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Dating: Should you stay or go?

Sometimes you know the exact moment that your relationship is over. It’s possible that is the point where you realize the only thing you two have is good sex. I won’t pretend that good sex will make you hang on a lot longer than you should, it happens. A lot.

The question then becomes how long will it take before the relationship with great sex is not satisfying all the other needs? Do you think it is wrong to stay in a relationship when the only thing you enjoy about it is the sex and little else?

I think most people would agree that bad sex is a deal breaker, but should it be a deal breaker when the sex is great but the relationship is not?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

311 comments Add your comment

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
7:41 am

Morning,

Diva you gotta ask? lol

I have been here. I can’t take the credit for repeating something like this but um yeah (hand raised)……guilty. I think my run with the kid’s dad was the run of everything gone wrong, done wrong and just plain stupid. I don’t think there’s one area (at some point) where we were civil yet we managed to have more than sex…lol We humped, screwed, tango’d, was sexed up….need I go on? But definitely a deal breaker. I’m a big girl now. If we can’t play nice we won’t play in any other areas. DEAL BREAKER

Foxy

January 25th, 2012
8:31 am

Foxy thinks Good Sex too soon and Bad Sex too long will kill any relationship!

GM Kids!

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
8:34 am

Good morning!

Do you think it is wrong to stay in a relationship when the only thing you enjoy about it is the sex and little else? – Most definitely. Why block your blessing to meet someone new because you’re lying on your back in an otherwise unfilled relationship?

Mr. Unknown

January 25th, 2012
8:35 am

Yeah, basically friends with benefits. Do you think it is wrong to stay in a relationship when the only thing you enjoy about it is the sex and little else? Yes, most people (me) found themselves holding on long enough until they are ready to start dating the new interest.

Good Morning.

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
8:46 am

If you’re comfortable with the “transition” status, then you know what it is. However, if you’re in it because you’re afraid of letting go, or being alone, than you’re doing yourself a major disservice.

Kym

January 25th, 2012
8:50 am

Good Morning All,

Been there..done that….and that..and that..got an Oscar. Yes it is wrong, because you are cheating yourself out of happiness and wasting your own time..trying to hang on to the good diggity..not worth it.

LL411

January 25th, 2012
8:51 am

A relationship without compromise were both parties needs are not being met outside the bedroom is a no go. I’m guilty of hanging on too long, but not anymore. I don’t know of a specific timeframe for leaving, but we all know when we’ve had enough.

My moving on came one evening sitting across from him watching him talk on the phone… I thought to myself this is the last time I’ll see him… we’d been together quite awhile, and it was sadding, but that was all the closure I needed.

Nine months later, he’s still calling (not taking calls), and texting (not returning) wanting to know what he did that was so bad… I’m so done that rehashing past conversations, grievances, etc. it’s not worth putting any energy into anymore.

LL411

January 25th, 2012
8:53 am

Blocked blessings.. not anymore. Started off 2012 on the good foot, I’m gud!

disco

January 25th, 2012
9:06 am

hey y’all. I’m operating on little sleep and so slightly “funky” this morning. as such I’ll say that – me, myself, personally – I’m out. won’t be wasting anyone’s time. on the flip side – some of these relationships (granted I’m on the outside looking in) are raggedy because they involve raggedy people. I figure the dating pool is complicated enough without the raggedy couples breaking up and adding more raggedy to the dating pool. as far as I’m concerned they can stay together and drag it out as long as they want to and then tack on an extra month for good measure.

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
9:19 am

Mr Unknown – I didn’t think the premise of Diva’s post was FWB. I thought she was speaking in the realm being in a relationship where nothing else is common or jives but sex. Although FWB can fit the profile of nothing in common but sex.

kimmie

January 25th, 2012
9:33 am

Morning All!

I must say, in reading the topic the first thing I thought about was FWB. That’s really this type of situation is and actually calling it FWB is giving it more credit than it’s worth. You probably aren’t even F – friends if nothing else is being fulfilled. The mistake is calling it a “relationship”. Is it wrong to stay? As long as both of you understand what’s going on, who’s to say it’s wrong? If one is not getting anything out of it but the physical and the other is thinking they are in a full-blown relationship that’s moving forward, then Houston we have a problem. If one or both of you want something more substantial, well you are grown. When you get tired of pretending and get serious about going after what you “supposedly” want, then you’ll do something about it and quit the whining.

