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Why do men hate to be alone?

This NY Times article posed the question: Why do men hate to be alone? Initially, I didn’t agree that was the case, then I remembered that out of my divorced friends, the men seemed to be quick to have a full committed relationship, some even remarried right away.

While my never married male friends seem to relish the perks of bachelorhood, when they leave long term relationships, they seem to feel a void. They go through this “nestling” phase where they want the first woman they find attractive to start playing house and fill the void. It’s basically the worst case of rebound girl ever.

Maybe men really do hate being alone? Well, hate it more than women do! Are women more resilient when it comes to being on our own?

There was one part of the article that struck me, though:

A marriage is a lot of work. Strike that. A man is a lot of work. Anyone who has been in a bad marriage knows that its defining characteristic is the unspeakable loneliness in which one feels shrouded, a sense of isolation amplified by not being alone.

If women enjoy their freedom so much after a long (bad) relationship ends, is it because being in a relationship brings a lot of “work” for us? Do most women feel as if they have embarked on a vacation after they divorce or break up?

What do you think? Who handles single life better?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

233 comments Add your comment

Bill Clinton

January 13th, 2012
6:54 am

Single is the life for me on those days when I’m not married…….Bang ‘em and run…..Oooops….It’s Hillary…..Gotta go…..

Bill Clinton

January 13th, 2012
6:56 am

Second…….

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
7:28 am

Morning all. This is nothing new. This has been going on as long as I have been watching people and that is for a very long time now. There are a host of reasons but one major one is emotional, and one is logistical. The emotional one is that men would never admit it but when coming out of a relationship THEY are the needy ones. Women can handle life without men a whole lot better than men can handle life without women. I can’t quote numbers but from years of observation, the man is usually the first to remarry and the first to start dating (ego thing here as well as a perceived physical need). I can’t begin to tell you how many of the men I’ve seen divorced get remarried within a year…some to the first or second lady they go out with more than once.

The second reason is logistical. If children are involved, most of the time the woman still remains the primary custodian. As bad as it sounds, a lot of men aren’t going to pursue a woman with young children. For the sake of the children I wish more men (me included) would be willing to step up, but it is what it is. This is not always just being selfish. Sometimes it is just a desire not to be put in to a position where competition with biological children in no way enters the picture.

There are lots of reasons for this, but men are the neediest ones after a marriage ends by far. If a man can get by the first year or two after a breakup, he gets used to being alone and might (as I have) stay single a long time…but the hard part is getting past that needy stage. now the men on this blog can disagree with everything I have said, but if one looks around they will see that the numbers favor what I just said.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
7:35 am

Afterthought, I would also submit that this is part of the “cougar” phenomenon also. Women, by the time they enter the “cougar” age, have often gotten their children mostly grown and no longer a reason to keep men away. With modern day cosmetology, gyms, and an intense desire to regain their youth, the tools to make themselves look pretty/very good are available and effective (look at Christie Brinkley, 50 really is the new 30).

They have a bunch of pentup sexual desires they are ready to express and fulfil.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
8:00 am

Another couple of thoughts. The title is “Why do men hate to be alone?” Women, not always but most of the time, develop support networks of female friends. Men, deep down, are not wired this way. If you look into the wild, you will almost never see more than one dominant male in a herd, whether lions, or buffalo, elk, whatever. Men form what looks on the surface like friendships, but they are seldom truly “support” friendships if you look close. A man can rule his environment, but his deep seeded emotional needs are often filled in a weird way by women. Dudes look stronger than we really are. We can charge into a hail of bullets and not worry at all about our physical harm, but our egos and our emotional needs are sheltered and much more vulnerable than we show…not allowed to…first paragraph in the MLB.

widow09

January 13th, 2012
8:21 am

good morning, wow Randyt thanks for the insight, i assumed a lot of this abt men’s egos and emotions.

New blogger

January 13th, 2012
8:34 am

Glad to hear a man’s point of view.

Dude

January 13th, 2012
8:35 am

I think that this topic is completely off base, not only that, but it is slated heavily against men. Don’t agree at all that anyone is worse off than the other after a breakup. Steps of a break up for a guy usually consists of going to a strip club, getting drunk, going to another place and picking up a new woman and bringing her home. Pretty simple for most guys.

singlelongtime

January 13th, 2012
8:52 am

Happy Friday Morning: I think women are more apt to build up that security wall after being hurt in a relationship, I know i did. We tend to keep that mistrust and protective wall up for some time and therefore become used to managing on our own. For me it took a long time to let someone tear down that wall…..but regretably, I did.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
9:05 am

Good Morning All,

Well looks like RandyT said it all…sooo I will just watch from the wings.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
9:16 am

Good Chilly, scratch that, Cold Ass Friday the 13th

Audra

January 13th, 2012
9:21 am

Randy, you are dead on, once again. I agree. I think men are less comfortable being alone because they need nurturing more than they let on. I do have one question for you though: if men get their emotional needs met by women, then how come it is so hard to connect with a man emotionally when you’re WITH him? I know the ladies out there know what I’m talking about. My ex had a wall up, simply would not let me in. Now that it’s over, he is devastated and I guess he really was relying on me emotionally. Which was news to me!! Please explain, Randy…

:)

KaiserSoze

January 13th, 2012
9:23 am

Well, RandyT, you hit the nails on heads time after time above. I can’t argue with much that you said. My ego would like to argue with you, but deep down almost everything you said is spot on correct. I don’t think I have anything to add. Well sid.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
9:25 am

Morning Dude…I won’t pretend that in the immediate your scenario in the immediate aftermath of a breakup is not 100% true (me included), but what I have seen is that men fall off that within three to nine months with great regularity. There is something akin to an initial rush of freedom that lasts for a brief while, and then a few Saturday nights at 2:00 AM staring at the ceiling and an unease starts to settle in. I think then a lot, not all, of men begin to start clinging a little harder to the next woman, maybe pursuing a little more, a little more intensely. It is more apparent in newly divorced guys, but I think more the rule than the exception. How much of this applies across different races and cultures, I don’t know, but it is very apparent in white suburban males for sure.

KaiserSoze

January 13th, 2012
9:31 am

Audra – men like to act as though we don’t need to feel loved and supported by our mate, but nothing is farther from the truth. We do need to feel loved and appreciated, and we often make that emotional connection earlier and more deeply than the women do, but for some reason we are afraid or reluctant to let it show. Whether it be trying to appear strong, tough, etc. or just trying to not come across as needy, men (in general) are just less able to express and sometimes even accept our emotional needs.

And honestly, deep down, I think many of us men that are divorced are just plain afraid to open up and accept our own feelings because we’re gun shy. We don’t want to admit that we are opening ourselves up, becoming vulnerable again, giving someone else the power to emotionally break us down.

Is it right? Is it fair? Probably not. But in reality we can’t control it, it’s a subconscious thing. Men and women are just programmed differently. We just have to accept and embrace our differences.

