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Signs the relationship is over

Sometimes a relationship starts to come apart slowly, unraveling like cheap clothing. You see and feel the difference but you don’t want to be the one that brings it up. You hope things will get better but they only get worse.

A lot of times, breakups are inevitable but how do you know when it is really over? Every couple go through tough periods, but how can you tell it’s a rough patch or the end of the road?

What are signs that a relationship is over? Would you try to stay and find a way to make it work if you have signs that the other person has given up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

192 comments Add your comment

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
8:38 am

Good morning…

When calls aren’t returned, the demise should be evident.

When they start treating you mean, the demise should be evident.

When they turn things around to make it appear you’re losing your mind, the demise should be evident.

When dates are broken with lame excuses, the demise should be evident.

When they’re ghost w/o any care for your feelings, the demise should be evident.

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
8:41 am

If I notice signs are pointing to the relationship ending and it “appears” he is no longer interested, I wouldn’t necessarily turn in the white flag. I would see if we can talk things through to see where the bone of contentioin rests. If he’s not interested in salvaging the relationship, I have no choice but to seek my own salvation, quietly lick my wounds, regroup and strenghten my mind and soul for the next relationship. One fish sink no ship….

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
8:53 am

Playing by myself sho ain’t much fun…

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
8:58 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye….♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
9:02 am

Hey, am I on Candid Camera?

Kym

January 12th, 2012
9:04 am

Good Morning All.,,

Reba has a song that I love called “Consider Me Gone”. One of the lines is “If I’m not that one thang you can’t stand to lose..” If you can walk away from me without any thought and be okay with that decision then as the song says Consider Me Gone..no need to keep beat around the bush or trying to stay to straighten it out.

uhh since it is just you Leggs I guess I should have said Good Morning Leggs!

Kat

January 12th, 2012
9:09 am

When he/she starts accusing you of cheating, then they are already doing it.

mark

January 12th, 2012
9:11 am

i havent return a lady calls i have been seeing. and it;s because she has a bad ass 5yr old and 20yr old that doesnt work. and shes one of those new age parents that doesnt believe in spanking the 5yr old or kicking the 20yr old out. thats why i havent returned her calls and she finally got the ideal lastnight.

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
9:27 am

@mark ~ isn’t it immature to just let the lady hang. Well, nevermind, I realize it’s the easy way out. But, how do you know she finally got the msg. last night?

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
9:29 am

Tasha Mack

January 12th, 2012
9:48 am

It’s over when I say its over dammit!

Shannon

January 12th, 2012
9:51 am

@mark

Not responding at all is a sign of immaturity on your part. If there’s something you don’t like about a relationship why not state so? Why play games? Even if it’s not something that you can be apart of, telling her may be the best thing. Maybe she doesn’t realize it’s a problem for you or likely any other mate.

I had a gentleman to sort of go silent on me and I have no clue why. I sure he thought long and hard about it because I heard from him a few weeks later. Well it’s not that easy or simple and frankly one good deed deserves another. You no speakie to me, when you’re having second thoughts, I no speakie to you. I think that shocked him. I quietly ignored him.

Sniffing No More!

January 12th, 2012
9:58 am

If she ain’t give u none

If she just lays up,no drive

If u have to ask everytime

If u lay but she ain’t talking derty when in the cut

If she don’t give u the warm rug anymore

If U lay but soon after she don’t need a cuddle but just gives u the butt and looks that way

She don’t care to look her best for u

If she don’t care to go down on ya

Even if she does go down,but it feels like she’s laboring,like she’s peeling potatoes or something

All the simple routine things are now done with a groan a butt a ummm,eeeee,or uuuuuu

It’s Over! :lol:

good merning!

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
10:06 am

Ex has the nerve to put #7 and #8 in there. It’s ok when the man doesn’t seem to care to do, but let a woman not be so interested in doing that and she’s kicked to the curb…TYPICAL (lol).

czBrat

January 12th, 2012
10:12 am

HiYas!

luvin the points leggs made. and kym, that song immediately made me think of kelly clarkston’s “already gone”. i had that sucker on repeat on the ipod a few months back. very telling signs, indeed.

i’ll be the first to admit that i can walk away from any relationship with few to no tears. after the beating i took getting out of my marriage, i just don’t allow anyone to mean that much to me.
sadly, this usually translates to the dude as “she don’t give a sh!t, so what am i doing here?” *sigh*

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:15 am

Morning All!

Usually the main telltale sign is the calls drop off and the plans to see each other come to a screetching halt! You used to not be able to wait to see each other, at least 2 or 3 times a week and now you’re lucky if you see each other twice a month.

The gifts you get for your birthday or Christmas are not romantic. Yeah I like to cook, but don’t come bringing me an electric carving knife! You used to get a cute piece of jewelry and/or some Vicky’s Secret! And now all of a sudden you don’t believe in Valentine’s Day. Yeah right!LOL!!

