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Elaborate date thing of the past?

My friend Chris was lamenting about the return of the reality show The Bachelor. He is convinced that single women watch that show to live vicariously through the women who get to experience those lavish, over the top, not gonna happen in real life – dates. He says that men don’t do that anymore! Are elaborate dates really something considered old school?

I suppose our definition of elaborate may have changed as well. It doesn’t mean single people aren’t putting any effort into cooking up elaborate and wildly romantic dates. I think they are – it’s just more practical (economy!), more thoughtful, and possibly less opulent.

Guys, do you think that women expect too much elaborateness on dates? Would you ever set up an “elaborate” date with someone you really liked?

What do you consider elaborate?

What is the most elaborate date you have been on?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta, Dating Blog

Happy Friday!

459 comments Add your comment

Dude

January 6th, 2012
7:58 am

Had plenty of elaborate dates, but the fact of the matter is, it is not practical as it was when elaborate dates were common. If the chances were greater that I would get something in return, even as simple as a thank you, hopefully more, but now dating has become so sketchy that there is always that next better thing out there. Why would I put in the effort, even for someone I really like, if the results for them are nil, and the results for me put me in the hole for quite a bit of time. We are refering to lavish dates of course, and lavish “does” require a certain amount of capital.

Truth

January 6th, 2012
7:59 am

Women don’t necessarily expect an elaborate date, but they will dump you in a second for a man that has the resources and money to give them that elaborate date.

Optimus Prime

January 6th, 2012
8:02 am

Women dating men always have men on a trial basis and the winner is most often the highest bidder. It’s not jaded, it’s just the way it is.

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:03 am

Not good at elaborate dates…wish I was. Interesting yes, out of the box somewhat, yes, imaginative, hope so…but elaborate, not real well, or at least by the standards set on those shows.

I make a living helping plan, organize, and troubleshoot multi billion dollar projects that can last through several years…but ask me to plan anything in my own life past Saturday morning before Friday night and I’m not as good as I should be. I like “comfortable” and there is an inherent anxiety that comes from super planning of gala events.

Do I plan, yes, especially on the second and third dates. Do I have the assets to do something (with several hundred thousand skymiles and almost a half a million Marriott points, and still a pretty high number of AMEX points), yeah. I couldn’t rent a Gulfstream and jet off to a villa in Cabo, and have a private dinner and Mariachi band waiting on the beach, but I could (and will) do something nice…as soon as I land again ;-)

That said, if a lady is looking for the dating life of The Bachelor (on a regular basis), I might not be the best candidate. A nice dinner at a mid to nice restaurant, wine and cheesecake on the balcony in the Cheesecake Factory in Buckhead, cruising with the top down to the Westin for a drink in the lounge on top one night…easy. Hiring a yacht to go skinny dipping in the Med, ahhhh not sure I can swing that until I check my mega millions ticket.

Dave

January 6th, 2012
8:07 am

I’ve been on both types of dates and decided on one inescapable truth. Once you take a woman on an elaborate date, that’s now the bare minimum. If you go on an economical date, she will wonder what’s wrong or even be disappointed. Vacations are the same thing. Once you take them to Bermuda, anything less is a sign that “you’re not into them anymore” or “You don’t like them as much anymore”. It’s a tricky situation and if you’re date seems upset with the level of your gift/date/vacation/etc…don’t blame the woman. Blame the poor sap that set dated her before you, set the bar so high and ruined it for the rest of the mid level income earners in the world. Once you go there, there’s no going back.

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:08 am

After thought…if I could do like the Batchelor and use someone else’s money, I could get creative…yup, Windjammer barefoot cruises in the Caribbean to some privte island for example…yeah I could plan that.

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:09 am

Dave just took the next words out of my mouth…about setting the bar too high. Unless elaborate will be the norm, then dayum sure don’t lead with it.

Don't Date Him

January 6th, 2012
8:11 am

I would take a creative exciting date over a lavish one any day!

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:12 am

Bachelor not batchelor…sorry, in computer mode this AM.

