mad more than anything.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:35 am

Dude: Celisea I bought you a gift.

Celisea: Awwww thank you. What is it?

Dude: Open it and see.

Celisea: What is this? Where did you find this? How do you put this on?

Dude: Well when I saw Amberflip with it on I thought it would be perfect for you.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:39 am

For Real – I don’t think I mentioned “Mental”….let me go back and read. I spoke more to the natural interaction between a man and woman. I spoke more to sexy being something naturally possessed.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
11:40 am

@ForReal ~ I’m over here playing. No way am I trying to project what floats my boat onto any one here. No one here knows what truly floats my boat. I never really stated what it is. Just playing with words. The one true thing I have posted are those sexy thigh highs….

Again, that’s not what I’m saying. I said some don’t need the mental, just straight to the physical. And words like that being voiced by the one you’re involved with are beautfiul to hear.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
11:41 am

A form of seduction is to see your mate across the room and the look in his/her eyes showing appreciation and desire is seductive (for me).

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:42 am

My bad Celisea. It was Leggs. Here take this heart shaped fish sandwich as a token.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:42 am

Kimmie – Exactly. That’s just plain ole weak. Don’t bring to me “stuff” and “how it with Sambooka”. Disconnect from the freaks you’ve had in the past before you approach me. I’m just saying. Nothing but horndogs have a one way of getting it done and usually it’s the skanky stuff. I like classy seductions. Don’t come to me either with stuff folks did for you that caused some breakage…lol I’m not damaging myself for your pleasure.

For Real – You’re a nut but yeah that about sums it up. He’s gonna get throat punched mentioning some other chick(s).

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:44 am

Thanks For Real, that fish “sammich” will save me a trip downstairs. Can I get $1.72 for diet coke to go with that? LOL

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:46 am

“Sambooka flipped upside down when she did it”

“Sambooka didn’t mind me hanging her from the roof, although it was a near death experience”

“Sambooka had a good time, but we did have to do an ER visit once we finished. She was bleeding out of her ear because of it”

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:47 am

Sooooo Kimmie how does one go about getting a their SO add some pieces to their wardrobe that they find seductive. Now, I know you have never, ever bought your SO and now your husband anything you saw on another man right???

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:48 am

Just tell me up front if yousa (yes yousa) a nasty horn dog. I can do sexy and a bit of “freaky” but not the harmful stuff. NOOOO CAAAAN DOOOO

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:52 am

Celisea: I can do sexy and a bit of “freaky” but not the harmful stuff. NOOOO CAAAAN DOOOO

Dude: Nooo baby you don’t have to worry bout the harmful stuff. I keep a defibrillator and a fire extinguisher beside the bed.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:53 am

Nut….LOL I’m pointing at you For Real

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:57 am

Nut….LOL I’m pointing at you For Real – Thanks

For Real now zipping up his pants.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
12:01 pm

…………….aaaaaaaaaaaand Celisea now ducking

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
12:02 pm

For Real – If you mean something I saw on a model in a magazine or a fashion show, of course. If you mean saying “why don’t you dress more like Joe Neighbor cause he’s hot”, heck no, never done something so insensitive and crass to husband or anyone I’ve dated.

As for how to get an SO to add pieces to their wardrobe you find seductive, if the 2 of you are in tune with each other, very easy. If you’re not sure, it’s still easy. Either gentle suggestion like “you know, I think you would look hot in some jeans like those in that window”. I’ve done that plenty of times. Sometimes, it’s something the person never even thought might look good on them. Usually they are flattered at the suggestion. Or I’ll just buy them what I’d like to see them in.

Sometimes it’s not what but how you do something. Dudes that threw other women in my face and belittled me never got very far. Not seductive at all, but a put-down.

abc

February 8th, 2012
12:04 pm

To say ’seduce’ is to imply that one motivates another to do something they would otherwise, or ordinarily, do. To initiate physical intimacy within a relationship isn’t exactly seduction.

But, whether only men should be initiators, or whether a man would feel emasculated if a woman did, is pretty much a personal call. Different strokes. Here’s the deal, though: if a man initiates and the woman says she has a headache or something, the man just takes it in stride; reverse the situation, and the chick is going to have a real problem with it. Chicks don’t deal with that kind of rejection very well, and I’m sure that contributes to why many are reluctant initiators. That, along with their personal perceptions about what it is to be proper, lady-like, etc.