But please, don’t go 2 weeks without calling and seeing me, but expect to get some after you’ve gone ghost all that time! I don’t know where you & your weenie have been! Stay Gone!

czBrat

January 12th, 2012
10:22 am

now all of a sudden you don’t believe in Valentine’s Day
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:22 am

Good morning,

I don’t have much to say because of late it’s like the recycled topics (no slant to you Diva) feels like overkill. I will just say I’m agreeing with czBrat’s stance. It’s not about being hard (because I know I’m sure that’s how it going to read) but if I see signs that’s it’s over I’m going to ask you outright what’s up. That’s the woman in me, but I’m not begging and I’m not going to feel panicked and I’m not going to pull stupid stunts a lot of women (NOT ALL) pull. If you won’t act an ass over me, I’m certainly not going to do it for you. I’m not. You want out, you’re free to go. Thing is cause y’all know I catch feelings easily, I can REAAAAALLY feel, dig, like a dude but I can walk away tomorrow like nothing. Will I feel residuals? Absolutely. Nothing to do though with knowing how to cut it loose.

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:23 am

Brat – LOL!! Girl, I had one joker I used to date to pull that mess on me, which was wild especially when he “believed” in it the prior two Valentine’s Days!!

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
10:23 am

Here’s another sign things are going south. When you ask “when will we see each other again” and the answer is almost always “sooner than later,” RUN. If you break this phrase down, it actually means NOTHING.

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:23 am

Yeah I like to cook, but don’t come bringing me an electric carving knife!

LOL

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 12th, 2012
10:24 am

Good day everyone..

“What are signs that a relationship is over? Would you try to stay and find a way to make it work if you have signs that the other person has given up?”

My theory is this, most women treat guys like someone that has a job and they just got a better job. I think a lot of women can’t really entertain 2 guys at the same mental level at the same time, therefore, someone is going to get treated differently because they are focusing their energy and excitement on someone new. If its over, you have to cut your losses and ties immediately.

There are many signs that the relationship/courtship is over but from a guy perspective, I always look for these 5 things:

1. If every interaction you have with her is a short one, (short phone calls, she doesnt hang around as long as she used to) or the conversation is really dry thats a sign.

2. If her attitude just changes towards you. She seems irritable around you, seemingly annoyed by you.

3. If she is just telling you crazy lies or excuses and not putting any thought into them.

4. If she flakes out on you, i.e. it used to be easy as pie to set up a date or meetup now, it takes a lot of effort to set up a date.

5. If you only hear from her if you are reaching out.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

January 12th, 2012
10:27 am

I don’t know where you & your weenie have been! Stay Gone!

I don’t know why..but Kimmie errtime you mention “weenie” in your posts it makes me laugh…weenie…weenie…weenie.

On topic: I think intrinsically we know when it’s over b/c thoughts/feelings/habits change. There have been very good points made already and they’re all true… When the person you love starts doing things they didn’t or don’t do the things they used to..something just ain’t right. That’s when you make the decision to either try to fix it or let it go…

Of course every relationship is different and what may be a deal breaker for one may not be so for the other..but when once you’ve learned your mate, you can tell when something’s amiss.

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:27 am

If their pattern changes….true sign

Sniffing No More!

January 12th, 2012
10:28 am

But ladies! Why are uall talking as if it’s only the guys who act differently when its over?

Why don’t u tell the menfolk what uall do instinctively when Its Over..so at least we get it from the horse’s mouth.

Kimmie

Cz
Leggs

Celisea

Shannon

Lady

Slim

?????

Sniffing No More!

January 12th, 2012
10:29 am

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
10:31 am

@Ex ~ my posts relates to both, man and woman.

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:35 am

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:36 am

Mmeello – I think the ladies are speaking from personal experience but I think pattern changing happens with both genders.

Kym

January 12th, 2012
10:37 am

Boy this topic is slow going today… I have observed something recently in the behavior of guys..These jokers want you to chase them. I can only speak for me but I like to be courted, so if the guy is doing things to court me and get to know me then I am going to respond. But if your idea of courtship is to call at 3am or make last minute request for my time and really have no plan involved then rest assured you will get short convo, no call back and the like.

M. (pronouced M dot)

January 12th, 2012
10:39 am

@Kym

Question, whats your definition of courting?

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:42 am

Exiled – They are a bit interchangable really. But, in the past when I wasn’t feeling a dude anymore, I would’nt return calls as quickly, would not be as available, etc.

But to be honest, I really didn’t have the patience to keep that indifferent behavior going long. When it was over for me it was over and I hated to linger. So MOST of the time, I would just call dude and let him know it was not working for me anymore, if I was the one doing the breaking up. A few times I sort of beat them to the punch when they started going ghost on me.

