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A Good Wife?

I believe there are a lot of single women who think about what kind of mate they want to be. I know I have thought about it from time to time. My ideas about what I think would make a “good wife” does not always align with those of the men that I date.

Whenever the topic of marriage or “wife” duties come up, I always perk up and pay attention to what guys say. They usually have very specific things they believe a good wife should do. Always makes for an enlightening discussion!

This is probably a good discussion to have when you are serious. I think a lot of married couples are surprised when they realize how much they differ from their spouse’s expectations of a husband/wife.

What really informs a man’s idea about what makes a good wife, though? What informs a woman’s idea about what makes a good wife?

What do you think is most important?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

267 comments Add your comment

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
7:58 am

Good Morning! Eager to read different perspectives on a good wife! ;)

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:01 am

& not to be pessimistic so early just founded this to be an interesting read that might indirectly help understand what makes a good wife in a sense………….

http://www.blacknews.com/news/marital_failure_african_americans101.shtml#.TycQ06lUibX.facebook

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:01 am

JustMe, Slim

January 31st, 2012
8:06 am

Good morning all,

The bossman is here from out of town all week, so i’ll try to peek in periodically. Needless to say, my interest is peaked on what the men will say.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:22 am

I would say to be supportive. You can state opinions and support your stance, but don’t become a witch when we don’t follow every single one of them. Also, we have opinions, too. Don’t act like yours are the only opinions that matter or are well thought out. We can agree to disagree and don’t gloat if yours turned out to be right. Also, don’t become a troll if we turn out to be right. There are some things the wife is better at and there are some things that the hubby is better at. Both should accept that and don’t act like “You don’t think I can do anything”. Basically, it boils down to communication….productive communication….and not nagging, complaining, emotional outbursts, insecurity issues, etc. And if the hubby is guilty of these unproductive methods of communication, these would apply to him as well.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:27 am

And also to the ladies on this blog, don’t act like “Well, just WHO have you been dating? No woman I know is like that!” Stereotypes are established by observed repeated behavior and information. That’s why hubbies are stereotyped as insensitive, self centered and don’t want input from a woman and wives are stereotyped as hyper sensitive, over emotional and “If the wife ain’t happy, NOBODY’S happy”. Neither applies to EVERY hubby or wife, but it sure does apply to a LOT of them or there wouldn’t be the stereotype.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:31 am

Prince Charming an interest told me recently I need to curb my smartassness sharp remarks and just agree with him sometimes vs. ALWAYS stating my POV. So I am thinking that goes to being supportive but another side of me is thinking I don’t want to lose my self in being passive………..I can’t law this is a flaw of mine but I don’t want to come across as combative but I love a good convo and debate especially about issues I am passionate about…………………….hmmmmmm

I am naturally high sprung but I guess it could come across the wrong way but I mean no harm……….shrugs lol

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:31 am

meant I can’t lie……..lol

LeeH1

January 31st, 2012
8:39 am

Men look for friendship from a wife the same way they look for friendship from a man- someone to have your back, who won’t mock you in front of others, someone who can be trusted.

Men look for trust in a wife- someone who will protect and preserve your property and your reputation; someone who can be trusted with your money and your children; someone who you know will be there ,and will put the family and the friendship first.

Men look for conversation in a wife: someone to share with; to discuss important things with in privacy; someone who can talk about things of interest and who has interests and hobbies on her won. We look for a woman who has good judgement in decision making, but who is not into nagging, regrets and hindsght corrections to past decisions.

Men look to a woman to be a person who can take care of themselves, not someone who constantly needs to be protected and cared for. The good wife needs the strength and independence to do the things she needs to do; the abilities to decide those things which she needs to decide without constantly asking for guidance and support and affirmation; and someone who will be there when needed.

To be a good wife, a woman must first be a good person.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
8:43 am

Opinions and debating are fine, just don’t be combative. Those that live by the sword, will die by the sword. 90% of the problems both men and women have are self inflicted. You can always have your “sense of self”, but that doesn’t mean to DEMAND your self. Sometimes it comes across as “I’m always right”. A very wise man told me once when dealing with your spouse, “If you decide to make a stand with your wife, make sure it’s big enough that it actually means something, but small enough that you can win it.” Three places that you can never win an argument 1) In a poker game on a riverboat, 2) The IRS and 3) An argument with your wife. With the wife, if you lose, you suffer being wrong. If you win, you suffer the result of that win. I’m being sarcastic, sure, but there again is the stereotype.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
8:49 am

Prince Charming, I hope first you’re married. If not, stop handing out advice. Next marriage is serious, dating rules don’t apply. Lastly, you sound, like you’re looking for an easy path……the ladies on this blog do just fine without hearing advice to be and go easy.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:49 am

And I think that is the thing that irks him bc he always says I am very smart being real about that but I think he is silently thinking I think I know it all an won’t let him in.

