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Misadventures in Atlanta

Dating: Afraid to show true colors?

5:00 am January 30, 2012, by Wise Diva

I have a friend who has extreme anxiety about “letting it all hang out” with her man. The lengths that she goes through to put her “together” side front and center seems a little exhausting! I am much too lazy to do all that for a guy. Why are many of us afraid to show our true colors to the person we are seeing?

Obviously, we all date a person’s “representative” on the first couple of dates. At some point though, you have to drop the pretense and be your authentic self. Who wants to get up at 5:00 am and put make up on for a guy? Why would you spend loads of cash on a woman when you are on a budget to save money?

Have you ever had a difficult time being yourself around the person you are seeing?

Have you ever noticed when the person you are dating finally “relaxed” around you? Did it make a difference?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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126 comments Add your comment

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
11:23 am

*** PSA for MYSELF***

Lil Leggs has submitted an essay this past Saturday for a possible scholarship but will need all the help Ik can throw her way in securing placement. This particular scholarship is won by POPULAR VOTE. Please read her essay and cast your vote. You can vote everyday up until April 2nd.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wyzant.com%2Fscholarships%2Fv2%2Fessay39569-Ellenwood-A.aspx&h=6AQFVTpqUAQFWe_LYbjsI3HgVQue1bYAOT_lt3ck_vcsEYg

Thank you in advance.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:26 am

i just voted for her again leggs!

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:26 am

you may want to post a link that is not linked to FB everyone may not be on FB

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

January 30th, 2012
11:35 am

what up everybody!!

How about being your authentic self at all times, he/she who does not like the real you won’t be there for the duration anyway…Fugg a representative!!

@Lady and the Blog-Dude may have not planned properly, but for him to written off as a buster/schemer at this junction is a bit premature. What I read into the post was that dude had his son and was still attempting to you, though it was gonna be difficult. Sounds like he was prioritizing to me, his mistake was trying build Rome in a day!

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:37 am

Jake I had my daughter too and a full weekend and we both knew this day was coming and i planned accordingly but yeah I see your point

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:41 am

I wasn’t priority even in advance. there was o surprises with sunday we both agreed to meet and the logistics were spotty and I even said lets meet somewhere and got nothing.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:42 am

no

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
11:44 am

Good point, Lady, I forgot I copied that from FB…thanks!

Please use this address….again thank you! http://www.wyzant.com/scholarships/v2/essay39569-Ellenwood-GA.aspx

disco

January 30th, 2012
11:44 am

lol – lady says she’s not even trying to hear all that.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:45 am

why make it easy disco?!? I have been dating as a single mom for 6 years and I make a way for social time when I want to and when I don’t i don’t simple

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:46 am

leggs I want her to win and we don’t need no roadblocks lol you know how brower filters are

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:46 am

browsers

ok be back @ 1:30 y’all

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

January 30th, 2012
11:48 am

Lady-I see my fingers left out a couple of words in my statement…but that was my point, sometimes we all can be too judgemental when something does not work according to our plan. It appears that there was some chemistry for you both to embark on meeting one another, this weekend was just a glimpse of some issues that may impact your friendship (parenting), but I didn’t think I read anything that made him jerk…

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
11:51 am

that is fair Jake and Thanks sir!!!! I am a parent and realize its not black and white but his communication sucked and he seemed he would have been fine with me coming to his home and never offered an alternative so that is where I am looking like hmmmmm he never even said another weekend will work

if I said all that could have come across as pushy or thirsty but I let him have the play field and I got NOTHING……but i see your point

ok be back later

singlelongtime

January 30th, 2012
12:11 pm

Leggs: Read your daughter’s essay. Very well done and a great lesson learned. Kudos to you for teaching her at a young age a lesson that certainly will stay with her for life. We need more of that kind of parenting. She got my vote.

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
12:18 pm

Thank you so much singlelongtime! That means a lot to me.

GlammourGirl

January 30th, 2012
12:46 pm

Leggs…voted for your daughter’s essay. My dad did the same thing to my sister when she stole some Chapstick.