Optimus Prime

February 8th, 2012
12:28 pm

Seduction DOES work both ways and it takes different strokes. What one person calls “classy” the other person calls “Boring”. What one person calls “slutty” the other person calls “exciting and adventuresome”. I love making love to my wife, but every now and then, like a few torn clothes, maybe a mark or two and sweat. The sexiest thing she ever told me was “I love it when you make love to me. But tonight, I want you to f*** me.”

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
12:34 pm

careFul Optimus P!!!

easy now, eeeeeasy….

Optimus Prime

February 8th, 2012
12:39 pm

Sorry, Exiled. But she really is an amorous one. SUCH a change from the Polyanna types, prudes and frigids. She’s a corporate VP during the day and I she really exits that when the walks out of the office door. Very classy and beautiful….but once her switch is flipped, I can honestly say that I am living every man’s dream….and been living it for eleven great years. I have been snickering at some of the posts from earlier and thought “Dang, that person probably only does it one way…..and she doesn’t even LIKE it that way.” Don’t be so close minded. Relax, imagine, be adventuresome and ENJOY!

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
12:45 pm

OP?

I hear u and lucky u bro..

But her being a VP got nothing to do with seduction

IJS

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:21 pm

poppin’ back in! ;)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:22 pm

Alrighty now Optimus Prime! ;)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:23 pm

hmmmmm Ex why you judge women who dink beer from a bottle…..Of course I am not handling like a man but every now and then I like my beer in a bottle iced cold….but last night was a Chardonnay night so it was sippin’ from a glass. SMH LOL

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
1:31 pm

Lady – But if you wanted to drink your Char from the bottle, ain’t nuttin wrong with it ;-)

To be honest, I feel more ‘masculine’ by sipping beer out of a beer mug. Me likes to drink my Heneiken out of the bottle with a shot a Goose to boot.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:38 pm

Screamin’ LOL @ Slim!!!!!! I know chica! LOL

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:39 pm

you know behind close doors when I want to I have drank Char from the bottle and ate a plate of crab legs with a mate before! pure fun! LOL

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

February 8th, 2012
1:47 pm

Me likes to drink my Heneiken out of the bottle with a shot a Goose to boot

I hear you SlimNu…like mine with a shot of Crown on the side. Picked that up from my brother.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:47 pm

Hey Sassy!!!! :)

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
1:49 pm

Sassy – I’ll have to try that sidecar of Crown. I haven’t experienced that just yet.

Lady – Mmmm crab legs!!!

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
1:53 pm

Afternoon All,

Lively topic I see. Seduction is in the eye of the beholder. What one see’s as seductive another may see as creepy. Seduction definitely is not gender specific. Some simple flirts can be viewed as seduction. I also believe that Women are better equipped for seducing than Men. We are generally susceptible because for Most of us it doesn’t take much. However Like someone earlier said; Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
1:56 pm

um Slim, you don’t sip from a mug. You drank from a mug.

For Real now sliding Slim a 42oz mug full of Heneiken with a cup of Goose on the side.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:56 pm

Slim I kid you not if this dude ask where I wanna go eat in the next few days it will be Spondivits. Its been a minute I am ready for some seafood and dranks! LOL but I am down for going to the farmers market too and buying some stuff and steaming it! either way lol

For Real

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

“Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.” – I would like to add “or there is money on the table.”

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

y’all can have pappadeaux LOL

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

or there is money on the table.”<<<<<<dead too damn funny!

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:04 pm

Question for the guys: If a guy you’re in a LT relationship with frequently turns down your advances, is it safe to assume he’s getting it from someone else?

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
2:05 pm

Alright good folks I’m out.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:07 pm

Kimmie good ? sis! hmmmmmmm

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
2:07 pm

Imma pop in later…I’m curious to see how the men will answer Kimmie’s question.

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
2:09 pm

Lady..why I judge?

I judge female beer drinkers,Period! From a bottle? Worse?

Women who drink beer,in my experience,are real cool to hang with. And f-ck with too.
But for me,it ended there.
I know and hang with dudes who drink beer and ummm..so I extrapolate their characters to a female beer drinker and ummmm, that to a chic and it’s not pretty.

@Slim,?’feel more masculine by sipping beer’?
Is that kinda like a lesbo move in a club scene,so they know u the dude? :lol:
go head Slim! :lol:

If I’m wrong,why u wanna feel like u got balls then? :lol:

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:09 pm

Got you Ex! I respect your stance!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:11 pm

Kimmie: Define frequently first. Until then here are the reasons why ALL men on the face of the planet do not have sex:

1. Money Issues

2. ED

3. Job

4. Not attracted to her anymore

5. fuggin another chick

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:12 pm

Kimmie: #4 can also mean “tired of fuggin her”

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:15 pm

Kimmie – my answer is a question. if the guy turns down your advances (frequently) in a LDR how are you in a relationship exactly? K.I.M.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:16 pm

4Real – both of your #4’s will be lost in translation.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

WD LD or LT?!?

