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Single files: Love living alone?

I read a recent NY Times article that said single people are relishing living alone..a lot:

“More people live alone now than at any other time in history. In prosperous American cities — Atlanta, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco and Minneapolis — 40 percent or more of all households contain a single occupant”

Count me in that “living alone and probably loving it waaaay too much” number because I have literally spent an entire weekend alone on my couch before – and loved it.

Just as the article states, single people living alone have a pretty active social life. We come home and relish our space as well as the peace and quiet. Perhaps this in some way becomes yet another barrier to any of us actually settling down?

Does the thought of sharing your “castle” make you want to prolong your single life? Do we get too comfy in our homes to give it up?

If you live alone, what is the best part of it? What is the worst?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

222 comments Add your comment

Lily

February 7th, 2012
7:00 am

I enjoy my living situation but I don’t believe it has any bearing on crossing over into couplesville. I live alone because I don’t live with anyone and I don’t live with anyone because I live alone. There are always pros and cons. The greatest is peace and quiet. The worst would be sex not as often as I’d like. Life is good.

CoolShadow

February 7th, 2012
7:41 am

Living in solitude definitely has its good and bad points, you just have to assess what’s important as it relates to the pros and cons. For the pros, maintaining extreme privacy, not having to make special arrangements to have company and the need to check to see if “the coast is clear” sometimes makes living alone worth the price. On the con side, you’re footing the entire bill for your housing, thus it could possibly limit where you could live that’s within your means. Also, making mistakes on roommates can cost you both emotionally and financially.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
8:15 am

Morning!!!!

I feel the older we get in our single state the more comfy and somewhat set in our ways we become whether we stay alone or with family or a roommate………..But yeah staying alone have many perks that outweigh staying with anyone IMHO………

Foxy

February 7th, 2012
8:40 am

Does the thought of sharing your “castle” make you want to prolong your single life? Do we get too comfy in our homes to give it up?

Foxy thinks you just need a large enough Castle!

GM Kids! :)

Audra

February 7th, 2012
8:44 am

It gets lonely sometimes, especially coming home from work to an empty house. But on the other hand, the complete freedom to do what I want when I want – eat ice cream for dinner, whatever, is nice!! Pets help a lot too, with the loneliness.

Candy

February 7th, 2012
9:08 am

What’s wrong with living alone? I can bet many cohabitating wish they could swap places.

Candid Dude

February 7th, 2012
9:10 am

Living as a single guy, I am very thankful to have the luxury of NOT having to go into the bathroom each morning right after my lady has taken an immense, foul, odiferous, nauseating toxic # 2.

For me, that perk of “fresh, breathable air” alone is reason enough to be thankful to live alone.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
9:21 am

Lily – I couldn’t have said it better myself :)

Love the name Lily….wish I could have had an opportunity to give that name to an offspring. Guess not huh

Morning folks!

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
9:21 am

is it 5pm somewhere?!? I would like a grey goose on the rocks with lime please! ;)

disco

February 7th, 2012
9:24 am

good morning. well I’ll be. a topic I can totally relate to. I’ve been home alone since the emancipation (son’s h.s. graduation) in 2007. prior to that I’d only lived with my son and prior to that I’d only lived at home with parents/siblings. I’ve never done the shack up thing and never had a roommate. I LIKE/LOVE/ADORE living alone and to me the pros far outnumber the cons. I know people who have never ever lived alone and I actually wonder how they would cope with it but it suits me fine.

having said that I’ll list my cons. I really won’t list occasional loneliness since everyone generally agrees that alone and lonely aren’t the same. do I get lonely sometimes? sure but I can get up, get out and do something so that’s not as big a deal as folks might think. sometimes I hate sleeping in my bed alone and I usually resolve that by sleeping on the couch. in the bed you are keenly aware of all the extra space. sleeping on the couch (or even in the recliner) seems to remedy that problem for me. I do hate when something needs repairs/maintenance. guess it would be cool not to have to be the one that had to tend to everything. I’m sure I’ll think of more cons later.

here’s some pros: knowing that whatever you had good in the fridge will still be there when you get home. I absolutely HATED having my mouth set on something to discover the offspring had already ate it. knowing that you can clean up one good time and it stays that way. knowing that things will always be where you put them. being in complete control of the tv, radio, thermostat, everything. all the extra closet/storage space. not having to do laundry nearly as much as my friends with families.

"ISO" Joe

February 7th, 2012
9:25 am

Living alone is the bomb!!!! It gives me complete control and there is nothing better than that!!! When I want to not be alone I make that happen and when I don’t want to be bothered, I simple unplug, sign off or not answer……

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
9:32 am

Blogmonster can kiss my arse

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
9:33 am

Enter your comments here

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
9:34 am

Reading disco’s post made me think about my past.

I cohabitated for about 7 years and really it’s gotta be a frigid day in hades before I would want that again….just shacking. An occasional sleepover (in an LTR)? Maybe. Since having my kid though, I’ve NEVER had a dude to spend the night over nor I. Ever…and she’s almost 17. I’ve taken my kid to my mom’s and pick her up like super super late…say 2 or 3 ish but never all night….unless traveling. The couple of dudes I’ve been in LTR though since having her have been head and shoulder and classy, totally understanding with no pressures. Can say I’ve not rendevoused though while she’s gone away with say my sister or spending time with my mommie…her granny? Absolutely. There are ways and workarounds…lol

Anyway, I too grew up with a house full of folks and unless I’m broaching marriage or get into a truly solid and real and long term, I don’t want to live with anyone. The “friend” or hang out dude don’t qualify for me spending the night nor cohabitating. :)

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
9:35 am

shoulderS not shoulder

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
9:40 am

Anyway…

Good morning. I’m home with a miserable cold and ear infection.

Living alone has its perks, with privacy and freedom to come and go as you please top of the list. No doubt with living alone you will get lonely sometimes, but that can be rectified. You really find out about yourself when you live by yourself. Being alone and being lonely are not twins!

Case in point, living alone, no one to help take care of you when you’re under the weather.

@Candid Dude ~ a woman feels the same way about walking in the bathroom and smelling your crap too (lol).

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
9:42 am

Off topic: Monica Kauffman is retiring in July

Candid Dude

February 7th, 2012
9:47 am

Knowing what a dude doing in the bathroom is disgusting enough. (Yes, we men ARE indeed pigs in there.)

I do NOT need to visualize (or inhale) the fact that my delicate blossom of ladyhood is doing something equally gross.

Once you associate “THAT aroma” with you lady, no perfume she ever wears again can erase that from your olfactory memory.

Candid Dude

February 7th, 2012
9:50 am

Also,

Walking around the house & watching Braves baseball IN THE BUFF without someone telling me to “Put some clothes on!” rocks.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
9:50 am

humans defecate Dude sheesh!

Loved the Single Life

February 7th, 2012
9:51 am

After living alone for many years and then marriage later in life I feel as though I can comment on this subject as an “expert witness”. As much as I love my wife there is no equal to living alone. As stated by a previous poster, items stay where placed and where they are placed is perfectly fine, one good cleaning will last a month or two, you always know what you have to eat/drink, you have guests over when you want them, tv on all night is fine, you leave a room the lights get turned off, Ramen noodles for supper is great, you can sleep anyplace in the house (the sofa, recliner, bed, porch swing) and no one cares, you can come and go as you please without having to keep someone informed, eating supper/dinner at 10:00 pm is fine, even burgers on the grill….etc to many things to list. Cons?, can’t think of any, especially if one is perfectly content living alone.

