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Dating: Are we too quick to judge?

Have you ever met someone who saw you and gave you one look and tried to figure you out? It’s pretty annoying and slightly rude, but a lot of us do it without even knowing it.

We look at the smallest things and decipher the strangest things based on superficial stuff. I know a woman who thinks a man’s shoes “says a lot about his character” and rules men out because of it. I know a guy who won’t date a woman if the inside of her car is a mess.

What do you think? Are these things super ridiculous? Are we too quick to judge a person based on random observations? Is it ever helpful?

What kind of things do you notice when you first meet someone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

228 comments Add your comment

Mike P

January 11th, 2012
8:13 am

I know a guy who won’t date a woman if the inside of her car is a mess.

I won’t go as far is to say I won’t date a woman who keeps a messed up car, but it would give me pause and that’s speaking from experience.

Good Morning all

disco

January 11th, 2012
8:24 am

Good morning. don’t get me started. superficial or not there’s a lot of things that bring me to a screeching halt. i already commented recently on grown men with pre-paid cell phones. bad sign. i also can’t stand a junky car. driving around with clothes/newspapers/fast food wrappers etc is not cute. gold teeth aren’t as popular as in years past but they still send me scurrying the other way. old men dressing like young men don’t work for me either. i suppose i could go on but i won’t. i’ll give someone else a turn.

Kym

January 11th, 2012
8:30 am

Good Morning All,

Hmmmm, what do I look at first..height. Sorry but I am tall so I am quick to label any guy 5′10 to 5′8 as short and under that..I call them mighty mice and they all seem to have short dude complex. I am sure there is something else that annoys me off the bat but I can’t think right now.

hawk

January 11th, 2012
8:34 am

…….a five feet 200lbs weave wearing female who wants a tall athletic salsa dancing 700series bmw 6 figures career man……..check yourself sista

Kym

January 11th, 2012
8:41 am

I got another one! Voice..I can’t not stand the sound of a man who doesn’t sound like a man..I mean the voice does not have to be Barry White deep but he shouldn’t sound like he sings sporano either.

Greg in the Highlands

January 11th, 2012
8:45 am

Let me see- where do I start. Too much make-up, dressing like a street walker, and perfume that arrives 5 minutes before and lingers 10 minutes after she appears. Most men will not date or be happy with a high maintenance woman. Then, there is the car…

dan

January 11th, 2012
8:47 am

As a man I agree there are some pretty picky people out there. However a messy car or a prepaid cell phone can be a precursor to what type of person you may be getting involved with. When looking for a partner people want those who can compliment them on several different levels not those who will be a burden to a particular way of life that the want with a partner.

Relationships are about blending lifestyles and require a certain amount of work and patience. If someone has personal habits that are outside of your boundaries it can make for a tumultuous relationship over time unless someone is willing to change. For me at least relationships are not about changing who you are or trying to change the other person it’s about finding someone who you can accept for who they are.

disco

January 11th, 2012
8:50 am

O/T – i forgot to recruit a man and just had to drag too large bookshelves out for bulky item pickup. i’m huffing and puffing and sweating.

kym – i’m short and i still judge short men. also overweight and excessively thin. also grown men with cornrows. i’m not a fan of locks but can respect them. but cornrows are just a bit juvenile to me.

American Woman-Stay Away from me

January 11th, 2012
8:51 am

You may consider it judging but I would caution our dating audience to make sure that a date’s exterior matches reality…i.e. women that dress/drive cars above their means, they will end up as a financial drain, just make sure its not your bank acct they are draining…also, women beware of men that are driving bimmers/benzes BUT living in an apt with three other guys-they are posers

Kym

January 11th, 2012
8:55 am

@disco..I can deal with a fluffy guy..but if you are walking and your stomach is leading..that is not fluffy. Yeah I can’t deal with the stick dudes either. I am with you on the cornrows..that foolishness has played out. I like guys with dreads..but prefer a dude with a bald head.

Kym

January 11th, 2012
8:57 am

THAT’S ANOTHER ONE!! Living with a roommate. Forgive me I know it is wrong..cause times are hard but if you are 45 and you still have a roommate..yeah I am going to tick that off as a issue and you get the side-eye.