I got it

January 6th, 2012
8:12 am

Date fat and ugly women. They are just overjoyed to be in the game, glad to have a date and will be sattisfied with most anything you plan with them. You date the Hawaiin Tropic model, you have to measure up to what she has experienced before. Like it or not, the more beautiful a woman is, the more zeros go on practically anything you do for them. But…..she’s a beautiful woman and she can do that because the line of her suitors goes out the door and around the store.

Dude

January 6th, 2012
8:15 am

Women – Take notice, you want to know a guys mind here is all you need to know.

If I am not hungry, I am horny.
A+B=C I do this and I get this result
Path of least resistance is usually the way I am going to go.
Logic
Is the amount of effort going to really yield the result.

If you look at a man and remember those things then you should be good to go.

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:19 am

I agree with your analysis of model types, I Got It, but dayum, I’m not sure I can go ugly early. Sometimes (plenty of times) I would have been better off with a beer and a good book. …and also there is that anxiety about trying to figure out how quickly one can hit the door with the old standby, “I have a really busy day tomorrow”. ;-)

Dave

January 6th, 2012
8:21 am

It’s really tit for tat when dating. The man has got to be “sponge worthy” to get the date, but then again, the woman has to bring her wares to the table to warrant the elaborate. I’m not talking sex, I’m talking about easy to be around, fun to talk to, fun to do things with no drama, mentally stable (THERE’S A NEED TO HAVE) and just be pleasant. Now adays, a woman will have the attitude of “If you can’t afford me, then don’t ask me out”. It’s like the entire load is placed on the shoulders of the man to impress, woo and entertain while he has to be content with being seen in the presence of her on your arm. But, it’s tit for tat in reality. YOU have to be “worthy” of the elaborate date, too.

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:22 am

Good Morning!!!! Its the male perspective today!!! I will lurk a bit a take notes~ Happy Friday MIA! ;)

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:24 am

Observtion, with one small but notable exception, the women seem uncharacteristically quiet today.

Into the Light

January 6th, 2012
8:25 am

Good morning and happy Friday!

I don’t know….maybe I’m too frugal, or setting the bar too low, but for me, I’m okay with saving “elaborate” for special occasions/milestones. And, to be honest, elaborate dates outside of an established relationship are a little over the top. As we’ve said here many times before, DON”T lead with your wallet!! Creativity and thoughtfulness score more points with me than $$$ every time.

Really?

January 6th, 2012
8:26 am

Seems like it’s just so dang complicated and stressful from these posters. Women just discount the above posters as just whiners, but there’s truth in all statements. Men, be considerate, thoughtful, imaginative and adventurous. Women…pay attention to the above statements and see if you see yourself in the above posts. Denial is the worst attribute to have.

Randyt )aka...left with fanny hanging out of the window on this topic).

January 6th, 2012
8:31 am

@ ITL …one of my favorite commercials of the past was a Foster’s Beer commercial about “how to talk Australian”.. Two outback types are sitting in this rough looking bar when this gorgeous lady comes in. She sits down, order’s a can of Fosters, chugs it, then crushes the can on her forehead. Dude looks at the other dude and says “Keeper!!!”.

Your post is welcomed by laid back males everywhere ;-)

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:34 am

elaborate huh?!? how about quaint for me?!? less is always more……seriously…..I founded my most elaborate dates to be later down the line with much more emotional investment apart of it…. thoughtfulness is appreciated in my book from the beginning to the end…..no its not rocket science…..everyone is not going after his wallet and or the best meal for that night. It does happen but still I try not to bag all men in the same category either……..it is what it is good people! ;)

Dude

January 6th, 2012
8:34 am

Really? and Randy thumbs up kudos to both of you!!!

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:37 am

JavaVino in the Highlands is a great venue for just meeting someone…a nice wine and coffeehouse……..its many places and free places too. every meet n greet doesn’t have to be @ a venue but we know this…….

Into the Light

January 6th, 2012
8:38 am

Thanks, Randy! ;)

Lady, we are on the same page! :)

Dude

January 6th, 2012
8:45 am

Have in general men become to cynical, the ones with the ability are jaded and the ones without won’t put the effort in?

