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Single files: Love living alone?

I read a recent NY Times article that said single people are relishing living alone..a lot:

“More people live alone now than at any other time in history. In prosperous American cities — Atlanta, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco and Minneapolis — 40 percent or more of all households contain a single occupant”

Count me in that “living alone and probably loving it waaaay too much” number because I have literally spent an entire weekend alone on my couch before – and loved it.

Just as the article states, single people living alone have a pretty active social life. We come home and relish our space as well as the peace and quiet. Perhaps this in some way becomes yet another barrier to any of us actually settling down?

Does the thought of sharing your “castle” make you want to prolong your single life? Do we get too comfy in our homes to give it up?

If you live alone, what is the best part of it? What is the worst?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

222 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

Kellie?

U funny! U talked just’ last’ nite!?

considering All the pouting many moons ago?

U are never going to leave Him(he’s so good to u D wise)

Instead when he’s ready he will dump U!

the band guy,I remember he’s a playa!

Leggs? Yes…she’s hurt from previous that’s why…

If not lesbo she’s hurt and grieving

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

disco…I couldn’t just kick him out right away…he started a new job and gets paid on Friday…I wanted to give him some time to figure out where to go and to get a storage unit and get help moving. I can honestly say that this is one of the hardest break ups for me because of living together. He knows just as much as I do that it ain’t working and it’s time to move on. He will go this weekend…I have to stick to my guns and make sure of it…

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:16 pm

@disco ~ when you translate in those terms, I now understand (lol). Anyone can find d…., don’t mean you have to go for the ride.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:18 pm

Exiled…I don’t even know why I’m responding to you, but I am. Last night wasn’t the first talk…there have been many. I’ve finally strenghtened up and decided that I can’t do it anymore. You don’t know anything…you only know what I’ve said on here…

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:19 pm

Excuses excuse Kellie

he’s not ur relation

Kick him out

I bet u won’t coz of one thing

D

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:22 pm

Trust me…I have no problem getting D from anyone else…If that’s all it was about, it would have ended a long time ago…

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:22 pm

kellibean – I agree with ex. if you are ready for him to be out of your house then he needs to get out of your house. where he goes isn’t your problem? and if he needs this Friday’s check to move then he’s not prepared to move and likely isn’t going to move. get back with us on Monday and let us know how that works out.

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:27 pm

I really didn’t want things to get nasty, so I really thought about it and decided to give him through the weekend. He will not be around tomorrow night as he has a gig out of town. I’m working my full time, then part time job on Friday, and will be working a benefit show on Sun. I think I can handle just seeing him a few more times before he’s gone. I just couldn’t bring myself to kick him out immediately…it would have gotten nasty then. There is no need for it to be that way when it’s just a matter of us not working out. It’s not like he cheated, beat me, etc…it’s just time to move on. I’d rather it be this way than end in anger with me throwing his stuff outside and slamming him down. It’s hard because we love each other and care about each other, but have different goals and we just don’t “mesh” well anymore…

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
3:27 pm

@disco ~ “where he goes isn’t your problem” I understand the sentiment behind the statement, but you have to admit when you care for someone, it’s not easy kicking someone to the curb w/o concern for their welfare. Doesn’t sound like she has a cold heart, just tired of whatever problems the two of them are experiencing. Easier said then done to just throw someone out you care about. Sure, how he lands on his feet is his problem, but she has feelings for him.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:28 pm

Just for Disco sake,this did not start today

So

He’s still there in ur crib

a boyfriend or girlfriend is no blood

U don’t owe them a thing once u fallout

U don’t even have kids together that bind u

So?

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:30 pm

We love each other

:lol:

I’m gon too busy for ur nonsense

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:34 pm

Ex – kellibean’s situation is a prime example of why some of us ladies are single and okay with it. I say all the time that there are men out here looking for women to live off of. (not saying that’s your situation exactly KB just using it to say that I’m not moving anybody in just to keep from living alone).

leggs I know and agree but I also know that she’s been dragging this thing out for a long time and it sounds like he’ll hang around and let her drag it out. imo – he’s going to be there until she makes him go or until he lines up another somebody to take him in. I don’t think he’ll be signing a lease.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
3:35 pm

Wow, seems a little heartless to not give him to a mere 3 days from now. Legally, I’m sure she’d probably have to give him a full 30 days, so 3 days seems like childs play. I wouldn’t just kick ole boy out either especially if it was a mutual decision and no nastiness was involved.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:36 pm

Mmeello – State baiting. When I want you to know I’ll blog about it.

Kellibean – Well girlie, I don’t know. Seems you’ve wrestled with this issue and your boyfriend for a while know. I know you pop in from time to time. I hope things fair better for you :)

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:36 pm

Gotta be honest though Kellibean, I didn’t read past the post of y’all breaking up. Good luck!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:37 pm

What is wrong with me today? Stop baiting not State baiting…gheesh I need to leave…lol

disco

February 7th, 2012
3:38 pm

or – I guess I can just ask – kellibean, has he signed a lease agreement? by help him move, did you mean help moving into his new place or help moving his things into storage?