Exiled!

January 11th, 2012
8:59 am

Judgement:
Messy car No

hupty No

Too big a butt No

Cursing every third sentence No

Baby daddy talk on the mouth frequently No

Visible tats No

Smoke cigarettes No

Drank beer like the boys No

Can’t cook No

No good English(mostly Ebonics) but u ain’t Spanish No

Ur phone number changes frequently No

Shawty Shawty Shawty is part of ur lingo No

Classy Sexxy Tramp stamp Yes Yes Yes!

good morning

KaiserSoze

January 11th, 2012
9:00 am

I’ll co-sign on the messy car thing, also speaking from experience. If someone doesn’t take care of that kind of an investment, what does it say about the level of attention they will pay to tend to their homes and a relationship. It’s generally reflective of the person in general. But I’m a neat freak and can’t be with anyone who is messy and disorganized – I say this after being married to a hoarder for 15 years.

Too much makeup, over- or under-dressing for the occasion, poor manners – all immediate turn-offs. And personally, I’m 6′1″ but don’t find a connection with women over about 5′5″. Also don’t care for women that are super petite. I like a woman to have and embrace her curves. I just can’t be attracted to a woman that feels like I’m hugging a bag of antlers.

Suzi Wong

January 11th, 2012
9:05 am

Me No like Nappy eyelashes or Nappy hair.

disco

January 11th, 2012
9:08 am

Ex – what about drink whiskey/tequila like the boys?

kym – i met a guy once at the grocery store. he worked there. first phone call he indicated that he had a roommate in an apartment. i would have investigated further if they were in a house – he could have been renting out a room but when he said shared apartment that was it for me.

kaiser – bag of antlers? funny.

Kym

January 11th, 2012
9:19 am

Question..Just how are you seeing the inside of these ladies cars to judge their cleaning abliities? This is going to bring up my next pet peeve. DUDES WHO DON’T DRIVE. Call me old-fashion..but I am not driving a guy around..I mean my son sure..but that is because I live in fear of his driving abliities right now. But a grown dude sitting in the passenger seat..nawww. Either we come in two cars or dude is driving. I guess this is a two-fer I will ride Marta with you..no problem but I be doggone if I am driving to pick a joker up.

hawk

January 11th, 2012
9:22 am

if she can stack two burgers, two hot dogs, 3 wangs on a paper party plate……..and not a single one fall off……

Chris

January 11th, 2012
9:22 am

These posts already is why Atlanta in known as a dating wasteland. The average height for a man is 5′ 9″. If a woman I was seeing had a pre-paid cellphone for $50 a month what do I care? I pay $90 a month so she’s smarter than me saving $40 a month. I’m not worried about her money when dating anyway and she don’t need to be worried about mine. Atlanta is very superficial and dumb on the wrong things while not putting the right energy in the right things like character, beliefs, integrity. It’s like high skool in Atlanta “what will my friends think or others who don’t know me” {{dumb}}

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:22 am

KaiserSoze

January 11th, 2012
9:23 am

A couple more thoughts.

– dirty teeth or foul breath. for cryin’ out loud wash your mouth
– dirty or scraggly nails
– spending way too much time checking your phone or sending texts
– poor speech, this is just a signal of intelligence and I like a lady to be able to carry on a conversation
– checking out every other dude in the joint

I’m sure more will come to me, it’s early and the coffee hasn’t done its job just yet.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 11th, 2012
9:26 am

Yes we are quick to judge, if a person is out for shock value they will get it. Everybody has their own jugdements, and everyone is prone to being judged. Which ever way it goes you’re the judge of only yourself.

Morning Folks:

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:27 am

Sheesh.

IMO, the first example of the shoes is ridikilous. Most are quick to judge, and I swear, I try my best not to be one of them. But, when I first meet someone I look at teeth, is hair combed and if their clothes are extremely wrinkled. I understand wrinkles throughout the day, but to start off like that is a turn off.

WTH – nappy eyelashes…who has nappy eyelashes???