Dude

January 13th, 2012
9:31 am

I wonder what the demographic is here, speaking of which. I think it will go on a case by case basis. Men can be needy, to me the very short time that I was a little bummed out was that I had been used to taking care of someone, not that person taking care of me. Men as a rule are made to be providers, so the lack there of, could be more of the reason, not being alone. In MHO

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
9:37 am

@ Audra…your question has me thinking. I am going to have to reflect on it. In looking at my own divorce years ago, my wife made a claim in the last year or two we were together, that I scoffed at but have come to re-evaluate. She said that we could go out with another couple, and i would carry on great conversation with everyone…except her. I thought that was stupid until I reflected on it. Why would I talk to everyone but the one I was supposed to be the most open and intimate with??? It made no sense until I realized a universal truth. The person who can be and should be your strongest supporter and nurturer, WILL also be the one who can hurt you the most because of the vulnerability. Men never really take off that “man armor” in the workplace and or outside of their inner sanctum. However their lover/wife/etc. is one that can get inside that armor and do serious damage. Thus, a major trust issue is involved…and like all trust issues, if violated is difficult to ever repair.

If a man senses the woman really does have his back, he can let down that armor. If he senses that she might use that vulnerability to hurt him or disrespect him, he won’t. Never, never, never forget that a man treasures respect much more than love. Respect, or lack of such, can do injury to his ego and his pride, and that is a man’s most vulnerable part.

KaiserSoze

January 13th, 2012
9:38 am

Dude – I’ll agree with what you said, but in my case it was more that being the provider for my ex and the kids made me feel needed, added a deeper purpose to the daily grind. It was difficult to no longer have that affirmation.

I’m not a needy man, I’m a giver by nature. But I like to have someone to give to, to provide for, and to give me the appreciation.

Audra

January 13th, 2012
9:39 am

KaiserSoze – I get that. Still, when you’re with someone for 10 years it gets frustrating! But I guess some things about women get to you all too.. :)

Dude

January 13th, 2012
9:45 am

Randy 9:37 kudos and thumbs up
KaiserSoze 9:38 kudos and thumbs up

There is that word again, appreciation…..

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
9:50 am

Audra and all the women on the blog…

Let me throw in something here that I heard once and is almost universally true…and seems so very small to women, but strangely makes a huge difference in the man. If women will take this and remember it, they can save themselves a LOT of unexplained silence or irritation from a man. If a woman ever asks, “Why did you do (fill in the blank, anything)…”, a man automatically adds these words on to the end of the sentence “…you dumb SOB”. The woman probably most of the time is only trying to understand, but a man almost always gets this as a put down…against that fragile ego. Again, remember how important a man’s esteem and self respect are.

Remember that in all you do and say and you can have any man eating out of the palm of your hand.

Audra

January 13th, 2012
9:52 am

Good point about respect, Randy. I never realized that consciously, but looking back on my own marriage I think you’re right, and can see ways where maybe my ex didn’t feel that from me. Thanks for the insight into the male brain!

KaiserSoze

January 13th, 2012
9:53 am

Well Audra, I’ll say this only because it is something I learned from my 15 year marriage. I, the man, felt that the emotional connection was there. I relied on my ex, loved her with all my heart, and would do anything for her. As our divorce become apparent (she was caught cheating more than once) she told me that I was “emotionally unavailable” and distant, and unsupporting, etc.

Men try to show the connection in the best ways we know how; women seem to need it verbalized or shown in ways different than men are able to inherently show it. I think it all boils down to communication. If you have questions or concerns about the relationship – ask! If you need or want something from your partner – tell them! Don’t expect anyone to read your mind, and don’t take the passive-aggressive stance that “they should know what I want/need” and wait for them to figure it out. That is a recipe for disaster.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
9:58 am

Lol @ Audra…another little tip for the future ;-) You want to light a man up like a Christmas tree (in a nice way) ? Don’t tell him you love him…tell him you are PROUD of him, or ADMIRE him (Proud is best though). The most “loving” men I know, in the best marriages even, I guarantee could go most or all of the rest of their lives with their wives not sayin “I love you”, if they would occasionally say, “I’m so PROUD of you”. women are wired for love, men ae wired for respect.

I’m not saying that love is not important for a man, just that it is not the MOST important thing for a man. It is how he meaures his self worth.

Audra

January 13th, 2012
10:00 am

Okay, thanks to both of you. However, one thing, Randy: if a man always hears “you dumb SOB” on the end of a sentence, how do we communicate when something is wrong or we have a concern WITHOUT hurting the fragile male ego??

Also, Kaiser, your ex sounds horrid. Maybe she did feel unheard or neglected or whatever, but that didn’t give her license to cheat. That’s just an excuse, and a bad one at that.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
10:00 am

Morning All!

Not much to add except it’s something I observed a long, long time ago. People are very critical of women that seem to jump from relationship to relationship and can’t seem to take time for themselves. But men seem to fly under the radar in that respect. I first noticed it with widowed men, especially older men that were married many years. They probably loved their late wives dearly, but some would be remarried within a year. They were so used to being married and having someone. Divorced guys seem to be a different story somewhat. You’ve got those that are very open to remarrying and those that swear they will never do it again, or at least for a very, very long time.

I do think a lot more women are a bit more resilient than men. They are more apt to take time to heal and no doubt have better support systems in place. When they do decide to get back out there and date, I do think they are less apt to do it on the rebound like a lot of men do, but that’s my observation, experience and opinion. And if they have children, I don’t think that necessarily makes them less attractive to men. I think it makes them more careful and choosy about who they bring around the children.

Randyt – It has been my observation that divorced/widowed women with children had no problem attracting men. In fact, they seemed to do better than those women never married and childless. All very unscientific, mind you, just going by those in my church and those I live and work around.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
10:00 am

Men try to show the connection in the best ways we know how. Women seem to need it verbalized or shown in ways different than men are able to inherently show it

Bingo…sometimes it’s hard for woment to accept that because we are so intuned with what’s between our ears. The beaus doesn’t really say much as far as being all mushy & emotional but he’ll show it in other ways. I was a bit down & out yesterday. So he surprised me with one of my favortie desserts. It really made my day. :D

singlelongtime

January 13th, 2012
10:00 am

@ Randy…good post. Gave me some new insight. Thanks.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:06 am

@ Audra re:” how do we communicate when something is wrong or we have a concern WITHOUT hurting the fragile male ego??” Good question. I suspect, without clear examples coming to me, that the answer lies in the way you spin it. When I used to coach youth athletics, we used the “sandwich” method. We would couch a concern (the meat) in between a couple of compliments (the bread slices). Maybe think of something to build him up first (hopefully we men do SOME things right), then gently express a concern, then say something like “I want to be the best for you baby, and knowing this will make me be the woman I want to be (okay that is extreme I admit, but hopefully you see the concept ;-)

Audra

January 13th, 2012
10:07 am

kimmie – Yes! I have noticed this too – it does seem that women with children are MORE prone to date/remarry. I am divorced but unfortunately we had no children (medical issues, etc.). Now I almost feel that’s a negative for some men, esp. those who have kids themselves. I do love kids and would love to be a mom, adopt, or be a stepmom, but is not having kids at nearly 40 a strike against me? What do some of the men on here think?

