accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

A Good Wife?

I believe there are a lot of single women who think about what kind of mate they want to be. I know I have thought about it from time to time. My ideas about what I think would make a “good wife” does not always align with those of the men that I date.

Whenever the topic of marriage or “wife” duties come up, I always perk up and pay attention to what guys say. They usually have very specific things they believe a good wife should do. Always makes for an enlightening discussion!

This is probably a good discussion to have when you are serious. I think a lot of married couples are surprised when they realize how much they differ from their spouse’s expectations of a husband/wife.

What really informs a man’s idea about what makes a good wife, though? What informs a woman’s idea about what makes a good wife?

What do you think is most important?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

267 comments Add your comment

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
7:58 am

Good Morning! Eager to read different perspectives on a good wife! ;)

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:01 am

& not to be pessimistic so early just founded this to be an interesting read that might indirectly help understand what makes a good wife in a sense………….

http://www.blacknews.com/news/marital_failure_african_americans101.shtml#.TycQ06lUibX.facebook

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:01 am

JustMe, Slim

January 31st, 2012
8:06 am

Good morning all,

The bossman is here from out of town all week, so i’ll try to peek in periodically. Needless to say, my interest is peaked on what the men will say.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:22 am

I would say to be supportive. You can state opinions and support your stance, but don’t become a witch when we don’t follow every single one of them. Also, we have opinions, too. Don’t act like yours are the only opinions that matter or are well thought out. We can agree to disagree and don’t gloat if yours turned out to be right. Also, don’t become a troll if we turn out to be right. There are some things the wife is better at and there are some things that the hubby is better at. Both should accept that and don’t act like “You don’t think I can do anything”. Basically, it boils down to communication….productive communication….and not nagging, complaining, emotional outbursts, insecurity issues, etc. And if the hubby is guilty of these unproductive methods of communication, these would apply to him as well.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:27 am

And also to the ladies on this blog, don’t act like “Well, just WHO have you been dating? No woman I know is like that!” Stereotypes are established by observed repeated behavior and information. That’s why hubbies are stereotyped as insensitive, self centered and don’t want input from a woman and wives are stereotyped as hyper sensitive, over emotional and “If the wife ain’t happy, NOBODY’S happy”. Neither applies to EVERY hubby or wife, but it sure does apply to a LOT of them or there wouldn’t be the stereotype.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:31 am

Prince Charming an interest told me recently I need to curb my smartassness sharp remarks and just agree with him sometimes vs. ALWAYS stating my POV. So I am thinking that goes to being supportive but another side of me is thinking I don’t want to lose my self in being passive………..I can’t law this is a flaw of mine but I don’t want to come across as combative but I love a good convo and debate especially about issues I am passionate about…………………….hmmmmmm

I am naturally high sprung but I guess it could come across the wrong way but I mean no harm……….shrugs lol

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:31 am

meant I can’t lie……..lol

LeeH1

January 31st, 2012
8:39 am

Men look for friendship from a wife the same way they look for friendship from a man- someone to have your back, who won’t mock you in front of others, someone who can be trusted.

Men look for trust in a wife- someone who will protect and preserve your property and your reputation; someone who can be trusted with your money and your children; someone who you know will be there ,and will put the family and the friendship first.

Men look for conversation in a wife: someone to share with; to discuss important things with in privacy; someone who can talk about things of interest and who has interests and hobbies on her won. We look for a woman who has good judgement in decision making, but who is not into nagging, regrets and hindsght corrections to past decisions.

Men look to a woman to be a person who can take care of themselves, not someone who constantly needs to be protected and cared for. The good wife needs the strength and independence to do the things she needs to do; the abilities to decide those things which she needs to decide without constantly asking for guidance and support and affirmation; and someone who will be there when needed.

To be a good wife, a woman must first be a good person.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:43 am

Opinions and debating are fine, just don’t be combative. Those that live by the sword, will die by the sword. 90% of the problems both men and women have are self inflicted. You can always have your “sense of self”, but that doesn’t mean to DEMAND your self. Sometimes it comes across as “I’m always right”. A very wise man told me once when dealing with your spouse, “If you decide to make a stand with your wife, make sure it’s big enough that it actually means something, but small enough that you can win it.” Three places that you can never win an argument 1) In a poker game on a riverboat, 2) The IRS and 3) An argument with your wife. With the wife, if you lose, you suffer being wrong. If you win, you suffer the result of that win. I’m being sarcastic, sure, but there again is the stereotype.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
8:49 am

Prince Charming, I hope first you’re married. If not, stop handing out advice. Next marriage is serious, dating rules don’t apply. Lastly, you sound, like you’re looking for an easy path……the ladies on this blog do just fine without hearing advice to be and go easy.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:49 am

And I think that is the thing that irks him bc he always says I am very smart being real about that but I think he is silently thinking I think I know it all an won’t let him in.

Thanks Prince Charming! Here lately the male’s POV has been respected in appreciated in my world…..

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

Good morning.

Since I’ve been married once before, I realized that I wasn’t a good wife, but was an excellent provider. I don’t think that’s the way it was supposed to be. Oh well, maybe there be another chance for me, maybe not!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

~Truly successful communication actually takes place in listening. Listening is such a powerful form of communication that most people cannot tell it apart from feeling loved~ -Wendy Strgar

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

Pretty simple to be a ‘good wife’. Be yourself, be open, be honest, communicate, tell me what you’re feeling, let me know your expectations, don’t overestimate my ability to read your mind or know what you’re feeling. Most importantly be responsible – with finances, commitments, and other things in life that you should be accountable for. I don’t care which of us cooks or cleans or does laundry – so long as we share the responsibilities equally of earning a living and running the household. I don’t want to do more than my share and don’t expect you to do more than yours. We both have things we prefer to do or do better than the other, so let’s split those up and make sure everything gets done. Make time for me, and I’ll make time for you, but we both have to make sure we allow and encourage the other to have their own independent time as well.

If all of these things are done during the dating/courting/engagement and continue through the marriage, then I can guarantee happiness for us both. If we make it to the alter then she and I can both know what to expect of one another and there won’t be any surprises.

Me

January 31st, 2012
8:55 am

Lady, I had to make a comment because you sound so much like me. I’ve been told the very same thing. I am trying to do better. Prince, I’m listening.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
8:57 am

@PC, Kaizersoze didn’t say what you recommeded.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:57 am

yep Me I feel ya! ;)

Jim

January 31st, 2012
9:01 am

Keep doing the things that made him want to marry you in the first place.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:10 am

Yes, I have been married for 27 years. It’s not all flowers and rose petals, but you have to put your time, understanding, patience, work and also resolve to not let it fail. As far as “easy and laid back”, I have gotten more milage out of thise items as I have anything else. You don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill and if the outcome of an argument or disagreement really doesn’t have anything to do with the price of tea in China, sometimes you just let it slide. You don’t HAVE to be right or win all of the time. Just my two cents.

SlimNu

January 31st, 2012
9:13 am

Lady – Along with your 8:53, that’s why we have TWO ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak… lol

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:16 am

Slim that is an art to be practiced. Easy said than done BUT I am willing I promise to work on it bc I do look forward to having a mate that isn’t irked with me lol

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:28 am

Morning All!

It’s no one-size-fits-all, though I think everyone might agree there are things across the board that keep peace in the house and make for a successful marriage. Supportive, responsible, loving – nothing unique to being a good wife – husbands should try those things too.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:30 am

Prince Charming – Forgive me, but you don’t sound very charming.

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:34 am

A very wise elderly woman told me to not contracdict your spouse on important matters. Instead, listen to him, acknowlege his point of view, then say “well, you COULD be right”

She said it tongue in cheek, but it also makes some sense. Everybody needs to be heard, to be acknowleged that they are important. No need to ‘win” every point.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
9:35 am

Thank you Kimmie. Don’t come here giving one-sided advice. Just because there’s a birdie or two wantimg desperately to be fed don’t make your advice right.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:37 am

yep lulu!!!! :)

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:39 am

Like that 8:27 was suppose to shut us up from disagreeing with a sweeping comment. The bad thing about prejudging someone using a stereotype is the mere fact that it doesn’t apply to all. Which makes it very unfair. That post of yours, Prince, makes you less credible in my eyes.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:39 am

hmmmmm different perspectives and POV are just that. when blogging no one particular person is right or wrong. your experiences is just that. And I am fine discussing my flaws and its your opinion if you feel is desperation. Wow.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:40 am

my co-worker just brought me breakfast expectantly! how cool!