Thanks Prince Charming! Here lately the male’s POV has been respected in appreciated in my world…..

Leggs

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

Good morning.

Since I’ve been married once before, I realized that I wasn’t a good wife, but was an excellent provider. I don’t think that’s the way it was supposed to be. Oh well, maybe there be another chance for me, maybe not!

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

~Truly successful communication actually takes place in listening. Listening is such a powerful form of communication that most people cannot tell it apart from feeling loved~ -Wendy Strgar

KaiserSoze

January 31st, 2012
8:53 am

Pretty simple to be a ‘good wife’. Be yourself, be open, be honest, communicate, tell me what you’re feeling, let me know your expectations, don’t overestimate my ability to read your mind or know what you’re feeling. Most importantly be responsible – with finances, commitments, and other things in life that you should be accountable for. I don’t care which of us cooks or cleans or does laundry – so long as we share the responsibilities equally of earning a living and running the household. I don’t want to do more than my share and don’t expect you to do more than yours. We both have things we prefer to do or do better than the other, so let’s split those up and make sure everything gets done. Make time for me, and I’ll make time for you, but we both have to make sure we allow and encourage the other to have their own independent time as well.

If all of these things are done during the dating/courting/engagement and continue through the marriage, then I can guarantee happiness for us both. If we make it to the alter then she and I can both know what to expect of one another and there won’t be any surprises.

Me

January 31st, 2012
8:55 am

Lady, I had to make a comment because you sound so much like me. I’ve been told the very same thing. I am trying to do better. Prince, I’m listening.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
8:57 am

@PC, Kaizersoze didn’t say what you recommeded.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
8:57 am

yep Me I feel ya! ;)

Jim

January 31st, 2012
9:01 am

Keep doing the things that made him want to marry you in the first place.

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:10 am

Yes, I have been married for 27 years. It’s not all flowers and rose petals, but you have to put your time, understanding, patience, work and also resolve to not let it fail. As far as “easy and laid back”, I have gotten more milage out of thise items as I have anything else. You don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill and if the outcome of an argument or disagreement really doesn’t have anything to do with the price of tea in China, sometimes you just let it slide. You don’t HAVE to be right or win all of the time. Just my two cents.

SlimNu

January 31st, 2012
9:13 am

Lady – Along with your 8:53, that’s why we have TWO ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak… lol

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:16 am

Slim that is an art to be practiced. Easy said than done BUT I am willing I promise to work on it bc I do look forward to having a mate that isn’t irked with me lol

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:28 am

Morning All!

It’s no one-size-fits-all, though I think everyone might agree there are things across the board that keep peace in the house and make for a successful marriage. Supportive, responsible, loving – nothing unique to being a good wife – husbands should try those things too.

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:30 am

Prince Charming – Forgive me, but you don’t sound very charming.

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:34 am

A very wise elderly woman told me to not contracdict your spouse on important matters. Instead, listen to him, acknowlege his point of view, then say “well, you COULD be right”

She said it tongue in cheek, but it also makes some sense. Everybody needs to be heard, to be acknowleged that they are important. No need to ‘win” every point.

Princess

January 31st, 2012
9:35 am

Thank you Kimmie. Don’t come here giving one-sided advice. Just because there’s a birdie or two wantimg desperately to be fed don’t make your advice right.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:37 am

yep lulu!!!! :)

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
9:39 am

Like that 8:27 was suppose to shut us up from disagreeing with a sweeping comment. The bad thing about prejudging someone using a stereotype is the mere fact that it doesn’t apply to all. Which makes it very unfair. That post of yours, Prince, makes you less credible in my eyes.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:39 am

hmmmmm different perspectives and POV are just that. when blogging no one particular person is right or wrong. your experiences is just that. And I am fine discussing my flaws and its your opinion if you feel is desperation. Wow.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:40 am

my co-worker just brought me breakfast expectantly! how cool!