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
9:57 am

Morning Gang!

When I dating now hubs and it got serious, I was a little worried that I had lived alone for so long and enjoyed it. I was afraid adapting would be difficult. I had roommates in college, but my mom warned me to not move out from home until I could afford a place on my own. That was some of the best advice ever. There were all kinds of issues to pop up with roommates that, while I tolerated in college, would not tolerate as an adult post-college. Never shacked with a dude either.

I have adjusted nicely to living with husband & kids, but it is rough at times because I’m a neat freak and I eat more healthy. I am slowly reeling them in to my way of life! :cool:

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 7th, 2012
9:58 am

Good day…

“If you live alone, what is the best part of it? What is the worst?”

I think the best part is being able to control your living environment, temperature, everything is where you left it etc. I think the worst is the silence and quietness but at least its peaceful! I think the single living crowd takes this for granted because its hard adjusting to being around others suddenly!

disco

February 7th, 2012
9:58 am

funny. speaking of bathroom behavior and living alone. not too long ago I babysat a 4 year old overnight. his mom picked him up the next morning. I thought nothing of it. how come several days later I went in the bathroom and that little joker neglected to flush his number two. I had to laugh but it reminded me that I need to check behind folks. generally when I am expecting visitors I touch up the guest baths but that would have been very embarrassing had someone else found it.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

February 7th, 2012
10:02 am

Mornting All :mrgreen:

I live alone and I loooove it. The freedom to do what I want..when or how I want to is the isht and that’s what has me addicted to living alone…that plus that fact that I refuse to EVER shack up with a man….EVER. I don’t mind when my S.O. comes over for the night or vice versa but at some point I’m ready to have my space I revel in it. There have been weekends that found me lounging around the house and totally content with doin just that. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:04 am

I see we have a lot of “I live alone and love it” :)

yola

February 7th, 2012
10:06 am

Best thing about living alone? I have solitude when I want it, and company over when I don’t. My dog never complains about anything, as long as she is fed and walked. Music fills in the quiet when it is too quiet. It’s sometimes a bit freaky at night, but a buglar alarm fixed that. Speaking of, having the alarm always on when I’m not there is great comfort, as I know I’m not going to walk in on somebody in the process of robbing me. Had that happen before, and it wasn’t cool. At all.

Realistic

February 7th, 2012
10:08 am

I decided a long time ago that I needed a flight attendant or a busy traveling business woman to have a relationship because I like my alone time and space too much. Then I half-joked that the ideal marriage would involve us buying a duplex so we’d each have our own place. I was a bit surprised to find out that most of my girl-friends actually think it’s a brilliant idea. I think we’re all in need of our own space and together time…when we want it. We want it all, not to be stuck with no place to go. Finding “the right person” doesn’t mean you can live together necessarily. Just like “love” isn’t all you need.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:13 am

chuckle realistic! good points!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
10:14 am

@Celisea ~ I definitely feel your post. I have never wanted to sneak a man in after my child feel asleep and make sure he was gone before she woke up. Not the type of relationship I wanted to cultivate. So, naturally, I never had a sleepover either. Not the image I wanted to draw for my daughter. No revolving door over here.

@Candid ~ only thing you need to remember is woman are human beings and we all have to go and we all leave an aroma behind. Better out than in…

Where’s Jake Sweet Peada? I need him to bring me some chicken soup and orange pineapple juice.

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
10:14 am

I think everyone just needs time to themselves and/or their own space, even if it’s just a room they can go in from time to time to tune everyone and everything out.

disco

February 7th, 2012
10:16 am

another alone plus – I’m sure someone already mentioned walking around naked. won’t say I did that (won’t say I haven’t either – lol) but just this morning I decided at the last minute to do a wash and go hairstyle. I simply came out of the shirt and washed my hair at the sink in my bra. couldn’t have done that with the offspring or some randy man hanging around.

realistic – I, too, have joked about the separate living arrangements being ideal. at the very least we can have separate bedrooms/bathrooms. we can share when we are in the mood and have separate space when we aren’t. I’ve never been the type to be pressed to have folks all up under me.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:17 am

I think too how times have changed and evolved and marriage has slipped as far as to how it places as it relates to one’s scratchoff list. People are going for the gusto and doing what works best for them. There was a time when society dictated and said something was wrong with you if you weren’t married by a certain time. Now it seems people are relishing in comfort and enjoying life and taking in the scenery…

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:20 am

C the WSJ magazine had a great topic on how folks are doing what works for them being married and living unconventional………yep times have changed

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:22 am

Leggs – Your 10:14 is EXACTLY where I’ve been, where I am and what I hold to…in raising not only a kid but a daughter. While there may have been ups and downs during my two LTRs in her life span, I can’t say I have anything negative as to how both men compromised and placed no pressue. Even to those two men, she’s had dinner (the 3 of us) maybe twice and only saw the other one once. Very very particular in what she’s been exposed to.

Why do people get all up in arms at the odor of waste? Is that not what should happen? Is that not what the restroom is for? I’m only irked if I go in there and you butt needs washing…sorry but seriously. Bowel movements are as natural as breathing and if you aren’t having them then that ain’t natural…lol I just have a problem with the women that funk it up in here with stuff that’s gone wrong.

Sorry about that y’all….that was borderline crass. :(

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:24 am

C like Outkast sangs Some people think they ‘ish smell like roses! #truestory

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:25 am

or don’t stank maybe………………lol

Curious George

February 7th, 2012
10:27 am

How many Ladies out there (not just women, but refined, sophsicated LADIES) who live alone make it a habit to walk around the house Au Natural for extended periods of time & thoroughly enjoy it?

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:28 am

Lady – For certain.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
10:31 am

All I can say, Celisea is EXACTLY.

I for one have never been bothered by farts, #2 or other bodily functions. It’s natural. Just don’t sit around me and let one rip for the heck of it. You still have to use tact. Leave the couch and walk into the bathroom if you can reach it in time, if not, gas out where you are and stand there for a little bit and let it air out so you don’t have it travel with you back to the couch.

disco

February 7th, 2012
10:35 am

leggs – you crazy. once when my mom and brother were visiting we were shopping. when we returned to the car my brother just stood there. I’m like dude – come on. he then advised us that he was letting one rip and needed time to shake it out of his pants leg before he got in the car. just off I tell you but I appreciated it because I would have been livid trapped in a car with it.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:37 am

Absolutely Leggs. I don’t want no dude passing gas all stupidly around me either. I was just responding about the dude that wants a woman to keep it in so he can see her in a womanly/lady/prissy view….lol

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
10:40 am

@Curious ~ I’m not one for walking around nekkid, but I have for a short period of time at times. I love walking around in tank tops and boy shorts. That’s nekkid enuf for me.

@disco ~ :lol: how considerate. I have stood outside the car waiting to air out before getting in the car. My child sits there and laughs knowing the real deal.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:42 am

yall are a mess lol

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
10:46 am

I knew you were responding to dude who didn’t want to acknowledge his woman does it. I was piggybacking on your post, Celisea.

