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Seduction not a one way street

A male reader wants to know why some women don’t feel the need to seduce their men. From his experience, he is always the one that initiates romance. Why is it important for women to seduce men?

I ask because I know some men have a thing about gender roles, especially when it comes to the bedroom. When a woman is the initiator, should she be concerned about how she goes about it? Is it there ever a concern about emasculating a man while trying to seduce him?

What do you think? What is your definition of seduction? Should seduction work both ways?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:44 am

Thanks For Real, that fish “sammich” will save me a trip downstairs. Can I get $1.72 for diet coke to go with that? LOL

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:46 am

“Sambooka flipped upside down when she did it”

“Sambooka didn’t mind me hanging her from the roof, although it was a near death experience”

“Sambooka had a good time, but we did have to do an ER visit once we finished. She was bleeding out of her ear because of it”

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:47 am

Sooooo Kimmie how does one go about getting a their SO add some pieces to their wardrobe that they find seductive. Now, I know you have never, ever bought your SO and now your husband anything you saw on another man right???

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:48 am

Just tell me up front if yousa (yes yousa) a nasty horn dog. I can do sexy and a bit of “freaky” but not the harmful stuff. NOOOO CAAAAN DOOOO

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:52 am

Celisea: I can do sexy and a bit of “freaky” but not the harmful stuff. NOOOO CAAAAN DOOOO

Dude: Nooo baby you don’t have to worry bout the harmful stuff. I keep a defibrillator and a fire extinguisher beside the bed.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
11:53 am

Nut….LOL I’m pointing at you For Real

For Real

February 8th, 2012
11:57 am

Nut….LOL I’m pointing at you For Real – Thanks

For Real now zipping up his pants.

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
12:01 pm

…………….aaaaaaaaaaaand Celisea now ducking

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
12:02 pm

For Real – If you mean something I saw on a model in a magazine or a fashion show, of course. If you mean saying “why don’t you dress more like Joe Neighbor cause he’s hot”, heck no, never done something so insensitive and crass to husband or anyone I’ve dated.

As for how to get an SO to add pieces to their wardrobe you find seductive, if the 2 of you are in tune with each other, very easy. If you’re not sure, it’s still easy. Either gentle suggestion like “you know, I think you would look hot in some jeans like those in that window”. I’ve done that plenty of times. Sometimes, it’s something the person never even thought might look good on them. Usually they are flattered at the suggestion. Or I’ll just buy them what I’d like to see them in.

Sometimes it’s not what but how you do something. Dudes that threw other women in my face and belittled me never got very far. Not seductive at all, but a put-down.

abc

February 8th, 2012
12:04 pm

To say ’seduce’ is to imply that one motivates another to do something they would otherwise, or ordinarily, do. To initiate physical intimacy within a relationship isn’t exactly seduction.

But, whether only men should be initiators, or whether a man would feel emasculated if a woman did, is pretty much a personal call. Different strokes. Here’s the deal, though: if a man initiates and the woman says she has a headache or something, the man just takes it in stride; reverse the situation, and the chick is going to have a real problem with it. Chicks don’t deal with that kind of rejection very well, and I’m sure that contributes to why many are reluctant initiators. That, along with their personal perceptions about what it is to be proper, lady-like, etc.

Optimus Prime

February 8th, 2012
12:28 pm

Seduction DOES work both ways and it takes different strokes. What one person calls “classy” the other person calls “Boring”. What one person calls “slutty” the other person calls “exciting and adventuresome”. I love making love to my wife, but every now and then, like a few torn clothes, maybe a mark or two and sweat. The sexiest thing she ever told me was “I love it when you make love to me. But tonight, I want you to f*** me.”

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
12:34 pm

careFul Optimus P!!!

easy now, eeeeeasy….

Optimus Prime

February 8th, 2012
12:39 pm

Sorry, Exiled. But she really is an amorous one. SUCH a change from the Polyanna types, prudes and frigids. She’s a corporate VP during the day and I she really exits that when the walks out of the office door. Very classy and beautiful….but once her switch is flipped, I can honestly say that I am living every man’s dream….and been living it for eleven great years. I have been snickering at some of the posts from earlier and thought “Dang, that person probably only does it one way…..and she doesn’t even LIKE it that way.” Don’t be so close minded. Relax, imagine, be adventuresome and ENJOY!

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
12:45 pm

OP?

I hear u and lucky u bro..

But her being a VP got nothing to do with seduction

IJS

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:21 pm

poppin’ back in! ;)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:22 pm

Alrighty now Optimus Prime! ;)

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:23 pm

hmmmmm Ex why you judge women who dink beer from a bottle…..Of course I am not handling like a man but every now and then I like my beer in a bottle iced cold….but last night was a Chardonnay night so it was sippin’ from a glass. SMH LOL

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
1:31 pm

Lady – But if you wanted to drink your Char from the bottle, ain’t nuttin wrong with it ;-)

To be honest, I feel more ‘masculine’ by sipping beer out of a beer mug. Me likes to drink my Heneiken out of the bottle with a shot a Goose to boot.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:38 pm

Screamin’ LOL @ Slim!!!!!! I know chica! LOL

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:39 pm

you know behind close doors when I want to I have drank Char from the bottle and ate a plate of crab legs with a mate before! pure fun! LOL

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

February 8th, 2012
1:47 pm

Me likes to drink my Heneiken out of the bottle with a shot a Goose to boot

I hear you SlimNu…like mine with a shot of Crown on the side. Picked that up from my brother.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:47 pm

Hey Sassy!!!! :)

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
1:49 pm

Sassy – I’ll have to try that sidecar of Crown. I haven’t experienced that just yet.

