accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Are you getting played?

After a couple of months of dating, things start to go really great or really awful. You have been around each other long enough to explore how you two get along and normally the attraction goes deeper. What do you do when you know you want something exclusive but you don’t want to be the one to reach for it first?

I know a lot of people prolong the committed part of dating for a number of reasons: they aren’t sure about the person, they are secretly looking to see if someone else is out there, they are having more fun playing around.

How and when do you decide to take things to the next level – break up or exclusivity?

How can you tell if the person you are dating is playing you for “entertainment” or truly interested in a committed relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

124 comments Add your comment

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 1st, 2012
7:24 am

Good day…

“How can you tell if the person you are dating is playing you for “entertainment” or truly interested in a committed relationship?”

The best way to deal with this is to keep your eyes open and to monitor their effort. If they are making the effort to spend time and hang out with you, then go from there. If they are only interested in hanging out when you make the effort, that is a problem. It should be both ways.

I think guys have to also watch out for the courting gimic. Not to bash courting, but if you are always the one calling, making contact and planning dates, that’s not pursuing and or courting, they are preoccupied with other things and really not that interested.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
7:49 am

Good Morning!

Interesting topic today!

& WOW @ yesterday’s end of the day after catching up! WOW! 0_o

Dude

February 1st, 2012
7:56 am

Just read the beginning of yesterday’s topic, I am thoughly disgusted on the bickering of the bloggers personal attacks on each other….. I didn’t read further than the first page.

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
8:03 am

Good Morning,
How can you tell if the person you are dating is playing you for “entertainment” or truly interested in a committed relationship? M. Said it best, I look for the effort. If she makes plans or seems very excited about getting together thats a good sign.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
8:05 am

hmmmmmmmm………….

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
8:16 am

How and when do you decide to take things to the next level – break up or exclusivity? I say when the conversations start with “we” rather than “I”. When you find yourself not wanting a phone call to end because the conversation is great. When you find yourself revealing or confiding something personal that not a lot of people know about you.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
8:24 am

wow my post didn’t come through. must be a sign to fall back and just lurk a bit……..lol

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
8:36 am

Why you hmmmming, so early Lady?

What do you do when you know you want something exclusive but you don’t want to be the one to reach for it first? Do the caveman, bash her over the head and say “you my girlfriend”. ha! I think how you introduce her to your friends says alot. Its that awkard silence right before the words leave your mouth. Its like slow motion coming out your mouth “This is my girlfriend NAME INSERT”. The rest of the night she smiles from ear to ear. lol

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
8:39 am

The topic makes my eyes cross Mr U especially as my misadventures continue LOL…….I am remaining optimistic though……………. :)

Its like I am lost for words………………shrugs!

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
8:42 am

This part of dating irks me Mr U>>>>>>>>>>>I know a lot of people prolong the committed part of dating for a number of reasons: they aren’t sure about the person, they are secretly looking to see if someone else is out there, they are having more fun playing around.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
8:49 am

they are having more fun playing around. <<<<<<When does this part get old…..When does substance becomes priority?!? When does wasting your time and the time of others become less?!?!

Princess

February 1st, 2012
8:52 am

Then get the hell on DUDE. No one is making you read. Stop reading and you won’t get sick!

Audra

February 1st, 2012
8:54 am

I have a male friend who just got played pretty hard by this woman he was nuts about. She just slowing started drifting away, finding less time to spend with him, making excuses for why she couldn’t hang out, etc. Finally they broke up after like three months of this. I can’t understand why he didn’t get it sooner, she was clearly DONE. And in general, I think that’s a sign. I know at least that women do it – just slowly start pulling away.

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
9:03 am

Lady, Yeah, there are always signs of a abusive dater. They irk me as well, I hate wasting my time but to waste that time on someone that may not be worth it in the end, sucks. Ehh its the pitfalls of dating.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
9:05 am

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:06 am

@Dude, apologies for going hard on you. I wonder though how that sickens you when you’re not sickened by dating all kinds of women…..low hanging fruit. Are you not sickened by playing all these women? Just trying to understand your moral compass.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
9:07 am

I guess less is always more sometimes when dating…..just not putting yourself out there so soon and just observing behavior closely………it took a minute to get to this point but I understand here lately…….