Jaded Guy

January 31st, 2012
9:42 am

For me a good spouse would be a lady who:

* Isn’t a Lying, Cheating, Manipulative, Hateful Monster

* Doesn’t Sleep with My Lifelong (now-EX) Best Friend

* Wants a True PARTNER in Life, Not a Piece of “Property” She Can Try to Boss Around

* Understands That an “Exclusive Relationship” Means NOT Slutting Around Online with Other Men Whenever She Has Free Time

* Reciprocates a Comparable Level of Respect That is Shown to Her

* Isn’t a Gold-Digging Hu$$Y

* Is the Same Person When You Are with Her as She is When You Are Out of Sight

* Actually Has a Heart with a Temperature with a Temperature WELL ABOVE 32 Degrees Farenheit

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:43 am

interesting how the comments are centered on conflict in a marriage. It’s certainly important to know how to resolve conflict. But isn’t is also important to know how to love somebody? Love is a verb — it requires action. A spouse really has to think about what the other needs, and try to fill that need. It’s not always easy to know what the other needs, and those needs also change over time. Ultimately, though, unfilled needs get met elsewhere, and that’s the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:44 am

But anyway the guy I am speaking of I met in September and we have been talking on and off since then. We both admitted we were guarded and we both have pressed anything……We have been out a time or two but we have a real date tomorrow to the movies………it finally came so I am looking forward to how it goes…………he reminds me of the saying what you are looking for is right in front of your face……….

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:45 am

@Jaded you certainly have the right name

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:45 am

and conflict lulu………so true

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:46 am

meant haven’t pressed anything (just taking it slow)

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:47 am

@Lady slow is good, let it flow

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:50 am

it has I kid you not and the other day we had a real heart to heart convo and this week our convo has flowed. We have been literally on and off conversing since September. Tomorrow is our real “date night” per se

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:50 am

@Princess and Kimmie….the defense rests.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:51 am

he made no secret about him looking for a wife and in the start it scare the sh*t of me but its making sense more and more…..just don’t want a clingy guy (controlling)

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:52 am

Sometimes people have to do no more than open their mouths and you see why they are where they are. Have a great day everyone!

disco

January 31st, 2012
9:56 am

good morning. this hasn’t gotten as inflammatory as I thought it might. marriage – like all things – is relative. there are still men out there who want their wives barefoot and pregnant. some who don’t want their wives to work. there are women now who are comfortable with the idea of having a “househusband”. it takes all kinds. I know couples who maintain outside relationships (friends etc.), have their own hobbies, vacation separately and I know couples who do EVERYTHING together. all I can suggest is know who you are, know what you want, express that to your significant other and hope for a match.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
9:57 am

Prince Charming that was pretty harsh. Who do you know on here well enough to pass judgement? Have you been here long enough to go there? Just because someone don’t digest and swoon and take in what you advise don’t mean they’re being combative or as you say it “where they are” because of such. Frankly unless you know all of what’s going on in people’s lives, you’re jumping the gun. Just because folks don’t live as an open book on this blog don’t mean they don’t have meaningful things going on.

This is why I don’t like posting in the mornings. Jacked up folks hanging out and looking for the “amen” chorus. Too, how do we know what you’re saying is true? How do we know you’re not the party in your marriage that’s making things go awry? You’re giving your side of it. Bring your wife and let her post and then we’ll decide.

Sorry you offended me with you 8:27 and that last comment. It’s a freaking blog. Live your life and let others live theirs and keep you judgement to yourself.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
9:59 am

I’ll be back when the moistness dries up around here :)

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:02 am

Lady – Your 9:39 – who was that directed to? Who said anything about desperation?

I’m cool with different POV or I wouldn’t be blogging. But yeah, like Celisea, I did find so called “charming” 8:27 offensive.

Mike P

January 31st, 2012
10:02 am

Good Morning All,

I am not married; however, my thoughts on what makes a “good wife”… a woman with the right attitude.

disco

January 31st, 2012
10:03 am

celisea – let the blog say amen. amen again.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:05 am

Kimmie: Princess’s 9:35

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:06 am

disco – Your 9:56, I agree, the 2 people involved do what works for them.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:07 am

C did sum it up Kimmie! I really overlooked his comment about blog ladies and took out what related tome so I didn’t comment on that aspect. To each their own though.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
10:08 am

disco/Kimmie – Those are the men to beware of…those with all this so called advice. I agree you both, it’s relative therefore no once size fit all. Lay out his thoughts, experience, opinions and don’t get offended if someone else’s experience don’t mesh or is not along the same lines.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:08 am

Lady – Ok.

Mike P – The right attitude FOR YOU.

Bosses Wife

January 31st, 2012
10:09 am

My husband has said that he loves the fact that I have supported his dreams. Even when I did’nt understand his direction, I have always stayed positive and on his side.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
10:14 am

For me, TRUST is far and away the biggest issue. If I feel my partner is 100% committed to me and our relationship, everything will be right in my world. Now, of course there are lots of additional facets to a relationship, such as communication, seeing your partner’s viewpoint and communicating in a way that is respectful of their viewpoint and not hurtful. However, for me, the biggest issue is trust. If I feel I totally trust my partner, she loves me and is committed to me, all of the other issues are much easier to deal with.

Since trust is so big to me, that reveals that I am fairly insecure, or what people like to call “jealous”. Jealous isn’t a great word for it IMO because jealousy is wanting what someone else has. And that’s not what I feel. In any event, I believe that maintaining opposite-sex relationships/friendships from the past is not healthy for a relationship. I also believe that you have to be careful and smart not to put yourself in positions with the opposite sex that could jeopardize your relationship. For example, if I maintain a friendship with a woman that I was/am attracted to, and I confide in her, and I get upset at my current partner, it is not outside the realm of possibility that I could cheat on my partner, and I would NEVER want to do that, would NEVER plan to do it, but it is at least a possibility in the right situation. Therefore, I believe it is wise to end those relationships/friendships and be very careful about who I interact with from the opposite sex and how I interact with them.

My partner is struggling to see this. For background, we are both in our mid-40s and both had long marriages ending in divorce. She maintains a texting relationship with a guy she went out with right after we met. They went out one time, a fairly short date, and a day later, she told him that she was interested in someone else (me), and she and I have dated ever since. She knew this person for a total of 2 hours. Yet, now he seems to be the person she confides in the most. He texts occasionally (maybe once a month) and they talk about their relationships.

From my perspective, she is keeping an open door to a guy who is definitely interested in her. He wanted to see her more and she said no. So clearly, he is interested in her. And in a moment of weakness, if we have a bad fight, will she confide more in him? Meet him to talk? Etc. She thinks I am just “jealous”, and maybe I am, but I don’t feel she is completely committed to our relationship if she is keeping open lines of communication to past dates. And I really can’t understand why this guy, who she knew for 2 hours, somehow became the one guy she turns to for advice when we have problems. It has been infrequent, but still, it is bizarre to me. I have not maintained contact with any of my past dates because that is just the way I operate in a relationship. I want her to feel completely secure, feel that I am completely committed to our relationship, and I want her to do the same.

Your thoughts, please.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:15 am

Interesting Fred!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:22 am

I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot how she would respond Fred?!?

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
10:23 am

You want honest feedback, Fred? Here it comes.

You seem to be insecure, possessive, and have lingering trust issues from your marriage. I can say this because I also had a long marriage that ended – mine due to an affair and a couple of one-night stands that I found out about. I trusted my ex completely and she violated my trust. It takes a while to get over that and find the ability to completely trust someone.

Sounds to me you don’t trust your current partner. Sorry to slap you in the mouth with it, but that’s the way you come across. If you don’t trust her then you are on a long road with many battles. You have to find a way to get over it. The problem lies within YOU, not with her.

lulu

January 31st, 2012
10:24 am

@Fred
I think you are spot on. It’s disrespectful to you for her to confide in a male “friend” about your relationship, espcially since 1) he isn’t really a friend at all, since they only knew each other 2 hours and 2) you’ve expressed to her that it makes you uncomfortable. Your discomfort is rational and reasonable, so if nothing else, out of respect for you, she should let that relationship go.

I’m totally on your side on this. It sounds like she’s keeping a ‘just in case’ person out there, and that’s never never never a good idea.

I say this having been married a very long time, and having been cheated on by my ex-spouse and his ‘confidant’ ‘friend’. His excuse? It “just happened.”

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:27 am

healing is a process KaiserSoze and you raise important points……..but @ the end of the day with what has been told by Fred you would be fine with your mate confiding in a former potential interest? Or do you look at it like what will be will be and you do trust your mate until it is evident it has been broken. Meaning she can be friends with anyone and its not a threat to your relationship?

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:31 am

Fred- 2 thougts. #1 – I’ve heard a lot of people, men mainly, complain when they meet someone that doesn’t want to operate in a relationship THEIR WAY. They have an idea how they want things to work and complain when they come across someone with a different view. This new person is not DOING IT RIGHT, or has the WRONG ATTITUDE. You have the option of trying to work out a compromise with her or find someone whose ideas of a committed relationship are more in line with your own.

