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A year without sex?

I was watching a CNN report about a DJ in Canada that decided to abstain from sex for all of 2011. He survived and lived to tell! When I asked a few of my guy friends if they could go that long without, a lot of them said they could, they have, and they are doing so now. Shocking, isn’t it?

What if single people purposely took a year off from sex? Do you think the quality of our dating experiences would change? Could we even manage land a date?

When we take sex out of the equation, would our relationships stand a better chance of survival?

How much clarity do you think it could bring?

It’s only the third day of the year, maybe some of you will spend the next 362 days in a self-induced dry season? What do you think?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
7:12 am

Ok, I can tell with a question like this we are going to have a lot of women haters. I am not a woman hater, I am not hurt, I am not trying to sway things toward guys at all. So lets get that out of the way.

On Dating: Ok “MOST” guys have real trouble even getting a date, women are very selective, and tend to select the same guys over and over and over again. Even if a relationship has failed miserably, they still go back, to the same guys that hurt them time and again. They want to believe they have changed, I am sorry ladies guys don’t change.

On sex: Guys are horn dogs by our god given nature, we will take what we can get most of the time, but as for the mentioned statement above, if the men that are not getting dates or having sex at all find a women, just about any woman, they will settle for less. Women when it comes to sex are a hundred times more likely to find what they are looking for if they are only looking to get laid. Yes, I did not stutter, 100 times more likely, all women have to be is willing, most of the time it doesn’t even matter what you look like as long as you are ready to give it up. So the phrase “in a rut” for women and sex is very uncommon, where as for most men, it is the norm.

How much clarity do you think it could bring?: None, it will bring blue balls for any guy unfortunate to end up with a woman that won’t give it up for a year. Same goes for women that are with a guy that won’t give up the high hard one.

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
8:39 am

Please forgive the bad spelling

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2012
8:50 am

Good morning and Happy New Year!

Truth

January 3rd, 2012
8:52 am

Dude hit it on the head. Men have to really work the charm, finances, approach, timing and all of the other buttons. Women just have to be willing. Most dates, a man is wondering if “this could be the night”. The woman already knows. Women don’t have “no sex ruts”. Women have “being too choosy ruts”. Women’s prospects in the carnal agenda are pretty much limitless seven days a week. Men’s prospects must go through the Theory of Relativity.

Truth

January 3rd, 2012
8:53 am

And NOPE, I do not plan on giving up sex for 2012. If it happens, it isn’t because I planned it that way.

Tired Out

January 3rd, 2012
9:13 am

Dude, well said. Sadly, I’ve been one of those guys who has the lady friends tell him “I wish I could find a guy like you,” but they keep going back to the same D-Bags who treat them like crap day in, day out.
I’ve tried for a long time to figure that one out, why seemingly good, decent men like myself are shunned while guys that look like cast memebers for Jersey Shore and treat everyone like S%#& can get any woman they want. Then it hit me. If these women are going for those guys, I probably don’t want them either.

But as for going long extended times without sex, to me it’s not a big deal. Yeah, sex is great. But I’d rather it be with someone I care about than with some one-night conquest.

disco

January 3rd, 2012
9:17 am

First off, good morning and happy new year!!! second – as to the topic – a year without sex… my very first thought upon reading it was “uggh”. this coming from me, the chick who just yesterday was thinking about needing some validation in the new year (for those of you who remember kimmie’s coined phrase).

what if single people purposely took a year off from sex? more power to them. I may not get any but it won’t be on purpose.

do you think the quality of our dating experiences would change? depends. this one could go either way based on interpretation. technically – I make the argument that dating is dating and sex is sex. the two can be completely separate and often times are.

could we manage to land a date? sure. may or may not be able to date him/her for long though.

when we take sex out of the equation, would our relationships stand a better chance of survival? depends on who you are and who you are working with. for some folks it’s a necessity and some folks can take it or leave it.

How much clarity do you think it could bring? I always think of the Seinfeld episode where George abstained and got smarter and Elaine abstained and got dumber. it might bring clarity. it might bring angst.

self induced dry season? some fraggle naggle bull. like I said before, I may not get any but it won’t be on purpose.

czBrat

January 3rd, 2012
9:19 am

HiYas!