Yeah, let him continue to see her keep it in being all “womanly/prissy,” then watch her facial contortions and belly aches. How sweet that will now look.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:47 am

I pretty much put something on. My kid is there. At night though it’s skimpy…mainly because I can’t sleep with all that stuff on. When I’m there alone though it’s tshirt/tanks and underwear. Usually if I’m just getting home, I come in dis-robing, my kid wants to come in my room and talk…usually it’s “ummm you wanna wait until I’m done?” Or sometimes she’ll step in my room and I’m sitting on the bed in underwear or nekkid. It’s funny to see her expression when she walks up on it…lol Oooor if I’m standing in front of my drawers looking for something and my back is turned to the door and I only have on skimply boy shorts. LOVE IT! She say’s “well suh, ain’t this something to see”…my mama says that if something shocks her….that’s an old school saying but hi la ri ous the first time I heard her say it.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
10:49 am

My posts will NOT post…i give up! :roll:

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
10:52 am

@Celisea ~ my child likes to fly through the air yelling “I’m free, I’m free” every time she gets out the shower. I can be downstairs and she will come down free as bird. Now, if I did it she would turn her head in disgust saying “how rude!” Yeah, I’ve done it once, on purpose, just to rile her up.

Candid Dude

February 7th, 2012
10:56 am

I am sorry if I offended anyone.

I was just trying to be as “Candid” and honest as I know how in responding to the query about why I enjoy living alone some much and what first comes to mind about that independence.

The candor & freedom of expression on this blog, even if we disagree, is why I enjoy this blog so much.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:57 am

That’s funny Leggs because my kid is super private…if I walk in her room and she’s dressing or just done taking a bath she has a caniption.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
10:57 am

Leggs and C i just introduced my daughter to deodorant this week! she is growing to fast! I want my 6 month old baby back! 0_o lol

disco

February 7th, 2012
10:59 am

are we on kids now? my son used to be perturbed when i bent over to pick something up. he’d always tell me that I needed to bend at the knees and not have my butt all up in the air.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
10:59 am

Candid Dude – Not knocking you….at all

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
11:02 am

When u get to a stage when it’s not happening(getting married),u have to stare the Truf,no matter how unpalatable it is!

Women,based on meelo science,are known to be the most miserable,lonely and desperate creatures when marriage ain’t happening. This is proven.

But women are also good at fronting. Acting like it’s All good,especially when a majority of their high school buddies etc of same age,are married. Women,unlike men,are always doing comparisons,be it status,dress,career etc,with their mates.(reminds me of the AT&T commercial on boyfriend changing Facebook status)

So to spout here and say u are happy with being single(most of u ladies) is just a lie!

Blatant Lie!

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:04 am

he said stare @ the turf! #dead LMBAO! smh!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:05 am

@Candid ~ not offended, just felt the response wasn’t realistic (lol). The “candor” on this blog is off the chain…I’ve always enjoyed it.

disco

February 7th, 2012
11:08 am

ex – we (or at least I) was spouting about being happy living alone. didn’t say a dadburned thing about being single. I really don’t want to be single but I definitely don’t want to be part of a couple just because it keeps me from being single. most of my friends beat me to the altar and a lot of those same friends got divorced and then re-married (technically beating me to the altar again). there was some envy (a wee little bit but I own it) about their getting married though no envy about their marriages/relationships at all.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:10 am

Glad there’s only one Meeello science book on the market, because the stats therein are way off.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:12 am

i said the older we get single we become set in our ways……that doesn’t equal to happy being single but their is a level of comfort of being a single woman inside and out. if a relationship occurs along the way I would happily welcome it if its what I want and not just because………can’t fill that void with anyone bc you will be right back single I think…..

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:12 am

meant there is not their #irksme lol

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
11:14 am

@Disco..appreciate ur candor but when she asks(Diva) ‘u happy living alone?’,she knows there is a alternative to that. It’s implied.

I think if I were a lady,assuming I would carry over my character now,I would just say I am not happy living alone. I want a hubby,a mate etc.

This twisting of tongues and rolling of of and churning it just so u can couch the words differently is unnecessary spin! :lol:

I love direct str8 to the point!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:21 am

@Ex ~ there are some who are happy single, never to be married, or never want to be married again. They’re not saying they want to hibernate all alone for the rest of their lives. We are on Earth to mingle with the opposite sex. Some marry, some cohabitate. And, there are many who truly enjoy living alone. Not everyone has a gregarious nature and not everyone wants to socialize (unfortunately) for whatever there deep seated issues may be.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:25 am

Leggs I won’t shack again. sure I will remarry but that is about it with cohabitation ( I am not sure if sleep overs count) ….lol sheesh I haven’t had or been to a sleep over in a while…..but that’s a good think in the grand scheme of things……….. 0_o lol

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:25 am

meant good thing……smh my mind is far away today………i should have stayed sleep this morning

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:26 am

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:27 am

Not “stayed sleep,” but perhaps “slept longer” (lololol).

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
11:28 am

they key word is ‘again’

I have yet to see and hear of a single woman,never married who does not Ever want marriage or co-habitation with a man.

And their faculties are on point. Never!

Now divorced,jaded,lesbo,angry,TinaTurnered,etc or some other condition is just that… a Condition. :lol:

Let’s leave that alone.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
11:28 am

Oh meant Leggs!

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:32 am

yeah I thought that after the fact thanks sis! #dead smh lol

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:33 am

disco

February 7th, 2012
11:39 am

If I were to be completely honest I’d say the number one selling point for me on marriage/shacking would be financial. heck, every month I write my mortgage check I think of how my quality of life could be improved if I was only responsible for one half of that amount. I imagine what I could drive for that money. the trips I could take for that money. the shopping sprees I could go on with that money. it’s a nice little fantasy. but then I have to tell myself that that money is what it costs to be able to enjoy living alone (which I do). am I saying that I couldn’t enjoy living with someone else? no, but I don’t know that I’d enjoy it more than I enjoy living alone.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:39 am

The key word may be “again” for many, but there are women out here who never want to be married. Again, that’s not saying they don’t want to be in a relationship, they just don’t want to ever marry. Just like there are women who never want to have a child.

Already knew you were talking to me, Ex. Doesn’t matter, because where I sit, I’m cool. May not be in a relationship, but AGAIN, that’s a condition that will change.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:41 am

but AGAIN, that’s a condition that will change. <<<<< I Likes! :)

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
11:45 am

dreads this part of the day! ugh! be easy crew check ya later!

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
11:51 am

Exiled – I don’t know if you posted that day, but we recently had a topic about men not wanting to be alone. There are some men that, before the ink is dry on the divorce papers or the late wife is cold in her grave, they are with another woman. A lot of men out there don’t want to be by themselves for any length of time either, or else they are miserable and lonely too! Sometimes when you hear of women, and men, saying they are fine with being alone, they are making the best out of the situation. The world does not come to an end just because one finds themself single for an extended time. Their life still has worth, believe it or not!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
11:51 am

Just got off the phone with my manager and I have my layout of projects (yes, moving into Project Management) from now until June… Can’t complain, I’ll be working independant most of the time….yaaaaah

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
11:55 am

Kimmie – Good post and good point. I think Mmeello always project on women from the inside out. Just because HE feels he can’t live alone or be without he automatically assumes that’s how the fairer sex are…really that’s not always the case. Give me peace and quiet any day over men that lie, men that cheat, men that try to play mind games, men that won’t bring it but will call you crazy if you call them out, men that are not forth coming….need I go on.

Who in their right mind wants to tolerate “less than” all for the sake of a warm body? I don’t. No fronting, no lying. Yes a STEADY SO is great, but I’ll take the current “dude you can hang out with…no drama” any day over weeding through rift raft.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
11:56 am

You have it made in the shade, Celisea, with a better bonus to boot (lol).