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
9:47 am

The end result is the same but there’s a difference in going in knowing nothing but smashing versus coming to and ending up doing nothing but smashing. For relationships, if nothing else there’s a history. My ex and I didn’t evolve to that point until a few years had passed and that thing had run it’s course.

Mr. Unknown

January 25th, 2012
9:48 am

Its surprising to read some of the comments, or interesting should I say. @ Celisea FWB falls under this category, I think every relationship should start with some sort of ground level friendship. Just because the love is gone doesn’t mean the friendship is out the window. But as Kimmie stated you have to both be on the same page.

Some people need a patch to quit smoking, some people quit cold turkey. I say to each his own.

kimmie

January 25th, 2012
9:57 am

Celisea, what you are describing and I guess what the topic is describing, is the demise of a lot of relationships then. The 2 involved grow apart and all they have left is the physical. They probably always had a good physical relationship. Bottom line, you still have to communicate with each other about where your heads are. Would it be wrong to stay if the sex was bad but you get along great and like the companionship. Is it wrong to stay if you’re only getting fulfilled financially? Does each and every aspect of the relationship have to be on point for it to be deemed “right” to stay?

Maybe I’m just looking at it all too simplistically, but the topic just isn’t that deep. When 2 grown folks get tired of going thru the motions, they do something about it. As long as everyone’s eyes are open, who’s to say what’s wrong with staying?

Audra

January 25th, 2012
9:58 am

I know when it’s over when there isn’t any more sex, or at least not good sex! I am different, I guess. If the emotional isn’t there for me, then the physical can’t be either. So if I have no desire to get it on, it’s over. :)

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
9:58 am

I agree the end result is the same. I just think there’s nothing to be said or had or done if you go in knowing what it is. I think the premise of today’s post is speaking to coming to a realization that you’re just wasting your time. Folks just smashing with nothing else intended set that expectation….lol

Mr. Unknown

January 25th, 2012
10:00 am

My class is finally over, Hasta luego good people. Now off to work… Boooo!!

SlimNu

January 25th, 2012
10:01 am

Good morning,

Holding on to a situation merely hanging by a sex string is only prolonging the inevitable. After each climax is reached, the issues will still remain and you’re left still feeling unfulfilled.

Who sponsored breakfast today, I’m starving?

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
10:04 am

I just thought Diva was asking is it a deal breaker if you all you’ve come to is smashing with nothing else really left. I for one need the physically but even more so, I need an emotional connection. FWB don’t have deal breakers…..I would think.

Okay….done here. I was just trying to spark some harmless debate :)

kimmie

January 25th, 2012
10:07 am

Celisea – Yeah, it is a dealbreaker, I guess it’s just a matter of “when”!LOL!!

Yeah, it would have to be more, much more for me too. But I’ve been there, prolonging the inevitable, even when the physical was not there, go figure!

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
10:09 am

Kimmie – I know right……closet full of tshirts….lol

Kym

January 25th, 2012
10:14 am

Well if the question is if now in my present state of mind..would it be a deal breaker then the answer is yes..now if you asked Kym from ten years ago..heck even two years ago..she would say..hmm it don’t bother me so much..Growth is a strange thang.

disco

January 25th, 2012
10:16 am

and let’s not forget the ability of some folks to get all their needs met by different folks. so they’ve got the one that they sleep with, the one that they hang out with, the one that they get money from, the one that “insert need here”.

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
10:18 am

Quite unfournate, they found the body of Ms. Stacey English.

disco

January 25th, 2012
10:18 am

kym –what’s the opposite of growth? would it be shrinkage? then we’d be saying shrinkage is a strange thing and then someone would open up a whole new can of worms. still, folks do grow and folks do revert back. I need a word. kimmie – I still use validation. maybe you can come up with a word here.

kimmie

January 25th, 2012
10:24 am

disco – opposite of growth? Invalidation!

definition of Invalidation – your relationship is now invalid, cause it’s not going anywhere or fulfilling a need.

:)

Exiled!

January 25th, 2012
10:30 am

How do u get a man to hump u,smell his breath,flip over etc But u don’t want him no more?

do u even get wet when he fingers u down there,if u aren’t interested in him any more?

