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Seduction not a one way street

A male reader wants to know why some women don’t feel the need to seduce their men. From his experience, he is always the one that initiates romance. Why is it important for women to seduce men?

I ask because I know some men have a thing about gender roles, especially when it comes to the bedroom. When a woman is the initiator, should she be concerned about how she goes about it? Is it there ever a concern about emasculating a man while trying to seduce him?

What do you think? What is your definition of seduction? Should seduction work both ways?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:31 pm

Kimmie – It happens to the best of yall. IJS #4 again (both of them).

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:31 pm

hmmmmm Kimmie I am thinking when the romance fade in like a 25 to 30 year marriage kind of thing….maybe I am out of context with the discussion but I just wouldn’t walk away if the romance died if I’ve invested time I don’t think I am being general though

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:33 pm

@WillieD ~ I know all women don’t bat 1000. That’s why I said some rejection can be looked as being positive. Him turning me down in the long run was a blessing in disguise. AND, issues is the wrong word to use, should have used “reason,” No one bats 1000 every time they ask, bet not even huge hefner. The beauty with him is if one says no, he has many other rabbits to hop to.

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
2:34 pm

&Kimmie..yea he don’t wanna fess up to chic about his slowing motor maybe.

He’s not feeling her anymore..everything For Real said.

I would add the 411 filter here..u know the one u get when u call 411..

What city?

Never mind it has been a LTR

Maybe somebody is now fugging him! :lol:

and Kimmie I said female beer drinkers are cool..so I will like u…u forgot the other quality i mentioned. :lol:

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:35 pm

Willie – I getcha, and agree, just curious on how people think about things.

Unfortunately, some people think all they have to offer is their body, so if THAT is rejected, they have a hard time dealing with it. A strong sense of self allows one to bounce back from something like that easier.

Lady – Yeah, in that instance we would work on adding the spice back!

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:41 pm

One of the top love languages I respond to is “Touch”…no it doesn’t have to be us humping each other’s back out but it could be an unexpected hug in the kitchen, a pat on the butt while i’m brushing my teeth in the morn, you washing my back in the shower, a hand on the leg while watching tv…

Even if the sex has dwindled, is he still being affectionate?

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:42 pm

Kimmie – I’d be curious to know how ole girl responded when Dude turned her down.
1.) get mad and think something must be wrong with this dude.
2.) get mad and start stalking his car, phone and email looking for eveidence
3.) go to the store and buy some knee pads and a bib

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:43 pm

hmmm top love language Slim?!?

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:49 pm

Lady: Yes you are completely out of context. For the record women need romance men need seduction, which goes back to #4 on my list.

Kimmie: 2 to 3 times out of 5 within a week doesn’t mean his is cheating. If men were to take that stance then every woman in a relationship would be cheating. How many times has she turned him down? Also, women are taught to value their body above everything else which leads to poor decision making. Master the mind and the body will follow.

Leggs: I like your optimists view of rejection but finding a positive for being rejected for sex is kinda hard especially if you sans the disease aspect of the rejection.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:50 pm

OK For Real you got it! ;)

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:51 pm

Lady – One of my top 3 I would say. I believe they are: Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:52 pm

peace out folks! :)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:53 pm

Slim I have the book and never read it maybe I will! ;)

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:54 pm

Slim: That’s real talk right there….. For Real now patting Slim on the butt 17,852 times.

Willie D: it ain’t #3

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:56 pm

Willie: but I like your methodology

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:59 pm

@ForReal ~ if I was turned down the first time, I may not be offended or even feel bad. If I’m continuously turned down, that’s a different subject. I may have to start smelling my armpits to make sure I’m not turning one off from jump street.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:00 pm

Slim now patting For Real’s head and rubbing his stomach with one hand.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:01 pm

especially if you sans the disease aspect of the rejection. – Not true.

He could be tired (depending on what his job is). Some men out there have very stressful jobs and may not want to do the do the night I want to. Like I previously stated, if he repeatedly turns me down, Houston, We Have a Prob!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:01 pm

Leggs: How many times within in a specific time period would you start to feel he is cheating?

Audra

February 8th, 2012
3:03 pm

“There is a thin line between being seductive or looking like a “slutt”.”

Robert, you are a caveman. Those things aren’t even about seduction anyway, seduction is one-on-one. What you are talking about are your outdated views of women in general. And btw, we don’t like bald men or pudgy men or men that don’t make enough money or….

I mean, if you want to start listing things better check yourself, Robert.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:06 pm

“Slim now patting For Real’s head and rubbing his stomach with one hand.” – For Real is now rapidly tapping his feet with his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:06 pm

@ForReal ~ I haven’t been in a relationship in so long I’m not sure I know how to answer that question. No longer know what timeframe is normal (lol).

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:07 pm

If I was getting rejected often, my initial thought wouldn’t be cheating. I’d think he wasn’t attracted to me anymore of that something was on his mind. Both are bad, especially if he doesn’t open up to you to tell you what’s going on.

For Real – Why come “Potentially Gay” wasn’t a reason on your list?

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:12 pm

Same here, SlimNu, cheating wouldn’t be my first thought.

Sexy (my name is not Kizzy) Cool

February 8th, 2012
3:13 pm

“And btw, we don’t like bald men or pudgy men or men that don’t make enough money or….”

____________________Flatlined…….please resuscitate…

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
3:13 pm

I’m going to crawl back in my bed.

Peace Out!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:15 pm

“For Real – Why come “Potentially Gay” wasn’t a reason on your list?” – Because at some point in the relationship the chick has to realize that she didn’t buy the dildo in her man’s sock drawer.