Have in general women burnt too many bridges as to make it that much harder to the rest of the women out there, I know there are a lot of good one?

LL411

January 6th, 2012
8:46 am

If a regular date did something way over the top off the rip I’d slow my row… you don’t even know me like that (scary). Special celabratory occasions with my s/o ok, but I like simple, thoughtful romantic/fun plans 99% of the time.

Leading with your wallet is a turn off, and I’m not against spending (within my budget) on you if I like you like that.

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:48 am

something like that Dude! BTW, hello and HNY! ;)

LL411

January 6th, 2012
8:49 am

I dated someone who quoted his net worth and offered to show me his ATM balance (LOL!) almost immediately… I had to talk to him about that move, not good, I was insulted. He turned out the be the most selfish person on all levels I’d ever met WOW..

....

January 6th, 2012
8:50 am

Wow….just glad Into The Light spoke to the topic. It’s usually Romper Room with her :)

SlimNu

January 6th, 2012
8:51 am

Morning & TGIF

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:54 am

Interesting LL411……reminds me of some who gloat about their jobs, positions, and power early on……men and women do this too….

Randyt (try to never get tarred with another's brush)

January 6th, 2012
8:55 am

Dude, honestly most of the women (with a few exceptions) aren’t really like that. Having said that, the stories of the small number of one’s that are do have an effect on men’s psyches. Causes just a hint of a “fear factor”, especially if men happen to accidentally hit the channels where “The Real (insert “effed up” here) Housewives (and kept biotches) of (name that town). Even though consciously we men know that those are really just cartoon people and hardly any lady could be that shallow, subconsciously we wonder, is that what all hot women want? Is that what a relationship really is supposed to look like?

I sincerely hope and believe that is not reality, but if it is…where is the beer and my library card?

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:56 am

I look like wow you’re indispensable huh?!? #smirk

Leggs

January 6th, 2012
8:57 am

Good morning!

” If you go on an economical date, she will wonder what’s wrong or even be disappointed.” – Good Grief, who are you guys dating? I’d like to think women, a real woman, would appreciate the date, that it was thought out, a level of interest and respect for his date was put into his planning, and the end result would be that the two connect on a level of mutual respect with a desire for more dates. If not, nothing really lost but some time. If you want to spend $$$ on a date with the hopes of a big payoff at the end of the evening, then don’t date. Dates don’t have to be elaborate, just thoughtful with fun and good convo. If you start out elaborate ($$$), then the problem is you because that is what would be expected on the next date. Can’t go to Bones on the first date, then go to Steak N Shake next go around….well, maybe you can?

An elaborate date should take place after you two have gotten to know each other a little more and to do something special. Any woman looking to date like the women on that dumba$$ show The Bachelor are in for a rude awakening. It is so easy to date on someone else’s dime (the show itself). One reason none of those “hook ups” last because once they get back to the “real world” away from the cameras and glitz, they realize existing in the real world is dull compared to jetting all over the place all glammed up. Give me a freaking break!!!

Kicking my box and mike under the stairwell…sorry if I woke you BF (lol).

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
8:58 am

wow Randy so we are all the same huh…….

Into the Light

January 6th, 2012
8:58 am

Romper, bomper, stomper, boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me do. Magic mirror, tell me today. Did all my friends have fun at play?!?!? I see …… and Lady and Slim and Randy and Dude and LL411

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

January 6th, 2012
8:59 am

I never watched the Bachelor, but I understand the nexis. They see elaborate I see regular, and they’re entitlted to roll that way if they want. In the real world elaborate and regualr are the same to me, whether we go to the Meditteranean or to Popeyes I’m interested in your company more than how extravagant the date is.

Finally Friday:

Randyt (try to never get tarred with another's brush)

January 6th, 2012
9:00 am

In defense of the ladies though, men, IMHO, have become too casual about making any effort to at least be creative. That lack of creativity is why women jump to the next lily pad pretty often, “maybe the grass is greener”. They can only handle being taken for granted for so long…and are justifiably upset or hurt, i believe.