@kimmie ~ Yes indeed!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
11:57 am

Leggs – I think I’m gonna like it. A bit intimidating I won’t live, especially preparing business reviews for the execs but that’s not due until June.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
11:58 am

lie not live…oops

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
11:59 am

And really, the “dude you get to hang out with” is soooo much better company. Can’t say I’m silly enough to believe he ain’t got other stuff on his agenda but right now it’s not my agenda so, doesn’t matter here. It’s a peaceful environment and you can do you while I do me :)

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
12:03 pm

Celisea – You hit the nail on the head for me! Yes, I wanted marriage and I am very happy it happened for me. But I will take alone and a bit lonely at times over a bad, unhappy marriage any day of the week.

We were talking on here once about traveling alone or with friends versus traveling with a SO. I’ve been on a few miserable trips with an SO where I would have much rather been either alone or with a few of my neices & nephews even.

Being “booed-up” is good when it’s good. When it’s bad, you may as well be alone!

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
12:04 pm

Kimmie..I can understand that especially if the guy truly valued marriage but just couldn’t make it with this prior wife.

It can get lonely after all friends have moved on with their careers and wives and kids and u remain the constant.

Celisea? 11:55 so u can’t get One committed man? Why and who says u got to settle for a cheater. But does not finding the one and living Alone fulfill…

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:07 pm

A joke someone just sent me. Corny but cute :)

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.So he went to the pet store
and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box
to use for his house. He took the box back home,
found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off
by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go
to church with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,
“How about going to church with me and receive blessings?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house
and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me
and learn about God?” ….. you are going to love this…..
This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
12:08 pm

@Ex ~ you’ve been off the market for many, many years. Finding one who wants to “commit” is not as easy you might think. And, that applies to both men and women. Exclusivity is not an easy brass ring to grab hold of.

disco

February 7th, 2012
12:09 pm

speaking on living with folks – my mother has 11 brothers and sisters. I grew up with two younger brothers and really, truly feel like my parents ignored the memo that I wasn’t supposed to be the oldest but that I was supposed to be an only child. I’m always skeptical when my mom/aunts/uncles sit around and reflect on how fun it was growing up and how much they loved it. I honestly think they are reflecting with those rose colored glasses folks like pull out. I can’t imagine the chaos and stress of that many siblings. if you were older then you were taking care of younger ones. if you were younger you had umpteen folks always in your grill. just glad it wasn’t me. my best friend since childhood and I are the same age. I was my parents’ first child and she was child number 10 out of 11. she’s one of those folks that has never, ever lived alone. from father’s house to husband’s house and ultimately to second husband’s house.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:09 pm

MMeello – Don’t play with. You can do “Switch The Words” with others but I’m not entertaining your foolishness.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
12:13 pm

@Celisea ~ that joke is also indicative of what many do when asked a question. Respond with action, yet not verbalize and acknowledge they heard the question.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:15 pm

Being the youngest of eight wasn’t always great

1. My sister killed my chicks (don’t even remember who gave to me) because I was too little to clean behind them so she’d been commissioned

2. I was very bow-legged when born and didn’t want until about 14 months. Mama said they wanted to put braces on my legs but she wasn’t having it. As a result, I had to be hand toted and carried by sibs.

3. My oldest sister would babysit me while mom’s worked and once I entered PreK. Getting out of school early, mind she’d was grown by then, I remember just about EVERYDAY she’d leave me in there and scare th bejesus out of me. She would run outside and hide and I would be searching frantically for her, when she appeared her eyes would be bucked and she’d yell the biggest “BOO!!” This happened EVERYDAY…except weekends. Who was I gonna tell and face her that forthcoming Monday???

4. My brothers would hold legs over my head…one would hold while the other hit me in the same spot to have a stinging effect

I could go on……………

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
12:16 pm

Exiled – I said all that to say, while most would love a nice companion, everyone is not climbing the walls and desperate if they don’t.

What you said about friends & family moving on can be true though. My hubs was just talking to a friend of his from back home. He is 45 and still talking about going to these parties & clubs and meeting different women & drinking. He’s never been married and neither has his older sister. He was raised by a single mother. He meets some nice women, but as soon as they want to settle down, he finds some reason to kick them to the curb. This last one he let go seemed to kind of bother him and he told my hubs about it. There was nothing wrong with her, he admitted. My hubs had told him before if he found a nice lady he needed to put a ring on it and not let her go or he’d regret it.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:16 pm

Leggs – Yep

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
12:20 pm

Since it was a talking centipede, why couldn’t it answer while putting on all those shoes (lol)?

@Celisea ~ many of my friends believed I was an only child because I rarely spoke of my siblings. Two brothers and one sister. Never go along with my sister. Our fights were horrible. To this day, her mere voice irritates me. One day she kicked me in the weakest part on my body (my stomach – grew up with severe stomach aches). I retaliated by throwing all her clothes in the alley. I got in a lot of trouble, but to this day still feel good that I did it!

disco

February 7th, 2012
12:21 pm

whew. nothing like a broken hearted man.

disco

February 7th, 2012
12:25 pm

leggs – I have friends with older sisters who have straight up war stories. these women still fear their big sisters to this day. not having sisters (and being the oldest anyway) I guess I don’t understand. three of my friends have hilarious stories of their older sisters choking them. my mom’s youngest sister is a female bully, a living terror in the streets and yet she is straight punked/humbled around her big sisters.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
12:29 pm

Kimmie?

To be honest tho if I were to date again for marriage I would not give a single 40 plus never married chic any look.

My stance would be why has everyone skipped her.

45 tho is young…I will give him a pass on the clubs. Does dude have money?

Only other scary thing with being unmarried with no kids is not having a support system.

And in this country if u don’t have a good bank account hmmmmmmm,scary!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
12:31 pm

My sister is older than me, but me being as fiesty as I am never, ever feared her. I was the quick one. I won some, lost some. One day I jumped on her back like a fly on an elephant and was tossed all around the room with her knocking me into our bedroom wall. Put a hole in the wall and she got tarred and feathered by Mama!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:38 pm

Leggs – That’s par for the course with sibs…lol

disco

February 7th, 2012
12:44 pm

celisea – yep. and that’s why I’m glad I’m the oldest. growing up my mother always told me that my brother would one day be bigger/stronger than me and I needed to quit picking on him. one day he was bigger and stronger than me. not sure how old we were but when he did get bigger/stronger and we had our first major fall out I quickly realized I couldn’t fight him the same way anymore. I hit him in the face with a chair and chipped his tooth. he never really tried me anymore after that. my mother still kids about the fact that both of my brothers are likely going to gang up on me one day.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
12:53 pm

@disco ~ you hit him in the face with a chair. WOW. Hope it was one of those little plastic chairs kids sit on and not a kitchen chair (lol). You straight bad ass (but we already knew that..lol).

@WillieD ~ you still want to trade her to your team. She’ll kick all your butts (lol). It’s best she stay on our side. We need a new captain for the slap-a-ho tribe!!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
12:56 pm

disco – That’s funny. I was the whipping girl for a while and mainly by the younger sibs…almost on a daily basis. I had too much mouth, they said and I told EVERYTHING.

