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Dating: Dealing with rejection?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, you need a healthy dose of self-esteem to date in Atlanta. Some of us walk around with over inflated egos – and that can be annoying – but it certainly would serve you well to be self aware.

Dealing with rejection is something that women never ever ever get used to. Our egos are fragile and a lot of times, we don’t understand how any man would not want to be with us! This means that there are times when women will preemptively dump a guy because they foresee that he may do the same to them.

Guys, have you ever been dumped by a woman you were seeing and it took you by surprise? How did you handle it? Did you realize that she was using you as a fling or boy toy for entertainment purposes only?

I know men get the label as the heartbreakers, but I know plenty of women that are pretty brutal in their dating ethics. Those self-serving, self-absorbed girls give single women a bad name in this city. If you meet one, tell her I have a bone to pick with her!

How do you handle rejection on the dating scene?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

248 comments Add your comment

joshua hayes

January 17th, 2012
5:58 am

I gave up dating in this city about 2 years ago.As a recovering person i often find women are not really interested in comeback stories and people who start over. In this day of the internet what you find out about a person may not be all their is. But so many women base their past. This isn’t fair but is a reality i have encountered lots.

Dude

January 17th, 2012
7:00 am

I have been dumped by surprise, I just moved on as quickly as I could. Ladies, what you have to realize about most men, is that most of us get rejected on a day to day basis, whether it be by a chick at a bar, or a girlfriend of a few years. Those of us that don’t get rejected that often they are a very lucky few. Men are not the gatekeepers, we are the ones that get rejected constantly, it is the man that has to make the good impression, it is the man that has to offer himself up to be judged by those that he is trying to get to know. The only way a man can really get anywhere nowadays is to be 1: So good looking, rich, charasmatic, and completely unrealistic in real life, that he is unrejectable or 2: Be able to deal with rejection and move on. Which one do you real think is more common?

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
8:54 am

Good morning.

A healthy dosage of esteem is warranted when dating. If your mental state is fragile, dating may have you seeking medication. It’s all a part of life. You win some, you lose some. Be strong and some rejection can be/should be viewed as a blessing in disguise. Stay honest with yourself, your shortcomings, your strengths and you’ll be able to navigate the dating ocean with some ease. Hell, most of it is comical at best.

Surprised?

January 17th, 2012
9:00 am

I was married to a very beautiful woman with a vibrant personality. The problem was that sshe KNEW she had those qualities and was never at a lack of attention. While I brought two young children into the marriage. she had two older ones and they moved out not long after we married. She wanted to start traveling and spending money, but I had my children to take care of and support. Turns out, she started traveling on her own, going out with her girlfriends during weeknights and I had the house duties, yard duties, etc. We both had fukll time jobs. I suspected that she was pulling away and asked her repeatedly over a nine month period what was wrong and what could I do to fix it. All she said was “Nothing is wrong” and we kept moving further apart. She wouldn’t go on holiday trips with me when i planned them. She went to LA, New Orleans and a host of other places on weekend trips. I figured she was going to end it very soon, so I did it instead. You could have knocked her down with a feather. She just couldn’t believe that someone would reject/dump her. Now, she sends me the occassional email telling me she is sorry and realizes what she has done, apologizes, etc. But that train has done run and the divorce was final six months ago. Ego really is a major culprit and if you, make or female, think that you are above anyone dumping you regardless of what you think you bring to the table, you are wrong. No matter how hot he or she is, there is always someone tired of your sheyet.

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
9:02 am

Happy Birthday, kimmie!!

Dude

January 17th, 2012
9:16 am

I hate to be cynical, I really do, but to date now, being a guy, you really have to stop caring about dating, emotional bond, etc. etc. etc. When you have to go through 20 women saying no, before you get 1 that says yes, you really have to stop caring one way or another. For guys it has become a numbers game, I hate to say it, but that is the truth. The more women you make passes at, eventually you will run into one that says yes.

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
9:17 am

Morning lovelies,

Love long weekends :)

Rejection is a part of life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Sometimes it’s you and sometimes, honestly it’s not. Take it with a grain of salt, extract (as needed) whatever lessons and move on. And really let’s not make this a gender topic. No matter who gets dumped the most, the effect of remains the same for both genders.

kimmie

January 17th, 2012
9:19 am

Thanks Leggs!!

Rejection is a part of life everywhere, not just Atlanta. And a lot of men are surprised period when the lady decides she doesn’t want HIM! A lot think women are so desperate to have a man that they take it for granted she’ll be around until HE decides it’s over. Well, ladies do have a choice in the matter! Doesn’t mean she’s self-absorbed or self-serving. Probably just means she’s not that into you. And when did looking out for one’s self and one’s own desires and needs become a bad thing?