#2 – She’s not as committed as you are. She’s keeping her options open. Unless she has agreed to be totally exclusive, she might feel you don’t have the right to make such demands on her. She might see you as controlling and she’s resisting that control. Jealousy can come off as a form of control. Also, some people may think that unless you have a deeper commitment, like you live together or are engaged, you can still see other people.

Shrugs

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:31 am

O/T is it too impersonal to get someone a gift card for their birthday if they gave you a very personable gift prior?!?

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
10:32 am

@Lady – absolutely I feel that you have to trust until you have a concrete reason not to trust. Otherwise you go down that dark path of ‘what is she doing’ any time she is out of sight.

The woman I’m with now still has a deep friendship with a man to whom she was engaged several years ago, but they didn’t marry because they figured out they wanted different things in life (kids being the biggest difference). I’m strangely OK with this. She even stays at his condo from time to time when she has business downtown. We live in the far northern ‘burbs so it makes sense. Quite simply – I trust her.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:34 am

Cool Beans sir!!! It really made sense after I typed it. Why wouldn’t you trust a person unless there is reason not too.

disco

January 31st, 2012
10:36 am

what I’m amazed at is the fact that fred (and many others) think they can remove/eliminate/reduce temptation. news flash – it’s IMPOSSIBLE. temptation is everywhere all the time and folks have to make their own decisions/choices in dealing with it. fred you’ll be just as hurt by your woman stepping out with an old flame as you would if she stepped out with a co-worker – you aren’t asking her not to go to work. or a neighbor – do you plan on moving out to the middle of nowhere. or the guy who delivers pizza… at the end of the day, if she’s of a mind to cheat then she’ll do it. lighten up. either you trust your woman or you don’t. if you don’t leave her or stay. if you stay, deal with it.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:38 am

now you have a point Disco! I agree if it is going to happen it will no matter what you do! :)

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:38 am

Fred – I also think she knew him longer than 2 hours. There may be something about this dude that clicked with her, even though you came along. I do also think you have lingering trust issues, so even if this was just a buddy she never went out with, you’d have a problem with it.
Looks like that 2 hours made an impression on her, even though she started seeing you.

It does feel bad to be with someone that is keeping their options open. How long have you 2 been seeing each other? Also, if things have gotten physical, that brings out posessiveness with some people.

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
10:39 am

disco – spot on. I have to co-sign that statement. A cheater’s gonna cheat. If you treat a non-cheater like you think they’re going to you’ll do one of two things – make them want to leave you or make them want to cheat.

If you can’t trust then you have no business being in a relationship until you can. Trust comes from within. If the person you’re with gives you signs to not trust them, then find someone you can trust.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:43 am

disco – I agree. Really, the issue is mostly with his trust issues, cause if it’s in a person to cheat, ain’t jack you can do about it. You can break your back to be a “GOOD WIFE”, and he’ll still stray if he has a mind to do it.

disco

January 31st, 2012
10:45 am

I mentioned on here before that I remain friends with two exes. one goes back more than 20 years and another close to 20 years. we’re friends – that’s that. I honestly don’t believe I’d be in a relationship with a new guy if he had issue with that. both guys still live in PA – I haven’t lived in PA in more than 15 years.

abc

January 31st, 2012
10:47 am

Proverbs 31 — http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2031:10-31&version=NIV

Ephesians 5 — http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians%205:21-33&version=NIV

There’s more, but it mostly says the same things. Mutual support and greater concern for the other than for yourself is a key ingredient. Commitment to the marriage as a covenant with God, and appreciating the blessing of His provision of that other person for you, is the most important thing.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
10:48 am

So happy my training class ended early…we are some smart cookies.

Jealous isn’t a great word for it IMO because jealousy is wanting what someone else has. – Not necessarily. Being jealous of someone may lead to that, but jealousy itself is being hostile toward another because you feel they have the advantage.

@Fred ~ personally, I think you have room for concern. To constantly text this person she met for 2 hrs with her concerns is not putting her 100 into your relationship. Where there is a 3rd party that is taking up some of your SO’s time, there is a fissure in the relationship will probably deepend. If you are as insecure as you are, you have trust issues right along with your mate.

BTW, Fred, the Strawberry Letter this morning speaks to your dilemna. Go read it and some of the responses.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:48 am

Disco I just tweeted last night I am not the chic to remain good friends with an ex. Only good friends with one my ex and of course my ex hubby we are cool but I got a dumb random text last night from a former lover saying its OK to say hello to me every now and then and it caught me off guard. I was like OK hello how are you and still left it at that. shrugs! smh lol

disco

January 31st, 2012
10:55 am

lady – I generally don’t remain friends either but I guess the deal with these two is that they are kind of intertwined with my family. it would be very awkward to have animosity. generally whenever I have contact with either of them they will usually advise me that they just saw this relative of mine or hung out with that relative of mine. I wouldn’t be surprised if one or both of them made an appearance at thanksgiving dinner or the family reunion or whatever. both of them (even before I dated them) were close friends with family members and remain close friends with those family members today. the relationships ended, there were no hard feelings, we’re cool.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:56 am

Leggs – I’m not saying it’s right of her, but Fred said the texting is infrequent, maybe once a month.

What I do think is that a grown woman in her mid-40’s is texting ANYONE to discuss her relationship issues. She should be talking to her man, not a friend, whether it’s an ex or not.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:56 am

and I can see that in the 15 year time frame sis! I really feel your POV. its just interesting at the gall of some folk that’s all.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
10:57 am

Everyone,

I appreciate the feedback so far, on both sides of the issue. It is very helpful, and I respect that there are different viewpoints on this.

Let me give some more background.

There is no “healing” going on from a past relationship. I divorced my wife after being unhappy for most of 19 years, staying together because I felt a strong commitment, and we had kids. But the love was gone very quickly, and divorce has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

As I try to learn from my past, I realize that the main thing I got out of the marriage, one of the main reasons I married her, was that I completely trusted her. Mostly, that was due to the fact that she has a real fear of men. She does not talk to men, has no casual relationships with men, and just doesn’t trust men. There was an event in college that either caused this or revealed it (I believe we are genetically predisposed to behavior and events REVEAL your character rather than shaping it). Bottom line is that I didn’t realize at the time how much I trusted her and how significant that was in compelling me to marry her.

Being single has made me realize how huge this issue is. But I NEVER want to be in a relationship with someone who is so fearful of men. She never trusted me, and I am the LAST person who could ever cheat on my partner. I have a major guilt complex, an empathetic personality, and there is no way I could ever do that to my partner (wife or significant other). No way ever.

But now I am in this relationship I have previously described. We are have been dating 5.5 months, living together 3 months, and she seems 100% committed to me when we are together. I mean, she is really into me. There is no doubt about it. If anyone ever had a reason to feel 100% secure in a relationship, it is probably me. I trust her, I believe her, and I truly don’t believe she would ever cheat on me.

So, as I try to analyze why I feel this pang of hurt/rejection/fear when she texts this guy she dated one time, I can’t completely understand why it hurts me. I will not tell her that she cannot talk to this guy. I refuse to do that. It is wrong. I do not want to dictate her behavior and I will not dictate her behavior.

However, I have tried to deal with it for 5 months and just can’t make progress. It hurts. I feel she is keeping a door open. I feel she is not 100% committed to me. Yet, I feel that I SHOULD feel she is committed to me. But I can’t understand how you can keep open doors like this.

I recognize that she is totally different in this area than me, as are some others on this board and in life. For example, KaiserSoze is a totally different personality than me, and than many others. I could never be in a relationship where my partner keeps a deep friendship with a former lover. It is great that KaiserSoze is able to do this. Kudos, sir.

Everyone is not the same, and while you can argue that I should be more easygoing about this, you could also argue that both partners demonstrating a strong commitment to each other by leaving past relationships behind gives incredible strength to the relationship. And I enter relationships for the long-term. I never want to be divorced again. I am a one-woman man and believe that relationships flourish in a fully committed environment. The other extreme is the open marriage, and I am not here to criticize that extreme or anything in between. I am just trying to understand myself, what works best for me, and try to make things work with this woman whom I care deeply about.

I would really like to hear from others who have this issue or have solid, concrete advice for me besides just “trust her or break up.”

Thanks so much.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:01 am

Fred and your thoroughness is very detailed! I will sit back and absorb others advice.

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
11:04 am

We are more alike than you know, after reading your post I feel like we share a lot of attributes. Especially the commitment and dedication to one woman. I stayed in a 15 year marriage because I made commitments and had children, and I was unhappy but did what I had to in order to make it work. Eventually I was cheated on and thrown to the curb for all my hard work to keep the marriage together. I was wounded, my self-esteem and self-worth were destroyed.