I was kind of like Celisea & Brat. I loved hard, but I had absolutely no problem walking away and staying gone. Always extremely proud! Before the days of cell phones, I would literally leave the house if I had to to avoid calling a dude. After I got caller id, I would NOT pick up the phone for him.

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:44 am

Exiled – Sadly, it was/is a all a game, and I got really good playing it!LOL!!

Kick Rocks

January 12th, 2012
10:47 am

@Kimmie- I won’t even give him the opportunity to get the visits down to twice a month. I shut it down the first time you don’t keep your word.

czBrat

January 12th, 2012
10:48 am

3. If she is just telling you crazy lies or excuses and not putting any thought into them.
ROF :lol:

actually, mello, i didn’t mean to imply that i am a victim of changed behavior from my man. i am the one who relishes my solitude so much that the constancy of intense relationships causes me to go casper from time to time. and that is the “sign”.

When the person you love starts doing things they didn’t or don’t do the things they used to..something just ain’t right.
here’s a thought though …. no relationship can stay in that state of newness. things are bound to change and even cool over time. does it always mean trouble in paradise?

Sniffing No More!

January 12th, 2012
10:48 am

Leggs..u saying ‘they’ and ‘it appears he’s no lobger’

Its All they

Lady~Don't believe the hype

January 12th, 2012
10:49 am

LOL Sniffing No More! Leggs stated them well! ;)

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:49 am

Kick – That’s what I’m talking about! I GOT good at being just like that over a little time. I completely lost patience dealing with the okey doke. The last few guys I dated before I met my husband, they didn’t know what hit them!

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:51 am

It’s just refreshing to see ladies of kindred spirits…lol I’m loving Kick Rock

Did anybody listen to the Bert Show this morning and the debate (sorta kinda) on “blackface?”

Lady~Don't believe the hype

January 12th, 2012
10:51 am

meaning men and women do these things

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
10:52 am

@czB ~ doesn’t mean there’s always trouble, but when everything you did to get the woman or man is done with and thrown out window, one must put that antenna up and pay attention. Do what you did to get your mate if you plan on keeping your mate. Slowing down is ok, but complete eradication is poison to the relationship.

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:54 am

Slowing down is ok, but complete eradication is poison to the relationship.

Leggs – I totally agree. There is a big difference and your instincts will help you recognize it.

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:55 am

I agree. The novelty of anything will wear off but there’s another place of paced comfort where things should head. Dropping off or a complete halt is not it.

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:56 am

Too, when the novelty wears off, the both of you find that paced place together. If one, man or woman has completely disconnected you are not there. I guess though I don’t understand when people hang on or don’t want to face the music. IMO it’s painful but it’s easier to just be done already. The quicker the better.

kimmie

January 12th, 2012
10:57 am

Leggs – Your 10:23, stuff like that burns me up!! When dudes are playing games, they LOVE to try to put you in a holding pattern like that and watch you squirm. That’s when I was at my finest. When he would FINALLY decide to squeeze me into his busy schedule, I would be extremely unavailable and busy!!!

Celisea

January 12th, 2012
10:57 am

Off topic – Some of these songs on the radio, I’m digging but some of these songs are just what???? Who is siging these folks up?

Kym

January 12th, 2012
10:57 am

My definition of courting is we meet if you are interested, act like it. If you ask me out and I accept, we go out, if it is a go and there is still and interest on my part I may ask you out..and so on and so on and shoopy doopy doo.

But lately I have run across guys who get to that first part and then they don’t call again no big deal I figure not interested moving on. Then low and behold 3 months later..phone call from ole dude saying “You don’t call anybody anymore.” Uhh if you are interested in me then you call me. I am not chasing you down.

czBrat

January 12th, 2012
11:00 am

Do what you did to get your mate if you plan on keeping your mate. Slowing down is ok, but complete eradication is poison to the relationship.
FINE!!!! :mad:

good thing i luv you ladies. :)

[...] Th&#1077 rest &#1110&#1109 here: Signs th&#1077 relationship &#1110&#1109 over | Misadventures &#1110n Atlanta [...]

Leggs

January 12th, 2012
11:04 am

@Celisea ~ didn’t hear about blackface, but did hear about the young lady that had a 2-night stand, only knew his first name, don’t really remember what he looked like but found herself pregnant. All she had was his cell number and his first name. Pure foolishness to me. You don’t protect yourself and let alcohol and other stuff sleeping with men you know nothing about gets you spread eagle with a lot of problems down the road.

@kimmie/Kym/czB ~ unfortunately I am known to have the “I don’t give a damn” attitude, and will definitely not tolerate BS from anyone. I will shut it down, regroup and try again. What I’m not going to do is idly sit by while you attempt to make a fool out of me. Not going to happen. I’ve been walking this road too long for someone to giddy up beside me half stepping.