Happy New Year, SlimSweetie :) Hola, Truth!

i know men who have abstained a year or more. challenging, true. but well worth it. i think it’s a great idea to learn to think things through w/o sex clouding your judgment and directing your intentions.

Men have to really work the charm, finances, approach, timing and all of the other buttons. Women just have to be willing.
:razz: :lol:

disco

January 3rd, 2012
9:22 am

truth – I like that. “too choosy” ruts. think you hit the nail on the head.

Robert

January 3rd, 2012
9:24 am

@Dude & Truth – Where are you “bamas” from – ATL?

“How much clarity do you think it could bring?”

In today’s world (internet, etc.) real men always have a strategy to take advantage of all opportunities. For example in ATL women out number men 20-to-1 and are better educated and financially secure. Men in ATL are either gay, unemployed or in prison which is a fact. I think single women in ATL should take a year off from sex. This is a very wise and smart decision. Why settle for less. I feel the fustration and pain whenever I meet someone new who are having a hard time meeting and dating a real man who will fire-up their passion and desire leading to a wonderful relationship.

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2012
9:26 am

My question is, are the men that abstain from sex for that extended period of time, are they also not spanking the monkey either?? I would think it all boils down to bussin’ a nut right…

disco – After reading your post, I gathered in a nutshell that, “You just neva know” :lol:

czBrat

January 3rd, 2012
9:31 am

it pains me to say this, because i luv my blog gents like hot cocoa on a bitter cold day, but if yous are going around thinking ‘why him, not me?’, that could explain why the ladies are drifting in the other direction. just saying, that mindset could be oozing from your pores.

slim, if there’s no relief of any sort, we’ll be hearing news reports of a lot more random violence and bar fights in the coming year.

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
9:34 am

Robert, I have no clue where you are getting your statistics from 20-1 are you effing serious?

I don’t have trouble getting a girl, but I live with 2 room mates that have tried everything from internet to buying drinks to staying out at bars until closing every night, to just about everything and have very limited success. Robert, no offense if you think that is the way things are you live in a fantasy world.

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
9:38 am

Brat, I love the ladies, I won’t have anything exclusive, like I have mentioned before, but I don’t ever say, why him and not me. If that were the case I would have much more limited success, but the “facts” I mentioned in the first post still exist regardless of how you may be taking it. This is in my humble opinion the truth. It is a blanket statement about both sexes, which I don’t particularly like to make, but as I have seen it, the statement is still truthful in nature.

czBrat

January 3rd, 2012
9:48 am

no worries, dude. i hadn’t read your comment when i posted, so i wasn’t “taking it” any particular way. we all comment based on our own experiences, and in every case there is some truth and some fallacy. it’s what keeps the blog interesting.

abc

January 3rd, 2012
9:50 am

The only times I’ve gone without that long were when married to my ex. I went almost 2 years once. I didn’t mind that much, though.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 3rd, 2012
9:55 am

Good morning,

Happy New Year and all that stuff.

A year off from dating? The first woman back was not happy about that decision….

Would it (abstinence) change the experience or bring clarity? That answer depends on what one thinks about sex.

If it’s merely for release, then nope, no clarity no change, just a “weight” lifted. If it’s for some deeper connection, then maybe, but even the noblest of intentions *usually* end with trying to get that release in the end.

As for the women dating the same dude over and over – that’s a truism; but what is also true is that those women weren’t for me. I changed my selection process and found the one that was/is for me.

Left the rest to their own devices/journies.

#stoplookinginotherpeoplesyardandtendtoyourown

Leggs

January 3rd, 2012
9:55 am

What if single people purposely took a year off from sex? To be honest, if a single person took a year off from sexing, I would hope that’s ONLY because they’re not dating. Learn more about themselves and what they really want from a relationship.

Do you think the quality of our dating experiences would change? Probaby, because dating w/o sexing is for the woodchucks (wait, I think they’re sexing too).