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

“Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.” – Huh? We all fear rejection, but it all depends on our level of self confidence and how strong your “constitution” is. Some rejection can be looked at as postive form of rejection. It all ain’t bad…..We’re seducing men. Unless there are issues, it will work. Or are you saying it’s imbred in a man to seduce whether the outcome is positive or not. Guess that’s why so many bums on the street really think they have a shot.

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

Exiled – You sure would not like me, because I do like a beer from time to time, and depending on the setting, will sip from a bottle. Make no apologies for it either. I’m a lady in every sense of the word too!LOL!!

4Real – Out of the last 5 times she initiates, he turns her down 2 or 3 times and he rarely initiates himself.

Number 4 & 5 would be the reasons more upsetting to me, personally. The others I could work with him on.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:18 pm

#4 requires work I think to get back to the basics and not lose sight especially if you married……

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:19 pm

Ex – I prefer to drink beer out of the bottle versus a mug, was the point. Has nothing to do with attracting another female. Me likes the Pole not the hole :roll:

For Real – Damn, a whole 42 ounces?!! My stomach only holds 18oz

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:19 pm

Ok, ok, forget my last sentence re: “bums” and “seducing:…I realize they don’t go hand in hand…

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:24 pm

Willie – Lets say you’re shacking or married.

I asked the question to shed some light on this mindset some of you dudes have about women not being able to take rejection. I think alot of women assume that no dude is going to turn down sex unless it’s something major going on. Barring money/job problems a lot are going to assume he’s either not attracted to her anymore or he’s messing with someone else. Those are the ultimate reasons for rejection for a lot of women.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:24 pm

My bad, I read wrong. LTR then yeah same answer. The relationship is done. If a dude dont wanna fugg then a conversation aint gonna change that. Maybe for 30 mins but its still done.

Leggs – yep inbred in Men to at least try and keep trying. And for the record even without issues all Women don’t bat 1000 even when they really try to seduce a dude. We do have choices and some of us even say NO.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:25 pm

The beau told me he turns down my advances because he doesn’t want to be one in the hole :lol:

If a guy you’re in a LT relationship with frequently turns down your advances, is it safe to assume he’s getting it from someone else?

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:28 pm

interesting!

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:28 pm

Lady – Unless I’ve gained alot of weight or just let myself go, the thought that I’ve now gotta work to make my man attracted to me AGAIN is depressing. Now THAT would make me apprehensive about initiating anything!!

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:31 pm

Kimmie – It happens to the best of yall. IJS #4 again (both of them).

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:31 pm

hmmmmm Kimmie I am thinking when the romance fade in like a 25 to 30 year marriage kind of thing….maybe I am out of context with the discussion but I just wouldn’t walk away if the romance died if I’ve invested time I don’t think I am being general though

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:33 pm

@WillieD ~ I know all women don’t bat 1000. That’s why I said some rejection can be looked as being positive. Him turning me down in the long run was a blessing in disguise. AND, issues is the wrong word to use, should have used “reason,” No one bats 1000 every time they ask, bet not even huge hefner. The beauty with him is if one says no, he has many other rabbits to hop to.

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
2:34 pm

&Kimmie..yea he don’t wanna fess up to chic about his slowing motor maybe.

He’s not feeling her anymore..everything For Real said.

I would add the 411 filter here..u know the one u get when u call 411..

What city?

Never mind it has been a LTR

Maybe somebody is now fugging him! :lol:

and Kimmie I said female beer drinkers are cool..so I will like u…u forgot the other quality i mentioned. :lol:

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:35 pm

Willie – I getcha, and agree, just curious on how people think about things.

Unfortunately, some people think all they have to offer is their body, so if THAT is rejected, they have a hard time dealing with it. A strong sense of self allows one to bounce back from something like that easier.

Lady – Yeah, in that instance we would work on adding the spice back!

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:41 pm

One of the top love languages I respond to is “Touch”…no it doesn’t have to be us humping each other’s back out but it could be an unexpected hug in the kitchen, a pat on the butt while i’m brushing my teeth in the morn, you washing my back in the shower, a hand on the leg while watching tv…

Even if the sex has dwindled, is he still being affectionate?