Lady~

January 6th, 2012
9:00 am

I need to run an errand plotting an escape! lol smh

SlimNu

January 6th, 2012
9:01 am

Ladies,

How do you feel about a guy wanting to cook dinner for you? Would you be hesitant because that means you’d have to come to the lions den or what?

Into the Light

January 6th, 2012
9:05 am

Slim:
As long as it’s a man I know and feel comfortable with, then I think it’s a sweet and romantic gesture. It’s not something I would do, though, unless I felt comfortable (read: safe!) with him.

disco

January 6th, 2012
9:06 am

good morning. I haven’t read all the posts yet but have already noticed the recurring theme that once you set the bar you have to maintain the bar. I agree and disagree. I agree in the sense that a sensible woman – once she’s been treated well by a man will not go back to being treated any old kind of way by any old common buster. I disagree in that once a woman experiences finer/more expensive material things due to the generosity of a man that she can’t go back to less. most sensible women will treat those “special” experiences as just that. special experiences. she knows it’s not everyday and that knowledge is part of what makes the experiences special.

Randyt (try to never get tarred with another's brush)

January 6th, 2012
9:07 am

@ lady, not saying that at all. Saying that thank goodness women aren’t like that. But am saying that men have hidden fears too, and there is so much “non reality” out there that men can begin to believe that is partially real.

Into the Light

January 6th, 2012
9:08 am

Well said, disco!! :)

Randyt (try to never get tarred with another's brush)

January 6th, 2012
9:10 am

“kicking your box under the stairwell” ? Leggs?

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

January 6th, 2012
9:10 am

Leggs you’re good, all that stumping and jangling made the ears rise up. Other words I caught your scent.

LL411

January 6th, 2012
9:10 am

SlimNu… have no problem going to an “interests” place for dinner. Key word is interest, if I’m here… I’m pretty comfortable that we’ll both continue to be respectful of each other, and should we decide mutually to “go there” we will.

SlimNu

January 6th, 2012
9:11 am

Don’t get me wrong, I indulge in “reality tv” but I just don’t see why folks still watch The Bachelor. It’s wack, it’s not realistic and none of those r’ships ever work out. Why would I want to try to vy for this ONE guy’s attention after CLEARLY knowing he’s feeling on and tonguing down all the other ladies on the show. Even those other shows like Flava Flav’s, Ray J, Ochocinco etc…I wonder how the producers approach these celebrity men.

Producer: Hey man, I know you’re known to have a flare with the ladies.

Celeb: Well, you know…I got a lil summin summin

P: How would you feel about having a chance for the ideal situation to have a chance to fykc a different chick every night, have them know about each other, and you can pick em off as you get tired of em?

Celeb: Word??? This has gotta be a joke. Am I on punked? Ashton, brang yo azz outta here

Celisea

January 6th, 2012
9:13 am

Good morning,

Please define elaborate. I like a simply date…plainly stated. Nicely done, well thought of, a little “sexy” in the mix but nothing to do with how big you pulled it off nor over the top. If you want to kick the box open by showing what’s in your wallet (or not) and start that off as an expectation, don’t get mad at her, you set that tone.

Honestly though, I don’t know where these women are that are “special” like that. The average woman and the women I know all enjoy a good time, a special time but nothing that’s over the top.

Dude

January 6th, 2012
9:13 am

Good point Randy, I think IMHO that women want a guy to notice things that they just don’t, pick up on things that he hasn’t been told, know what kind of creativity the woman wants. I think guys want to be appreciated for the effort that they do put forward. Too often I think these 2 things collide when one party doesn’t do what the other was hoping and expecting.

Celisea

January 6th, 2012
9:14 am

The Bachelor is a ratings show. I would have a problem swapping one dude out with 25 other women.

SlimNu

January 6th, 2012
9:15 am

I only asked because I know how cautious women have to be in the dating world. Plus, I’m not sure if men misread the fact that we’ll come over to their place, early on, as a sign that they are getting da drawers at the end of the night…

Men, is that the case?