I will NEVER forget the time my mama went somewhere and I must have been about 5. All I know is there was much company in the house. Well well all the good times had rolled, they had me pinned in a corner coaching me on what to say or not. I was like, okay…got it. As soon as my mama walked in (AND I’LL NEVER FORGET THAT MOMENT OR DAY), I said “NOBODY WAS KISSING AND NOBODY WAS IN THE BED.” Yikes! My mama went to swinging on EVERYBODY…except me of course. LOLOLOL…I honestly believe the Good Lord has a way of policing when mama can’t be there. I don’t even think I thought about it…it just fell out of my mouth.

disco

February 7th, 2012
12:57 pm

leggs – it was indeed a kitchen chair. it was a midnight blue chair with chrome legs. I will never forget that chair. I held the back of the chair and swung the legs at him. caught him in the face. (not that I’m proud). looking back I know I was dead wrong.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:01 pm

Okay, some of my post totally screwed up….lol I’ve been on the phone since 10:30 handing off the chick that’s replacing me so Imma so it’s her fault….lol

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
1:01 pm

I do have a question in terms of the topic. If you’ve been single for a long time, would you stop trying to find a mate and settle into a live style where you no longer even make yourself desirable to man? I know women do this.

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
1:05 pm

Ex – I don’t know how old the lady was, but I’m assuming she was younger cause she wanted kids.

No he does not get a pass at 45 when all his friends are booed & daddied up and he’s still hitting the clubs. He does okay, but not great money-wise – blue-collar. It would be all cool if he were cool with it, but hubs told me he seemed kinda sad. Everyone has moved on that they went to school with, and he’s at a stand-still.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:26 pm

poppin’ back in!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
1:30 pm

I’m popping out..medicine is grabbing my eyelids shut.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:31 pm

awww feel better will miss you today!

cba

February 7th, 2012
1:43 pm

According to Yahoo Travel, top ten dating cities:
1. Austin
2. Boston
3. Chicago
4. Miami
5. NO
6. NYC
7&8 Phoenix & Scottsdale
9. San Diego
10. San Fran

Willie Dynamite

February 7th, 2012
1:45 pm

Afternoon All,

What’s being discussed now?

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:45 pm

hmmmm cba mine would be chicago, nyc, san diego and maybe boston hmmmmmmm lol

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:46 pm

I want to go to the Super Bowl in New Orleans next year! I can drive to that cba! lol

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
1:49 pm

I’m so ready to go I’m tempted to just leave work early and head to the gym. Ya ever have those days were everything and every irks you? :twisted:

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:51 pm

Slim I am having the same day! ugh lol

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:52 pm

a glass of wine in a few hours will make it all worth while lol

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:52 pm

It wouldn’t be like right if I didn’t have an everything irks me day…lol

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:54 pm

I just get so sick of dern meetings….I’ve had 3 today and 2 more to go. What kills me is folks putting planners on your calendar. I mean I know you have to accept to get it placed but sometimes I wanna ask…WTH?? I did call somebody yesterday and ask, ummm did you not see my email asking you to reschedule and include all parties? The answer was “oh, okay” Who does that???

Okay, that sounded a bit soapboxish…I’m off :)

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
1:55 pm

disco email me please ma’am wanna share something msjenkins8@gmail.com

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:56 pm

Wait….3 more meeting to go….

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
1:56 pm

going to take a well deserved and probing dump right now

cba

February 7th, 2012
1:58 pm

Lady~ keep hope alive, maybe the “dirty birds” will there. lol

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:58 pm

I got 4 minutes so I’ll say this quickly…to MMeello’s nasty 1:56. I did a potty run before my next call and why was it too funky to step up in there??? I thought about this morning’s convo…lol I sprayed so much Lysol, almost knocked my ownself out. I mean c’mon, there’s about 10 cans of spray. At least spray or take some matches in there. Don’t y’all act like you never heard of striking a match. That’ll kill the oder quicker than spray. I was striking matches on my kid Sunday…gheesh

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
1:59 pm

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:00 pm

yes sir I am~ ;)

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:00 pm

cba

February 7th, 2012
2:03 pm

Celisea~ you didn’t say matches……:shock:

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:06 pm

that is what I am cracking up @ cba old school LOL

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
2:19 pm

cba – C’mon know you know about matches….lol

Not sure what happened to my other post.

Lady – :)

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
2:23 pm

Lady – Oooooh wine, that does sound so soothing right now.

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:27 pm

yep slim very soon

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
2:27 pm

Can you all imagine if they implemented a 30 minute drink break at work & a 30 min nap period??

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:29 pm

hmmmmm Slim it would be abused!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
2:31 pm

I just dern ready to go.

disco

February 7th, 2012
2:31 pm

Leggs – (re the 1:01) – I’ve settled into not trying to find a mate in the sense that I am not actively looking. no more asking folks if they know anyone. no internet dating. no singles groups or activities (other than a singles church group but that’s more for socialization than dating prospects). I go where I want, do what I want. if a guy turns up great, if not then it is what it is. still – on the flip side of that – I do always make sure that I’m looking presentable when I’m outside of the house. even if that’s just the grocery store or working out or whatever. I’m just in a comfortable place now. definitely no “woe is me” going on here. (except for when I need validation and then I CAN’T STAND being single).

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
2:33 pm

I used to love living alone. After I moved out of my parents house, I had my own place all to myself. Two years ago, I let my boyfriend move in too quickly. I liked the company. Now, we are breaking up and he’s moving out this weekend. I will have to get used to being alone again. I also bought a house last year, so now I have a house to be alone in and not just an apartment. It will be a huge adjustment. I know one thing…it will be a LONG time before living with a man again. It’s going to be very hard for a while, but I hope to get back to loving living alone…

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:34 pm

I go where I want, do what I want. if a guy turns up great, if not then it is what it is. <<<<<grown folks

Twin

February 7th, 2012
2:37 pm

Disco, that’s me to a “T”. I’m over 40, never married, no kids. Whatever to Exiled’s silly comments. My life is grand. Not actively looking for a man/relationship. If it happens, great. If not, still great. I’mma do me, And me is pretty darn terrific if I may say so.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
2:38 pm

kellibean – Why are you two breaking up?

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:39 pm

Slim sooooo O/T but I voted to but beer on Sunday and I am YET to purchase a lick on Sunday! LOL it just dawned on me I haven’t!

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
2:41 pm

It’s just not working…we are on separate wavelenghts. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s not capable of giving me what I want and need in a relationship. He’s too bitter and guarded because of past hurts. Until he can break down those walls, he will be able to be in a truly loving relationship with anyone. I keep telling myself that it’s not his fault…he is who he is. I tried and tried and just can’t do it anymore. We both know it’s not working and it’s time to let go. I do still hope that he is able to let go of his past hurts and open his heard and realize the good thing he is losing, but I’m not banking on it…

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
2:49 pm

Lady – LOL, you’re all late and shyyyyyt. I think I bought some goose the 1st Sunday that CampCreek Licka stow was open on a Sunday. I felt like somebody that day. :lol:

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:51 pm

Lady~

February 7th, 2012
2:54 pm

peace out good people! ;)

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:00 pm

@disco ~ I was a little reluctant to go the online route but decided to give it a try. Some people fare well going that route, I haven’t. I am doing me. I’m happy with me, and I am always presentable and open if I should meet someone. I don’t club with the intention of nursing a drink at a table hitting on men walking by. I go every blue moon to dance and hang with friends. When a man is meant to walk across my path, is when a man will walk across my path. I won’t even say “if” it happens, because I know it will.

@Twin ~ thanks for posting. We all know Ex’s comments aren’t etched in cement. He may think so, but we know better.