Lady – Mmmm crab legs!!!

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
1:53 pm

Afternoon All,

Lively topic I see. Seduction is in the eye of the beholder. What one see’s as seductive another may see as creepy. Seduction definitely is not gender specific. Some simple flirts can be viewed as seduction. I also believe that Women are better equipped for seducing than Men. We are generally susceptible because for Most of us it doesn’t take much. However Like someone earlier said; Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.

For Real

February 8th, 2012
1:56 pm

um Slim, you don’t sip from a mug. You drank from a mug.

For Real now sliding Slim a 42oz mug full of Heneiken with a cup of Goose on the side.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:56 pm

Slim I kid you not if this dude ask where I wanna go eat in the next few days it will be Spondivits. Its been a minute I am ready for some seafood and dranks! LOL but I am down for going to the farmers market too and buying some stuff and steaming it! either way lol

For Real

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

“Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.” – I would like to add “or there is money on the table.”

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

y’all can have pappadeaux LOL

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
1:58 pm

or there is money on the table.”<<<<<<dead too damn funny!

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:04 pm

Question for the guys: If a guy you’re in a LT relationship with frequently turns down your advances, is it safe to assume he’s getting it from someone else?

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
2:05 pm

Alright good folks I’m out.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:07 pm

Kimmie good ? sis! hmmmmmmm

Celisea

February 8th, 2012
2:07 pm

Imma pop in later…I’m curious to see how the men will answer Kimmie’s question.

Exiled!

February 8th, 2012
2:09 pm

Lady..why I judge?

I judge female beer drinkers,Period! From a bottle? Worse?

Women who drink beer,in my experience,are real cool to hang with. And f-ck with too.
But for me,it ended there.
I know and hang with dudes who drink beer and ummm..so I extrapolate their characters to a female beer drinker and ummmm, that to a chic and it’s not pretty.

@Slim,?’feel more masculine by sipping beer’?
Is that kinda like a lesbo move in a club scene,so they know u the dude? :lol:
go head Slim! :lol:

If I’m wrong,why u wanna feel like u got balls then? :lol:

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:09 pm

Got you Ex! I respect your stance!

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:11 pm

Kimmie: Define frequently first. Until then here are the reasons why ALL men on the face of the planet do not have sex:

1. Money Issues

2. ED

3. Job

4. Not attracted to her anymore

5. fuggin another chick

For Real

February 8th, 2012
2:12 pm

Kimmie: #4 can also mean “tired of fuggin her”

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:15 pm

Kimmie – my answer is a question. if the guy turns down your advances (frequently) in a LDR how are you in a relationship exactly? K.I.M.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:16 pm

4Real – both of your #4’s will be lost in translation.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

WD LD or LT?!?

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

“Women inherently fear rejection and most likely will not seduce unless she has a pretty good idea that it will work.” – Huh? We all fear rejection, but it all depends on our level of self confidence and how strong your “constitution” is. Some rejection can be looked at as postive form of rejection. It all ain’t bad…..We’re seducing men. Unless there are issues, it will work. Or are you saying it’s imbred in a man to seduce whether the outcome is positive or not. Guess that’s why so many bums on the street really think they have a shot.

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:17 pm

Exiled – You sure would not like me, because I do like a beer from time to time, and depending on the setting, will sip from a bottle. Make no apologies for it either. I’m a lady in every sense of the word too!LOL!!

4Real – Out of the last 5 times she initiates, he turns her down 2 or 3 times and he rarely initiates himself.

Number 4 & 5 would be the reasons more upsetting to me, personally. The others I could work with him on.

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:18 pm

#4 requires work I think to get back to the basics and not lose sight especially if you married……

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:19 pm

Ex – I prefer to drink beer out of the bottle versus a mug, was the point. Has nothing to do with attracting another female. Me likes the Pole not the hole :roll:

For Real – Damn, a whole 42 ounces?!! My stomach only holds 18oz

Leggs

February 8th, 2012
2:19 pm

Ok, ok, forget my last sentence re: “bums” and “seducing:…I realize they don’t go hand in hand…

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:24 pm

Willie – Lets say you’re shacking or married.

I asked the question to shed some light on this mindset some of you dudes have about women not being able to take rejection. I think alot of women assume that no dude is going to turn down sex unless it’s something major going on. Barring money/job problems a lot are going to assume he’s either not attracted to her anymore or he’s messing with someone else. Those are the ultimate reasons for rejection for a lot of women.

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2012
2:24 pm

My bad, I read wrong. LTR then yeah same answer. The relationship is done. If a dude dont wanna fugg then a conversation aint gonna change that. Maybe for 30 mins but its still done.

Leggs – yep inbred in Men to at least try and keep trying. And for the record even without issues all Women don’t bat 1000 even when they really try to seduce a dude. We do have choices and some of us even say NO.

SlimNu

February 8th, 2012
2:25 pm

The beau told me he turns down my advances because he doesn’t want to be one in the hole :lol:

If a guy you’re in a LT relationship with frequently turns down your advances, is it safe to assume he’s getting it from someone else?

Lady~

February 8th, 2012
2:28 pm

interesting!

kimmie - the original :)

February 8th, 2012
2:28 pm

Lady – Unless I’ve gained alot of weight or just let myself go, the thought that I’ve now gotta work to make my man attracted to me AGAIN is depressing. Now THAT would make me apprehensive about initiating anything!!