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:08 am

2 Kimmie re the women with children…may be. One size seldom fits all.

Sniffing No More!

January 13th, 2012
10:11 am

That’s a question for the ladies?

Men wldnt mind humping and moving along!

It’s the women who want to nurture.

Don’t get it twisted Diva…

morning!

(going back to actually read the argument of the topic) :lol:

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:14 am

Audra, here is another dilemma. Even though I hesitate to date women with young children, I sometimes hesitate to date a woman without children at all for a totally different reason. I have children, and would walk out in front of a truck for any one of them (some people on here before have questioned this but some things are more important than life) . One can love children more than any spouse, or even oneself. There is a concern (and I have heard it voiced by other men), that a woman without children (and I suppose this works the other way also) may not be fully able to understand that love…and may resent that bond with one’s children. I’m not saying this is right or fair, just saying it can happen.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
10:15 am

Nice posts Randy…

GamePlan

January 13th, 2012
10:16 am

@Audra…how do you communicate with us without hurting our fragile male ego? Good question. I’ve been married 12 years now and the Mrs. has become quite skilled at this I have to admit. The way to do this is like Randy said, begin the conversation with letting us know why you are proud of us and how you respect us for the things we do well. Then lead into discussing the issue that we need to work on. This enables us to let our guard down and to really listen to what you are saying without getting all defensive and trying to protect the ego.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
10:19 am

The beaus doesn’t really say much as far as being all mushy & emotional but he’ll show it in other ways.

Little things make us happy :-) It’s not always about $$$…

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
10:21 am

Audra – I swear it seems like women with 10 kids have men lined up not only wanting to date them, but marry them!!! And yes, I feel you on not having kids at nearly 40 seeming to be a strike against you. I actually can speak to that due to my experience with it. As I approached 40 without a child, I deliberately sought out men with children. I wanted to be a mother, but in case I was unable to have them naturally, I did not want a man that wanted them to be disappointed. I ran across a lot of men with children that didn’t want any more, so they avoided me. Even my now husband was hesitant. Because of health issues I am not trying to have a baby at this age. His kids were 5 & 7 when we met. Once I assured him that I was happy helping him raise his 2, he was good to go. He could see how I interacted with them that I would be a good mother. I also come from a very large family and am used to being around kids and I dearly love them. Some how, some way I was going to be a mother. God worked it out perfectly.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:22 am

Good post GamePlan. I noticed the words “proud” and “respect” inyour post also. Those two words alone are the keys to getting under almost any man’s body armor.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:23 am

@ Kimmie…great post. Glad for you.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:25 am

@ Audra, I think Kimmie has the key to getting through to a man with children. It may well get in the way of men approaching you, but that is exactly what a man is asking and wants to see demonstrated.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
10:28 am

Randyt – You 10:14 – eyeopening. I know deep down I am a natural mother. There are ways other than giving birth to become a mother. I never wanted to go about having a child out of wedlock. I wanted to give any child I had the best life possible, not knocking any single moms mind you. I understand that love you speak of. Trying to convince a man of that is a different story. It does hurt, quite a bit, when you know you would love his child like your own and he doesn’t seem convinced.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
10:29 am

kimmie – I have to agree that it seems women with multiple kids have no issue with getting a man to marry them and accept her kids. Like I’ve stated before, I have now crossed over into the, No kids at your age, never married or engaged ->what’s wrong with you phase. Granted i’m only 33 but dayum does that mean i’m wearing a scarlet letter of some sort because i don’t have any rug rats running behind me?

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
10:30 am

Thanks Randyt!

Sniffing No More!

January 13th, 2012
10:31 am

Randyt?

I think today u are on some women appeasement crusade…

Look at your t-shirts…is that a sign of not being able to or not wanting to be alone?

When u talk of ego,both men and women have it. Besides,ego is such an internal thing that we can’t touch,measure nor quantify. However,one thing we know is that if society was to ever give us a choice,men wld rather not be ’shackled’ by this status of being married. We would rather just do it the way the lions and other animal male species do it.

But ask any women out there privately if u want…well at least most…they wld rather be with one man,exclusively.

Well if I’m wrong,let them say so.

But for me(don’t know about u Randyt) I would rather be humping All of the MIA ladies….then going to my crib alone! :lol:

Dude

January 13th, 2012
10:32 am

No children here, but I know a lot of guys that prefer to go after unwed mothers, they seem to be more patient, more appreciative, and more receptive to any attempt of going that extra little bit. So guys are not exactly hesitant about going after single mothers, in most cases it’s a benefit.

Mr_NYC

January 13th, 2012
10:33 am

RandyT, I can agree with your early points. Looking back on my separation and divorce I can see how the lack of an emotional support system affected me. Very few reached out to discuss on a deep level. Got the customary “I’m here if you need me.” But most were at a loss and avoided close contact, faded away or tried to carry on as if nothing had changed.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:34 am

It’s tough Kimmie and I feel for you. Maybe knowing what some males might think, consciously or subconsciously, may make figuring out the best way to deal with this is. Again, one size does not fit all, thank goodness. People get hurt every single minute of every day because of these kinds of belief systems.

Audra

January 13th, 2012
10:34 am

Good for you, kimmie. Glad it worked out that way for you! Hope it does for me someday…

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
10:35 am

Good Hawk Kicking Butt Friday the 13th!

First, almost got into a heated argument at my child’s school, secndly then went to doctor’s office after emailing AND receiving a response that I would be there tomorrow @8:30 to find a sign on the door saying “CLOSED FRIDAYS.” I looked around for a brick, but knew better. I need to do what Mitt Romney would do…fire those with poor customer service.

@Randyt ~ you are on it this morning. All posts are wordy but well thought out (LOL).

I think women are more reslilient then men, but to be honest all depends on how the demise of the relationship occurred that really determines who moves on the quickest.

Audra

January 13th, 2012
10:35 am

And, okay, Randyt I’m starting feel like you’re my dating coach! Not that that’s a bad thing… :)

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
10:36 am

but is not having kids at nearly 40 a strike against me?

Audra, I wonder the same thing sometimes. When men find out my age, the next ? is always “Well, how many kids you got?” and when I say I don’t I get the :shock: Hell, my family STILL does it to me but I don’t plan on having children…wait… IF I got married and my husband DIDN’T have any children and wanted one then yes I would do it but other than that no I ain’t birthin no babies.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
10:37 am

Randyt- Another thing. I think alot of younger men might not want a woman with kids because they want to experience that “first” with someone without kids as well. With some older men, they might not want a woman with young kids because their own kids are grown and maybe out on their own, so they’ve “been there, done that”.

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
10:38 am

Morning,

Nothing to add it’s all been said. I don’t necessarily agree with everything but hey I don’t have anythin got add so I won’t refute.