@Kelliebean ~ he may be another poster child who misses the well when the water runs dry. If the relationship isn’t going where you want it to go, and you’ve talked it over and no change, you have to look out for yourself. This has been beaten to the ground here (as it should), if you’re not a priority, but only an option, change your status. Well, not exactly said like that

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:00 pm

Disco..do u own a vibrator?
do u miss it..oh maybe u call on ex when cobwebs get too heavy?

Twin…question above applies to u..are u a born again Christian..meaning fornication is a no no,like Celisea says?

Lady! Stop drinking beer from the bottle. Jaded women do that.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:06 pm

And Twin…u are never going to be in a relationship unless u address things(isdues)that make u not be in one.

No way a nice,beautiful chic is gon be alone..i j s

No way!

Either u dirty u talk too much and drive off guys argumentative can’t cook u butt ugly(face) high maintenance u easy and guys take u up for sport etc

No way u don’t have a man but u hope u will stumble on it!

My foot!

Seek and u shall find!

Chuurch say Amen!

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:07 pm

leggs – I know countless folks who have fared well on the internet. I went there a time or two but came back with nothing. it’s not for me. I’m just waiting on that chance random encounter.

ex – no I don’t own any self help tools. and ex I’ll join the congregation and say amen but heck I’m the one waiting to be found. so the brothers better get to seeking. “amen again”.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:08 pm

You’re right, Leggs…how many times have I been on here talking about our relationship? I’ve held out hope for too long. I guess I just finally got to my breaking point. I hope he is able to let go of the bitterness and bring down his guard one day so he can be happy, but that’s on him. I can’t keep waiting and hoping. It really stinks. This is all fresh because we just had the talk last night and it stings a lot, but I know it’s for the best. If you love something, let it go and if it comes back, it’s meant to be yours, right?

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:11 pm

Please close the doors to the church leaving the gentleman outside…thank you.

“No way a nice,beautiful chic is gon be alone..i j s” – men say this nonsense all the time. There are a lot of beautiful, nice women walking solo. In essence, Ex, you’re calling a woman a liar if she fits that description and she tells you she’s alone.

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:14 pm

not to sound pessimistic but kellibean we hope he’s moving out this weekend. sometimes it’s hard to put folks out.

leggs – what I think Ex meant (not that I’m siding with him) is that there’s no way a chick can’t get laid whenever she desires because some buster is always sniffing around. this I agree with. however he knows that getting some D and getting a commitment are two different things. AND getting some D and getting a commitment from someone you really like makes it four different things.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:15 pm

@disco ~ I know many who have fared well online. I’m just saying I’m not “as of yet.” When my subscription expires, will not be renewing.

@Kellibean ~ you can only end something when you in fact get to that breaking point. I remember your story. If you feel you’ve exhausted all avenues, the next avenue to turn on is Getting Back To Me Boulevard.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

Kellie?

U funny! U talked just’ last’ nite!?

considering All the pouting many moons ago?

U are never going to leave Him(he’s so good to u D wise)

Instead when he’s ready he will dump U!

the band guy,I remember he’s a playa!

Leggs? Yes…she’s hurt from previous that’s why…

If not lesbo she’s hurt and grieving

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

disco…I couldn’t just kick him out right away…he started a new job and gets paid on Friday…I wanted to give him some time to figure out where to go and to get a storage unit and get help moving. I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest break ups for me because of living together. He knows just as much as I do that it ain’t working and it’s time to move on. He will go this weekend…I have to stick to my guns and make sure of it…

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

@disco ~ when you translate in those terms, I now understand (lol). Anyone can find d…., don’t mean you have to go for the ride.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:18 pm

Exiled…I don’t even know why I’m responding to you, but I am. Last night wasn’t the first talk…there have been many. I’ve finally strenghtened up and decided that I can’t do it anymore. You don’t know anything…you only know what I’ve said on here…

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:19 pm

Excuses excuse Kellie

he’s not ur relation

Kick him out

I bet u won’t coz of one thing

D

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:22 pm

Trust me…I have no problem getting D from anyone else…If that’s all it was about, it would have ended a long time ago…

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:22 pm

kellibean – I agree with ex. if you are ready for him to be out of your house then he needs to get out of your house. where he goes isn’t your problem? and if he needs this Friday’s check to move then he’s not prepared to move and likely isn’t going to move. get back with us on Monday and let us know how that works out.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:27 pm

I really didn’t want things to get nasty, so I really thought about it and decided to give him through the weekend. He will not be around tomorrow night as he has a gig out of town. I’m working my full time, then part time job on Friday, and will be working a benefit show on Sun. I think I can handle just seeing him a few more times before he’s gone. I just couldn’t bring myself to kick him out immediately…it would have gotten nasty then. There is no need for it to be that way when it’s just a matter of us not working out. It’s not like he cheated, beat me, etc…it’s just time to move on. I’d rather it be this way than end in anger with me throwing his stuff outside and slamming him down. It’s hard because we love each other and care about each other, but have different goals and we just don’t “mesh” well anymore…

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:27 pm

@disco ~ “where he goes isn’t your problem” I understand the sentiment behind the statement, but you have to admit when you care for someone, it’s not easy kicking someone to the curb w/o concern for their welfare. Doesn’t sound like she has a cold heart, just tired of whatever problems the two of them are experiencing. Easier said then done to just throw someone out you care about. Sure, how he lands on his feet is his problem, but she has feelings for him.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:28 pm

Just for Disco sake,this did not start today

So

He’s still there in ur crib

a boyfriend or girlfriend is no blood

U don’t owe them a thing once u fallout

U don’t even have kids together that bind u

So?

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:30 pm

We love each other

:lol:

I’m gon too busy for ur nonsense

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:34 pm

Ex – kellibean’s situation is a prime example of why some of us ladies are single and okay with it. I say all the time that there are men out here looking for women to live off of. (not saying that’s your situation exactly KB just using it to say that I’m not moving anybody in just to keep from living alone).

leggs I know and agree but I also know that she’s been dragging this thing out for a long time and it sounds like he’ll hang around and let her drag it out. imo – he’s going to be there until she makes him go or until he lines up another somebody to take him in. I don’t think he’ll be signing a lease.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
3:35 pm

Wow, seems a little heartless to not give him to a mere 3 days from now. Legally, I’m sure she’d probably have to give him a full 30 days, so 3 days seems like childs play. I wouldn’t just kick ole boy out either especially if it was a mutual decision and no nastiness was involved.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:36 pm

Mmeello – State baiting. When I want you to know I’ll blog about it.

Kellibean – Well girlie, I don’t know. Seems you’ve wrestled with this issue and your boyfriend for a while know. I know you pop in from time to time. I hope things fair better for you :)

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:36 pm

Gotta be honest though Kellibean, I didn’t read past the post of y’all breaking up. Good luck!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:37 pm

What is wrong with me today? Stop baiting not State baiting…gheesh I need to leave…lol

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:38 pm

or – I guess I can just ask – kellibean, has he signed a lease agreement? by help him move, did you mean help moving into his new place or help moving his things into storage?

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:40 pm

Disco…this one is a chronic case of loving somebody in the wrong profession,a band(musician) guy

they are all rolling stones

stay in yaa lane ladies

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:47 pm

He has not signed a lease elsewhere…I’m not worried about where he’ll go. He has friends he can stay with until he figures out something permanent. He’ll be moving his things into storage for a while. Now that he has a full time job and not just music gigs, he can afford to find a place of his own. It’s a done deal…he’s not going to stick around past Sunday.