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:09 am

It’s you that said you’ll never be exclusive too much work right? Isn’t that a form of abuse?

Dude

February 1st, 2012
9:20 am

P-
I never said I played anyone, I am up front about everything. My moral compass is just fine. I have seen in the past the women on this blog claim something as moist and that is blood in the water to these regular bloggers, after that it’s a non stop assault on anyone that is sharing views that differ, may they be moist, or not, the comment yesterday that was labled as moist I believe as decidely not. For any new bloggers it’s a very hostile environment to try and have a discussion. I haven’t been here very long, but I am sure this exact conversation has popped up before. And I am moving on, if bloggers have to watch what they say and tip toe around it is hardly an open discussion about nearly anything. I am not being “moist” and this will probably go the way things on this blog do, with a whole bunch of attacks, I won’t lurk and I won’t be back to read them.

Bill Clinton

February 1st, 2012
9:22 am

I believe in exclusivity….When I’m with Jennifer, she’s the only one…When Paula stops by, no one else matters……And as ya’ll know by now, Monica will always be my only true love at that moment…I’m always totally committed……It would really be shallow to be anything else…….

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:25 am

@Dude you read all yesterday’s postings before you do what you’re claiming people here are doing. I lurked the half of yesterday but it was all seemingly a big joke. Go back and finish reading and you’ll see. I only think it harsh if people aren’t true in blogging.

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:29 am

@Dude you need a hug and the welcome mat?

WELCOME!

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:37 am

@Dude I’ve seen men bloggers yell moist sometimes ahead of the lady bloggers. Just my observation. I too lurk almost everyday.

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
9:38 am

Lady, I say go with the flow. Have fun with every situation and every person that may come into your life. Someone close to me said that people enter your life for a season, they can make you better or make you worst. You decide which of the two too live with. I approach every woman as a friend first and foremost and have fun with that person. I think people get serious to fast and you loose themselves.

Purple

February 1st, 2012
9:39 am

Getting played is just a risk you take. Hopefully you and the person have enough respect for each other that if an issue comes up you can talk it out like mature people. That’s better than relying on your conclusions and assumptions. Communication is the key and if that is not there move on and don’t take the risk.

Princess

February 1st, 2012
9:50 am

I wish I could stay longer but it’s my day to work the line. Maybe at lunch break.

kimmie - the original :)

February 1st, 2012
9:53 am

Morning Peeps!

How can you tell if someone is serious? Well actions and words. We’re not in 5th grade here, we’re grown. If the person is consistent, true to their word, there is give and take from both parties, both make time for each other…

As for who suggests exclusivity first, I am old school and let the guy suggest it first. I know I probably will get slammed for that on here, but it always worked for me. Whatever level of interest a man had in me, he let me know. If he wanted to date others, just kick it, be serious, it was always apparent. Some, like my husband, were very direct and upfront about what they wanted, so I did not have to wonder. Others showed more thru their actions, but it was up to me to SEE what they were clearly showing me. Those that wanted to be serious did not take forever to decide it either. Some on here like to say don’t rush things and that’s true, but my experience has been that men seem to drag it out when they are not sure.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
9:58 am

Thanks Mr U!!!!!! ;)

SlimNu

February 1st, 2012
9:59 am

Did I hear that Don Cornelius committed suicide??

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
10:04 am

slim i read it on twitter and don’t want to believe it :(

Mike P

February 1st, 2012
10:10 am

Good morning,

How and when do you decide to take things to the next level – break up or exclusivity?

—I would let the woman ask for exclusivity, since most guys are non-committal anyways. If she doesn’t ask for a committed relationship from the man, nine times out of ten she wont get it, then she feel hurt when he’s out “playing the field,” or worse, when another woman asks for his commitment to her and he accepts.