I’ll just say women handle singledom much better than men.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:39 am

Not appeasing Exiled, just the Communications major in me coming out. I tend to believe the more men and women understand each other, the better they might get along. That said, there is still that problem that when men finally begin to understand women, they instantly change the rules…leaving men scratching their head and their azz trying to figure out “where did that came from? ;-)

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:40 am

@ Kimmie…very true.

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
10:41 am

Okay..that wasn’t said right…lol

Since I don’t have anything to add, I won’t refute what some of what I don’t agree with. Some I do but not all. Some of this is a but mushy it seems to me. It’s not just men dealing with issues and needing support. But I guess that’s why the woman is the bearer of children, the one that raises (in most cases). All this hold me and tell me this that and the other….women are burder bearers….truly.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:42 am

You can relax Leggs, I’m running out of words so should be shorter for the rest of the day ;-)

i'm swiss

January 13th, 2012
10:50 am

Morning from LA.

Off topic: Just checked the weather forecast for ATL… Now why did you folks have to let it get colder than a witch’s titTAY right before I fly back???

On topic: WTF kind of BS am I reading? C’mon, man. Some folks are needy; some folks are not. And there are w@ngs & vajayjays in both categories.

Dude

January 13th, 2012
10:52 am

C-
Everyone think that they are the burden bearers, from the man’s side, what if he wants to spend more time with the kids? Unfortunately he can’t due to having the role of provider, if we are going the route of (in most cases), every case is different. Burden bearer is relative to each person’s own situation, and what position they put themselves in.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
10:56 am

It’s all good Randyt…I like reading most of your posts.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
10:59 am

Now swiss, are you saying that around that third or fourth week of doing without the ‘Lady’s’ attentions, you wouldn’t feel just a little needy ??? ;-) I tried doing without for awhile…worst four hours of my life.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:01 am

sorry for that monniker..

if women handled singledorm better why the ‘angry black woman’ term?

It came outa nowhere?

This is some bullshizzle right here!!

A lot of times we want to debug what society has already observed.

There are more women out there hurting(at least judging from the outside,that’s what we see) because ‘their’ man ain’t doing right by them,they are trifling and the woman is confused,they are emotional etc.

Women are definitely more emotional than men so how they can handle being alone more than the men can…well Randyt,that’s confusing to me.

But for those that are and doing it fabulously with no emotional hangups or therapy,more power to them.

cba

January 13th, 2012
11:03 am

About a year or so ago, one of my brothers told me that being alone was a b!tch!! He said it was frightening to wake up during the night sweating and heart racing and being alone. This particular brother has had more women than one man should be allowed (lol). He has been married twice, both ladies had children and both marriages probably lasted a total of three years.

He is now engaged to a 42yr old and he’s 60. I wish her well but I know my brother :-(

i'm swiss

January 13th, 2012
11:03 am

@Randy — There’s a difference between needing some pdussy and needing to “not be alone” though. :lol:

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
11:03 am

“if women handled singledorm better why the ‘angry black woman’ term?”

Because it’s a term probably a man invented because he couldn’t understand what was going on or couldn’t get what he wanted.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:07 am

Slim(deflated)

What heppenings? :lol:

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
11:08 am

Exiled – A woman doesn’t have to be single to be angry. Thats a term the media invented anyway. Anything to put down us ladies. We reject it.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:10 am

@ Exiled…I can’t explain it other than maybe emotions do not always have to be shown to exist. Men think and feel too, just demonstrate it differently.

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
11:11 am

I’m having all kinds of issues today….tummy, computer, overdrafts…lol

On topic: WTF kind of BS am I reading? C’mon, man. Some folks are needy; some folks are not. And there are w@ngs & vajayjays in both categories.

Thanks Swiss….I agree

Dude – I agree it’s all relative and natually my window and your window will cast a different view. I don’t agree though it’s a position people chose or place themselves in.

Dude

January 13th, 2012
11:11 am

Well I am outta here, gotta a busy busy day

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:12 am

Now swiss, how does one get pudsy while alone? I know one way, but not necessarily by definition the same thing ;-)

Dude

January 13th, 2012
11:13 am

c-
I guess we can respectfully disagree on this subject, not trying to avoid the conversation, just hit refresh and saw your post.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:14 am

(I’m thinking Exiled hit a nerve with the “angry black women” analogy…think I’ll edge a little farther away so I don’t get hit by a stray arrow, lol)

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:14 am

Randyt..11:10

True,we show emotions differently so if one is angry and yells but the other is angry but is calm or calms before talking to the other party,who handled their anger better?

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:16 am

Exiled – Not what you’re thinking. I didn’t pass my fitness test, I got my “Dear John” letter and now it’s back to the drawing board :-(

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:18 am

@ SlimNu ???

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:18 am

@Kimmmie..I didn’t say that(single) and honestly I don’t even know to which status of women it is applied to but I have heard of it.

My only observation was,why coin the term..what was the point?

Was there a pattern or it came outa thin air?

i'm swiss

January 13th, 2012
11:18 am

@Randy — Well, depending on how — ahem — blessed you are, you can get you dipstick wet from a greater distance… :lol:

But seriously, the implication, at least as I interpreted it, was that dudes are more emotionally needy, and that is some BS.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
11:20 am

Exiled – It’s an ugly stereotype. Doesn’t matter where it came from. Please do your sisters a favor and drop it, okay?

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
11:20 am

I like my freedom to do anything I choose, it comes with a catch at times loneliness. To me I/you can be lonely and still maintain a happy life as long as you know you can love again. Those Sunday through Thursday nights laying in bed and you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re alone give pause to ponder. We don’t care to be alone, and the toughest of men don’t feel shame admitting it knowing we are bearers and women are carriers of all of our emotions.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:20 am

Slim..I was thinking u were high before dark last nite,got some 3:30 AM and then the hunger deflated some after the Officer had put u to work!

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:23 am

@ swiss…’great distances”…..Well one of my legs is longer than the other two (okay that might be “stretching a little thing a long way” perhaps), lol.

I understand what you are saying swiss, but I’m not necessarily tying emotion (in the sense that we normally see it demonstrated) to need. Probably should, but not. Just what I have observed as far as actions…not sure of the causes.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:24 am

Ex – My current state of mind does not allow me to respond to your silliness right now without being a bit brash. So with that old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say…”

Randy – Missed passing score by 2pts for the fitness test for this job i’ve been dealing with the longggg tentative process since last year.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:26 am

re: “the toughest of men don’t feel shame admitting it knowing we are bearers and women are carriers of all of our emotions”. Interesting words. I’ve been there, done that.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
11:27 am

2 poinst sorry Slim1, I know that’s a drag when you invest so much time on something.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
11:27 am

@Slim…awww..sorry to here that..

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
11:28 am

So Slim,what do u have to do,physically tonpass the test?