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:42 pm

Kimmie – I’d be curious to know how ole girl responded when Dude turned her down.
1.) get mad and think something must be wrong with this dude.
2.) get mad and start stalking his car, phone and email looking for eveidence
3.) go to the store and buy some knee pads and a bib

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:43 pm

hmmm top love language Slim?!?

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:49 pm

Lady: Yes you are completely out of context. For the record women need romance men need seduction, which goes back to #4 on my list.

Kimmie: 2 to 3 times out of 5 within a week doesn’t mean his is cheating. If men were to take that stance then every woman in a relationship would be cheating. How many times has she turned him down? Also, women are taught to value their body above everything else which leads to poor decision making. Master the mind and the body will follow.

Leggs: I like your optimists view of rejection but finding a positive for being rejected for sex is kinda hard especially if you sans the disease aspect of the rejection.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:50 pm

OK For Real you got it! ;)

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:51 pm

Lady – One of my top 3 I would say. I believe they are: Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:52 pm

peace out folks! :)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:53 pm

Slim I have the book and never read it maybe I will! ;)

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:54 pm

Slim: That’s real talk right there….. For Real now patting Slim on the butt 17,852 times.

Willie D: it ain’t #3

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:56 pm

Willie: but I like your methodology

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:59 pm

@ForReal ~ if I was turned down the first time, I may not be offended or even feel bad. If I’m continuously turned down, that’s a different subject. I may have to start smelling my armpits to make sure I’m not turning one off from jump street.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:00 pm

Slim now patting For Real’s head and rubbing his stomach with one hand.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:01 pm

especially if you sans the disease aspect of the rejection. – Not true.

He could be tired (depending on what his job is). Some men out there have very stressful jobs and may not want to do the do the night I want to. Like I previously stated, if he repeatedly turns me down, Houston, We Have a Prob!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:01 pm

Leggs: How many times within in a specific time period would you start to feel he is cheating?

Audra

February 8th, 2012
3:03 pm

“There is a thin line between being seductive or looking like a “slutt”.”

Robert, you are a caveman. Those things aren’t even about seduction anyway, seduction is one-on-one. What you are talking about are your outdated views of women in general. And btw, we don’t like bald men or pudgy men or men that don’t make enough money or….

I mean, if you want to start listing things better check yourself, Robert.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:06 pm

“Slim now patting For Real’s head and rubbing his stomach with one hand.” – For Real is now rapidly tapping his feet with his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:06 pm

@ForReal ~ I haven’t been in a relationship in so long I’m not sure I know how to answer that question. No longer know what timeframe is normal (lol).

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:07 pm

If I was getting rejected often, my initial thought wouldn’t be cheating. I’d think he wasn’t attracted to me anymore of that something was on his mind. Both are bad, especially if he doesn’t open up to you to tell you what’s going on.

For Real – Why come “Potentially Gay” wasn’t a reason on your list?

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:12 pm

Same here, SlimNu, cheating wouldn’t be my first thought.

Sexy (my name is not Kizzy) Cool

February 8th, 2012
3:13 pm

“And btw, we don’t like bald men or pudgy men or men that don’t make enough money or….”

____________________Flatlined…….please resuscitate…

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:13 pm

I’m going to crawl back in my bed.

Peace Out!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:15 pm

“For Real – Why come “Potentially Gay” wasn’t a reason on your list?” – Because at some point in the relationship the chick has to realize that she didn’t buy the dildo in her man’s sock drawer.

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:20 pm

On Topic: Seduction is all about the electrifying persona of a man who knows exactly what he wants and from whom. This man communicates desire and his confident, sexual prowess to the women of his choice with a mere glance from across the room. Once their eyes meet, its over… with power, the man dominates his prey and the woman submits to his influence. She has no choice, every cell in her body electrified, yearns to be draw into to his presence… NOW THAT’S Seduction.

@kimmie: maybe the guy in your example is simply depressed or worried about something, pending money issues perhaps?

