accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Is your date boring?

Have you ever been out on a date and it was a complete snorefest? Did you find yourself zoning out or your mind wandering off somewhere else? Is it a bad sign that your date is a boring person?

I don’t know how much “excitement” a person should bring to your life -but I definitely would not want to be someone who I found boring. I was watching Downton Abbey last night and one of the characters said: “A woman can’t love a man if she thinks he is boring” and I agree..for the most part.

While I don’t want boring and dull – I don’t know if I would mesh well with the wrong kind of excitement. I’m pretty tame, so exciting to me would be a guy who likes to trekked across the world and experience interesting things. Or someone who wants to change the world and contribute something positive. I’m a “reasonable” square that way, I guess?

What sort of exciting things would you like to see in a potential match?

Do you think you are boring? Is your conversation a little flat? What do you do to avoid that?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

264 comments Add your comment

Shay

January 5th, 2012
7:00 am

It just depends on you and the brand of fun you subscribe to, your age range and what you consider fun.

Dude

January 5th, 2012
7:28 am

Thumbs up to Shay, what may be stimulating conversation to one person, may be incoherent babble to another. If an extremely attractive person, man or woman, was talking to a not so attractive person, but very intelligent, the very intelligent person may think the hot mama or papa is boring due to lack of stimulating conversation.

Looks are not everything, in fact they can distract people from making real connections most times.

Common interest is what people should be looking for in a date.

Exciting things in a mate, this is going to sound really lame, spoiler alert!!!! What I would like to see in a mate, is a chick that can match me punch for punch on topics going from history, to tech, to cooking, to movies, the more the campy the better, and actually hold a conversation. Ok here is where things get tricky, if I were to date, I would want someone to come home to and be able to discuss my day, and have them actually understand what I am talking about, as opposed to a blank stare. I am not saying that the opposite sex is not smart, I am saying that I have a job that can be hard to explain, if a person is not really tech savey. Finding a chick like that would be very very rare, so I choose to not have anything exclusive. I have my fun, and plenty of it, but if I were looking for a “mate” she would have to bring her A game when it came to intelligent conversation and being able to keep up.

Dude

January 5th, 2012
7:33 am

Example of things that would not work for a person like me. Non drug user.

Chick: Hey I just smoked the biggest bowl and I am high as a kite.
Me: Goodbye, please don’t ever talk to me again.

Chick: Did you see that last episode of Jersey Shore, I love that show!!!
Me: Goodbye, please don’t ever talk to me again.

????

January 5th, 2012
7:47 am

Dude, at least once a day u make the point of not being xclusive, Y? Y r not xclusive because u dont want 2 b. No other reason.

Dude

January 5th, 2012
7:53 am

Don’t know how many people actually read this, and I don’t want to give people a scewed view of the perspective that I am coming from, I don’t do it to be repetative, I only do it to explain the view I am coming from as opposed to most people that read the blog. My view may be drastically different than other regarding many many things. If you are asking me to stop, I will gladly not mention it again.

Randyt (aka,,,is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
7:54 am

I will defer to Dude and Shay on this topic…not much to say. When I read the initial dialogue, I was struck by the seeming suggestion that the guy has the onus of carrying the conversation, but Dude reminded me that it does go both ways. I know that sometimes everyone (read Randyt) is not always on their ‘A-game’ and it is a fact that sometimes the candle goes out before ever really getting a chance to burn btightly.

Again, that is why I always do a ‘postmortem’ after every first (and most) dates…to try not to make the same mistakes.

Lady~

January 5th, 2012
8:01 am

Good Morning!

SlimNu

January 5th, 2012
8:01 am

Good morning….btw, I got to work waaaaaaay too darn early. *sigh*

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
8:01 am

I would also submit that one can learn more from their failures than from their successes if one is willing to turn a critical eye on themselves. That thought kept hitting me yesterday when several posters seemed to want a pity party for their lack of success in the dating arena.