Could we even manage land a date? Sure, but doubt we’ll be able to keep the date.

When we take sex out of the equation, would our relationships stand a better chance of survival? I highly doubt it unless both parties are on some emotional cleansing pilgrimage.

How much clarity do you think it could bring? No clarity. Probably at first appreciation someone isn’t trying to jump your bones, then confusion as to why they’re not even trying!!!

kimmie

January 3rd, 2012
9:56 am

Happy New Year Blog Gang!!!

Disco – A year with no “validation”?!! :lol:

I don’t have much to add of value to the topic today. But I will say that just abstaining from the act itself probably won’t do one any good if during that time they don’t do any self-reflection. Really examine what might they be doing that makes their relationships so unfulfilling that they feel they need to go on a sabatical. Think about it. If everything else with your life and relationship is going well, physical intimacy is the icing on the cake. But if you are in a relationship that’s not working or you are meeting folk with less than desirable qualities, sex or no sex probably won’t make a difference until you work out the real root of your issues.

Stop worrying about why other people choose who they choose. The bottom line is they don’t want you. That’s all you need to know. And if you see these other people choose to be with what you deem as drama – aren’t you GLAD they don’t choose you to continue their drama-filled existence?

Kym

January 3rd, 2012
9:57 am

Good Morning All,

I just can’t even begin to imagine a world where single people didn’t have sex. I mean everything around us…(music, tv..)revolves around sex. So that concept seems to far out there.
I have not tried the test of no sex in a relationship so I can’t relate at all to question number two.
I have to agree with Truth and Disco..I am not trying to go on a self-induce dry season.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 3rd, 2012
9:57 am

Oh, and lest the statement be misconstrued: the “dating the same person” is not gender specific – guys do it too.

Kym

January 3rd, 2012
9:58 am

“Stop worrying about why other people choose who they choose. The bottom line is they don’t want you. That’s all you need to know. And if you see these other people choose to be with what you deem as drama – aren’t you GLAD they don’t choose you to continue their drama-filled existence?”–kimmie

This needed to be repeated..

czBrat

January 3rd, 2012
9:59 am

but what is also true is that those women weren’t for me.
and there you have it.

MsMarriedUp

January 3rd, 2012
9:59 am

I think it’s been said here already… masturbating does count as sex, which I too wonder how many abstain from that. Probably that most number would dwindle down to the one dare devil and any maybe one more you’ll never hear about.

On that note, I I firmly believe sex (and this may have been said too) is a VERY necessary ingredient to life. I don’t hear no one talking about not eating for a year…and again, I mean eating absolutely nothing.

Now most might say, oh, but that’s different because they visually see death if they don’t eat for a year. Well, let a man try not even masturbating for a whole year and check the population by the end of the year. Don’t be fooled about power of sex. It is vital to your health…mental and physical. Just try to avoid *overeating* or check the calories to keep healthy and fit, and enjoy this year!

kimmie

January 3rd, 2012
9:59 am

Hey Dan! Happy New Year! Love your post, especially the last few lines. We are thinking alike on that today!!

LL411

January 3rd, 2012
10:01 am

Well said Kimmie.

kimmie

January 3rd, 2012
10:02 am

Thanks Kym & LL!!

disco

January 3rd, 2012
10:02 am

leggs – funny. you kind of think like me. yes, the woodchucks are getting theirs and it’s messed up when you think about it that way. someone earlier said folks are comparing themselves to other folks but can you imagine “man, my neighbors dog just had puppies again. those yorkies next door be getting it in.”

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
10:03 am

Kimmie- No drama is great
Dan- Yes both sexes did it, it does take 2
Married- Masterbation does NOT count as sex!!!

Kym

January 3rd, 2012
10:04 am

Sorry but I am cracking myself up..at Ms. Married Up statement..I keep thinking about men exploding in the streets..from “the back-up”..”Whew!!! His head just popped right off!!”

disco

January 3rd, 2012
10:08 am

kym / ms. married up – the “backup” is real and while I don’t know if a person would literally die from the backup I do know that there can be some serious physical side effects to the backup.

dude – we may need to take a vote on that one. I’m on your side though. it doesn’t count.