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
3:20 pm

Slim/Leggs – I bet cheating wont be far off though.
1st time- maybe he had a bad day at work and had a cold. He was tired.
2nd time – aww heyal naww and just roll over
3rd time – checking calendar, now last two times was on a Tuesday and it was a full moon. He said he was playing Basketball with Tyrone. Run n Shoot closed down. It betta not be that keisha bish.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:23 pm

For Real – :shock: :lol:

Leggs – Feel better chica

WD – Well after all that, then heyal yeah it betnot be dat bish Keisha Shaquiella Jenkins

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:26 pm

SlimNu: some men will clam-up and retreat inward (inner man cave) when we have “issues” to be resolved, sometimes we appreciate the women “being there” for us, but when we’re in our cave, we don’t talk about the problem, if we can’t resolve it right away, we ponder on it or distract ourselves completely, depending on the man and his current circumstances.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:34 pm

Mike – That’s how the guy i’m dating now is. It frustrates me to no end because i’m thinking to at least tell me where you mind is so I will know and not assume what’s wrong.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:36 pm

Slim: Remember “Touch” that’s what a man needs until he is ready to talk. Oh and some quite, and probably a sandwich, oh and some beer and some sports

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 8th, 2012
3:46 pm

Peeking in, what it do folks?

On Mike P’s Inner Man Cave theory, you can take that one as the gospel…There is no benefit from him discussing what is eating him…women say they want a dude to talk, but you really don’t, and we know it?

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:52 pm

@SlimNu: but that’s just, we’re not wired that way. it has been proven that women can talk things out or expressing her feelings can actually ease her even without finding a solution, but we don’t get the same easing results. Men talking and talking about something without a clear-cut solution is like us spinning our wheels but going nowhere; which makes it all the more frustrating for us.

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
3:53 pm

4 Real/others – Hey, I was just curious. There are many factors and yes, for those that think all they have to offer is sex, rejection is going to be hard to handle.

4 Real you asked how many times had she turned him down? That was not a part of my little experiment. I was trying to get some idea of why you guys feel women can’t take rejection. I wanted to put out there a glimpse of the reasons why SOME women might not initiate, for fear of that rejection.

If my man is having health or money/job issues, I’m going to know about those and will understand his lack of desire. If all those things are going fine, then either I don’t do it for him anymore, or he’s seeing someone else.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
3:59 pm

Kimmie – ok Kimmie Here’s my final answer. If you show up in the Man cave with a cold brew in your left hand. A Turkey sammich (crust removed) in your right hand. A 1 size too small wife beater that just happened to get wet. Some boy shorts with matching knee pads (you gotta coordinate). Then if your dude still says no then his azz GAY.

so what do we get for being a part of your lil social experiment?

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
4:00 pm

Interesting thoughts….from the men

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
4:04 pm

Willie – :lol: :lol: :cool:

Thank you for your participation in my study! For your help you will recieve a free 6-pack of the brew of your choice from your nearest Publix!

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
4:10 pm

Kimmie – well 1 out 5 aint a bad deal, thanks I guess. hahaha

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
4:12 pm

To Willie’s 3:59 – Forget the dude not being into her or creeping with another woman – can you imagine it REALLY might not go over well if she actually thinks he might be batting for the other TEAM??? But that’s a reality a lot that happens more than you would believe!!

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 8th, 2012
4:29 pm

Hey Willie, what is it about that wife beater on a woman (assuming she is fit, fit can be slim or thick, but not fat)…prefferably it should be tight and jusssssssssst cover that caboose, dark meat visble….instant turn on for sure

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:40 pm

Mike P – Blog monster ate my response. :-( Basically, I don’t see anything wrong with at least saying, I’m dealing with some BS at work and I rather not discuss it right now. At least that would explain why yo azz is being distant, not really talking but when you talk it’s real short etc.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:43 pm

Ok, so fellas if you’re in the man cave dealing with some ish, and chick comes down in something sexy lingerie…does that come off as too obvious and hence may not invoke the type of response we’re hoping to get from you all?

Like if I was in a crappy mood and buddy comes downstairs wearing nothing but a sock on the wang, it might not go over well as far as getting me in the mood because it’s too OBVIOUS :lol:

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
4:56 pm

@SlimNu: if you’re dealing with a young teenager or someone who has “raging” hormones (with a carefree demeanor), maybe he can immediately flip into action… but if you’re dealing with a man where his hormones have been stabilized and he’s gotta deal with his ish… then NO! you gals just don’t get it, what it takes to get hard, let alone keep it strong until finished… its all about what’s in his mind that counts the most, sometimes outside influences isn’t gonna change his mind on (where he is mentally) unless of course “its” new, different and exciting to us.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:58 pm

Moniker Buster

February 8th, 2012
10:20 pm

Today’s Optimus Prime is a fraud. Today he states he’d been married 11 years. The real Optimus Prime said he’s beem married twice and now divorced. The first time 7 years the second time 6 years. Tsk Tsk Tsk….shame on you for stealing his name.