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
11:34 am

Yeah RandyT I’m 20 years out of a divorce and went through the process, hopefully a divorce isn’t in anyone here thoughts. If it is for a guy you will feel the lonliness it’s human nature.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:35 am

You’re scored based on how many of each individual task you have to do, which include push-ups, sit-ups, side-steps, 8-lifting/dropping cycles of 50lb crate in least amount of seconds, 5-minute step test in cadence. The push ups is what got me…oh well. I’ll keep going to the gym to build on my strength in the meantime.

abc

January 13th, 2012
11:36 am

Ya kiddin. As a man, I value my solitude, single or married. There aren’t any issues of loneliness. Why do you think most mature men don’t have that many male friends? Because once you grow out of ‘boys night out’, what’s the point, that’s why.

Loneliness is a matter of maturity. Once you grow up, you realize that the more solitude you have, the more centered and focused you can be on the things that matter to you. If you have a woman in your life, especially if you’re married, you have to stay centered and focused on her. Now, for lots of men (me included) this works great, with the woman I’m married to. But if not for her, I’d live alone, and value my solitude and time very highly, to the exclusion of chicks.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:37 am

I’m sorry Slim. Hang in there though. My daughter has been so deflated about not finding a job in her college field since she graduated a year ago (journalism, communications, PR). She has taken and left several server/host jobs and thought she would never land anything real since she did not have experience. A week ago she left a hostess job at Ruth’s Chris and started sending resumes out in desperation. Tuesday she sent one out for a receptionist job at an OB/GYN clinic. The next day she got a call from them to come in and interview. Yesterday she went in for an interview and was agonizing about answering phones with a Bachelors degree. The lady took her back, and told her what they wanted her for was to fill a “Marketing and PR Assistant” position and what they saw was her video, writing, and editing experience. So she will be preparing and directing videos and marketing on line, maybe even trying to produce a sort of “Doctors” type program on a local level. Not a lot of money but a real job with a real title, full benefits, and that “real world experience” that one has to somehow get before they can really move up.

Jobs are like dating, it seems that when one is most down and ready to give up, that something real and BETTER happens. Luck to you.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:39 am

@ abc, I certainly understand what a man gets and gives up in a marriage…but if freedom is paramount, why remarry? Even the best of relationships is going to curtail one’s freedom some.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
11:41 am

Awww, sorry about that SlimNu. Put air back into yourself and prepare for the next challenge. But damn, 2 points!

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
11:41 am

Oh BF, nice post! I understand.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:42 am

Randy – Thanks for sharing her story and throwing some encouragement my way. I was really down about it yesterday but i’m trying to remain positive. Failure is not final unless I give up. ;-)

abc

January 13th, 2012
11:43 am

The topic is ‘why men hate to be alone’, though, Randy. I submit that simply isn’t true. Maybe some men are; maybe a lot are; but I’m sure not like that. I think that once men pass 40 or so, they don’t really even want to hang out with other men that much. The male friends I have, I gained when I was in my 20’s, and we all live scattered all over the world — we’re all that way, and it suits us all just fine. Maybe 15 guys, and at least half of them divorced and stayed that way, not even dating for the most part. Some of them never married.

I say again, men are fine with being alone. Think bear in a cave. Works for me.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
11:45 am

Afternoon All,

good topic but ummm don’t know if I agree with the stance of a few posts. I will say I agree with some of the Tshirt guy comments BUT dayum not to that level. I mean I recognize some of the emotional things but that doesn’t mean I go all Lenny Williams.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:48 am

@ abc, I get you. I was mostly commenting about a sort of needy phase (first year particularly) that men go though sometimes when they are fresh out of a relationship. In the “place” you described, I’m sort of there myself. I think if I could find someone that I really liked, it would compliment my relatively full life also, but frankly most of the time, I like to be alone now.

Not always though ;-)

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
11:49 am

Some dudes enjoy being alone/solitary, nobody said anything was wrong with it either. If solitude is what you need to focus more on something then do what it takes, me I can multi task a little bit I don’t need to be alone/solitary to have focus.

cba

January 13th, 2012
11:49 am

SlimNu~ one of my favorite songs while I was in college is “Keep your head to the sky” by Earth, Wind and Fire. Even today, I will google it some days to get a lift when I’m feeling down. Keep your head to the sky, young lady.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
11:53 am

@ WD sometimes what I say may seem extreme, but somewhat just making a point.

I have to admit I have seldom seen men hanging themselves from bridges just because they have lost a lady (although sometimes they do…a little extreme I think. I hate to seem callous, but it really irritates me when some dude loses a job and or a lady, and then climbs on one of the bridges downtown and threatens to jump. Then ties up traffic for hours. Dayum dude, if you want to off yourself okay, but not there dayum it).

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
11:53 am

Slim – It’s gonna work out, I just know it. Claim it!

Randyt – Congrats to your daughter!

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:55 am

swiss – Have you had the chance to read this article about your alma mater? http://blogs.ajc.com/news-to-me/2012/01/13/uga-ranked-2nd-in-aspiring-sugar-babies/ :lol:

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
11:56 am

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
11:58 am

I have to admit I have seldom seen men hanging themselves from bridges just because they have lost a lady

Randyt – I don’t see many women doing it either. In any case, it’s usually not just losing the woman – laid off or fired from the job, house is foreclosed on and bankruptcy filed, on TOP of losing the woman. When it rains, it pours sometimes, and some folks are able to handle adversity better than others.

GracieL

January 13th, 2012
11:59 am

I think it has more to do with one’s propensity to be co-dependent than with gender, but…. from what I’ve seen (and I’ve seen a LOT), I have to agree with Diva that it’s more common in men coming off coupledom than women.

Maybe it’s because being a single woman in my 40’s, I frequently find myself in the company of newly-divorced (or widowed) men. Even though most of them are glad to be out of their marriages (and bore me with endless yammering about how awful she was, and how much they LOVE being independent now), they are used to having someone there to listen to their boring work stories, and other banal daily minutia. Some even copy me on emails for business issues I care nothing about because they NEED that sense that somebody, somewhere, knows and cares what they’re feeling right now.

It just does not occur to me to get THAT personal that quickly. I’m okay if the man I’m dining with does not know every detail of my day. I’d rather discuss shared interests, goals, or insightful funny stories. While they claim to love their rediscovered freedom, they definitely feel the loss of what they obviously took for granted.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
12:01 pm

Slim – Hang in there lil mama. Now you know what it takes and its in front of you. Get back to work.

RandyT – gotcha, but dayum man you went to a place that most of us are not willing or comfortable to go.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
12:01 pm

@ SlimNu, lol, just read that article you posted to swiss. My question is does one get a higher quality of “lady wanting a ride” if it is a private school rather than a public one. I mean would the lady have to offer a really great “ride” if she wants tuition at NYU rather than public school? I mean, when being a “sponsor” does one get what one pays for right? (JK)

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
12:03 pm

A chick previously dated 2 guys that were hot off the press from a divorce. They both spewed the fact that they just wanted to have fun, they didn’t want to jump into another serious situation, and one even stated they didn’t see themselves even considering marriage for at least 3yrs. His behind was re-married within the next year…to someone else after she had been there with him as he went through the divorce process.