Celisea....loving Tebow

January 11th, 2012
9:27 am

Morning,

Kaizer Soze – Love your post. Glad to see a man happy with a woman’s natural curves. I’m not bootylicious but I’m just saying. That’s the trademark of a black woman.

Be back later on topic.

disco

January 11th, 2012
9:27 am

kym – me too. i have declared it a rule – “no man drives my car”. countless times i’ve had guys say they’ll drive if we take my car. i’m like nope. i drive my car, you drive your car.

chris – i’d cosign on the prepaids if i really thought it was about a smart choice and saving money. i’ve found it usually means a person didn’t have the credit required to get a “mainstream” phone and has issues with paying bills on time. sure it may not be every case but it seems to be the cases that i run into.

Kym

January 11th, 2012
9:28 am

See what I mean..short men = complex.. sigh..

Well since I am a above average woman.. must mean I am meant for an above average man. Who in the heck wants to go around holding hands with a guy who looks like he could be your little brother?

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:31 am

@Chris ~ I like your post. I remember when “hotmail” first came out. My gf wouldn’t date a guy because his email address was a hotmail account. She thought him cheap to get a free account. I looked at her like she had 3 heads and told her she was a fool. Haaa, haaa, she’s still single…

I guess I really shouldn’t laugh, but haa haa haaa….

Mr_NYC

January 11th, 2012
9:35 am

Probably most have met someone who formed some kind of opinion right after meeting and we may have done the same thing. It is natural. It may serve a number of conscious and subconscious purposes.
Some of the things mentioned as superficial may or may not be indicative of deeper issues; but you really don’t know until you know more about the individual.
Does person carry the pre-paid cell phone because of credit issues or because they find it a better way to manage their finances at that stage in life.
Is the person’s messiness constant and a sign of carelessness, lack of organization, or something else. Same thing with other things. Could be superficial or could be deep.
That’s the rub with snap judgments, prejudices, and categorization. They are comfortable, convenient, and tend to “relieve” us of the work it takes to really get to know.
Some come from personal experience, circle of friends, subtile influences of family and background.

Celisea....loving Tebow

January 11th, 2012
9:36 am

Whoooa Kaizer, love your first post..lol I don’t get too much into folks’ mouths and stuff. Either you’re clean or you’re not. If you’re not it’s a no go. I don’t believe you can be solid in one place and lack in another….for the most part.

Chris – Even though I agree with a man and a “cricket” phone, I agree with your stance. Some of us have probably overlooked many good dudes because of something on the outside that didn’t sit right. Sometimes we probably dodged a bullet and other times we may have missed the train :) Such is life.

On topic: I cut up and talk trash with the best of them in jest but honestly I don’t get all down to the itty bitty. Not saying I accept any ole thing….THAT AIN’T HAPPENING. I’m super selective but in other areas. And I don’t want or expect what I can’t give in return. So for me it’s not so much the stuff on surface as I believe if what’s beneath is on point, the surface will work out just fine. So…..with that being said, no judgement but my preference is just a hard working man (blue collar white collar…makes me no differece), a one woman man, a physically decent man meaning clean cut and hygienically tuned…keep the “pretty” please. Last but certainly not least God fearing. Call me silly but I believe if those essential qualities and character are present, all that other stuff (i.e. bushing teeth, bathing, truth teller, so forth and so on).

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:36 am

Hugging a bag of antlers….now, that’s original!

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 11th, 2012
9:36 am

Chris:

The little A was superficial during the eighties, it has remained the same through today.

kimmie

January 11th, 2012
9:41 am

Morning Lovely Blog Peeps!

I would say you are being too QUICK to judge if it’s not working for you. If you have regrets that you checked someone off too soon or for something you now deem minor, if you are constantly complaining that you can’t find anyone suitable, then maybe you are judging too QUICK. Otherwise, you have a right to like what you like and want what you want. That girl you deem high maintenance may be just what that other guy wants. Throw the fish back in the pond if it’s not to your liking.

The bottom line is that if it’s really something that turns you off, it’s no need to make yourself and the other person miserable trying to make something work that won’t.