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
9:29 am

@Surprised ~ classic example of taking the person for granted. One sided thinking in that her children are grown and have moved out so she felt she had more freedom, mistakenly not parenting your children who came with the marriage and being a dutiful wife. By dutiful, I mean not gallavanting around constantly going on trips w/o her husband and then not going on the ones he planned. She had her ego stroked on other levels and at the end of day when she found herself divorced, realized her ego needed to be stroked by you. Oh well, everyone misses the well when it dries up.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
9:41 am

Enter your comments here

Dude

January 17th, 2012
9:42 am

everyone misses the well when it dries up- I like that

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
9:42 am

Oops, was trying to say good morning & got a little ahead of myself. Ahem, cough cough, me me me meeeeeeee

Good Morning all!

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
9:59 am

Surprised? – Your account leaves much to desire and it seems you jumped on speculation….not very smart. Unless you’re not tell us everything.

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
10:03 am

I don’t know if I broke something but now it takes forever to get one post to take…gheesh

My weekend was fantab….I saw Contraband….IT WAS GREAT!!! Of course I’m partial to Mark W.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
10:06 am

Cel – I keep hearing about that movie, Contraband. We decided to check out Mission Impossible instead. I guess I’ll try to check that one out soon since the reviews seem to be so good.

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
10:08 am

@Celisea ~ just going on what Surprised posted, if you lived that scenario, would you hang around after trying to talk things through, planning trips (not surprised trips since he didn’t say that), him continuously taking trips w/o and not acting like a married man, how long would you stay around?

But I did notice the friction occurred over a nine-month period.

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
10:09 am

Random: I’m in a meeting for the next two hours. Don’t you just love laptops and wireless :) I’m in a corner so no one can look over my shoulder

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
10:13 am

sorry, her taking trips not acting like a married woman….

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
10:14 am

Slim – Girl, it was good!!! Check it out

Leggs – He never said anything concrete that caused the demise. He said he left her before she left him. Not saying his story is not true, I just think he told his side of things and left out a lot of details.

Surprised?

January 17th, 2012
10:16 am

@Celisea…kinda figured you’d take that stance…. I put it in a nut shell because it was long and drawm out. Me asking what was wrong and her not (or didn’t) give me any answers. She said she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. It all started in September of 2010, I made a stand in Dec. of 2010, telling her that she had either met someone, wanted to meet someone, I wasn’t flipping her switches anymore or the marriage wasn’t flipping her switches anymore. In Jan I said that I wasn’t going to ask her if anything was wrong, but that I knew that there was. She didn’t go with me on a Thanksgiving getaway, visit my family for Christmas (then heading over to her family afterwards). Vaentine’s Day she said she was “just tired”, then we went seperate ways on Memorial Day. It was on that weekend that I made my decision. What I feely admit to in my case was that once I had made my decision, it was etched in stone. I had turned the corner. It was then that she started to tell me what was wrong and that only made my decision that much stronger and certain. She had “outgrown” me and was ready to move on to the next phase of her life (freedom to travel and go on trips all the time) and I still was a father with young children.

kimmie

January 17th, 2012
10:19 am

I still was a father with young children.

Surprised – Didn’t she know that before you guys got married? Did the 2 of you talk about all that before – since she was at a different place with her kids, was she ready to start over with your young kids?

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
10:23 am

Sounds like we’ve heard this story before…Maybe she wanted to scratch “marriage” off her bucket list. :???:

Celisea

January 17th, 2012
10:26 am

Surprised? – Not sure how you “figured” I’d take that stance. I’m not knocking you or your life or your situation. I’m sorry to hear of the demise of your marriage. I just think it’s easiest to make haste rash decisions against the person not present if you don’t paint a true balanced picture. I too like Kimmie would have thought some of these things are things your discussed prior to the marriage or at least saw signs.

I only wish you well.

Fion

January 17th, 2012
10:28 am

“Maybe she wanted to scratch “marriage” off her bucket list.”

Aye man, the only thing that’s certain about the future is the uncertainty of it. Sometimes you just don’t know.

Exiled!

January 17th, 2012
10:28 am

Dude!!
@9:16

Are u that Ugly man?

20 women before u get attn?

Aim lower then!

Hope uall had a nice hols,thnxs to ML!

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
10:30 am

He never said anything concrete that caused the demise – true on the concrete part. Sounds like ego, marital management, appreciation and respect became muddied.

Dude

January 17th, 2012
10:32 am

Exiled- 20-1 was an exageration, I am only making the point to move on quick.

Surprised?

January 17th, 2012
10:32 am

Kimmie, even HER parents brought that “young children” aspect up to her before we got married. We had SUCH a powerful connection while we dated (4 years) and the first 3/4’s of the marriage. She stopped saying “I love you” when we spoke or saying “love you” on email even though I did it all the time….and I noticed. She asked me to tell her the events that led up to my decision and what was the final nail in the coffin to get me to make my decision…so I told her and went over everything, the frustration of me wanting to address it and her not giving me anything to go on, the indifference with her, us doing most everything seperately, her indifference towards me even when we went to dinner or out on the town, the sex being like she was just waiting for me to “finish”. Her last words in an email to me were “I was selfish and let something special slip through my fingers”. I replied that my biggest fault was making my decision and at that point, I released everything. I had turned the corner and emotionally couldn’t go back to what it was. Our differences and the stage we were in, that were still there, was still the mountain between us.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 17th, 2012
10:34 am

Good day everyone….