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
12:49 pm

Thanks GG! Laughing at the chapstick. They just want to take something, anything..

Willie Dynamite

January 30th, 2012
12:53 pm

Afternoon All,

Leggs – I voted, nice essay and as always “good job Mom”.

On Topic – I think we all have some apprehension about showing ALL our our true colors. I do agree with some who have posted that confidence in self helps relieve you of the burden of peforming for the crowd. This is for most people a gradual learning process and it has its own set of ups and downs depending upon your personality and/or growth.

MsATL

January 30th, 2012
1:14 pm

Leggs- I just voted for the essay you posted.
As far as being yourself, I want to know the true person I am dealing with. I do not want to deal with the representative and find out that is who I was dealing with when the person muts up on me. Just keep it real.

Fion

January 30th, 2012
1:17 pm

On topic, I’m at that dangerous age. That’s the age where you just don’t give a damn. Trying to impressing people beyond the scope of your reality is a joke.
Aye man, when I meet you, either you with it or you’re not. At this age baby the thing you really need to understand, it’s some sh^t that’s going to go down whether you’re here or not. What you see from the getty-up is real.

Fion

January 30th, 2012
1:19 pm

meant trying to impress……..

SlimNu

January 30th, 2012
1:20 pm

I don’t know how to be anyone other than, well…ME ;-)

Willie Dynamite

January 30th, 2012
1:25 pm

On Topic – Isn’t that what Dating is all about. We all have representatives (bet foot forward, yada yada yada). Some folks representatives may be alot busier than yours. My point is with Dating it allows you the opportunity to get to know the other person. You get a chance to sift through all that if you so choose or K.I.M. of you so choose. Some folks can get to the real you quicker than someone else. That comfort level is what most folks seek.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:30 pm

poppin’ back in

Celisea

January 30th, 2012
1:44 pm

Afternoon:

I think everyone in the dating realm will always try and impress unless you’re a buster. For the most part, “best foot forward” is totally separate and removed from faking and pretending to be someone you are not. IMO, best foot forward indicates not so relaxed, spit shine polished, manners (as always) in tack, conversation on point. I think beng able to relax a little once comfy sets in, is still being yourself but letting your hair down. You know how I look polished so you’re cool seeing a ponytail or hair pulled back, flats or sneakers rather than pumps and Sunday-Go-To-Meeting sharp for every meet-up. Being about to talk about any ole than rather than limited to world topics and events….relaxing. Being able to broach this zone without fear of the person thinking you’re less than “on point.” Being about to talk more on a personal level and comfortable enough to share some interpersonal happenings (not telling ALL your business), but just things you can share about your day. Comfortable enough to say you had a stressful day and that person understands or won’t take that to be ain’t b!tching moaning instead.

Going in or operating under a facade is what I would think the topic sort of hinges on. Being totally the person you’re not. Lying, acting and being someone totally removed from your person…spit shined or not.

I think most grown folks (I agree Fion), could care less in what you think. Not meaning you don’t care but pretty much what you see is what you get. Either you’re gonna like it or you won’t. I’m not going to pretend to reel you in and then BAM!!

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:45 pm

every coputer I use i vote leggs! it won’t let you vote twice on the same computer…when I get back in my lab I will hit every computer lol

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:45 pm

computer that is

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
1:46 pm

Online is where you’ll most “representatives.” Not in all cases, but the majority of them aren’t true to who and what they say they are (unfortunately).

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:50 pm

agree

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:52 pm

I am true to self….I cracked my professor up over the weekend by saying my virtual profile and face to face is all in the same……..I am an open book and I am very consistent in delivery

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:53 pm

half of my class is online and the other part on campus once a month……..some others in the class said they feel they can be more fancy online vs in person. I was still the chatty and witty person lol

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
1:53 pm

where you’ll find….

cba

January 30th, 2012
1:55 pm

Lady~ Having read your posts the last couple of years, not for one second did I expect you to fall for that BS! Intelligent ladies don’t make those types of stupid mistakes. Proud of you !!

Leggs~ count me in for your daughter. Reading that essay, I can see the love and determination you have to raise a responsible young lady. Kudos!!