GracieL

January 13th, 2012
12:06 pm

SlimNu,

Yep. Being the rebound chick is NOT worth it!

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
12:06 pm

@ Gracie…painful but almost 100% accurate. There are reasons for not dating for awhile after a relationship…and one of the most important is so one doens not bore the hellz out of someone new and interesting.

In a smarter world, one needs to totally flush the toilet, before doing business again.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
12:07 pm

@SlimNu ~ some men just need that “transition” chick. He knew from jump that’s what she would be to him, unfortunately for her.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
12:08 pm

Randy – LOL good question but a person wanting YOUR money regardless if she’s going to a private or public school is still a chick wanting Your damn money. Maybe it makes the sugar daddy feel better about who he’s investing in.

i'm swiss

January 13th, 2012
12:10 pm

@Slim — I had not seen that, but it’s not surprising. The chicks outnumber the dudes there by a pretty wide margin & most of them are pretty hot. Ahhh, college days… :lol:

By the way, what’s up with you? Why deflated? Need me to come give you a blow? :lol:

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
12:11 pm

Sorry WD, I guess I did violate several MLB rules today ;-)

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
12:11 pm

What is going on with my computer and this site??? I’m giving this post a try

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
12:15 pm

LOL @SlimNu…

(Randyt now thinking about getting a ’sponsor’ to pursue a higher dgree himself. That rich sponsor (read cougar) might be really old though. Anybody here ever see that scene with Woody Harrelson in “Kingpins” where he has to “work off” his rent?…GGGAAAGGGGGGG).

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
12:20 pm

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
12:20 pm

one needs to totally flush the toilet, before doing business again. Wow, never heard it put this way but makes perfect sense. I might have to steal that from ya!

Gracie/Leggs – I would very weary or basically not even take a guy seriously that just got out of a long relationship or marriage for this very reason. They are only looking for an ego boost post-breakup but after he get’s his bearings, he’ll be off to the next stepping stone.

WD – Yeah, I hear ya loud and clear. I’ve already shed the tears i’m going to shed over it, now it’s time to get back to business.

swiss – I would take you up on your offer to ‘fill me up’ but I think i’ll pass. Thanks though :lol:

NY2GA

January 13th, 2012
12:35 pm

Honestly, if you can’t stand to be alone, then you have some real issues you need worked out. I am not saying I don’t enjoy the company of others, especially women, but nothing wrong with spending time by yourself, learning yourself, understanding who you are, reflecting, and shifting the focus.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
12:47 pm

O/T Joran Van der Sloot sentenced to 28 years in a peruvian prison, and is supposed to pay some $78,000 to the family of the victim. I hope he meets lots of new “friends” in the shower there. The US is trying to extradite him for extortion, but I would rather they wait and let him serve his sentence there first. Supposed to be very “comfortable and humane” conditions.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
12:47 pm

We are all over the place I see. I was just wondering since someone mention suicide..that may be all of these murder-suicides could be related to the whole don’t want to be alone. We just had one to happen yesterday in Riverdale. I love hard..but not like that. And please no one has to love me like that either.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
12:49 pm

@SlimNu ~ I stayed clear of newly divorced men, and never went next to a separated man. Too much drama and wounds probably still opened. I know there are issues, but I so disagree with someone being separated for 2+ years. Go sign the papers and end it or go to counseling and make it work. Whatever, just leave me alone.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
12:53 pm

Leggs – Yeah I don’t understand those long separations. Sounds like they are either too lazy to go through the rigamarow or just aren’t ready to accept the finality of it all. I have a cousin that has not divorced his wife of less than a year lol…however, they’ve been separated probably going on 3yrs now.

Kym – Murder suicides are just plain selfish.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
12:54 pm

Slim – Do you have a new target date for the next attempt?

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
12:54 pm

Leggs – The worst drama of my dating career happened with dudes recently out of relationships. I’m not talking a month out either, at least 4 months and that’s the very lowest. Average I would say about 10 months. Either way, drama city!!

I would be especially wary of dudes that constantly complain and badmouth the ex. He doth protest too much!! There is a thin line between love & hate. When you are truly over someone – you are just indifferent. Don’t hate them or wish bad on them, just indifferent.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
12:57 pm

Leggs – I like to steer clear of the newly divorced, separated or guys with fairly young children (especially if the kid is still in newborn status lol)

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
1:02 pm

“When you are truly over someone – you are just indifferent.” Absolutely. If someone biotches to excess about ex, then the ex still has control over the guy/gal.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:02 pm

WD – At this point, the process would start all over only and if a posting becomes available. I started the process for this announcement at the end of 2010 where I took the initial written test. I didn’t really hear much from them until well into June of 2011, then in August. Once it got rolling, it was like from 0 to 60. So i’ll just put an alert on the announcement board for anything else that comes up. I also took a written test for another position with a different agency with the goberment back in August. So far I’ve only received my notice of results which was a passing score. I have not heard anything from them since. (Nor has anyone else I know that took that test and passed it) So maybe I’ll start to hear back from them this year. At least i’ll be in better physical shape this time around. I will continue going to the gym. It’s just a bit disheartening to have gotten that far to no longer be considered. I actually had gotten called just this past week to do my video interview but I guess the fitness test results had not been received prior to that being scheduled. So I naturally assumed that I passed. Little did I know… (sorry for the long post)

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
1:12 pm

Slim – 10 pushups for that long azz post. hahaha. Now you at least know the process and if you stay ready you don’t have to get ready. Hope you get another look.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:23 pm

WD – Aw c’mon mayne. Randy been violating all morning with his long azz posts. I’ll make him do my 10, how bout dat? lol But really, that’s my thinking. I’m going to be a Black GI Jane after a few more months with the trainer. I’m going to have to think long and hard about shaving all my hair off though and not sure the beau will enjoy rubbing my buzz-cut head too much either. :shock:

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
1:27 pm

Slim – quit snitching on the Tshirt man. Now as far as your Beau, didn’t you say he like your lil belly pouch. dayum buddy aint gonna have nothing to hold onto in a min.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
1:31 pm

“if you stay ready you don’t have to get ready” – Yes Siree!!!

A coworker of mine who was sitting with me met another coworker in the auditorium for a meeting. The chemistry was INSTANT between the two of them. He sat with us. He was going through a divorce he didn’t want and that one sentence was her red flag and refused to pay attention to the instant attraction. She told him that she doesn’t try to get to know men who are in limbo (divorce pending). He said he would let her know when it became final. We would see each other in the halls sometimes or cafe always with warm greetings and kiss on cheek (yes, all 3 of us). Anyway, his divorce was final last month and he sat her down and told her about it. Way she told me was his first sentence was “My papers are final. I’ve burned all the items I needed to burn and put other items in storage.” Another sour taste in her month. She said she is no longer interested in him. She said she doesn’t have the energy to put into a man that is bitterly hurt. I don’t blame her.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:33 pm

WD – Twice I’ve tried to respond. Blog monster bullying my posts WACK

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:33 pm

I’m not sure he actually likes my mini pooch as much as he likes making jokes about it or pointing out chicks on tv that may have one. But I’m sure once the washboard abs become more defined that he’ll forget allll about that mini pooch.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:37 pm

Leggs – I don’t blame her because buddy said it was something HE didn’t want as far as the divorce goes. So it’ll probably be a loooong time for him to really be free & clear, mentally, to date again on a serious level.

