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Why do men hate to be alone?

This NY Times article posed the question: Why do men hate to be alone? Initially, I didn’t agree that was the case, then I remembered that out of my divorced friends, the men seemed to be quick to have a full committed relationship, some even remarried right away.

While my never married male friends seem to relish the perks of bachelorhood, when they leave long term relationships, they seem to feel a void. They go through this “nestling” phase where they want the first woman they find attractive to start playing house and fill the void. It’s basically the worst case of rebound girl ever.

Maybe men really do hate being alone? Well, hate it more than women do! Are women more resilient when it comes to being on our own?

There was one part of the article that struck me, though:

A marriage is a lot of work. Strike that. A man is a lot of work. Anyone who has been in a bad marriage knows that its defining characteristic is the unspeakable loneliness in which one feels shrouded, a sense of isolation amplified by not being alone.

If women enjoy their freedom so much after a long (bad) relationship ends, is it because being in a relationship brings a lot of “work” for us? Do most women feel as if they have embarked on a vacation after they divorce or break up?

What do you think? Who handles single life better?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

233 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:02 pm

BF. don’t u think this divorcing dude ain’t tapped it in months..(he’s getting divorced,and the women wants that,not him) that’s the desire to want to hang with a chic…

ComeOn Man! :lol:

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:02 pm

Although “ahhh divorce, from the Latin word meaning to remove a man’s testicles through his wallet”…Robin Williams. She could do some major damage down there I guess.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:05 pm

I’m sure Arnold could find plenty of young tenderoni’s…he just needs to go hang out on the campus of UGA ;-)

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:05 pm

Ms5 – High 5 :)

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:07 pm

Whats Maria’s stance? Ahhhnuld may be lonely and trying to protect his lil chump change compared to hers, BUT what about her?

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:07 pm

LOL @ SlimNu…some nice German language major maybe? (actually Austrian, but same ;-)

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Seems The Terminator is realizing he isn’t as sexy or in demand as he believed himself to be.”

Leggs – :lol:

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Speaking truthfully here,if we were to go on some crusade about changing something bout ourselves,in so far ad our interactions with women,we men would need to have the ability to tell the truf..we often miss out on doing that…which misleads the women…

Our motivation most times when meeting a lady is not about not wanting to be Alone. It’s bout cootie…and we step to her…looking nice and gentlemanly and all..

But the lady thinks,’he seems a keeper’!

There lies the dichotomy in our(male and female) feelings!

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Interesting question WD. If she did take him back I’m going to guess she would have a lot more “power” in that relationship than maybe once.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:09 pm

Willie – Maria probably lonely too.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:09 pm

Exiled if I read right I think Leggs said he didn’t want the divorce. I can understand the stance, when I went through with mine I didn’t want it either. Unlike him after mine I stayed solitude for a long time, before I thought about dating again.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:11 pm

Yes Exiled, but there is something to be said for a comfortable “cootie” just like a comfortable pear of jeans (just ask Brett F.), or shoes that fit really well ;-)

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:12 pm

dang I mean “solitary”.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:12 pm

Maybe Maria is craving some cougar loving. I’m sure all those years of steroid use has caught up to him. Not sure if a little blue pill is enough to sustain him these days.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:13 pm

Tshirts – I’m under the assumption it would be the other way around. In my eyes he already cheated and she still took him back. What kinda power is that for her?

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

Exiled – According to Jake yesterday, all women think all dudes that step to them are out to play them. You say we think he’s a keeper.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

I was wondering that same thing SlimNu

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:15 pm

I hear that BF…I am saying the wife had been denying him conjugal benefits coz she wants Out…for months proly….so his wanting to fraternize is Not about wanting to get back to anything serious…

Rather he just wants a warm spot!

feel me? :lol:

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

@ WD…door isn’t locked from either side. He is going to know that she can walk any time, with or without any further indiscriminant (sp?) behavior. If he is truly sorry, she will have the upper hand IMHO.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:16 pm

Maybe Maria is craving some cougar loving

Slim – I’m cracking up over here. I didn’t think about the steriod use. I bet it has affected his performance! He’d be doggone lucky if she took his tired old behind back then!!

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:17 pm

Exiled you are the man!

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:17 pm

@Kimmie..Jake was proly talking bout night club interractoons

I don’t believe that makes sense,even when u think bout it.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:20 pm

LOL…..@Slim1 and Kimmie

Steriods, I’ve never took a shot or used but I’m sure it has some kind of hidden side effects.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
2:21 pm

Has anyone watched the Firm? I am finding myself kind of liking this show a bit?