Unless he just goes for the jagular :lol: seeing it’s a favorite? :lol:

@disco..opposite if growth? in the context of the topic,it’s soft.

don’t mind me..back to j o b

Kym

January 25th, 2012
10:33 am

I do believe today is a Wish Day…cause I just had a flash forward..I wish a MF would try to choke me doing sex..He gonna leave there carry his jewels in his pocket..

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
10:35 am

Mmello – We are still human

Exiled!

January 25th, 2012
10:40 am

just kidding Celisea,men do worse actually

just for the sake of a u… u…..u…. nutt! :lol:

I’m gone for real

disco

January 25th, 2012
10:44 am

kimmie – I don’t think invalidation works for me. considering I use validation as the code word for getting some, invalidation would simply mean not getting any. not what I was looking for.

kym – don’t sleep on the choking.

kimmie

January 25th, 2012
10:46 am

SlimNu

January 25th, 2012
10:47 am

Leggs – did they say the cause of death?

Kym

January 25th, 2012
10:50 am

@disco..I have control issues..I know me in heat and out of heat..and I am not giving up the need for fresh air..I don’t care how big of a O it gets..joker put his hands on my throat..one of us is going to jail and the other is going to hell..and I don’t like it too be too hot..soooo..

disco

January 25th, 2012
11:03 am

jail and hell. enough said.

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
11:08 am

@SlimNu ~ found her body “wedged” under a tree, but cause is still a mystery. My question is did someone put her body there or did a tree fall on her???

@disco/Kym ~ no joker is choking me. How do you get the “safe” word out??

Lady~

January 25th, 2012
11:11 am

but should it be a deal breaker when the sex is great but the relationship is not? IMO yes, bc most times for me we were on two different pages and its a waste of time, energy, and stress. I have learned you can’t make a FWB an exclusive relationship. it is dead weight.

If two adults can swing with it and remain on the same page I salute them~ ;)

Kym

January 25th, 2012
11:13 am

@Leggs..I would guess there is no safe word…the face turning colors like a stobe light and your eyes bugging out are the code..

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
11:18 am

MMeello – I know…lol

Exiled!

January 25th, 2012
11:24 am

Exclusive FWB!

@Lady….come On Now! :lol:

humping u and only u…but no talking when on the streets.

I used to have that one (exclusive j o b fwb) at a prior j o b actually.

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
11:30 am

I always feel the FWB is skewed. IMO so many men work tirelessly for ass and just handed it via a FWB channel makes me not want to do it cause it’s just too dang easy. Then again maybe folks wanting to just get off shouldn’t be complicated….lol

Just saying in the age of laying for ass, shenanigans for ass, FWB plays too much to a person’s favor that’s lazy any.

Okay what am I talking about here? Mmeelloo made me go there.

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
11:31 am

Hey Lady!

@Kym ~ you’re right, but I’ll never find out!

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
11:33 am

lying for ass not laying….maybe I have “getting laid” on the brain…lol

Lady~

January 25th, 2012
11:34 am

Hey Leggs!!!!!!

LOL that is my point Ex its either or and I wanted more so it never became nothing but I hear ya! too funny!

Fion

January 25th, 2012
11:35 am

@Celisea
So, since you are there, exactly who are you saving it for???

Lady~

January 25th, 2012
11:35 am

C very correct sis!

Celisea

January 25th, 2012
11:44 am

Fion – You know, I have to be honest….I’m not of the “saving” it mindset. Really I’m not. You’re right..saving for what. I just don’t hand it out. So, if I’m in a relationship and we’re feeling it, let’s make it happen. I just can’t do thing IMO that comes off as foolish. I think if I wasn’t such a sissy and caught feelings easily I might would have a whole different mindset.

Leggs

January 25th, 2012
11:44 am

What do you think of State of the Union Speech last night?

Into the Light

January 25th, 2012
11:45 am

Morning, all! Happy Hump Day.

jail and hell. enough said.

That made me LOL.

In the past I’ve let a bad relationship linger, but I can’t see me doing that again. ITL’s Life Lesson #303: Life is too short to allow yourself to remain in an unhappy situation. Happiness is a ship, and you are the captain – leave the past in your wake and sail on to your happy tomorrow.

disco

January 25th, 2012
11:45 am

re: saving it. my mother said once that it’s not like you’ll ever run out of it.