“How do you handle rejection on the dating scene?”

The best way to handle rejection is to change your routine up a bit after the rejection. Atlanta is a big city but small in scale because most people do the same things on nights of the week and weekends, i.e. there is a good chance you will see whoever dumped you. Therefore, switch up where you hang out even which Kroger/Publix you go to.

Regarding being dumped, the best thing is to cut all ties/communication. You two really wont be friends anyway so why go through the drama. Cut your loses and move on. Especially if you are a guy, you dont want to be taking a girl out you used to date pretending to be friends..this will just waste your time, money and energy and prevent you from moving on to other prospective dates.

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
10:35 am

“…all started in September of 2010, I made a stand in Dec. of 2010, telling her that she had either met someone, wanted to meet someone, I wasn’t flipping her switches anymore or the marriage wasn’t flipping her switches anymore. In Jan I said that I wasn’t going to ask her if anything was wrong….”

Ummm, right there would give me reason to pause. To give me the headsup that in another month you will come back to me with the same question only gives me more time to formulate my answer after the first 2 questioning periods. By doing this, the shoe definitely will drop on your toe each and every time. You already knew she outgrew you, and being a parent to small children. Her children had moved out and her job was done. You guys started out on the same block, only one was on the other side of the street!

disco

January 17th, 2012
10:36 am

hey y’all. I’m back – not that you missed me.

Exiled!

January 17th, 2012
10:39 am

Dude?

It’s not that serious buddy..it’s not like it’s ur sister(blood relatship) rejecting u!

Its a stranger rejecting u..

If she don’t feel it just move on to the next over there..

Just too many of them for anybody to sweat over it.

Seriously!

It’s a Man’s World! (sing that James Brown verse sometimes-nice therapy!) :lol:

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
10:43 am

I’m sorry but I can’t see myself changing up where I buy groceries just because me and so & so broke up. GAS PRICES! :lol:

Dude

January 17th, 2012
10:43 am

Ex- You are making the same point as me, I seriously am not gonna put too much in.

Kick Rocks

January 17th, 2012
10:45 am

I’ve dumped and been dumped. That’s life!

Exiled!

January 17th, 2012
10:46 am

M?

dudes don’t change location or neighborhoods coz of changed status,unless violence or threats are really involved.
girls do.
Man up!! :lol:

kimmie

January 17th, 2012
10:53 am

Exiled – Most women are not gonna change their regular routine or go out of their way just to avoid some dude either, unless like you said, there are special circumstances. But I do agree with M’s thought process to keep it moving and not do the “friend” mess. I never allowed some ex to block me!

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
10:54 am

The ex lives within walking distance of where I go to workout and that hasn’t deterred me from going there. Not to mention we probably have about 40+ mutual friends/acquaintences…we will cross paths at some point or another. For once, and just this once, I agree with Ex (I can’t believe I just typed that) :shock: unless violence or threats are really involved

Fion

January 17th, 2012
10:55 am

Dating Commercial

Having trouble with dating relationships. Rejection got you down?

From the makers of ’ Fu^k IT’ comes the cure for those Rejection Blues!

“I don’t give a damn”. 1-capsul lasts 24hrs.
Take only as directed. Don’t mix with other medication.

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
11:03 am

Fion

January 17th, 2012
11:08 am

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 17th, 2012
11:09 am

@Exiled!

I was simply saying to switch up your routine sometimes. If you met this chick at twist and she told you shes goes there every friday and you started going there when you two started dating, then she dumps you, are you still going to be at twist every friday Exiled!?

Leggs

January 17th, 2012
11:11 am

You’ve been missed, disco!

Fion

January 17th, 2012
11:13 am

@ M.

Question, for clarification. Did I hit it before she dumped me?
just asking?

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 17th, 2012
11:14 am

@Fion

LOL Let’s look at both sides of the coin, if you did and if you did not lol. Whats your responses then?

SlimNu

January 17th, 2012
11:15 am

Did I hit it before she dumped me?

:shock: then :lol:

Fion

January 17th, 2012
11:16 am

If I did, HELL YEAH!!!!

If I didn’t, HELL YEAH!!!

disco

January 17th, 2012
11:17 am

I try to switch up my routine every now and again just on GP. it’s amazing how different the commute is if I change up the route from time to time. I switch up grocery stores often though I don’t really leave my neighborhood. no point driving too far for groceries. when I’m in a shopping “rut” I try to venture into stores that I don’t generally shop in.

Fion

January 17th, 2012
11:18 am

@M.
remember I’m on that “I don’t give damn.”

Exiled!

January 17th, 2012
11:22 am

M?

It’s more than likely she’s thinking bout that herself..so don’t even worry bout it!

U got nothing to lose by going there.

Her…she problt dumped u for another dude and she don’t want that messed especially if he hitting it good..

So she proly tell dude,’I don’t like to go to Twist anymore coz there customer service sucks!’ …some like that…

So don’t worry..just continue going there coz u may meet other chics that were actually sweating u then when u were with dumpee….

Make sense?