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:40 pm

Disco…this one is a chronic case of loving somebody in the wrong profession,a band(musician) guy

they are all rolling stones

stay in yaa lane ladies

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
3:47 pm

He has not signed a lease elsewhere…I’m not worried about where he’ll go. He has friends he can stay with until he figures out something permanent. He’ll be moving his things into storage for a while. Now that he has a full time job and not just music gigs, he can afford to find a place of his own. It’s a done deal…he’s not going to stick around past Sunday.

@Slim…I don’t have to give him 30 days since he doesn’t pay rent and his name isn’t on my house. Plus…I couldn’t handle 30 days. Giving him through the weekend is being nice. I care about him and he knows enough people who will take him in temporarily.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
3:54 pm

Kelli – I was not saying you HAD to give him 30 but if he tried to fight you on it, that could be the case. By you giving him until the weekend is still offering assistance and being considerate despite the demise of the relationship. It wasn’t a dig on you.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
3:54 pm

Kellibean – I agree with the ones saying what happens after the split is not on you. For the sake of doing what’s best for you, some dudes (not saying you) will let you carry them and carry them and carry them. In a relationship yes, you both look out for one another. Once the relationship pass and it’s over it’s you first. Forget looking out for them.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
3:58 pm

Celisea..the only time I see myself loving somebody that I’m kicking out is if it’s my kid,my way ward brother or cousin or some such relation.

No way we breaking up and I’m pouting,’I luv him’

Lawd have mercy on a digmatized chic!

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:00 pm

@Slim…he wouldn’t fight me on that. We want each other to be happy and we’re not happy together, so no since in dragging it out any longer.

@Celisea…it will be hard for me to not want to know where he’s going and who he is staying with, but I know that it’s none of my business. It may drive me a little crazy for a while, but I’ll move on and get over it. Last week we had a huge fight and I did kick him out and then cried for him to come back. After much reflection, I’m glad it didn’t end then. There would be too much anger and bitterness. I needed to figure some things out in my head and decide to not be a b* tch about it. I wanted it to end like this…on decent terms. We may not be friends once it’s over (at least not for a while), but I don’t want to hate him either. I’ve realized that it’s not his fault that he can’t be what I want and need. I’ve gained a lot of strength over the past several days and I have to keep that strength and look out for myself first from here on out.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:01 pm

Mmeello – I agree with your 3:58…only thing with me, if it’s kin or not and you “gotta go”….you gotta go…

Only for my kid will I lean a bit.

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
4:06 pm

Since when did Love = Dickmatized??? I think this is where I should just back away from the keyboard :roll:

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:07 pm

and even one day the kid’s got to go.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:08 pm

4.00 is like a drug: -;)

Cried for him to come back

not his fault

Lot of strength …..past several days …:shock:

hard not want to know where he is

-;) lucky guy!

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
4:10 pm

“..it will be hard for me to not want to know where he’s going and who he is staying with, but I know that it’s none of my business. It may drive me a little crazy for a while,…”

Now, KB, this part I will have to disagree on. When I’m done, he’s gone, I’m DONE and it’s time to me healing myself. Why would you angst (ode to Meello) over what he’s doing, who he’s seeing, etc.? Why let yourself remain emotionally attached? You won’t heal if you don’t let go.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:10 pm

Love is = very blind = dickmatized

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:17 pm

Leggs – I’m with you on that 4:10! Once I’m done, f– who he is with or where he is. That’s some other woman’s problem, not mine anymore, thank God!

Yep, that time right after I decide I’m done dealing with the shenanigans, ALONE is BLISS!!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:18 pm

Kellibean – I hear you. Let me tell you though, it’s all apart of the process. The process of growing, growing up, getting better, sucking it up…all of it. You won’t be the first to walk away and REEEEALLLLY DIDN’T WANT TO. Ask yourself and reflect on are you better off or will be worse for hanging on. If it will make you feel better we (I’m presumptously speaking), we have all long for someone after making the decision to split or went through withdrawals or whatever you call it but learn to look out for numero uno. When it comes to relations and relating, most won’t look out for you.

Too, you never know if sending him packing and sticking to it will cause him to reflect and wonder if he can deal with being without you. Are you scared you already know the answer? Grant him that time. If he doesn’t, then he’s not for you. If there’s something there that can be salvage, you’ll know if the both of you step away from it. I do like the fact that you said it’s not a hostile breakup. Be adults and say what you have to say and don’t look back. If there’s something there that’s MEANT to be, you both can reflect and decide if it’s worth revisiting.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:19 pm

Obviously Kellie don’t know how to internalize,toughen up and front

never mind the D is that good……..