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
1:38 pm

No way in the world I can go back to catch up. It been a busy day. Imma pop in after the day has slowed.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
1:38 pm

Leggs – Don’t blame her a bit! Smart lady.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
1:42 pm

Leggs that’s what RandyT was saying all along, your guy friend don’t want to be alone. In reality he needs time to heal and re-establish himself and he is an example how guys can’t take be on their own for long. Should he get past being by himself, (the longer the better) all the talk about his former wife will be muted to very low levels.

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
1:45 pm

No one should get with another person days, weeks or even months after a divorce…heal yourself first. The next relationship just might last.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
1:47 pm

Speaking of examples, there are swirling rumors of The Terminator and Maria trying to work something out. Seems The Terminator don’t like (being alone) the single life too much.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
1:52 pm

BF – Do you think it’s a matter that Arnold doesn’t want to be alone or he just doesn’t want much of his $$$$$ to leave with her? I hear those type deals leaves a guy much more than ‘lonely’. :lol:

Ms5

January 13th, 2012
1:54 pm

@Kimmie…your statement about women being choosy who they bring around their children, was and still is my exact feeling! I am extremely cautious/choosy on who I bring around my kids.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
1:54 pm

@Slim..Maria comes from old(Kennedy) money..she don’t need Arnold’s chump change..

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
1:56 pm

“Seems The Terminator don’t like (being alone) the single life too much.” Let’s rephrase:

“Seems The Terminator is realizing he isn’t as sexy or in demand as he believed himself to be.”

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
1:58 pm

I would guess Ahhnuldddd is lonely more than the money. Maria Shriver has a fortune on her own as an heir to the Kennedy fortune. Remember, this has to have affected his relationship with his children and no where has it ever been suggested that he doesn’t love them deeply.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
1:58 pm

LOL….@Slim1

If he’s smart which I think he is, that’s a lot of money to walk away from. People are compromising staying together out of fear they will collapse, lose children, and house if a spouse leaves.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:00 pm

Regardless of her Kennedy money, what is better than money, than MORE money. I’m sure she’d want to be compensated for her years ‘of service’ lol

I’m surprised Michael Jordan is considering marriage again. There is probably going to be an iron-clad prenup too.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:01 pm

Is it weird that any time someone posts about Ahhhnold, I always read it in his voice & dialect? :lol:

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:02 pm

LOL….@Leggs

I tried to save him some face Leggs. Right RandyT I think he’s lonley more than he needs the money.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:02 pm

BF. don’t u think this divorcing dude ain’t tapped it in months..(he’s getting divorced,and the women wants that,not him) that’s the desire to want to hang with a chic…

ComeOn Man! :lol:

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:02 pm

Although “ahhh divorce, from the Latin word meaning to remove a man’s testicles through his wallet”…Robin Williams. She could do some major damage down there I guess.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:05 pm

I’m sure Arnold could find plenty of young tenderoni’s…he just needs to go hang out on the campus of UGA ;-)

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:05 pm

Ms5 – High 5 :)

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:07 pm

Whats Maria’s stance? Ahhhnuld may be lonely and trying to protect his lil chump change compared to hers, BUT what about her?

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:07 pm

LOL @ SlimNu…some nice German language major maybe? (actually Austrian, but same ;-)

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Seems The Terminator is realizing he isn’t as sexy or in demand as he believed himself to be.”

Leggs – :lol:

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Speaking truthfully here,if we were to go on some crusade about changing something bout ourselves,in so far ad our interactions with women,we men would need to have the ability to tell the truf..we often miss out on doing that…which misleads the women…

Our motivation most times when meeting a lady is not about not wanting to be Alone. It’s bout cootie…and we step to her…looking nice and gentlemanly and all..

But the lady thinks,’he seems a keeper’!

There lies the dichotomy in our(male and female) feelings!

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Interesting question WD. If she did take him back I’m going to guess she would have a lot more “power” in that relationship than maybe once.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:09 pm

Willie – Maria probably lonely too.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:09 pm

Exiled if I read right I think Leggs said he didn’t want the divorce. I can understand the stance, when I went through with mine I didn’t want it either. Unlike him after mine I stayed solitude for a long time, before I thought about dating again.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:11 pm

Yes Exiled, but there is something to be said for a comfortable “cootie” just like a comfortable pear of jeans (just ask Brett F.), or shoes that fit really well ;-)

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:12 pm

dang I mean “solitary”.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:12 pm

Maybe Maria is craving some cougar loving. I’m sure all those years of steroid use has caught up to him. Not sure if a little blue pill is enough to sustain him these days.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:13 pm

Tshirts – I’m under the assumption it would be the other way around. In my eyes he already cheated and she still took him back. What kinda power is that for her?

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

Exiled – According to Jake yesterday, all women think all dudes that step to them are out to play them. You say we think he’s a keeper.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

I was wondering that same thing SlimNu

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:15 pm

I hear that BF…I am saying the wife had been denying him conjugal benefits coz she wants Out…for months proly….so his wanting to fraternize is Not about wanting to get back to anything serious…

Rather he just wants a warm spot!

feel me? :lol:

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

@ WD…door isn’t locked from either side. He is going to know that she can walk any time, with or without any further indiscriminant (sp?) behavior. If he is truly sorry, she will have the upper hand IMHO.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

Maybe Maria is craving some cougar loving

Slim – I’m cracking up over here. I didn’t think about the steriod use. I bet it has affected his performance! He’d be doggone lucky if she took his tired old behind back then!!

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:17 pm

Exiled you are the man!

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:17 pm

@Kimmie..Jake was proly talking bout night club interractoons

I don’t believe that makes sense,even when u think bout it.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:20 pm

LOL…..@Slim1 and Kimmie

Steriods, I’ve never took a shot or used but I’m sure it has some kind of hidden side effects.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
2:21 pm

Has anyone watched the Firm? I am finding myself kind of liking this show a bit?