When I was dating, that short fat dude with the cornrows over in the corner smoking might have been the nicest guy in the world. But no, I would never have given him a chance and had no regrets about it.

Make your choices with no regrets. Bottom line, you have to live with your decisions, not the naysayers and haters sitting back, judging YOU for judging!

Kym – I’m with you about the dudes with girly voices. Cannot get past it.

Lola

January 11th, 2012
9:41 am

Scraggy nails: no
Moldy teeth: no
Body odor: no
Saying “you know what I’m sayin” after every sentence: no
Trying to get it on first date: no
Chronically late: no
Morbidly obese: no
Heavy drinker/drug user: no
Tyson-like voice: no
Quick bright mind: yes
Kind heart: yes
Height: unimportant

SlimNu

January 11th, 2012
9:41 am

Good morning,

Unless a person is rude, has bad odor, looks unkempt or just not anyone I’m attracted to, I try to get to know them. However, stalker-tendencies or suspect behavior will get you filed in File 13.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 11th, 2012
9:43 am

If you have preference, that is not a judgement.

Lola

January 11th, 2012
9:44 am

Make your choices with no regrets…
kimmie said that right

Integrity!

January 11th, 2012
9:44 am

Chris~Atlanta is very superficial and dumb on the wrong things while not putting the right energy in the right things like character, beliefs, integrity. It’s like high skool in Atlanta “what will my friends think or others who don’t know me” {{dumb}}
#teamchris

kimmie

January 11th, 2012
9:45 am

Oh and, “Atlanta” is no more superficial than anywhere else. Most folks that complain about it just can’t hang. If you got you sh– together, what do you care about what other people think?

Celisea....loving Tebow

January 11th, 2012
9:45 am

“will be present” That should have been the end of my sentence.

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 11th, 2012
9:50 am

Cely:

Tebow done grabbed my attention too, could the impossible really happen? Given the super natural all things are possible.

MsMarriedUp

January 11th, 2012
9:51 am

…….before, the limping around in bed used be the biggest turn off, and the only ruler I used in as far as compatibility. I could then, and still today however, be friends with just about anyone interested in being a friend.

…nappy eyelashes…lol.

Kym

January 11th, 2012
9:53 am

@kimmie..Thank You! I agree with your 9:45am statement.

Heck we just lost our title of America’s top gay city. We slipping fast!LOLOLOL

Celisea

January 11th, 2012
9:53 am

Blackfoote – Yessiree on Tebow. I just like him. I’m sure somewhere somehow, the devil lovers will be happy to see or find a flaw, but I like him and his stance. The Bert Show was talking about him and why soooo many hate him….I just say it boils down to God and the devil. If you love God and take a stand, folks are gonna hate you. Either you’re too holy, superficial, self righteous…whatever. I hope the man stands.

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:53 am

“… the limping around in bed used be the biggest turn off,” – that just doesn’t sound right (lol).

Leggs

January 11th, 2012
9:54 am

And then you use a ruler….I know, I’m warped.

Celisea

January 11th, 2012
9:54 am

I could then, and still today however, be friends with just about anyone interested in being a friend

I like this MsMarriedUp Nice saying

Celisea

January 11th, 2012
9:56 am

I agree too that preference and judgement are not the same.

Celisea

January 11th, 2012
9:56 am

Blackfoote – Just say your moniker..lol How did you get to the penthouse? I left yesterday and it was a 2nd floor apartment.

Figment

January 11th, 2012
9:57 am

When I first met my boyfriend I was a bit quick to judge because he’s is a bit fluffier than I normally would date. A few months after we met I realized I was being overly critical and should get to know him better before I counted him out. Turned out to be the best relationship I have ever been in, he’s a wonderful, loving man and just a great person all around. And to think I almost missed out by being quick to judge. Glad I came to my senses!

Celisea.....loving Tebow

January 11th, 2012
9:57 am

Okay I don’t know why I have to keep cleaning my cookies…bummer

Blackfoote: From The Stairwell To The Penthouse

January 11th, 2012
10:04 am

Cely,…….LOL

It’s an old secret, an old lady came to my stairwell and said I will live in a penthouse soon.