SlimNu

February 1st, 2012
10:11 am

Very strange….

Mr. Unknown

February 1st, 2012
10:13 am

If true RIP Don Cornelius.

Random but important. Pfizer recalls 1M birth control packs after mixup

Hasta Luego Good People and remember to use good judgement, your first date can turn into an 18 year date.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
10:13 am

kimmie - the original :)

February 1st, 2012
10:26 am

Lady – In my experience, if a dude layed back in the cut, like Mike P, and didn’t ask, I would take the “hint” and move on. I had a few to not understand it when I did too. I like a man that makes his intentions known. You snooze, you lose. Might not seem fair to some, but it never failed, worked for me.

The news about Don C is all over the news now. Looks to be true.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
10:32 am

yeah Kimmie I feel ya (one does have a clue whether they act like it or not) and yep with the DC news!

Celisea

February 1st, 2012
10:41 am

I don’t think it’s hard. People really in it to win it will overcome hurdles or what appears to be, worst case scenario. Overall nothing is too hard when you really really want it. If you’re into excuses and can’ts then I assume based on one’s actions or the lack thereof, you’re just playing me.

Leggs

February 1st, 2012
10:42 am

Good morning,

Sad news – Don Cornelious has committed suicide by a self-inflicted gunshot to his head.

Leggs

February 1st, 2012
10:45 am

@Lady ~ I am experiencing the same thing. People don’t want to date, just want quick hook ups. Words and actions are not on the same accord!!!

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
10:48 am

C yep never give up!!!!

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
10:49 am

Leggs our story huh! LOL I had a ball @ happy Hour last evening! If I wanted to play 24/7 there are plenty on that side waiting on a playmate! just too damn funny!

Celisea

February 1st, 2012
10:53 am

Mike P

February 1st, 2012
10:58 am

@kimmie: Who said anything about being laid-back???
I am not saying that I wouldn’t SHOW I’m interested in being committed; I just said wouldn’t ask first. I am already showing my intentions by pursuing, show interest and taking the initiative, making plans and such… that’s hardly being lazy!! By the woman asking me, tells me that SHE’S serious (read: no flakes!) and wants to be mine exclusively. If she can’t/won’t ask then that tells me she’s flaky and thinks she’s gonna play me.

Celisea

February 1st, 2012
11:04 am

Kimmie – I like a man that makes his intentions known.

I like this and me too…. Show me what you’re talking about. Show me what you want. I get tired after a while of all you’re gonna do. If the actions don’t match then, there’s nothing else to do but assume. And even if we are talking and communicating, if that’s limited and we can’t explore and laugh and talk…talk about everything, things you like, things that’s happening in your day, again I’m assuming you ain’t serious.

Again, it’s really not hard unless you don’t want to.

kimmie - the original :)

February 1st, 2012
11:06 am

Mike P – I didn’t say anything about being lazy. But you do what works for you and take the signals you need to weed out. In all my posts today, I said in MY experience. Mine is admittedly a more old-school approach, but it worked for me and the men I dealt with.

Lady~

February 1st, 2012
11:06 am

Again, it’s really not hard unless you don’t want to. <<<<The truth.com!

Leggs

February 1st, 2012
11:12 am

I was told just yesterday tha I need to jump off the ledge sometimes and stop peering over it (lol).

kimmie - the original :)

February 1st, 2012
11:13 am

Mike P – I don’t think you got the slang term I used too – “lay back in the cut”. That means you’re hanging back, flying below the radar, keeping a low profile. If a dude did that with me, was subtle with his intentions and waited for me to say something, he’d be waiting alone. It was just not how I did things. Again, it worked for me.

Leggs

February 1st, 2012
11:15 am

Cold cut artist = Janet Jackson (404) 741-1075

kimmie - the original :)

February 1st, 2012
11:17 am

Leggs – I think you do just fine. It’s others who need to jump on out there!