@Slim…I don’t have to give him 30 days since he doesn’t pay rent and his name isn’t on my house. Plus…I couldn’t handle 30 days. Giving him through the weekend is being nice. I care about him and he knows enough people who will take him in temporarily.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
3:54 pm

Kelli – I was not saying you HAD to give him 30 but if he tried to fight you on it, that could be the case. By you giving him until the weekend is still offering assistance and being considerate despite the demise of the relationship. It wasn’t a dig on you.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:54 pm

Kellibean – I agree with the ones saying what happens after the split is not on you. For the sake of doing what’s best for you, some dudes (not saying you) will let you carry them and carry them and carry them. In a relationship yes, you both look out for one another. Once the relationship pass and it’s over it’s you first. Forget looking out for them.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:58 pm

Celisea..the only time I see myself loving somebody that I’m kicking out is if it’s my kid,my way ward brother or cousin or some such relation.

No way we breaking up and I’m pouting,’I luv him’

Lawd have mercy on a digmatized chic!

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:00 pm

@Slim…he wouldn’t fight me on that. We want each other to be happy and we’re not happy together, so no since in dragging it out any longer.

@Celisea…it will be hard for me to not want to know where he’s going and who he is staying with, but I know that it’s none of my business. It may drive me a little crazy for a while, but I’ll move on and get over it. Last week we had a huge fight and I did kick him out and then cried for him to come back. After much reflection, I’m glad it didn’t end then. There would be too much anger and bitterness. I needed to figure some things out in my head and decide to not be a b* tch about it. I wanted it to end like this…on decent terms. We may not be friends once it’s over (at least not for a while), but I don’t want to hate him either. I’ve realized that it’s not his fault that he can’t be what I want and need. I’ve gained a lot of strength over the past several days and I have to keep that strength and look out for myself first from here on out.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:01 pm

Mmeello – I agree with your 3:58…only thing with me, if it’s kin or not and you “gotta go”….you gotta go…

Only for my kid will I lean a bit.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
4:06 pm

Since when did Love = Dickmatized??? I think this is where I should just back away from the keyboard :roll:

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:07 pm

and even one day the kid’s got to go.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:08 pm

4.00 is like a drug: -;)

Cried for him to come back

not his fault

Lot of strength …..past several days …:shock:

hard not want to know where he is

-;) lucky guy!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
4:10 pm

“..it will be hard for me to not want to know where he’s going and who he is staying with, but I know that it’s none of my business. It may drive me a little crazy for a while,…”

Now, KB, this part I will have to disagree on. When I’m done, he’s gone, I’m DONE and it’s time to me healing myself. Why would you angst (ode to Meello) over what he’s doing, who he’s seeing, etc.? Why let yourself remain emotionally attached? You won’t heal if you don’t let go.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:10 pm

Love is = very blind = dickmatized

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:17 pm

Leggs – I’m with you on that 4:10! Once I’m done, f– who he is with or where he is. That’s some other woman’s problem, not mine anymore, thank God!

Yep, that time right after I decide I’m done dealing with the shenanigans, ALONE is BLISS!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:18 pm

Kellibean – I hear you. Let me tell you though, it’s all apart of the process. The process of growing, growing up, getting better, sucking it up…all of it. You won’t be the first to walk away and REEEEALLLLY DIDN’T WANT TO. Ask yourself and reflect on are you better off or will be worse for hanging on. If it will make you feel better we (I’m presumptously speaking), we have all long for someone after making the decision to split or went through withdrawals or whatever you call it but learn to look out for numero uno. When it comes to relations and relating, most won’t look out for you.

Too, you never know if sending him packing and sticking to it will cause him to reflect and wonder if he can deal with being without you. Are you scared you already know the answer? Grant him that time. If he doesn’t, then he’s not for you. If there’s something there that can be salvage, you’ll know if the both of you step away from it. I do like the fact that you said it’s not a hostile breakup. Be adults and say what you have to say and don’t look back. If there’s something there that’s MEANT to be, you both can reflect and decide if it’s worth revisiting.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:19 pm

Obviously Kellie don’t know how to internalize,toughen up and front

never mind the D is that good……..

WLB u slacking in ur induction processes

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:22 pm

Celisea/Kellie – I too like that it’s not hostile. Plus, you read too much these days about dudes snapping over some ex! Best to EASE away peacefully on good terms. I don’t see the big deal that she’s giving him a few days to get himself together.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:23 pm

That was my nice version….lol You don’t me? Get the hell on? You can’t come correct? Get the hell on. You can’t act right? Get the hell on…..and stay gone. It’s not about being hard or thinking you’re always always right. But don’t mess around and trip your ownself up. And I guarantee you, if he leaves, he’s going to mount another and you’ll be a distant thought…at least while he’s hitting. He might reflect during some down time or alone time but really you need to do what he’s doing. One thing that’s always always a motivater when you want to lick your wounds and pine, that joker probably ain’t gave you another thought. That’ll help you clear you head real quick.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:24 pm

Yeah Kimmie, because more and more, we read about CRAZY jokers and the lives they take.

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:24 pm

Ex – Quit tripping! If the “stuff” between them is good that would be even more reason why a dude would potentially SNAP! He couldn’t stand the thought of her sharing that with some other dude! Naw, she’s handling it right, I think.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:29 pm

Kimmie…she is giving him time because she still loves him and can’t stand him being away and Not because she is a caring person per se

She maybe nice but that’s not the paramount reason

These two arent breaking up, at least she’s not

They’re going to make up

Watch this space next week ain’t far

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:30 pm

Mount

luv that word Cee! :lol:

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:31 pm

I’m agreeing with ex on this one. not ill-wishing kelli but she just sounds like she’s flaky and knowing men like I know men (not to generalize) but a “good” one will run circles around a flaky chick. good luck kelli. may it all work out for the best.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
4:32 pm

“she is giving him time because she still loves him and can’t stand him being away and Not because she is a caring person per se

She maybe nice but that’s not the paramount reason” – How do you know? She kin to you??

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:32 pm

So what if she does still love him though? One thing about it, when a person is done, truly done, they will do something about it. People do what they want to do, when they want to do it.

And nice or not, her playing it cool instead of dumping his stuff on the front lawn is a “strategic” move that maybe more should employ, lest you read about them in the paper the next day after dude has SNAPPED!

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:37 pm

kimmie – you are forgetting that men don’t only snap when provoked. that’s that heat of the moment snap. there are others that are more calculating. they plan, plot, strategize and bring the snap back later. think dc sniper. I don’t think we were really telling her to go all ghetto in getting him out but to be firm in her decision. she doesn’t sound firm to me. she sounds like if he comes at her with some “baby baby please” he can buy more time.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:37 pm

Leggs.. She said it

‘We luv each other’

speaking for somebody u breaking up with

Who does that?

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
4:39 pm

Love is a helluva drug :lol:

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:39 pm

Exact Disco. 4:37

This guy is the constant All the time in her whining hear

Him!

Which begs the question

So why are u still together?

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:40 pm

disco – 4:31…you ain’t never lied. Only the strong survive.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:40 pm

Here

Exactly

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:41 pm

disco – but that’s just it. Whether she’s ready to be firm or not is up to her. She’s not hurting anyone. When she’s ready, she will. Either way, she’s lessening the chance of dude snapping, whether he’s a heat of the moment type, or a plotter. Either way, she’s doing what’s comfortable for her right now. So what if she’s flaking, she’s not the only flake in the cornflake box. Everyone has flaked at one point or another! Except Exiled, according to him anyway!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:42 pm

Leggs – How do you know? She kin to you??