I will now officially check my man card with the hostess and lay it on the line. I honestly think you could learn a lot about yourself through a little therapy. In my layman’s opinion you seem to be insecure and suffering from low self-esteem as well. I recognize this because I dealt with it for a long time. I had to fix myself and re-establish my self-worth before I could find happiness with me. And we all know you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:05 am

fred – you sound like a class A chump. there’s so much that can be commented on in your post but I’ll let everyone else pick it apart. I’m real curious to know if you are financing this woman in any way. sounds like she chose the man that made the most financial sense to me. maybe you had more to offer at the time and she’s taking advantage of opportunity.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:05 am

Fred, if I may….

I don’t believe in keeping ties with past lovers, relationships or even friends that may pose a threat yet I agree that some folks can maintain a friendship…and that’s all, nothing more or less.

I agree too that if folks are going to cheat you can’t stop it. You can’t police them. That’s just going to make things go left more so. What I do say, even if there’s no real threat, if you cannot deal or accept her texting and having talks with someone outside of yourself, you might need to move on. Simply because you’re going to kill if she doesn’t. Again though I agree, just knowing me, I would have a problem with someone being intimately close with another if I cannot get a feeling of an established true and “nothing more than friendship” assurance. On the flip side, I wouldn’t want a dude driving me insane when I know there’s nothing going on.

At this point, I think you’re going to have to do what’s in your best interest. You’re going to kill the relationship worrying or yourself if you don’t.

I truly believe that two people must must must be on the same page. Sort of like when I use to hang out with a really close friend. We had the talk that if his wife had a problem with it then we needed to pull back. Not because there was the threat of an affair but his commitment in a marriage was to her not me. So for the sake of peace, peace of mind, getting along and making that other person feel assured, I was willing to pull back. He on the other hand continued to say but as long as we know there’s nothing going on why? We’ll like I said, I wasn’t the wife and at that point it becomes a matter of respect. Respect for the union first, for one another next.

Just my two cents.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:07 am

disco I just screamed @ the screen! LOL!

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:07 am

btw – sorry. didn’t mean to name call. that’s just kind of how I talk.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:07 am

dang disco…lol

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:07 am

One more thing — she and I have talked about this extensively. She wanted to make a list of who she can and can’t text. I said no, that’s not the point, and I won’t tell you who you can text. I mostly want her to understand how I feel. If she makes an effort to understand me, the inner me, who I really am, and I do the same for her, if I really know her heart and what makes her happy, what makes her fearful, etc., I feel we will act in ways that honor and build up each other. We won’t need a list of rules.

And honestly, I think she would choose not to text this guy, because she says he’s not important to her, and this is a really hard issue for me, so it seems like a no-brainer if she really cares about me. But I want her to decide that, based on knowing the inner me and wanting to honor my needs. And there are areas that seem “petty” to me in her life where I have to make accommodations. She doesn’t have insecurity issues, and I wish I didn’t, but I do, and I can’t make it go away, so is she committed enough to the relationship to make what seem to be fairly minor accommodations to my personality to make this work?

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:08 am

C is so grown woman! Great Post~ :)

For Real

January 31st, 2012
11:09 am

What up Blog Fam!!

On topic: A good wife (disclaimer: I don’t want one.) is a woman that will be the woman that I want her to be. Simple ain’t it.

Fred: I didn’t read your posts because they are too fuggin long. Anytime a dude send that amount of time writing about his feelings or about his woman it screams B.A.B… My advice do both of you a favor and dump ole girl. Then stop whining!!! That ish ain’t cute at all especially on a dude.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:10 am

Okay Fred that last post sort of contradicts how you started. Too, y’all are adults, making a list of who you can and can’t??

You better be glad this ain’t the blog of yesteryear, theydda torn you apart…lol I kid. I don’t know what else to tell you. Sounds like you won’t be happy unless she’s sitting there and under you all day. You gotta get over this man.

Okay I’m done on Fred.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:10 am

OMG not a list….come on now Fred. that would irk the hell out of me if my mate bugged me about who I text my gosh……..sigh lol

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:11 am

disco – you seem very jaded and we certainly have different world views. I am not financing her. She is living with me but maintaining her own house until we see where our relationship goes. She has her own job and her own money.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:11 am

but I see your point with understanding. but KS made a great point work on you and the other stuff will fall in place effortlessly. it starts within! ;)

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:12 am

Toldja Fred…someone from yesterday just got a request for B.A.B. shirts going. Careful now.

Lady :)

abc

January 31st, 2012
11:12 am

Fred, moving in together after 2 months is too fast. That horse is out of the barn, oh well.

If she cares about your feelings she’ll dump the friend. If she doesn’t, she won’t. If she doesn’t feel that she should be obligated to do things like that to spare your feelings (right or wrong, no matter what they are) then she obviously isn’t the girl for you. I find that most of the time, suspicions are justifiable, and things ARE what they appear to be. Exceptions to everything, of course, especially if either party is emotionally or mentally unwell — but barring that, it’s very likely that whatever it is, it is what it looks like to you.

abc

January 31st, 2012
11:14 am

And…. TEXTING?! Come on, man. Just don’t text. That crap is for kids.

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:15 am

fred – mm hmmm.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:16 am

Too I’m leary to comment on strange “popping” up in blogsville. I tend to cynically believe they are recycled trolls and busters or someone not gutsy enough to say what they gotta say out in the open.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:17 am

I have writer’s block and need to complete a task. soon I guess….sigh

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
11:17 am

I definitely agree, kimmie! If you have issues/problems/concerns, don’t discuss with a third party, sit down and talk it out among the two you.

“…one of the main reasons I married her, was that I completely trusted her. Mostly, that was due to the fact that she has a real fear of men. She does not talk to men, has no casual relationships with men, and just doesn’t trust men. – WOW…that speaks volumes as to who you are as a man. It sounds as though you are weak, insecure, nonconfrontational type of a man. Trust should be the “basis” for marrying one simply to overshadow your insecurity.

May I ask, how many men stole your woman in the course of your dating life?

For Real

January 31st, 2012
11:18 am

“She wanted to make a list of who she can and can’t text.”

Command: Squad Leader 6 come in.

SL6: SL6 over

Command: MK at First- Ready-Ed-Delta

SL6: Confirming MK

Command: MK confirmed. Wille D will paint the subject

Willie D: Painting target for Mercy Kill…. Now!

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:19 am

KaiserSoze – I appreciate your perspective. My ex and I went through counseling 6 different times (and most of those spanned several months) to work on our marriage issues, over 19 years. As part of that, we worked on personal issues.

I have a pretty healthy self-esteem, generally. I am very smart, funny, attractive, popular, great job, kids love me, etc. Now I sound like a braggart, and I don’t intend that, just want to communicate that generally, self-esteem is not an issue.

But in a relationship with someone I am really attracted to, and who also has a flirty/outgoing personality, I am insecure. Period. I admit it. I don’t like it. I hate it, actually. But there it is.

There are a number of other things that have bothered me, and texting the former date is just the one example I gave. She is what I would call “flirty”. Not to the extreme. Not a floosy by any stretch of the imagination. But she is very attractive and always has a smile on her face. She invites people to talk to her by her appearance and demeanor. She will hug a strange guy in a bar and totally not mean anything by it. I think she likes attention of other men (again, not in the extreme, but in a very subtle way). For example, in our first few weeks of dating, we went to a concert. There was an older man sitting beside her. He needed to get by to go to the bathroom. She said, “only if you kiss me on the cheek first”, and he did. That took me aback.

A week later, we’re at a restaurant bar. She askes the bartender if he likes her hair, as she is sitting right there with me.

A month or so later, we meet her aunt at a bar. There are several younger guys (30ish) around her aunt, who my partner does not know. She hugs and kisses one of them on the mouth. Later, she said it just happened quickly and she couldn’t just pull back. I said BS. You can always pull back from some stranger trying to kiss you suddenly in a bar. I just can’t get my mind around that one.

Little things like that make me wonder if my attention is enough.

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:19 am

leggs – how many men stole your woman? boy if I wasn’t at work I’d give a full fledged def comedy jam laugh. you know where you bend over, kick out your legs and wave your arms.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
11:21 am

Trust should NOT be the basis…

For Real

January 31st, 2012
11:21 am

Leggs: I can answer that for you. None! All of them left on their own.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
11:23 am

LOL…Stop laughing disco. It sounds as though he’s afraid of men just like she is and that made her a prime candidate for him.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:24 am

Leggs – I did not trust her BECAUSE she was afraid of men. I didn’t realize how afraid of men she was until we were married.

What I was trying to communicate is that she was so trustworthy because she was afraid of men. And that is not a good basis for a relationship. And was one of the main issues in our marriage – her lack of trust in men, and in me specifically, who is completely trustworthy.