WLB u slacking in ur induction processes

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:22 pm

Celisea/Kellie – I too like that it’s not hostile. Plus, you read too much these days about dudes snapping over some ex! Best to EASE away peacefully on good terms. I don’t see the big deal that she’s giving him a few days to get himself together.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:23 pm

That was my nice version….lol You don’t me? Get the hell on? You can’t come correct? Get the hell on. You can’t act right? Get the hell on…..and stay gone. It’s not about being hard or thinking you’re always always right. But don’t mess around and trip your ownself up. And I guarantee you, if he leaves, he’s going to mount another and you’ll be a distant thought…at least while he’s hitting. He might reflect during some down time or alone time but really you need to do what he’s doing. One thing that’s always always a motivater when you want to lick your wounds and pine, that joker probably ain’t gave you another thought. That’ll help you clear you head real quick.

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:24 pm

Yeah Kimmie, because more and more, we read about CRAZY jokers and the lives they take.

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:24 pm

Ex – Quit tripping! If the “stuff” between them is good that would be even more reason why a dude would potentially SNAP! He couldn’t stand the thought of her sharing that with some other dude! Naw, she’s handling it right, I think.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:29 pm

Kimmie…she is giving him time because she still loves him and can’t stand him being away and Not because she is a caring person per se

She maybe nice but that’s not the paramount reason

These two arent breaking up, at least she’s not

They’re going to make up

Watch this space next week ain’t far

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:30 pm

Mount

luv that word Cee! :lol:

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:31 pm

I’m agreeing with ex on this one. not ill-wishing kelli but she just sounds like she’s flaky and knowing men like I know men (not to generalize) but a “good” one will run circles around a flaky chick. good luck kelli. may it all work out for the best.

Leggs

February 7th, 2012
4:32 pm

“she is giving him time because she still loves him and can’t stand him being away and Not because she is a caring person per se

She maybe nice but that’s not the paramount reason” – How do you know? She kin to you??

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:32 pm

So what if she does still love him though? One thing about it, when a person is done, truly done, they will do something about it. People do what they want to do, when they want to do it.

And nice or not, her playing it cool instead of dumping his stuff on the front lawn is a “strategic” move that maybe more should employ, lest you read about them in the paper the next day after dude has SNAPPED!

disco

February 7th, 2012
4:37 pm

kimmie – you are forgetting that men don’t only snap when provoked. that’s that heat of the moment snap. there are others that are more calculating. they plan, plot, strategize and bring the snap back later. think dc sniper. I don’t think we were really telling her to go all ghetto in getting him out but to be firm in her decision. she doesn’t sound firm to me. she sounds like if he comes at her with some “baby baby please” he can buy more time.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:37 pm

Leggs.. She said it

‘We luv each other’

speaking for somebody u breaking up with

Who does that?

SlimNu

February 7th, 2012
4:39 pm

Love is a helluva drug :lol:

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:39 pm

Exact Disco. 4:37

This guy is the constant All the time in her whining hear

Him!

Which begs the question

So why are u still together?

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:40 pm

disco – 4:31…you ain’t never lied. Only the strong survive.

Exiled!

February 7th, 2012
4:40 pm

Here

Exactly

kimmie - the original :)

February 7th, 2012
4:41 pm

disco – but that’s just it. Whether she’s ready to be firm or not is up to her. She’s not hurting anyone. When she’s ready, she will. Either way, she’s lessening the chance of dude snapping, whether he’s a heat of the moment type, or a plotter. Either way, she’s doing what’s comfortable for her right now. So what if she’s flaking, she’s not the only flake in the cornflake box. Everyone has flaked at one point or another! Except Exiled, according to him anyway!

Celisea

February 7th, 2012
4:42 pm

Leggs – How do you know? She kin to you??

LOLOLOL…get him Leggs….that was funny

Kimmie – I agree. In every faucet of relationships, whether going or coming, folks do exactly what they want to do and for whom they want to do it. If it’s NOT happening then they don’t wanna. Don’t let ‘em fool you and feed you a bunch of BS. Call him on it and see if he calls you crazy…lol

Kellibean

February 7th, 2012
4:43 pm

Wow! Lots of different thoughts to process!

@Leggs…I really don’t want to wonder where he is and what he is doing. Of course there is a part of me hoping that he will be pining for me and be misearble, but I’m trying to be realistic. I still love him and care about him…I’ll get to the point where I don’t give a you know what. It would be easier if I hated him or if he really did me wrong.

@Celisea (the nice version) LOL…I had to realize that I didn’t WANT to break up…I did it because I HAVE to. I can’t keep on in something that is unhealthy for me or for him. It’s really the first time that I’ve had to break up with someone like this. Usually, it’s been nasty break ups. I’m proud of myself for being able to handle it this way. Sure…it’s hard and will be hard for a while, but I’ll move on and I’ll be ok. We run in the same circle…we are a public couple in a certain Atlanta scene…When we’re not with each other, we are always getting asked where the other one is. I’m glad that I’ll just be able to say that it just wasn’t meant to be rather than be extremely angry and dog him out. I’m in for a rough few weeks, but I will pick it up and move on. Luckily, I’ve got a lot to keep me busy in the next week and a half, so that will help me a lot.