A Good Wife?
I believe there are a lot of single women who think about what kind of mate they want to be. I know I have thought about it from time to time. My ideas about what I think would make a “good wife” does not always align with those of the men that I date.
Whenever the topic of marriage or “wife” duties come up, I always perk up and pay attention to what guys say. They usually have very specific things they believe a good wife should do. Always makes for an enlightening discussion!
This is probably a good discussion to have when you are serious. I think a lot of married couples are surprised when they realize how much they differ from their spouse’s expectations of a husband/wife.
What really informs a man’s idea about what makes a good wife, though? What informs a woman’s idea about what makes a good wife?
What do you think is most important?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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267 comments Add your comment
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
11:21 am
Trust should NOT be the basis…
For Real
January 31st, 2012
11:21 am
Leggs: I can answer that for you. None! All of them left on their own.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
11:23 am
LOL…Stop laughing disco. It sounds as though he’s afraid of men just like she is and that made her a prime candidate for him.
Fred
January 31st, 2012
11:24 am
Leggs – I did not trust her BECAUSE she was afraid of men. I didn’t realize how afraid of men she was until we were married.
What I was trying to communicate is that she was so trustworthy because she was afraid of men. And that is not a good basis for a relationship. And was one of the main issues in our marriage – her lack of trust in men, and in me specifically, who is completely trustworthy.
I have never had another man “steal” my woman in the course of my dating life.
kimmie - the original :)
January 31st, 2012
11:25 am
Fred – Okay, that sheds a little more light. Everyone is different, but why didn’t you “see where the relationship goes” from your seperate residences. In my opinion, you moved in together too soon, but that’s just me. If you’ve been seeing each other for 5 months & living together 3 months, you moved in after knowing each other 2 months. Sounds like you guys kind of rushed things before you got to know each other well.
For the record, I’ve never been one to maintain a relationship with exes. I just never had the desire and makes things less complicated. I’m totally with Celisea in that it is a matter of respect. It really gets complicated when the ex starts dating someone new and the new one is uncomfortable with the friendship. Now something like disco’s friendships, I probably wouldn’t trip about.
To me, living together is a major step. If I did that, I’d respect your feelings on the matter. It would be minor in the scheme of things, this little “friendship” with a past “date”, not even an “ex”.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
11:25 am
@ForReal ~ you know, after I typed that, I said I should have said how many of you woman left you for another man…You have a point!
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
11:25 am
Fred – You’re still ranting? C’mon man
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
11:26 am
LOL
disco
January 31st, 2012
11:31 am
I appreciate that some of you sort of understand the relationship with my exes. I suppose technically I could get away with referring to them as family friends but I know that would open up a whole new can of worms once a guy discovered the truth. no point in not just being real with it from the gate.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
11:33 am
Ok, gotcha Fred on the fact that she was afraid of men and really didn’t really trust you. Ok, I see where I read that differently, but still….
Wait, my head is beginning to spin…First you say
“she was so trustworthy because she was afraid of men.” Then you say 
And was one of the main issues in our marriage – her lack of trust in men, and in me specifically, who is completely trustworthy.
Then where was she so readily trusthworthy???
kimmie - the original :)
January 31st, 2012
11:33 am
Fred – This “flirty” woman, going around kissing other dudes and needing attention, does not sound like the one for you. You sound like you’d work better with someone less gregarious. She’s either being disrespectful OR she’s just not suited for you. Did you think quickly moving in together would sort of “tame” her?
Fred
January 31st, 2012
11:34 am
kimmie – after a few weeks, she was spending the night most nights, but having to leave in the morning to go home and get ready for work and/or take care of her dogs. So moving in seemed natural. But, here is where disco can call me a “chump” again, we did not discuss it. One day, she just brought her dogs and some of her stuff over and moved in. I did not question it because we were already seeing each other so much (every night) anyway, it was clear we were in a committed relationship, so why not give this a try and see what happens.
She was living alone for the first time in a long time. Her daughter had just moved out of the house. And I think that really pushed her to want to live with me. I was/am fine with it. I really enjoy it, she does a lot of things for me since her job is on a contract basis and thus she doesn’t go to a physical location to work every day, and generally, it has worked well for us.
On the other hand, living together brings pressures to a relationship, but it seems you are going to have to deal with those pressures eventually, so why not go ahead and do it?
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
11:35 am
kimmie people are who they are somewhat
Fred
January 31st, 2012
11:37 am
leggs — she was afraid of men. she would never cheat on me. she barely even talked to men. therefore, she was trustworthy. I knew she would not cheat.
I would RATHER have chosen a healthier person who was trustworthy just because that was their personality. She had/has a very unhealthy fear of men. I did not realize it when we got married. I just thought she was a trustworthy person, but I did not realize why until after we were married.
Maybe disco is right. Maybe I am a chump.
LOL.
disco
January 31st, 2012
11:38 am
O/T – going to Jamaican restaurant today for dinner. don’t know what I want yet but I still can’t wait.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
11:38 am
dead!
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
11:38 am
oxtails sis
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
11:43 am
my least favorite part of the day is approaching! ugh see yall @ 1:30ish
Best Wishes Fred~
kimmie - the original :)
January 31st, 2012
11:46 am
I understand how you can get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. But you have to come up for air and step back and examine things. Cooler heads have to prevail.
Purple
January 31st, 2012
11:51 am
A Good Wife….God Fearing, supportive,fun, loving, strong,balanced and a best friend.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
12:01 pm
‘…it was clear we were in a committed relationship, so why not give this a try and see what happens.”