I have never had another man “steal” my woman in the course of my dating life.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
11:25 am

Fred – Okay, that sheds a little more light. Everyone is different, but why didn’t you “see where the relationship goes” from your seperate residences. In my opinion, you moved in together too soon, but that’s just me. If you’ve been seeing each other for 5 months & living together 3 months, you moved in after knowing each other 2 months. Sounds like you guys kind of rushed things before you got to know each other well.

For the record, I’ve never been one to maintain a relationship with exes. I just never had the desire and makes things less complicated. I’m totally with Celisea in that it is a matter of respect. It really gets complicated when the ex starts dating someone new and the new one is uncomfortable with the friendship. Now something like disco’s friendships, I probably wouldn’t trip about.

To me, living together is a major step. If I did that, I’d respect your feelings on the matter. It would be minor in the scheme of things, this little “friendship” with a past “date”, not even an “ex”.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
11:25 am

@ForReal ~ you know, after I typed that, I said I should have said how many of you woman left you for another man…You have a point!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
11:25 am

Fred – You’re still ranting? C’mon man

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:26 am

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:31 am

I appreciate that some of you sort of understand the relationship with my exes. I suppose technically I could get away with referring to them as family friends but I know that would open up a whole new can of worms once a guy discovered the truth. no point in not just being real with it from the gate.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
11:33 am

Ok, gotcha Fred on the fact that she was afraid of men and really didn’t really trust you. Ok, I see where I read that differently, but still….

Wait, my head is beginning to spin…First you say :arrow: “she was so trustworthy because she was afraid of men.” Then you say :arrow: And was one of the main issues in our marriage – her lack of trust in men, and in me specifically, who is completely trustworthy.

Then where was she so readily trusthworthy???

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
11:33 am

Fred – This “flirty” woman, going around kissing other dudes and needing attention, does not sound like the one for you. You sound like you’d work better with someone less gregarious. She’s either being disrespectful OR she’s just not suited for you. Did you think quickly moving in together would sort of “tame” her?

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:34 am

kimmie – after a few weeks, she was spending the night most nights, but having to leave in the morning to go home and get ready for work and/or take care of her dogs. So moving in seemed natural. But, here is where disco can call me a “chump” again, we did not discuss it. One day, she just brought her dogs and some of her stuff over and moved in. I did not question it because we were already seeing each other so much (every night) anyway, it was clear we were in a committed relationship, so why not give this a try and see what happens.

She was living alone for the first time in a long time. Her daughter had just moved out of the house. And I think that really pushed her to want to live with me. I was/am fine with it. I really enjoy it, she does a lot of things for me since her job is on a contract basis and thus she doesn’t go to a physical location to work every day, and generally, it has worked well for us.

On the other hand, living together brings pressures to a relationship, but it seems you are going to have to deal with those pressures eventually, so why not go ahead and do it?

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:35 am

kimmie people are who they are somewhat

Fred

January 31st, 2012
11:37 am

leggs — she was afraid of men. she would never cheat on me. she barely even talked to men. therefore, she was trustworthy. I knew she would not cheat.

I would RATHER have chosen a healthier person who was trustworthy just because that was their personality. She had/has a very unhealthy fear of men. I did not realize it when we got married. I just thought she was a trustworthy person, but I did not realize why until after we were married.

Maybe disco is right. Maybe I am a chump. :) LOL.

disco

January 31st, 2012
11:38 am

O/T – going to Jamaican restaurant today for dinner. don’t know what I want yet but I still can’t wait.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:38 am

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:38 am

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
11:43 am

my least favorite part of the day is approaching! ugh see yall @ 1:30ish

Best Wishes Fred~

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
11:46 am

I understand how you can get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. But you have to come up for air and step back and examine things. Cooler heads have to prevail.

Purple

January 31st, 2012
11:51 am

A Good Wife….God Fearing, supportive,fun, loving, strong,balanced and a best friend.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
12:01 pm

‘…it was clear we were in a committed relationship, so why not give this a try and see what happens.”

Again, I may be reading it wrong, but dating 5.5 months and she moving in after 3 of those months and nothing was ever discussed doesn’t sound like a committed relationship. No one person should infringe on another simply through inferrment. So what the two of you’ve been spending many nights together, that doesn’t make a “life” with two on the same page.

Don’t you know must women with trust issues are out to use the man and take all she get from him. You’ve probably been bending over backwards to placate her and assuage her insecurities in that you’ve been spoon feeding her by showing her what you’re made of so she can rely on you. Unbeknowst to you, she’s probably been laughing behind your back. I wouldn’t trust ANYONE who moves in with me with their dogs and never spoke to me about it! Yeah, she just me be “chumping” you….

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
12:04 pm

Leggs – I agree. It’s a mess, and he really can’t blame anyone but himself.

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
12:07 pm

To quote Leggs – “You’ve probably been bending over backwards to placate her and assuage her insecurities in that you’ve been spoon feeding her by showing her what you’re made of so she can rely on you. ”

That is exactly what insecure men do – we try to impress upon women that we are ‘good enough’ for them or that we are “a keeper’ and try to earn their respect and reliance on them. We need it for our ego. It is a tough cycle to break – I know, I did it for 30 years! Eventually you find that women (or men) will love you and respect you for who you are, and you won’t need that constant reaffirmation of your “worthiness” to them.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
12:13 pm

Curry Goat, rice and peas

Purple

January 31st, 2012
12:14 pm

I haven’t read all of the entried but I agree with the one at 12:07 and i would like to add if someone is trying to change you move on.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
12:16 pm

You are so right, KaiserSoze!! Feed yourself, fix yourself and stop looking for another to make you whole.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
12:38 pm

Oh, let’s not forget crazy.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
12:51 pm

I find Fred’s reaction to her moving in odd. The chick that moved in with her boyfriend…or tried rather….placed her furniture in storage all to force his hand, found herself living with her sister. Buddy was livid. That sounds more like a natural reaction.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
12:56 pm

poppin’ back in!

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
12:57 pm

Celisea – I’m with you. I don’t care how many times you are staying over, you just don’t “move in” on someone without discussing it. You respect my home. She probably feels she can walk all over him.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
12:58 pm

y’all I haven’t been to the hole in da wall in a hot minute for Happy Hour! I will frequent today and I bet the same folks are still standing in their same spots sippin’ on their same dranks! LOL

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:01 pm

Kimmie exactly. I just find Fred’s story a bit suspect. Not saying he’s not telling the truth but I wonder if what’s happening is lost in translation. I wonder if what he’s reading is really what’s projected.

That happens often, one person’s behavior can be as below par as ever yet they’ll believe they’re okay and in the right. I’m sure Fred think his girl is borderline crazy but I bet he’s not taken a step back and assessed his own behavior.

Exiled!

January 31st, 2012
1:06 pm

Before I partake in any foolishness today,Ms Leggs,I copied Maya( Angelos’s letter) that u send me and will have my own daughters read it.

I am not visiting them in jail either!

On topic:

What’s the topic?

Enjoy ur day!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:17 pm

Off topic:

Odd how sometimes the people you admire the most are the ones you come to despise the most.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:22 pm

yep C I feel ya on that! I know a few.

Its a thin line~

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:26 pm

Hey Lady – And guess what…it’s not them it’s you.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
1:27 pm

@kimmie ~ of course it was odd. The only thing that makes it less odd is because he was “thirsty.” Men show thirst just like their counterparts. It’s not always the woman….

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:27 pm

Hey Lady – One more….Oddly, I’ll accept it and take the blame. No problem.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:28 pm

I so agree C!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm

It’s not always the woman….<<<<<<Amen Ms Leggs!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm

That’s why when I know I’ve bent over backwards with patience then um, okay…if you say so.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm

@Cellisea ~ are you talking about the woman from The Bert Show? I was wondering how that played out. She had A LOT OF NERVE….If you have to force someone to be with you, then they’re not the person for you. I’ve never believed in ultimatums….

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
1:32 pm

@Ex ~ thanks. Go for it!!!

mark

January 31st, 2012
1:33 pm

the woman i marry will have to know how to MANAGE A HOUSE!!! thats so important now days women hate when u ask the to cook or keep a clean house. memo to the ladies if you Cant or Want Cook you will NEVER HAVE A HUSBAND!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:35 pm

Leggs – Yes. That was the show where the girlfriend’s sister called to do the follow-up. She claimed the girlfriend was working or something and pretty much skirted around the whole fall-up. Which in turn made Bert and team say they’d much rather speak directly to the girlfriend. The outcome though was that she ended up having to live with her sister until the boyfriend could cool off and have a talk with her.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:35 pm

Mark – You didn’t say she must marry a black man…lol Just saying that’s usually your mantra

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:36 pm

mark I was told I had to cook too lol i am more open to it smh lol

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:36 pm

I don’t prescribe to ultimatums per se but if you’re not coming through Imma call you on it and tell you either pull it up or move over.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
1:38 pm

@Celisea ~ why she thought that would have played out smoothly is beyond me. That had disaster written all over it. Thanks for the update.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:41 pm

LOL C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is understood sis!