(Randyt in thoughtful mode…although wondering if he should be watching out for ITL after remarks about possible female instability yesterday ;-)

Into the Light

January 5th, 2012
8:08 am

Good morning, all!

(ITL bouncing a tangerine off Randyt’s head and running out the blog door)

Lady~

January 5th, 2012
8:09 am

What sort of exciting things would you like to see in a potential match? Mental Stimulation!!!!!!

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
8:11 am

Another thought about this topic has also hit me. There are times when a lady might find you witty, charming, and entertaining…but not necessarily bedroom material, maybe the dreaded “friendship zone”. That same lady might find the next guy a somewhat boorish clod, but has the pheromones in the air making her want to jump his bones right there on the table.

I guess what I am saying is that I’m not entirely sure that being boring or not boring necessarily translates into chemistry.

Lady~

January 5th, 2012
8:20 am

Randy I sorta agree with your 8:11. Seen it both ways. But when your wants and needs mesh with a potential mate it is exciting and I am not talking fireworks 24/7. Even within the silence its an excitement to whatever you two are trying to accomplish………

LeeH1

January 5th, 2012
8:21 am

Only bores are bored. Wome who expect men to entertain them but not bore them are shallow women indeed!

Into the Light

January 5th, 2012
8:22 am

But when your wants and needs mesh with a potential mate it is exciting and I am not talking fireworks 24/7. Even within the silence its an excitement to whatever you two are trying to accomplish………

Worth repeating.

Lady~

January 5th, 2012
8:23 am

Thanks ITL!!!! ;)

Dude

January 5th, 2012
8:25 am

Randy
It sounds to me like you are refering to women that haven’t quite learned to control themselves or make wise decisions. From what I have seen, those women aren’t dating material. If they will go purely on pheromones, they are not likely to be women you are going to be interested in anyways, save yourself the trouble and move on. If they are willing to “jump” the next guy because of pheromones, you are better off waiting for the next better thing.

Dude

January 5th, 2012
8:27 am

Gotta a busy day, so I am cutting out, I put in my 2 cents and I will comments some other day.

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
8:31 am

@ Lady & Dude …yup, I’ve seen it both ways and frankly I’m not saying it is right or wrong, or good or bad…just an observation. As the wise old Indian said, “sometimes the magic works…sometimes it doesn’t” (but dayum I hate the FZ worse than anything, lol).

Lady~

January 5th, 2012
8:35 am

“sometimes the magic works…sometimes it doesn’t” (but dayum I hate the FZ worse than anything, lol). <<<<<< It happens to the best of us Randy!!! But you know that! ;)

Leggs

January 5th, 2012
8:51 am

Morning….

“What sort of exciting things would you like to see in a potential match? Mental Stimulation and stick to your word….that’s exciting.

Into the Light

January 5th, 2012
9:13 am

Morning, Leggs! :)

@Randyt: Hmph! I thought my run-by fruiting would have at least made you a little dizzy!

kimmie

January 5th, 2012
9:15 am

Morning All!

If you have common interests and reference points, things should not get boring. If there is nothing that the 2 of you can relate to or even disagree about, that’s where the snoozefest/incompatability comes in. I am very knowledgeable about cooking and fashion. My husband, not so much. But he does like good food and we both love movies, comedies and suspense and we like to discuss politics and current events. We both like the same type of music. We have similiar family backgrounds and have run in some of the same college circles. So there is enough there to talk about and relate about without running out of stuff to talk about or getting bored.

But there’s that little thing that must be present – chemistry. Even if you only hit it off on a friendship level – a certain chemistry must be there. If it’s there, even periods of silence are not uncomfortable.

MiMi

January 5th, 2012
9:16 am

You should expect to receive whatever you can bring to the table. You can’t expect to meet and date “the life of the party” if you are a “book worm”. Granted, whomever you date will need to bring some type of balance to your life, but some commonalities needs to exist. For more topics about dating, please check us out online at http://www.facebook.com/datenightgurus

kimmie

January 5th, 2012
9:19 am

Think about it. Even folks that you are strictly platonic friends with, you still have to kind of “click” with, be able to hold a conversation with and hang out with to not be bored. Otherwise, they are just someone you know.