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:21 pm

@ WD. I really think she (figuratievely speaking) will have his schlong under her shoe from now on. That is what I have seen sometimes anyway. But who knows. She seems like a smart lady, maybe she won’t let her anger get in the way of making it better.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:22 pm

Exiled – It made sense in the context of our discussion. He was saying there are some men looking for a serious relationship, but not all. Sometimes it is what it is – he’s not looking for a wife, just someone to kick it with and get “benefits”. We were telling him we get that. While we know every dude is not a player, every dude is not THE ONE either.

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

kimmie – maybe that’s why he chose to get it on with their nanny…she looked a bit on the older side so maybe she understood his ‘plight’ :lol: Plus have you seen him in swimming trunks lately? So not like Arnold from the Commando days lol Looks like he could use a few injections of testosterone :D

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

@ BF…guess what one of the side effects allegedly is? You guessed it. One muscle that eventually doesn’t pump up supposedly.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:23 pm

He’d be doggone lucky if she took his tired old behind back then!!

with his old tired weenie…. :-)

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

It’s bout cootie…and we step to her…looking nice and gentlemanly and all..

But the lady thinks,’he seems a keeper’!

There lies the dichotomy in our(male and female) feelings! – Guess you didn’t read many of the ending posts yesterday. For many, no dichotomy. Most times it’s recognized it’s all about the cootie. Some days not. Just like in SassyMe’s case, both parties use each other…men do not have an iron clad contract on the corner market.

Kym

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Couldn’t have done to much damage..he had Maria and the maid knocked up at the same time.

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Dayum I just read what Randyt posted and I think he is speaking from a personal viewpoint. So ladies please don’t go extrapolating Randyt’s views on his ego and his needy emotional state onto your man.

Chick: Baby I know you are needy with a fragile ego but….

Dude: Look baby I’m watchin the game we can talk about your day afterwards.

Chick: No we gon talk right now about your deep seed fear of being alone.

Dude: Look yo mamma didn’t mean it she old and set in her ways

Chick: My mamma? WTF? I’m talkin about you. Turn that dayum TV off so you can hear me.

Dude gets up grabs his coat and keys…

Chick: Where are you going.

Dude: To get some cigarettes.

Chick: But.. (door slams) you don’t smoke.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:24 pm

Kym – I might check it out. I know I really liked The Firm movie.

Willie Dynamite

January 13th, 2012
2:25 pm

Tshirts – maybe per yesterdays convo she was/is d!ckmatized. The Steriod use may not have caused the shrinkage. It kept her for many many many years. just saying.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:25 pm

are they getting back together Governator and Maria(she needs…ok.leave alone)??

Leggs

January 13th, 2012
2:26 pm

Laughing at kimmie. Going back to read and I see your post, it coincides with my post.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:26 pm

Kym – Yeah, but he was a little younger then. Long term effects might have kicked in by now.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

After having said that about the side effects, use of anablic steroids in women may make them more “manly”. Hellz the guy might get pregnant with one of those shemales.

Exiled!

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

men do not have an iron clad contract on the market’

Heresy!!!

(ur own lips don’t believe that)

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

LOL…..@RandyT

His alledged use put restraints on the wrong muscle and it can’t flex anymore…….LOL

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:27 pm

One muscle that eventually doesn’t pump up supposedly.

Ooooh hellz nawl…Houston, we have a problem :???:

Between that, the acne and ‘roid rage I wonder if in the end is it really worth it.

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:28 pm

Leggs – :lol:

4 Real – :lol:

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:30 pm

I was watching 30 Rock last night. Liz was mad with Jack for signing her up on a dating website called Desperationships.com! I was howling!!LOL!!

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

…men do not have an iron clad contract on the corner market.

Okay?!

kimmie

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

Sassy – The weenie might have turned into a “Lil Smokie” LOL!!

SlimNu - Deflated, defeated, back to sq1

January 13th, 2012
2:32 pm

with his old tired weenie HOLLERS :lol:

For Real

January 13th, 2012
2:33 pm

Maria wants him back cause she has realized that she has turned into Lady Eloise.

Randyt (made it past the needy stage and dayum glad)

January 13th, 2012
2:34 pm

Is supposed to reduce the size of a man’s testicles…(hmmm in me that would mean going from a large grapefruit siae down to a…. hmmmm).

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 13th, 2012
2:34 pm

A smokie, y’all are getting too bad……..LOL