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
1:41 pm

mark – Different strokes for different folks. Newsflash/memo to YOU – there are plenty of MARRIED women out there that can’t boil water and their husbands are happy. If that’s what’s important to YOU, then go for it!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:44 pm

indeed Kimmie! plenty

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
1:54 pm

We need a “what works for you filter” on this blog. So many come with their “matter of fact” stance and really that applies to your life and what works for you. Just because it’s what you believe or need or prescribe to doesn’t make it the rule of thumb for another.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
1:57 pm

but C isn’t that understood or does it really come across as blog ladies you need to do this?!? I really don’t take it like finger pointing but I see how it can be. If its not a direct comment to a specific person its general in my eyes……rhetorical i know

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:01 pm

the guy I have a date with tomorrow believes heavily that his wife should cook and maintain the house and she will be taken care of…..it went over my head at start but I pondered it more…….aren’t mate suppose to compliment needs and wants. No I won’t be in the kitchen 24/7 but if I embrace him I know from the start cooking is a need for him right?!?

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:03 pm

Lady – Most of these cats coming on with advice and saying what definitely won’t happen if you don’t do things how they believe is what they believe is the rule of thumb. You just saw ole boy but in all caps a woman that can’t/won’t cook won’t get married. For him, he believes this but that’s just not so true. I know plenty folks married and she don’t cook. I know folks that eat out 80% of the time.

Or the morning trolls that come on and base their life events or happening and all that’s gone wrong as the measuring stick for others. Not so. Most times, folks that’s posting one sided stories should probably take a long gander at themselves.

I know when I’m wrong, I know when I’m not. When I’m wrong or have made something go awry I’ll admit. I won’t be blind to say it was all him. But when I’m not and it’s a matter of standard and principles, I’m not going to take down or take it back but I won’t be warped in believe that’s how all should do it. Be confident in your experiences if you know you’re right (no matter what the other party says, thinks or call you). Hand that experience over. If others can extract, great if they can’t don’t get mad and say they’ll always be that or the other.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:05 pm

Excuse my typos….most times when I have them, my mind is running so fast and I’m typing as I think. Seriously.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:05 pm

I feel you sis! Thanks for seeing my POV too!~

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
2:07 pm

Afternoon All,

Ladies, I am a little bit disappointed. You guys took it easy on Fredo, Relatively speaking.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:07 pm

Heeeey, the new year just started…I’ve gotten a couple of client dinners already….yah :) I’m excited about this one. Japanese in Gainesville, GA….I’m hyped and always happy to eat on their dime. Shameful I know.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:10 pm

free food rocks! lol well sometimes smh

Fred

January 31st, 2012
2:14 pm

It has been enlightening reading the comments on my plight. On the one hand, some of you jump to conclusions and say things that are really off the wall and not germane. By the same token, it is hard to convey this entire situation in a few blog posts, and you don’t know me or her, so it’s a difficult venue to really get good, relevant advice.

Anyhow, I am a very objective person. I can almost always see both sides of an issue. I am not one to make a quick judgment. I really think things through before making a decision. One nice benefit of this style is that I rarely make major decisions that I later regret (my first marriage being the exception).

So although some of you feel I am a chump, effeminate, and other unsavory words, lol, I think hearing many viewpoints is helpful.

It is very difficult to be objective in relationships. We’ve all had friends who were being jerked around by someone but could not or would not see it. And that drove us crazy.

So, while I feel I know this person very well, spending most of our non-working time together for the past 5 months, and I tend to take the blame for things rather than think the other person is “crazy” or manipulative, I am open-minded enough to recognize that I may not be able to recognize when I am wrong.

So, here’s a few more points for consideration for any who want to give me more thoughts. My girlfriend’s name is Gina.

- Gina’s parents abandoned her when she was 12. She was raised by her grandmother and later her aunt. She seems to have a huge fear of abandonment.

- Gina has been divorced 2 years. Her 17yo daughter moved out to live with her father. She now lives alone for the first time in many years.

- Gina got a her first and only DUI a year ago, and just had her court appearance and guilty verdict in October, about a month before she moved in. DUI convictees drive with a suspended license for 6 mos to a year. She cannot drive anywhere but to work.

- After her daughter moving out and her DUI conviction stipulating that she could only drive to work, Gina went through a very tough time, probably a major factor in her wanting to move in with me.

- Gina did not immediately seek male relationships after her divorce, and does not seem to need a man to make her complete. She seems capable of independence from male relationships.

- Gina has many friends but not any close friends.

- Gina is easily embarrassed by anything negative in her personal life and thus doesn’t talk to her girl friends about any of our fights or struggles. This strikes me as bizarre based on my knowledge of women.

- Gina is very intelligent and beautiful.

- Gina is very direct and not very diplomatic at times. She can be quick to lash out and say something accusatory, when it would be better to say it in a more diplomatic way and recognize there may be two sides to the story.

- I have had several heart-to-hearts with Gina to tell her how I feel on various subjects.

- Whenever Gina feels that I am losing hope for our future together, she panics. Last week, she went home to spend the night for the first time. She went to work the next morning, but spent the afternoon/evening at home, sick to her stomach, throwing up because of our struggles. She later said she wished at times that she were dead. That is very uncommon and she does not appear suicidal and never has been suicidal. However, it is scary (flattering, but scary) how attached to me she seems to be.

- Given that, Gina is not a pushover, due to her direct personality. She will not do anything just to make our relationship work. However, if I push back hard enough, she seems to come around. I usually feel she concedes the point to make things work, not because she really understands and agrees with my point.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:16 pm

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:17 pm

she is having panic attacks fred!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:19 pm

I know a great therapist who can assist Gina Fred if you want to introduce professional counseling for her. it is difficult seeing the ones you love suffer at their low points. I am an advocate for you both now! Thanks for sharing!

Purple

January 31st, 2012
2:36 pm

Fred, only you know what works for you. If you are in it for the long haul more power to you. A lesser man would have left her with those issues a long time ago. But hey…you are staying and working it out for your own reason. Do what you feel and not what the blog tells you to do…It is only you and her in it.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:39 pm

He asked for advice!!!!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:40 pm

GlammourGirl

January 31st, 2012
2:41 pm

Fred…if Gina is really private like that, she probably wouldn’t want her business put out there like that. I hope your name really isn’t Fred and people she knows aren’t reading and putting two and two together.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
2:42 pm

“…but if I embrace him I know from the start cooking is a need for him right?!?” – I think all women should go into a relationship with this on the agenda…even if you don’t know how to cook, learn.

@Fred ~ please remember, you called yourself a chump first. Something isn’t right with your relationship but you have to admit, the way it started wasn’t conducive to everlasting…

Another thing, Fred, that DUI will have far lingering negative affects than you can imagine. She’s in for a rough ride emotional and mentally. Her divorce, her daughter going to live with her father and a DUI, she’s tinkering on an emotional meltdown. Please know she’s sabatoging herself right now because it’s all she knows to do…

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:42 pm

yes ma’am leggs! ;)

disco

January 31st, 2012
2:43 pm

and to humpback on kimmie’s married women that can’t boil water – I also know plenty married women that keep some nasty A houses.

celisea – re he asked for advice. why did I envision a little child getting chastised but quick to point out that it wasn’t their fault. he started it…

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:44 pm

leggs I pulled 4 things mentally that she is dealing with and her affect is LOW! she needs object help seriously……….

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
2:44 pm

However, it is scary (flattering, but scary) how attached to me she seems to be. – Why are you in the slightest flattered, especially since she doesn’t trust you? You may not be this, but I read that you are an “enabler” simply because you too need to feel needed, wanted and be the fixer of things for her.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
2:45 pm

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:46 pm

I was wondering the same thing made me question Fred silently…..that is a turn on?!?

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:47 pm

disco – Me too. I’ve seen more nasty homes than I care to remember and dudes seem plenty okay with it. I’ve been told that a man won’t stay or deal with the nasties, I guess by somebody’s rule of thumb not so.

disco – LOL..I’m just saying insinuating Fred is getting pounded to death when he not only kicked the door opened but have pretty much given his life story. It’s a given by now if you put it out there, it’s fair game. May not be nice but don’t act like it’s something mean cruel and foreign.