Jaded Guy

January 31st, 2012
9:42 am

For me a good spouse would be a lady who:

* Isn’t a Lying, Cheating, Manipulative, Hateful Monster

* Doesn’t Sleep with My Lifelong (now-EX) Best Friend

* Wants a True PARTNER in Life, Not a Piece of “Property” She Can Try to Boss Around

* Understands That an “Exclusive Relationship” Means NOT Slutting Around Online with Other Men Whenever She Has Free Time

* Reciprocates a Comparable Level of Respect That is Shown to Her

* Isn’t a Gold-Digging Hu$$Y

* Is the Same Person When You Are with Her as She is When You Are Out of Sight

* Actually Has a Heart with a Temperature with a Temperature WELL ABOVE 32 Degrees Farenheit

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:43 am

interesting how the comments are centered on conflict in a marriage. It’s certainly important to know how to resolve conflict. But isn’t is also important to know how to love somebody? Love is a verb — it requires action. A spouse really has to think about what the other needs, and try to fill that need. It’s not always easy to know what the other needs, and those needs also change over time. Ultimately, though, unfilled needs get met elsewhere, and that’s the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:44 am

But anyway the guy I am speaking of I met in September and we have been talking on and off since then. We both admitted we were guarded and we both have pressed anything……We have been out a time or two but we have a real date tomorrow to the movies………it finally came so I am looking forward to how it goes…………he reminds me of the saying what you are looking for is right in front of your face……….

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:45 am

@Jaded you certainly have the right name

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:45 am

and conflict lulu………so true

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:46 am

meant haven’t pressed anything (just taking it slow)

lulu

January 31st, 2012
9:47 am

@Lady slow is good, let it flow

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:50 am

it has I kid you not and the other day we had a real heart to heart convo and this week our convo has flowed. We have been literally on and off conversing since September. Tomorrow is our real “date night” per se

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:50 am

@Princess and Kimmie….the defense rests.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
9:51 am

he made no secret about him looking for a wife and in the start it scare the sh*t of me but its making sense more and more…..just don’t want a clingy guy (controlling)

Prince Charming

January 31st, 2012
9:52 am

Sometimes people have to do no more than open their mouths and you see why they are where they are. Have a great day everyone!

disco

January 31st, 2012
9:56 am

good morning. this hasn’t gotten as inflammatory as I thought it might. marriage – like all things – is relative. there are still men out there who want their wives barefoot and pregnant. some who don’t want their wives to work. there are women now who are comfortable with the idea of having a “househusband”. it takes all kinds. I know couples who maintain outside relationships (friends etc.), have their own hobbies, vacation separately and I know couples who do EVERYTHING together. all I can suggest is know who you are, know what you want, express that to your significant other and hope for a match.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
9:57 am

Prince Charming that was pretty harsh. Who do you know on here well enough to pass judgement? Have you been here long enough to go there? Just because someone don’t digest and swoon and take in what you advise don’t mean they’re being combative or as you say it “where they are” because of such. Frankly unless you know all of what’s going on in people’s lives, you’re jumping the gun. Just because folks don’t live as an open book on this blog don’t mean they don’t have meaningful things going on.

This is why I don’t like posting in the mornings. Jacked up folks hanging out and looking for the “amen” chorus. Too, how do we know what you’re saying is true? How do we know you’re not the party in your marriage that’s making things go awry? You’re giving your side of it. Bring your wife and let her post and then we’ll decide.

Sorry you offended me with you 8:27 and that last comment. It’s a freaking blog. Live your life and let others live theirs and keep you judgement to yourself.

Celisea

January 31st, 2012
9:59 am

I’ll be back when the moistness dries up around here :)

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:02 am

Lady – Your 9:39 – who was that directed to? Who said anything about desperation?

I’m cool with different POV or I wouldn’t be blogging. But yeah, like Celisea, I did find so called “charming” 8:27 offensive.

Mike P

January 31st, 2012
10:02 am

Good Morning All,

I am not married; however, my thoughts on what makes a “good wife”… a woman with the right attitude.

disco

January 31st, 2012
10:03 am

celisea – let the blog say amen. amen again.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:05 am

Kimmie: Princess’s 9:35

kimmie - the original :)

January 31st, 2012
10:06 am

disco – Your 9:56, I agree, the 2 people involved do what works for them.

Lady~

January 31st, 2012
10:07 am

C did sum it up Kimmie! I really overlooked his comment about blog ladies and took out what related tome so I didn’t comment on that aspect. To each their own though.