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:20 pm

On Topic: Seduction is all about the electrifying persona of a man who knows exactly what he wants and from whom. This man communicates desire and his confident, sexual prowess to the women of his choice with a mere glance from across the room. Once their eyes meet, its over… with power, the man dominates his prey and the woman submits to his influence. She has no choice, every cell in her body electrified, yearns to be draw into to his presence… NOW THAT’S Seduction.

@kimmie: maybe the guy in your example is simply depressed or worried about something, pending money issues perhaps?

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
3:20 pm

Slim/Leggs – I bet cheating wont be far off though.
1st time- maybe he had a bad day at work and had a cold. He was tired.
2nd time – aww heyal naww and just roll over
3rd time – checking calendar, now last two times was on a Tuesday and it was a full moon. He said he was playing Basketball with Tyrone. Run n Shoot closed down. It betta not be that keisha bish.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:23 pm

For Real – :shock: :lol:

Leggs – Feel better chica

WD – Well after all that, then heyal yeah it betnot be dat bish Keisha Shaquiella Jenkins

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:26 pm

SlimNu: some men will clam-up and retreat inward (inner man cave) when we have “issues” to be resolved, sometimes we appreciate the women “being there” for us, but when we’re in our cave, we don’t talk about the problem, if we can’t resolve it right away, we ponder on it or distract ourselves completely, depending on the man and his current circumstances.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
3:34 pm

Mike – That’s how the guy i’m dating now is. It frustrates me to no end because i’m thinking to at least tell me where you mind is so I will know and not assume what’s wrong.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
3:36 pm

Slim: Remember “Touch” that’s what a man needs until he is ready to talk. Oh and some quite, and probably a sandwich, oh and some beer and some sports

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 8th, 2012
3:46 pm

Peeking in, what it do folks?

On Mike P’s Inner Man Cave theory, you can take that one as the gospel…There is no benefit from him discussing what is eating him…women say they want a dude to talk, but you really don’t, and we know it?

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
3:52 pm

@SlimNu: but that’s just, we’re not wired that way. it has been proven that women can talk things out or expressing her feelings can actually ease her even without finding a solution, but we don’t get the same easing results. Men talking and talking about something without a clear-cut solution is like us spinning our wheels but going nowhere; which makes it all the more frustrating for us.

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
3:53 pm

4 Real/others – Hey, I was just curious. There are many factors and yes, for those that think all they have to offer is sex, rejection is going to be hard to handle.

4 Real you asked how many times had she turned him down? That was not a part of my little experiment. I was trying to get some idea of why you guys feel women can’t take rejection. I wanted to put out there a glimpse of the reasons why SOME women might not initiate, for fear of that rejection.

If my man is having health or money/job issues, I’m going to know about those and will understand his lack of desire. If all those things are going fine, then either I don’t do it for him anymore, or he’s seeing someone else.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
3:59 pm

Kimmie – ok Kimmie Here’s my final answer. If you show up in the Man cave with a cold brew in your left hand. A Turkey sammich (crust removed) in your right hand. A 1 size too small wife beater that just happened to get wet. Some boy shorts with matching knee pads (you gotta coordinate). Then if your dude still says no then his azz GAY.

so what do we get for being a part of your lil social experiment?

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
4:00 pm

Interesting thoughts….from the men

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
4:04 pm

Willie – :lol: :lol: :cool:

Thank you for your participation in my study! For your help you will recieve a free 6-pack of the brew of your choice from your nearest Publix!

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
4:10 pm

Kimmie – well 1 out 5 aint a bad deal, thanks I guess. hahaha

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
4:12 pm

To Willie’s 3:59 – Forget the dude not being into her or creeping with another woman – can you imagine it REALLY might not go over well if she actually thinks he might be batting for the other TEAM??? But that’s a reality a lot that happens more than you would believe!!

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

February 8th, 2012
4:29 pm

Hey Willie, what is it about that wife beater on a woman (assuming she is fit, fit can be slim or thick, but not fat)…prefferably it should be tight and jusssssssssst cover that caboose, dark meat visble….instant turn on for sure

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:40 pm

Mike P – Blog monster ate my response. :-( Basically, I don’t see anything wrong with at least saying, I’m dealing with some BS at work and I rather not discuss it right now. At least that would explain why yo azz is being distant, not really talking but when you talk it’s real short etc.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:43 pm

Ok, so fellas if you’re in the man cave dealing with some ish, and chick comes down in something sexy lingerie…does that come off as too obvious and hence may not invoke the type of response we’re hoping to get from you all?

Like if I was in a crappy mood and buddy comes downstairs wearing nothing but a sock on the wang, it might not go over well as far as getting me in the mood because it’s too OBVIOUS :lol:

Mike P

February 8th, 2012
4:56 pm

@SlimNu: if you’re dealing with a young teenager or someone who has “raging” hormones (with a carefree demeanor), maybe he can immediately flip into action… but if you’re dealing with a man where his hormones have been stabilized and he’s gotta deal with his ish… then NO! you gals just don’t get it, what it takes to get hard, let alone keep it strong until finished… its all about what’s in his mind that counts the most, sometimes outside influences isn’t gonna change his mind on (where he is mentally) unless of course “its” new, different and exciting to us.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
4:58 pm

Moniker Buster

February 8th, 2012
10:20 pm

Today’s Optimus Prime is a fraud. Today he states he’d been married 11 years. The real Optimus Prime said he’s beem married twice and now divorced. The first time 7 years the second time 6 years. Tsk Tsk Tsk….shame on you for stealing his name.