Velonese

January 31st, 2012
2:48 pm

I was abandoned at child birth Fred, I have been on my own since the age of 15 worked full time and went to school same with collage, granted I don’t have good family skills but I turned out ok. I guess it’s different for everybody that goes through abandonment, I credit my peers who gave me crap growing up that gave me the strength to rise against my opposition, but maybe that’s because I am guy. Anyway good luck with that woman brother, you got a double wopper with cheese there.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
2:48 pm

@Fred ~ you know I’ve been off all day today (not really), but I get the notion that you are strengthened when you have a “broken” person to take care. Gina’s hurt is deep, and the fact that she let herself down is something you may not be able to tap into, no matter how much assurance you give her.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:50 pm

And Imma just hush now because I know I’m probably getting called a meanie out in lurkersville

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:51 pm

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
2:52 pm

maybe Fred should introduce Wilma to Velonese. IJS

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:53 pm

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
2:53 pm

a margarita is needed after today~ Be Easy good people! ;)

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
2:54 pm

Me

January 31st, 2012
3:11 pm

Fred, get PROFESSIONAL help for Gina and yourself.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
3:11 pm

Dang ya’ll, I also forgot to mention a huge one…Gina found out she has herpes about the same time in October. Talk about a bad month. I learned a lot about herpes, enough to know that it can be treated for life with few outbreaks/effects. But imagine how hard it was for me to hear that from her.

Now ya’ll really do think I’m just nuts for sticking with this chick. But I really care about her.

But I am NOT an enabler and will end the relationship if things aren’t working.

But if I DO end the relationship, I feel a great sense of responsibility to make sure she is OK. If that is “enabling”, so be it. But given everything that has happened to her, she is at risk, as “lady” has noted.

I have suggested counseling for her/us and I think she is open to it. She has been to counseling in the past for depression when her sister died around 20 years ago and was on an anti-depressant for about a year which she says helped her greatly. She also went to marital counseling a little with her ex.

No, these are not our real names.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:15 pm

smh, does the term ‘jumped the shark’ mean anything to you Fred?

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:16 pm

dang, I need a drink now.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:16 pm

Okay I’m done….Fred is yanking y’all chain and today’s entertainment. I’m sorry I’m coming off as incompassionate but I’m not believing this. If I was Gina, I would be angry having all my business put out there.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:17 pm

Cel – If you were Wilma, you’d be looking for a sponsor as well.

GlammourGirl

January 31st, 2012
3:18 pm

I’m with Celisea. He can’t be for real…

Fred

January 31st, 2012
3:18 pm

@ leggs – you said “I get the notion that you are strengthened when you have a “broken” person to take care. Gina’s hurt is deep, and the fact that she let herself down is something you may not be able to tap into, no matter how much assurance you give her.”

You know, it’s been hard getting her to talk about her feelings. She buries them. Her daughter leaving is the biggest one, and she will rarely talk about it. Maybe counseling is the answer.

I really did not enter into my post-marriage dating life looking for someone broken. But I am a very giving person. I dated 25 women (mostly one date, some 2-3-4) before meeting Gina. Some clearly had issues like this and I just wasn’t going there. Most of the things that have happened to Gina have happened since I’ve known her. So now I’m in this relationship with someone I care for who has problems. Who doesn’t? She has more than most.

I won’t stay in the relationship to fix her problems.

I also won’t abandon the relationship because she has problems.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:22 pm

Willie – LOL…you are sooo right about that…lol

Exactly GlammourGirl

Whew Lawd…this blog can be a trip

disco

January 31st, 2012
3:23 pm

celisea – my thoughts exactly. however, chain yanking or not there are some folks out there who are willing to accept diseased folks into their lives. I know a lady – we’re casual acquaintances more than friends but she tells all her business. anyway she got involved with a guy who made his herpes known up front and still she just had to have him. now my code name for her is outbreak.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:24 pm

moving right along

Cel – sooooo you wanna talk about Miami?

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
3:27 pm

Fred, you’re getting deeper than this little dating blog can handle or is designed to cover. This blog is to discuss lighthearted “misadventures” in dating and relationships.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:27 pm

Disco – I think you ought to take one for the team and go out with Fred. He needs a 180.

Purple

January 31st, 2012
3:29 pm

Fred, herpes….really? If this is true me thinks you have low self esteem.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:29 pm

Willie – I need a Fred….seriously.

Not much to tell on Miami. That was an expensive well planned trip. Not much time for shenanigans, unlike the conference the year before and other trips. They had us on a tight leash. In conference all day the first day and Davito’s reserved for my company later that night. We didn’t leave there until about 11:00 on a bus chartered to take us there and back. The next night, bowling at the lanes where the Kardashians hung out. And again the bus chartered took us there and back. I did break away though for a minute with my counterpart and we walked down to the Kardashian’s store. Of course he left out of the hotel later on and didn’t come back until about 4 a.m. The third day, Habitat for Humanity. We stayed at the Viceroy, breakast provided, lunch (all days) on the roof….yada yada yada…but not shenanigans.

The year before in Orlando…….now THAT was when folks was getting drunk and out on the town.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
3:29 pm

@Celisea ~ when I read the post on her having herpes I thought he was yanking our chain too..

“I won’t stay in the relationship to fix her problems. – Can easily walk away.

I also won’t abandon the relationship because she has problems.” – Can’t walk away….Ok, then you’re stuck. You’ve heard about that drug where people are stuck in place…can’t move, don’t even think they can blink. That’s what you sound like.

I’m not saying what you’re doing is bad, just recognized why you’re doing it and don’t put all the blame on Gina.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:31 pm

Willie – 3:27…LOL I almost spit out my tea

disco – Something in the milk ain’t clean (no pun intendec). Ain’t that how it goes?

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
3:31 pm

Celisea, how was the Kardashian store? I know it is expensive, but do they have some cute things?

disco

January 31st, 2012
3:32 pm

Willie D – did you miss the day where I said I wasn’t a team player? I’m sure I’d end up charged with something fooling with fred.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:33 pm

Cel – ok, Miami was boring, except for buddy (4am mustv’e had a helluva time). What about Orlando? Don’t tell me about the folks. I wanna know about YOU.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:34 pm

Leggs – That’s why I don’t like to comment…that might be selfish…too much with unknowns. Not saying all are not welcomed but don’t be trying to pull me into your bullcrappery. I don’t like giving out advice on a fake story. You know? I think it’s good if folks can come here and drop a hint of a situation and solicit a bit of feedback but to tug on folks heartstring in giving out SOLICITED advice and you’re faking all along? So not cool.

Willie – I’m waiting for the annoucement for this year’s conference.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:38 pm

disco – 3:32…I LOL for real

Kimmie – We walked I know 10 miles at least got there a bit after 8:00 and some chick was coming back to go in. I asked if I could at least have a bag for a souvenier but she said no. It was rough (the streets) walking down there…lol I was scared as heck. We saw folks hooking and all. The guy I walked down there with kept saying it’ll be alright…lol I did take pictures though from the outside. I still have those.

Willie – Yeah, he said he was taking it to his grave. Wonder what he did?

Orlando was a bit wild…when I got there (took a later flight) folks were already drunk. Me and a coworker went out.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:39 pm

No shenanigans though. Just about everybody (from what I hear), came back way over in the wee hours of the morning. I got back in before midnight :) Shoot, I was tired.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
3:42 pm

Ya’ll, collectively, are a trip!

None of this is made up. It’s funny to see people think I’m “yanking your chain.” What would I get out of that? I’m an anonymous person to you all, as you are to me.

Anyway, please put aside all the psychological issues that you think I have for a moment, if you can, and let me hear your opinion on the herpes thing.

When I found out, we were 2 months or so into our relationship, in which we got very close very quickly. After I had gone out with 25 different women, none of whom rang my bell. So I’m not jumping on the first good thing to come along.

I researched herpes and it just doesn’t seem that worrisome to me. She believes she was exposed to it in 1991, a little before her marriage, and it took 20 years to come to fruition. It is giving her no problems on a daily basis.

When I heard “herpes”, I thought, “Oh My God.” I really didn’t know much about it but it sounded bad. When I researched it, turns out it’s pretty common.

57% of people in the US have HSV-1, and 16% of people in the US have HSV-2. Most people who have HSV-2 are not aware they have it. In other words, the symptoms aren’t even manifesting themselves. This was Gina’s situation for 20 years. And the symptoms are that you might have a mild outbreak every now and then. We’re not talking about AIDS here.

So should I really exit a relationship because of it? Am I crazy? Or crazier than you already thought?

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:44 pm

This year though, I’m having a drink or two and I’m hanging out :) Unless we’re treated like school kids again…lol

Honestly Fred, knowing you’ve been exposed, I sort of hope you stay and stay off the market…shrugs

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
3:45 pm

Celisea – That’s wild!LOL!! As for your other post, you’re not being selfish by not wanting to comment on something on here. A lot of these troll dudes come on all holier-than-thou spouting out their so-called advice or asking for opinions. Chump is too good a word to describe sicko, lying Fred.