Leggs

January 5th, 2012
9:21 am

“You can’t expect to meet and date “the life of the party” if you are a “book worm”. Book worms can be fun. I suppose “wall flower” would fit better with the sentiment of this statement (lol).

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
9:32 am

I’m sorry ITL I’m kind of out of it…someone busted a tangerine up the side of my head this morning and ran away while I was still reeling from the attack. ;-)

Diddy

January 5th, 2012
9:32 am

I thought I told you that we won’t stop

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 5th, 2012
9:33 am

Morning,

I’ll say this (and actually do some work today),

Boring is relative.

While dating and getting to know someone, that feeling of excitement – or the desire for it – is natural.

But, when I thought of a lasting relationship, I thought about the boring rainy Wednesday night. If, after long days of work, we can sit and genuinely enjoy one anothers company on a boring rainy Wednesday, then we good.

Too many times I’ve dated women that felt the need to fill the air with…something. Few were content in just enjoying one anothers energy/company without words or sounds. Fewer still understood what that meant.

And the advantage I had in waiting a little later in life to get married is knowing, understanding, and finding a mate that overstands “quiet”. Not silence, just quiet.

I’m telling you it’s the best.isht.ever.

disco

January 5th, 2012
9:39 am

good morning gang.

kimmie – I like your comment re “they are just someone you know”. I’ve often made the comment that some folks weren’t actually going out on dates so much as they were “two people going to get something to eat”. my friends called me a dreamcrusher but sometimes it’s true. some folks are just placeholders until better/more compatible folks come along.

as for boring – that’s another one of those relative things. personally I have a high tolerance for boring. in fact, I’ve been dubbed as square myself. I agree with dan. some of my most comfortable moments would likely bore the socks off someone else. I had friends that were tickled to death when I would tell them that me and the most recent ex would sit around and play backgammon. I love comfortable silences and get annoyed by folks that I have to fill in the quiet.

kimmie

January 5th, 2012
9:46 am

Dan, I so agree. It is wonderful, the comfortable quiet.

Into the Light

January 5th, 2012
9:47 am

Oh no, Randy….are you okay?!?!? Were there any witnesses? ;)

I’m with Dan and disco on this one. Those quiet moments are the best. Some of my favorite times with an ex were sharing a blanket on the couch, all snuggly and warm, while we read. The only sound was the turning of pages, but it was so relaxing, so peaceful….

kimmie

January 5th, 2012
9:48 am

disco – I am a bit of an L7 myself. Folks crack up on the things I actually find “exciting”! LOL!!

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
9:52 am

@ Dan…I liked the way you differentiated between “quiet” and “silence”. Quiet is or can be good. Silence brings back memories of my marriage…she was a master at using silence as a weapon. Good post.

@ disco…your comment about being a placeholder hit home. Been there, done that. My particular instance regarded financial security. At the time, I could offer passion, great conversation, respect, and genuine feeling…but was financially busted from a failed marriage and the job market was scary for the future. So I was fine for providing friendship, orgasms, and affection, but… She took me in, nursed me back to health, and kicked me out of the nest when she thought I could fly on my own again. Oh well.

disco

January 5th, 2012
9:59 am

kimmie – L7? guess I understand from context but not familiar with the term. still what are some of your corny exciting things. I get a kick out of documentaries and refer to them as my reality tv since I don’t watch any of that other so called reality tv. I also love all things (books/movies) holocaust. morbid I know but the personal stories are so interesting.

randy – your placeholder experience could have been worse. at least you got nursed back to health. she could have been the one that broke you down and then replaced you with a built up fellow.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 5th, 2012
10:00 am

@Randy

Women – people – that do things like that bring to mind that old “reason, season, lifetime” addage. It was definitely her loss, but also her decision.