LOLOLOL…get him Leggs….that was funny

Kimmie – I agree. In every faucet of relationships, whether going or coming, folks do exactly what they want to do and for whom they want to do it. If it’s NOT happening then they don’t wanna. Don’t let ‘em fool you and feed you a bunch of BS. Call him on it and see if he calls you crazy…lol

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:43 pm

Wow! Lots of different thoughts to process!

@Leggs…I really don’t want to wonder where he is and what he is doing. Of course there is a part of me hoping that he will be pining for me and be misearble, but I’m trying to be realistic. I still love him and care about him…I’ll get to the point where I don’t give a you know what. It would be easier if I hated him or if he really did me wrong.

@Celisea (the nice version) LOL…I had to realize that I didn’t WANT to break up…I did it because I HAVE to. I can’t keep on in something that is unhealthy for me or for him. It’s really the first time that I’ve had to break up with someone like this. Usually, it’s been nasty break ups. I’m proud of myself for being able to handle it this way. Sure…it’s hard and will be hard for a while, but I’ll move on and I’ll be ok. We run in the same circle…we are a public couple in a certain Atlanta scene…When we’re not with each other, we are always getting asked where the other one is. I’m glad that I’ll just be able to say that it just wasn’t meant to be rather than be extremely angry and dog him out. I’m in for a rough few weeks, but I will pick it up and move on. Luckily, I’ve got a lot to keep me busy in the next week and a half, so that will help me a lot.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:46 pm

Kellibean…where you at girl?? You love to get ghost after you get us all talking about it.

I say, tell him, stick to it and don’t look back. Don’t fall for the okie doke but be smart about making your move. Quit worrying too, once he’s gone about what he’s doing.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:49 pm

@disco…It’s hard to be firm on my decision, but I HAVE to be. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t think there is anything he can do right now to buy more time. More importantly, he’s actually a nice enough guy to respect my thoughts on this. He agrees that it isn’t working out, even though we do still care about each other. He has too much baggage that he can’t let go of and I can’t try to take it from him anymore.

Yes…I have flaked before, but not this time. I’m really not a flaky person. I held onto a lot of hope and wishes for so long. Lately, I’ve seen the realities and know that I have to do what is best for me, no matter how much it hurts or how hard it is.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:50 pm

@Celisea…My IT person had to work on my computer and I couldn’t leave this up! :-)

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:52 pm

Why are u breaking up Kellie,what has he Not done?
all these years u been crying

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:54 pm

Kelliebean – I had to realize that I didn’t WANT to break up…I did it because I HAVE to

Okay and so what. You ain’t the first to pull the cord and was forced to do it. Again, nothing new. What do you think folks do that catch or learn their SO cheated? They go on and ride off because at that point, they have to. And what I’m saying, everbody likes the thought of knowing “I left them, they didn’t leave me” Okay, you’ll get your turn there. In this case though, you already know he’s not good for you and apparently not much you’re going to get out of it. What’s even sadder to say and you already know what to do. It will always lean his way. Do what you need to do and quit letting that other stuff rattle in your head.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:55 pm

Ex…all I’m going to say to you is that it finally came to a breaking point where I figured out that I’ve been waiting and hoping for too long. Maybe it should have been over sooner, but the time is now. I wanted us to be right together and we were in some ways, but so wrong in other ways.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:57 pm

I’m doing my best Celisea…I’m doing what is best for me and trying to keep the doubts and fears away…

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
5:01 pm

Get out of your head and you’ll be fine.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
5:02 pm

If any of you pray, will you please pray that I continue to be strong and firm in my decision? I would appreciate it. I’ll check back in and keep ya’ll posted, if ya’ll care…

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
5:02 pm

He beat u?

He cheat on u?
He abuse u?
????

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
5:02 pm

@KB ~ if you don’t want to wonder, you won’t wonder. You control your thought process, don’t let your thoughts get you all discombobulated. The power of thought rests with you.

Don’t worry if he’s pining for you. That too is detrimental to your growth. The worst thing you can do is sit there and conjure up scenarios in your head. You stay on that path and you won’t grow AT ALL.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
5:04 pm

@Celisea ~ too funny, we are saying the same thing.

@KB ~ no disrespect, but you have to acquire a thicker skin. Sounds like you’re going to be your worst enemy.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
5:05 pm

I’m working on the thicker skin. I am my own worst enemy and I’m working hard to not be…

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
5:06 pm

I gotta run for the day…thanks for all the words…good and bad…

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
5:07 pm

Leggs – Yes we are

Kellibean – GOD HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES….that’s no lie. You know what you need to do? Your eyes opened? Then there you have it. That’s all you’re getting. He’s already strengthen you to walk away. One foot in front of the other. Otherwise, you’re stuck and he’s not going to move you. Mind over matter.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
5:09 pm

Kellibean – One other good thought….there are times when men pine for lost loves….just saying. All the time they don’t just drop it and never have an after thought….most times but definitely not EVERY TIME. Hope that’s consolation to fuel you moving your feet. Somehow you steps get higher when you know they know they lost a good one. May not bring ‘em back but them reflecting (for me) is good enough…lol

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
5:13 pm

Thick skin Kellie..?

imagine he is pining for u even when u don’t know that for sure or it’s not true.

That’s a comforting start.. :lol:

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
5:14 pm

@KB ~ I have a gf who thinks like you do, that’s why I think you are going to be your worst enemy. You are going to busy yourself and not wonder how he’s faring. He’s not your child to worry over, he’s a grown man that need to take care of himself. If you allow, the hurt will dissipate, but only if you want it to.

GreenEyeBandt

February 7th, 2012
8:03 pm

Single aint whats it cracked up to be. I think its natural for people to partner up and this “I love being single” thing is another symptom of a broken vain society that tries to pursue what may feel good but is ultimately bad for them. I can’t tell you how many people who “loved” being single and now they find themselves alone, and getting fat while pretending to be happy on blogs… I am here in atlanta, and soon as I can I am snatching a queen up and starting a family. if it dont work then it dont, but I wont be ending up like the cougars at taboo who chased me in the restroom or the old man with a pink suit on chasing 20 year olds…LOL

Maria

February 7th, 2012
8:16 pm

Living alone is ideal for me. I love having my own space and doing whatever I want to do when I want to do it. Sometimes I do the dishes and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I buy groceries and sometimes I don’t. But I will say footing the bill for EVERYTHING can be a bit daunting; especially when you are unemployed. A dear friend has offered me a space in her two bed two bath home and i am really considering. While I hate to give up my space and my privacy, I need help financially. Plus I think it could be kinda nice to have someone around to talk to. I spend the majority of my time in silence because it’s just me.

Lily

February 7th, 2012
8:22 pm

I wonder why people always attack the bloggers here with their judgement? I wonder why people saying they like living alone NOT I like being alone and many other comments are often lost in translation to the sad at heart. I wonder why it’s hard to believ everybody’s not CONSUMED with sadness because they are. I wonder why the assume older or single women are fat.

HaHaHa

February 7th, 2012
9:22 pm

Newsflash GreenEyedBandt if it dont work then you did end up like the fat lonely bloggers you so despise. THATS funny