Yeah Fred, I called you sicko. Cause even if your mess you put on here is true, you are a lowdown dirty dog for putting out stuff like that, even if the names have been changed!

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
3:46 pm

“Fred, herpes….really? If this is true me thinks you have low self esteem.”

@PR ~ you’re just figuring that out??

disco

January 31st, 2012
3:47 pm

not that I’m instigating but why did kimmie come back with “yeah I said it”.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:48 pm

Exactly Kimmie exactly….I wanna run when I see the trolls getting riled.

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:49 pm

Cel – you good, have you some fun. Although I am really having fun translating all that you didn’t say. lol

Purple

January 31st, 2012
3:50 pm

Fred I woud not date anyone with Herpes, there is still a chance that you will get it. If you already have it….have fun. Crazy is worse than herpes because you can treat herpes and most crazy people don’t know that they are crazy they rationalize their feelings as normal. Crazy with Herpes is a bad mix and your girl is definitely crazy. But you seem kind of crazy yourself so it may work out…hang in there…lol

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
3:51 pm

Disco – if you didn’t know Kimmie is a lil hand grenade.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
3:51 pm

disco – Sho did! And we don’t need all those long a– posts with STD statistics either! He really can go somewhere with that mess!

Purple

January 31st, 2012
3:52 pm

Leggs, I have been skimming and not really reading all of the entries. I usually just read those that I am familiar with then when I see them speaking about a certain topic I pay attention to that person. I guess I’m allergic to BS and know how to skip over it or be done with it quickly…unless I feel like joking around.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:53 pm

Willie – Honest question for you…why do you think I’m bad to the bones and just won’t say? I’m waiting

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:54 pm

What’s even more frightening? Fred could be a regular blogging post alongside us everyday. Now THAT’S a scary thought.

disco

January 31st, 2012
3:55 pm

kimmie – I just flashed back on a childhood cheer. did y’all used to do cheers? anyway, one in particular the group called out “mmm. she think she bad” and then she’d reply with “mmm. I know I’m bad”.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
3:55 pm

I don’t think anything has crazy written all over it more than that

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
3:56 pm

@Fred ~ that’s only because trolls come on and make up stuff to purposely get us riled up. Since you say you’re going through all that, all I can do is wish you the best. But you must understand the depth of her pain and her daughter going to live with her father. Hell, I may be projecting my own pain if it happened to me. But, no doubt it hurts her and the shameful stigma of a DUI has rocked her. Good luck…

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
3:58 pm

@Fred ~ we probably all have some form of the herpes inside us. Herpes is a form of fever blisters. When we used to break out with a fever blister as a kid, no biggie. Get some ointment and wait for it to heal. Now with AIDS, a fever blister is now looked upon like leprosy. There are different stages, so ask.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:00 pm

I hear ya, PR!

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:01 pm

I mean fever blisters are a form of herpes….

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:03 pm

Cel – Honestly, I don’t think you are bad to the bones at all.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
4:04 pm

Celisea – I don’t care if he is a regular, just quit highjacking the blog with all that fake drama. And if it’s real, quit blasting you & girls business on a public blog. Nothing scary about it to me, cause it has no effect whatsoever on me & mine.

Purple

January 31st, 2012
4:04 pm

Leggs who is “we” I’ve never had a fever blister…nor AIDS..LOL

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:05 pm

Willie – Gotcha. I’m cool telling and sharing some stories. I just don’t have many. Imma get some this year though to report…lol

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:06 pm

Me too Kimmie. That’s why I go silent when all the “weird” folks suddenly pop in. I tryna cosign fake or distorted stories. More than likely it’s a reverse scene…lol

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:07 pm

I ain’t…is what I meant

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:08 pm

Cel – some stories (un hunh). Please don’t report the 2012 stories, I like translating them myself thank you very much.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:08 pm

@PR ~ sorry, we wasn’t the right word. I just remember growing up seeing lots of people with fever blisters.

Fred

January 31st, 2012
4:11 pm

Thanks everybody. I really appreciate everyone not making quick immature judgments. You are about as helpful as my living room wall.

The most interesting thing I learned today is that only someone with low self-esteem would date someone with herpes. That is fascinating.

And 1 out of 6 people have herpes. So several of you on this board.

Have a great day.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:12 pm

That didn’t sound right either. I remember seeing children with fever blisters….

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:13 pm

“You are about as helpful as my living room wall.” – Then why the hell you put all that out there if you felt that way???

Fred

January 31st, 2012
4:14 pm

“Hijacking the blog” — most days, the posts on this blog are as exciting as tuna fish. People are posting about their lunch plans, or what they’re doing after work, anything but the topic at hand.

It is unfortunate you had to spend so much time scrolling past my “fake” posts. But since I don’t have low self-esteem, forget you and may you find a blog where all posts are filtered so you can just hear about the very specific topic to be commented on. I think you will find them quite boring.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:15 pm

Alright then Willie, just make right assessments please sir

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:15 pm

And there we have it. Bone fish grill azz, Buster azz, Barry azz Barry azz.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:17 pm

And your asinine story was much better? I take the tuna stories please

Fred so you know us?

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:17 pm

Cel – right to who? In my mind they are plenty right. lol Don’t worry you translate very well and respectable.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:17 pm

@Fred ~ calm your narrow a$$ down. I was simply asking. I didn’t say anything about wasting time, just asked why you post if you already knew nothing said would be useful….

AND, this blog NEVER talks about the specific topic posted for than a few hours.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:17 pm

For real…lol

Fred

January 31st, 2012
4:18 pm

leggs, i didn’t know how silly and immature some people would be on this board. I check it out occasionally but not every day. I really don’t mind the insults — we’re all anonymous here and I don’t take it personally because if you knew me, you would love me — but towards the end many people seemed to think it was fake and/or just took an opportunity to blast “the troll”, leading to my ultimate conclusion.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:18 pm

WillieD – Awwwwww thanks! Any crazy in there you read?

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:18 pm

@WillieD ~ as soon as he said herpes, thought it was him…only one person has ever bought up the topic of herpes in the years I’ve been blogging.

disco

January 31st, 2012
4:19 pm

speaking of meal plans – I am less than two hours away from curried something or other and some rice and peas. think I could go for some plantains too. can’t wait.

cba

January 31st, 2012
4:19 pm

Dam WD, I just thinking MCH or was it just MH?

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:20 pm

Cel – uh yeah. BUT crazy to you might be normal to me. Then again my normal may just be crazy as heyal.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:21 pm

@Fred ~ I thought some of the comments given you were heartfelt.

Purple

January 31st, 2012
4:22 pm

Fred you are moist. Did my low self esteem comment really get you that rattled? It’s called self esteem! Not Blog Esteem. You are acting like a bitch.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:23 pm

DING, DING, DING, picture confetti dropping for the ceiling….DING, DING, DING.

@disco ~ you are the 1,000th person to talk about food. Here’a s gift card to “This is it” ($25 in value).

disco

January 31st, 2012
4:23 pm

leggs – yeah. I sure did mean chump (or whatever chump means since – like I said – I didn’t mean to name call).

Willie Dynamite

January 31st, 2012
4:24 pm

hahahaha,
nite all.

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
4:25 pm

I guess Fred is right, we talk about food a lot on this dating blog….NEXT RECIPE!

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:25 pm

Gotcha Willie…lol

i'm swiss

January 31st, 2012
4:27 pm

Wow… Guess I’m tardy for this party, but in the immortal words of Martin Lawrence:

DAAAAAAAAAYUM, GINA!!!!!!!

:lol:

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
4:27 pm

An STD sounds like a personal problem to me. Keep it to yourself.

Yall don’t waste your time trying to explain anything to trolls!

Robert

January 31st, 2012
4:28 pm

“what makes a good wife?”

Gentlemen remember what your Daddy told you – “Treat your wife like your girlfriend – and – Treat your girlfriend like your wife”

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
4:29 pm

Swiss – Martin – that’s what I’m talking about dawg!!LOL!!! :lol:

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:29 pm

In the spirit of food discussions, I’m going to have a salad from Maggiano’s with my gift card :)

disco

January 31st, 2012
4:29 pm

food and validation? that’s what’s up.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
4:31 pm

DAAAAAAAAAYUM, GINA!!!!!!!

Right on time…lol

Beretverde

February 1st, 2012
5:52 am

A good wife must keep the fridge full of beer.

A good wife is:
A cook in the kitchen, a lady the living room and a (FIB) in the bedroom.

Audra

February 1st, 2012
8:51 am

Yes, Beretverde, and women want a man who is rich, looks like Tom Brady, and has 8 inches. Get over it.