@All that commented on my post

I learned the differnce between silence and quiet in a relationship I had where the young woman and I would sit and the silence would be palatable – like another entity in the room.

The few times I questioned it, I got more that I bargained for in response to grudges, and supposed slights that were creating that entity.

It’s when I began to learn/demand (almost) that those things not fester.

I learned “quiet” in much the same way. Looked up while sitting with [another] young woman and realized we hadn’t spoken to each other in 2 hours, but it was still comfortable.

Yeah, those were important “reason” young ladies

kimmie

January 5th, 2012
10:05 am

disco – LOL!! L7 was an term we used back in elementary/high school for square!! Some of my squarish pursuits – I collect biographies on famous people and love documentaries too. I have started making jewelry – have found several funky little bead stores around town. I used to be a lawn/grass junkie – I had just bought a house and had the best looking yard in the neighborhood. I could tell you all about grass and seeds and fertilizer, etc! My style is at times what I would call boho-chic, I love hippie stuff.

Leggs

January 5th, 2012
10:05 am

Nice post, Dan. It’s a wonderful thing when one recognizes the difference between quiet and silence. Even more important is when one is quiet and the other doesn’t take offense and offer “white noise” to fill in that perceived gap.

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
10:07 am

disco – I agree completely. Not bitter (although it did hurt a lot…actually more than a lot, lol). She was, and is, great. But so much is in the timing isn’t it? If anything, it was harder on her because I still had all those open wounds and nerve endings from my marriage that she had to deal with. It took a lot of patience for her to not kick me to the curb on day one. Ran into her several years later and the chemistry was still as strong as ever…but I knew that the one fundamental thing for me was no longer there…trust. Without trust, I’d rather say no (then stare at my ceiling all night because of what might have been ;-)

MiMi

January 5th, 2012
10:12 am

@Leggs, fine not so much book worms, by that I mean people who are comfortable with and don’t need to necessarily mix & mingle with others. If you are comfortable with a boring person, the truth is you are boring yourself and you just don’t know it. For more dating discussions, check out http://www.facebook.com/datenightgurus

The Healer

January 5th, 2012
10:15 am

“She took me in, nursed me back to health, and kicked me out of the nest when she thought I could fly on my own again.”

@ Randy and Disco-Thats the kinda Relationship that outlast marraiges. lol

Leggs

January 5th, 2012
10:25 am

@MiMi ~ I knew what you meant…just messing with you and “book worms.”

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
10:26 am

@ The Healer…yeah. didn’t last…but was special and I am intellectual enough to see the value that was there…and grateful.. Like I said, timing is everything ;-)

disco

January 5th, 2012
10:26 am

kimmie – I see the L7 square now. thanks for breaking it down. I do biographies but not on famous people. I like biographies on unknowns. my two favorites are “all over but the shoutin” by rick bragg and “life on the color line – the true story of a white boy who discovered he was black” by Gregory Williams.

randy – them’s the breaks.

Randyt (aka...is it Friday yet???)

January 5th, 2012
10:28 am

@ disco…it’s all good ;-)

MiMi

January 5th, 2012
10:31 am

Exiled!

January 5th, 2012
10:34 am

@Dan!

Thumps up on that post,9.33!!!

U separated urself from errbody! Lol

I dog that post.

The topic itself is a ‘how to date for 13 year old’

Exiled!

January 5th, 2012
10:35 am

Leggs

January 5th, 2012
10:42 am

@disco ~ love biographies and true tv stories…famous or not famous. Life on the color line sounds extremely intriguing to me. I’m fascinated with just about anything to do with slavery, the codes slaves used, the underground railroad and all that helped, the strength of our people back then and everything they had to endure. The Middle Passage is one of my favorite books.

Into the Light

January 5th, 2012
10:45 am

@disco: Have you read “Wench?” It’s fiction, but I think you would enjoy it.