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Archive for February, 2012

Tell your mate to lose weight?

Do you know what it’s like to be so caught up in a new romance that you sort of let things fall to the wayside? You get super comfortable being part of a couple and you don’t spend as much time primping, grooming, or uh…exercising.

That’s right a new couple is likely to pack on a few pounds being in love. It is usually something that gets rectified after a couple of weeks, but what happens when weeks turn in to months? Do you tell your partner that they have let themselves go too much?

It is a tough position to be in! You would not want to be the insensitive jerk that dumped someone you really liked over a couple of pounds. I know a lot of people who have a real fear of being in a relationship with someone who let themselves go. Does it mean we are too shallow?

How do you bring up the topic of extra pounds? What can you do if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them because of the weight gain?

Has this situation ever happened to you? What advice can you give for someone …

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Do I have to take your name?

It is highly likely that an engaged couple will be faced with the name change issue. There was a time when this didn’t really come up because it was understood that a woman would automatically take her husband’s last name.

I know a lot of guys who are literally offended by the very idea of a woman not using his name (no hyphenating) and the common response is: If she is wearing “my ring” she will have no choice but to take my name. Apparently, the ring and the name are a package deal?

Everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you, but I wonder if men still assume that the women they plan to marry has to take their name. Is it still expected?

Ladies have you ever brought up the discussion with the guys that you date? Do you think that the type of men you date would lean toward one way or the other?

Guys, what would you do if your fiancee informed you that she wanted to use her own name after you marry? Would it matter to you if her reasons were business …

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Is it wrong to schedule sexy time?

Imagine being in a really great relationship with someone who has a demanding schedule. Then picture your own schedule becoming increasingly hectic. Those spontaneous rendezvous you once had become a distant memory. At this point, romance is something that you have to actually pencil in!

One of my friends is not happy that he has to put a call in days ahead to schedule sexy time. He thinks that if they moved in together, things would be different. I am not sure if that would change things though.

Scheduling romance does not sound romantic, I admit. I would be willing to do anything to keep things sizzling, though.

What do you do when you are too busy to satisfy your partner the way they want? Is it wrong to schedule one another?

What happens when our schedules take over and intimacy goes missing, followed closely by passion? Is that the beginning of the end?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Is it wrong to schedule sexy time? »

Ex Files: Rebounding necessary?

According to entertainment reports, singer Rihanna has become a moth to Chris Brown’s flame. Apparently, the two collaborated on two songs and he was even spotted at her birthday bash.

Reading about their reunion made me think about those exes that we can’t get out of our system. It is tough when we should be moving on but are too hung up on someone. Maybe the only way to nudge you along is to find a new person right away.

People often take time after break ups to heal or to regroup, but maybe some of us could actually benefit from a love-life palate cleanser. Someone to distract us from dwelling on the recent break up and prevent us from sliding back to a bad habit or toxic relationship.

I think I have had some of my best dates with guys who were the rebounders – because I welcomed the attention and just appreciated the company. There was no pressure to move things along to the next level, so the only goal was to laugh and have fun.

When you are dating someone new, do …

Continue reading Ex Files: Rebounding necessary? »

Dating: That wandering eye problem

What would you do if you were seeing someone who had a problem with constantly checking other people out? I ask because I am curious to know how many people would actually find this rude behavior a forgivable offense?

If everything else about the person is pretty great, could you live with their wandering eye? Does it mean you are dating a jerk? I’ve heard the argument that if you are “secure” then it should not bother you. Do you agree with that?

Admittedly, the “wandering eye” can happen without you even realizing it. Someone catches your eye and it’s normal to turn and look at them closer, right?

I can say that it has happened to me once (ok twice, but I had sunglasses on) but if it is a habitual thing? Not good – it could easily land you in the disrespectful territory you don’t want to be in.

Why do you think some people have a problem with letting their eyes wander even when their date next to them?

A lot of people will think having a wandering eye is rude, but is it …

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How supportive are you?

One of our readers has a relationship problem that I think some of us can relate to. Tara has been seeing a guy for over a year and things are pretty serious. She feels that he is taking the relationship seriously, but she wants to know if the thing that is bothering her about him is a deal breaker. Her guy is not very supportive of her at all, in fact he is critical of her a lot.

I know exactly what she is going through because I have met the type before – some men feel as if they have to “tear you down and build you back up” and mold you into the woman they want you to be. It’s interesting because they disguise it behind good intentions and helpful feedback, when really…they are just being a butthead.

My advice is to speak up now and see if that can be dealt with amicably. I think having someone who supports you is an absolute must. I am all for challenging me and helping me grow, but some people don’t know how to do it with love.

Have you ever dated someone who was …

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Too cynical to date?

I’m sure you already know this but there are a lot of bitter single people in this city. After so many dating games and dating misadventures, some people tend to become cynical.

What’s really ironic is when you are lucky enough to meet someone who won’t run game and act shady, what happens? Some people question it!

A guy calls when he says he will, and she wonders if he is too eager. I woman wants to do special things for a guy and suddenly she gets tagged as desperate.

I know we all have some battle scars, but how do we stop being so bitter and cynical about it?

What do you do to stay optimistic and hopeful?

How do you know when to take a risk on someone and still be cautious?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Do you only date smart people?

One of my guy friends decided that he is done dating smart women. His last three girlfriends were very intelligent and according to him, “too complicated” to date. So now he is dabbling in the less intelligent dating pool. I have no idea how he finds dumb women, but he seems to be on a mission.

It made me think about the arguments I have had with him about “dumbing yourself down” in order to attract a certain type. I am against playing to a stereotype to get a guy that wants someone with no brain. At some point, the truth will come out so what is the point, right?

I don’t know why some people believe that dating someone less intelligent then you are is “easier” though, am I missing something?

Although I have a thing for nerdy guys and men who are smart, I don’t know if I have always dated smart men. I have dated some idiots, though.

Do you only date smart people?

Guys, do you ever think that some women are too smart to date?

Ladies, do you think that you get more …

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Dating: ‘I’m old school’

Whenever the man I am dating says, “I’m old school”, I tend to brace myself for the worse. Sadly, I expect to hear a long diatribe about the problem with single women today. What can I say? I’ve been burned with that lead-in before and I rarely hear anything good come after that.

Imagine my surprise recently, when “I’m old school” was followed by “It’s my role as the man to care about how you feel and protect you as best as I can” *blink* I know, I needed a moment – like seriously!

It is really refreshing to hear a guy talk about the most appealing part of old school dating, the part I don’t cringe over: emotional support and protection. Listen, throw in handsome looks and you have my boyfriend/husband/life partner prototype.

Is it possible to have a nice balance of old school and new school dating? Could I get a man to call my land line phone, come over to my place and pick me up for a date? How great would it be to get through an entire evening without a man staring at …

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Dating single parents: The good, bad, and ugly

Whenever kids are involved, dating takes even more careful consideration about who you let in your life and why. It’s one thing to date wholly inappropriate people and have a casual fling when it’s just two consenting adults. When one or both of you have children, you should probably know with some degree of certainty – that the person you are seeing is a viable romantic partner. It also helps when they aren’t clinically insane.

I know of two friends that are dating single parents right now. They are going through vastly different experiences trying to navigate new romances with people who have children. It makes it pretty clear that the way you handle challenges makes a world of difference.

While one relationship seems to be solid, the other is rocky and full of drama. I can only speculate, but it seems that it’s a maturity thing – or lack thereof.

Dating a single parent can be a really rewarding experience, especially when everyone agrees the kids come first. A lot …

Continue reading Dating single parents: The good, bad, and ugly »