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:21 pm

@ WD. I really think she (figuratievely speaking) will have his schlong under her shoe from now on. That is what I have seen sometimes anyway. But who knows. She seems like a smart lady, maybe she won’t let her anger get in the way of making it better.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:22 pm

Exiled – It made sense in the context of our discussion. He was saying there are some men looking for a serious relationship, but not all. Sometimes it is what it is – he’s not looking for a wife, just someone to kick it with and get “benefits”. We were telling him we get that. While we know every dude is not a player, every dude is not THE ONE either.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

kimmie – maybe that’s why he chose to get it on with their nanny…she looked a bit on the older side so maybe she understood his ‘plight’ :lol: Plus have you seen him in swimming trunks lately? So not like Arnold from the Commando days lol Looks like he could use a few injections of testosterone :D

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

@ BF…guess what one of the side effects allegedly is? You guessed it. One muscle that eventually doesn’t pump up supposedly.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

He’d be doggone lucky if she took his tired old behind back then!!

with his old tired weenie…. :-)

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

It’s bout cootie…and we step to her…looking nice and gentlemanly and all..

But the lady thinks,’he seems a keeper’!

There lies the dichotomy in our(male and female) feelings! – Guess you didn’t read many of the ending posts yesterday. For many, no dichotomy. Most times it’s recognized it’s all about the cootie. Some days not. Just like in SassyMe’s case, both parties use each other…men do not have an iron clad contract on the corner market.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Couldn’t have done to much damage..he had Maria and the maid knocked up at the same time.

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Dayum I just read what Randyt posted and I think he is speaking from a personal viewpoint. So ladies please don’t go extrapolating Randyt’s views on his ego and his needy emotional state onto your man.

Chick: Baby I know you are needy with a fragile ego but….

Dude: Look baby I’m watchin the game we can talk about your day afterwards.

Chick: No we gon talk right now about your deep seed fear of being alone.

Dude: Look yo mamma didn’t mean it she old and set in her ways

Chick: My mamma? WTF? I’m talkin about you. Turn that dayum TV off so you can hear me.

Dude gets up grabs his coat and keys…

Chick: Where are you going.

Dude: To get some cigarettes.

Chick: But.. (door slams) you don’t smoke.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Kym – I might check it out. I know I really liked The Firm movie.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:25 pm

Tshirts – maybe per yesterdays convo she was/is d!ckmatized. The Steriod use may not have caused the shrinkage. It kept her for many many many years. just saying.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:25 pm

are they getting back together Governator and Maria(she needs…ok.leave alone)??

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
2:26 pm

Laughing at kimmie. Going back to read and I see your post, it coincides with my post.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:26 pm

Kym – Yeah, but he was a little younger then. Long term effects might have kicked in by now.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

After having said that about the side effects, use of anablic steroids in women may make them more “manly”. Hellz the guy might get pregnant with one of those shemales.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

men do not have an iron clad contract on the market’

Heresy!!!

(ur own lips don’t believe that)

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

LOL…..@RandyT

His alledged use put restraints on the wrong muscle and it can’t flex anymore…….LOL

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

One muscle that eventually doesn’t pump up supposedly.

Ooooh hellz nawl…Houston, we have a problem :???:

Between that, the acne and ‘roid rage I wonder if in the end is it really worth it.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:28 pm

Leggs – :lol:

4 Real – :lol:

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:30 pm

I was watching 30 Rock last night. Liz was mad with Jack for signing her up on a dating website called Desperationships.com! I was howling!!LOL!!

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

…men do not have an iron clad contract on the corner market.

Okay?!

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

Sassy – The weenie might have turned into a “Lil Smokie” LOL!!

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

with his old tired weenie HOLLERS :lol:

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:33 pm

Maria wants him back cause she has realized that she has turned into Lady Eloise.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:34 pm

Is supposed to reduce the size of a man’s testicles…(hmmm in me that would mean going from a large grapefruit siae down to a…. hmmmm).

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:34 pm

A smokie, y’all are getting too bad……..LOL

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:35 pm

WD – Maybe she stayed with him since he was acting as a public figure…we all know mahy of those wives now the deal. It looks better for a guy to have a family and be married when running for office. Who knows…

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:36 pm

(okay, that might have been ’slight’ exaggeration…maybe)

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:37 pm

For Real now wondering how Randyt puts on a pair of draws with grapefruit size nutts.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:38 pm

Alright time to open the bar.

Glad smokies are not on the food tray.

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:38 pm

two things you can see from outerspace:

1. The great wall of China

2. Randyt’s nutts

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:39 pm

The weenie might have turned into a “Lil Smokie”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SassaFrass blog hollering…then fainting…must resuscitate

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:39 pm

Speaking of rhoids, did yall ever hear about Hulk Hogans wife saying he had a gayship with one of his best friends?

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:39 pm

For Real is not putting forth a resolution to change Randyt’s name to “Deese Nutts”. All in favor say aye!

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
2:40 pm

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:40 pm

Slim – You are right about that. The higher a guy gets in politics, he better be married to look “stable”. And yes, them wive ain’t crazy, they know exactly what’s up.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:42 pm

Sassy – I just couldn’t resist!! :lol:

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:42 pm

For Real – You have me cracking up on Randy’s grapefruit sized nutts! lol

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:42 pm

I did the same thing Sassy. Still rolling!

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:43 pm

Wait, that didn’t come out right. I’m not ON Randy’s nuts cracking up….oh nevamind

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:45 pm

Slim1 too late, I’m sure RandyT don’t mind though. Just hope Exile hops over that one………..LOL

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:46 pm

That is FUNNY For Real, LMAOROTL (from Space…I may claim that the next time I am hitting on a lady whose IQ is lower than the temperature and might buy it).

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:47 pm

Did you say cracking up on my nuts or cracking my nuts?

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:49 pm

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
2:52 pm

@Ex ~ that’s because you live a make-believe existence believing you “da man” in all things! So not true!

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:52 pm

Randy – Don’t fret my pet, I’m not in the business of cracking nutz unless the recipe calls for it. ;-)

Lord Velonese

January 13th, 2012
2:59 pm

And just who came up with this statistic? Woman perhaps? I think it’s funny that women “think” they know everything about men. Single for life FTW!!!!!

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
3:02 pm

Time to go. Next week I go out for awhile. Have a great weekend y’all (can see from outer space, lol)…For Real, which is easier, the Great Wall or my nuts? Enquiring minds want to know!

Kym

January 13th, 2012
3:02 pm

@Leggs…could you tell me what the midday number was..I got my tickets for the evening

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
3:04 pm

somebody give Bitter Bobby a hug so he can go back under his rock….

Kym

January 13th, 2012
3:04 pm

Ohh and Thank YOU!!!

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
3:19 pm

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
3:21 pm

@Lord ~ I’ve been known as the “flip the script Queen” by a few here. Just like you say women think they know everything about men, many of the posts over the years prove that quite a few men believe they know everything about women. Neither one is right!

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
3:22 pm

@SassyMe ~ Bitter Bobby has fangs. Every time he comes on I think of vampires…

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
4:42 pm

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
4:44 pm

I’m outta here…have a safe weekend errbody!!! Keep warm the best way you can! ;-)

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
4:44 pm

Celisea

January 13th, 2012
4:51 pm

Dern…I missed a good discussion. Just coming up for breath

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
5:00 pm

Everybody disappeared for a good min. Hope its a good weekend for all.