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
1:56 pm

Thanks cba!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

MrsTazzee

January 30th, 2012
2:00 pm

Afternoon folks!

I learned to just be myself after trying to present a representative and still failing in love. I think I was in my early 30s when I just came with the real me from the beginning.

Lady~ I checked in to see how your ‘date’ went. I’m glad you let that go. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it seems he was pretty good with communicating up until it was time to meet and then he got a little shaky with it. That’s for the birds. Consistency is key – especially in the beginning. Oh well, on to the next one. Hang in there friend – you know I kissed A LOT of frogs before I met my prince.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
2:01 pm

Yes ma’am Mrs. Tazzee perfect assessment!!!!! Thanks sis!!!! ;)

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
2:04 pm

I am still hopeful and open. this hasn’t been discouraging……….just insightful

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 30th, 2012
2:05 pm

Afternoon All!! Just got a chance to pop in for a sec!!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Leggs – I voted!

Willie Dynamite

January 30th, 2012
2:07 pm

Celisea – trying to respond but the blog monster doesn’t like me very much. I mostly agree with what you are saying. I will add that some responsible people will see the difference in what you are saying. The frauds however don’t and can’t draw the line.

cba

January 30th, 2012
2:09 pm

Lady~ how do you compare traditional classroom to online ? I predict within the next 25 yrs, all education will be online K-PhD.
My daughter is getting her masters online and she likes it.
I’m ole school, I want to sit in desk and talk to the other students….in flesh LOL

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
2:10 pm

Thank you cba! Parenting is the hardest job, but loving every minute of it. Even those times when I want to drop her off in the middle of the forest and make a mad dash back to my car w/o her!!

Awww, Mo! Thank you.

disco

January 30th, 2012
2:14 pm

leggs – I thought of Bernie mac re coming home without the dog. Bernie – where’s the dog? I took him to the park. too funny.

cba – I loved school/learning I just didn’t really need the social aspect of it. if you could just give me a book, syllabus and list of project deadlines I could make it work. and I absolutely HATED group projects. still do. when folks bring up the team player thing I always point out I’m all for being a part of a team I just prefer a relay where everyone is responsible for their own leg.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

January 30th, 2012
2:15 pm

Leggs – you are more than welcome!

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
2:15 pm

in my 20’s cba I failed miserbly start 3 different types of online graduate programs and stalling on each one…..in my 30’s doing learning about something I am passionate about (my niche’) its effortlessly. I did the traditional setting this past year and a half classroom only now in the 2nd half of my master’s (even more matrue and grounded with higher education) my blended classes are going EXCELLENT! I did very well this past weekend. Currently its onle and two months a whole weekend of on-site learning. So I am doing well with the online part too. I push for online learning maybe by middle school. It truly meets the student no matter the age where they are in this multi-dynamic society……….

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
2:16 pm

excuse all errors daggit i hate being on a PC that doesn’t automatically check! LOL

Leggs

January 30th, 2012
2:25 pm

@Mrs. Tazzee ~ Consistency is the key. I have what I call the 3 C’s = Communication, Consistency and Compromise as ingredients to sustain a relationship/marriage.\

I was online this weekend and this guy sent me a message. When I responded back after reading his profile I told him I had a graduating senior due to what he posted on his profile. He informed me that his “profile is crystal clear and he will not make any exceptions.” He then wished me luck. His profile states he will not date anyone with children in K-12 even if they’re graduating this year. I could only laugh and tell him “cool, your loss.”

@disco ~ exactly. I remember that episode.

Willie Dynamite

January 30th, 2012
2:26 pm

ok blog monster doesn’t like me or my comments.

Lady~

January 30th, 2012
2:27 pm

I’ve been dismissed by many who don’t date woomen with kids. everyone has their preferences lol

cba

January 30th, 2012
2:27 pm

disco~ I took a continue ed class last year and the first day, the professor assigned groups……damn. Since I were the oldest in my group, they made me PM. Shouldn’t that be age discrimnation :lol: I enjoyed it though, had to show the kids I knew a thing of two. One of the students finished high school with my daughter; that was strange.

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