Again, I may be reading it wrong, but dating 5.5 months and she moving in after 3 of those months and nothing was ever discussed doesn’t sound like a committed relationship. No one person should infringe on another simply through inferrment. So what the two of you’ve been spending many nights together, that doesn’t make a “life” with two on the same page.
Don’t you know must women with trust issues are out to use the man and take all she get from him. You’ve probably been bending over backwards to placate her and assuage her insecurities in that you’ve been spoon feeding her by showing her what you’re made of so she can rely on you. Unbeknowst to you, she’s probably been laughing behind your back. I wouldn’t trust ANYONE who moves in with me with their dogs and never spoke to me about it! Yeah, she just me be “chumping” you….
kimmie - the original :)
January 31st, 2012
12:04 pm
Leggs – I agree. It’s a mess, and he really can’t blame anyone but himself.
KaiserSoze
January 31st, 2012
12:07 pm
To quote Leggs – “You’ve probably been bending over backwards to placate her and assuage her insecurities in that you’ve been spoon feeding her by showing her what you’re made of so she can rely on you. ”
That is exactly what insecure men do – we try to impress upon women that we are ‘good enough’ for them or that we are “a keeper’ and try to earn their respect and reliance on them. We need it for our ego. It is a tough cycle to break – I know, I did it for 30 years! Eventually you find that women (or men) will love you and respect you for who you are, and you won’t need that constant reaffirmation of your “worthiness” to them.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
12:13 pm
Curry Goat, rice and peas
Purple
January 31st, 2012
12:14 pm
I haven’t read all of the entried but I agree with the one at 12:07 and i would like to add if someone is trying to change you move on.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
12:16 pm
You are so right, KaiserSoze!! Feed yourself, fix yourself and stop looking for another to make you whole.
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
12:38 pm
Oh, let’s not forget crazy.
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
12:51 pm
I find Fred’s reaction to her moving in odd. The chick that moved in with her boyfriend…or tried rather….placed her furniture in storage all to force his hand, found herself living with her sister. Buddy was livid. That sounds more like a natural reaction.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
12:56 pm
poppin’ back in!
kimmie - the original :)
January 31st, 2012
12:57 pm
Celisea – I’m with you. I don’t care how many times you are staying over, you just don’t “move in” on someone without discussing it. You respect my home. She probably feels she can walk all over him.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
12:58 pm
y’all I haven’t been to the hole in da wall in a hot minute for Happy Hour! I will frequent today and I bet the same folks are still standing in their same spots sippin’ on their same dranks! LOL
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:01 pm
Kimmie exactly. I just find Fred’s story a bit suspect. Not saying he’s not telling the truth but I wonder if what’s happening is lost in translation. I wonder if what he’s reading is really what’s projected.
That happens often, one person’s behavior can be as below par as ever yet they’ll believe they’re okay and in the right. I’m sure Fred think his girl is borderline crazy but I bet he’s not taken a step back and assessed his own behavior.
Exiled!
January 31st, 2012
1:06 pm
Before I partake in any foolishness today,Ms Leggs,I copied Maya( Angelos’s letter) that u send me and will have my own daughters read it.
I am not visiting them in jail either!
On topic:
What’s the topic?
Enjoy ur day!
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:17 pm
Off topic:
Odd how sometimes the people you admire the most are the ones you come to despise the most.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
1:22 pm
yep C I feel ya on that! I know a few.
Its a thin line~
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:26 pm
Hey Lady – And guess what…it’s not them it’s you.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
1:27 pm
@kimmie ~ of course it was odd. The only thing that makes it less odd is because he was “thirsty.” Men show thirst just like their counterparts. It’s not always the woman….
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:27 pm
Hey Lady – One more….Oddly, I’ll accept it and take the blame. No problem.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
1:28 pm
I so agree C!
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm
It’s not always the woman….<<<<<<Amen Ms Leggs!
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm
That’s why when I know I’ve bent over backwards with patience then um, okay…if you say so.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
1:29 pm
@Cellisea ~ are you talking about the woman from The Bert Show? I was wondering how that played out. She had A LOT OF NERVE….If you have to force someone to be with you, then they’re not the person for you. I’ve never believed in ultimatums….
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
1:32 pm
@Ex ~ thanks. Go for it!!!
mark
January 31st, 2012
1:33 pm
the woman i marry will have to know how to MANAGE A HOUSE!!! thats so important now days women hate when u ask the to cook or keep a clean house. memo to the ladies if you Cant or Want Cook you will NEVER HAVE A HUSBAND!
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:35 pm
Leggs – Yes. That was the show where the girlfriend’s sister called to do the follow-up. She claimed the girlfriend was working or something and pretty much skirted around the whole fall-up. Which in turn made Bert and team say they’d much rather speak directly to the girlfriend. The outcome though was that she ended up having to live with her sister until the boyfriend could cool off and have a talk with her.
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:35 pm
Mark – You didn’t say she must marry a black man…lol Just saying that’s usually your mantra
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
1:36 pm
mark I was told I had to cook too lol i am more open to it smh lol
Celisea
January 31st, 2012
1:36 pm
I don’t prescribe to ultimatums per se but if you’re not coming through Imma call you on it and tell you either pull it up or move over.
Leggs
January 31st, 2012
1:38 pm
@Celisea ~ why she thought that would have played out smoothly is beyond me. That had disaster written all over it. Thanks for the update.
Lady~
January 31st, 2012
1:41 pm
LOL C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is understood sis!