Dude

January 3rd, 2012
10:12 am

If that is the case every single person that does it is gay, you have “sex” with someone else.

Tired Out

January 3rd, 2012
10:14 am

I’ve gotta agree with Dude. Masturbation does not count as sex. To say it does is the same as saying simplying being in a restaurant at the same time as someone else means you are on a date with that person.

oneofeach4me

January 3rd, 2012
10:22 am

I don’t think masturbation counts as sex either. Besides… if you count masturbation as sex… then what do you say about wet dreams?? The backup will release one way or another… conscious or subconsciously!

On another note Happy New Year everyone!

Celisea

January 3rd, 2012
10:22 am

HNY lovelies,

On topic:

Abstaining for me has always been about me and my journey. Nothing to do with what a dude did, whether or not he was quality or even what his intentions were. What I have discovered though, during any amount of time of abstaining, weeding out the uglies is a welcomed byproduct. Some good ones may not understand as it’s not their journey but definitely the bad ones get sifted. As a result, naturally folks getting weeded out almost always changes the quality of what you’re working with.

I don’t necessily know what clarity will be provided other than what you discover about yourself and your limits. You can never ever control what another person does or even how they receive your plight to abstain. So even with the best of efforts and intentions, a person “not on the same page” will NEVER understand, thus no clarity. All they know is you ain’t giving it up.

So I agree, stop worrying about other folks and what they do or don’t do in their dating process. Stop commenting that the standards are too high if you’re not willing to raise the bar yourself. If they’re too high for you, stick with what you know. If you aren’t satisfied with what’s yielded so far, then don’t expect “better than what you’ve done or better than what you’ve dated” unless you’re willing to do different and change your process.

Change in any facet of life starts with one’s self. That’s all we can control. If you get a bad one or one where it’s not helping your change or sift in quality, you wanna do better….toss it back.

Robert

January 3rd, 2012
10:25 am

@Dude – My stats may be too low and single women could out number single men by a 25-to-1 ratio in ATL. Single men in ATL are either gay, unemployed or in prison which leaves very few choices for single women. I think single women in ATL should take a year off from sex because the risks (HIV, etc.)outweigh the rewards. This is a very wise and smart decision. Why settle for less. This is a fact not fantasy. I hope all women who read this post and understand what I am talking about.

Celisea

January 3rd, 2012
10:30 am

Robert – I think single women in ATL should take a year off from sex because the risks (HIV, etc.)outweigh the rewards.

Considering women would have to contract it from men, women taking a year off will make the men go in to abstinence by default. What are you saying? If a woman wants to abstain, she should do it for herself, be it risks, cleansing, healing whatever. Solely though to not contract an STD doesn’t quite make sense to me. That’s just me though. Maybe I missed something in your post.

Celisea

January 3rd, 2012
10:36 am

Robert, I agree with your statement, my point was (I should have gone further) is your stance is not a bad why but why gender specific? Would the risk not outweigh the reward if it’s a man?

Leggs

January 3rd, 2012
10:38 am

If someone doesn’t see masturbation as a form of sex then they need to speak with a sexologist on what constitutes sex.

@disco ~ I disagree with the staunch notion of being “backed up.” Don’t get me wrong, there are some hormornal irritants but they don’t have to debilitating. It is what you make it. Everyone’s genetic makeup is not the same so some can dismiss “not getting any” a little better than the next person. I do believe this, if you continuouly harp on the fact that you’re not getting any, you are getting in your own way and causing mental angst unnecessarily so. It is what it and it doesn’t have to be a negative….

Leggs

January 3rd, 2012
10:39 am

Better yet, if you don’t think masturbation is a form of sex, let’s say it’s a form of release….

oneofeach4me

January 3rd, 2012
10:41 am

@Leggs ~ I definitely see it as a form of release.. just not intercourse which is what I would consider to be sex. ;-)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

January 3rd, 2012
10:43 am

Sex for many begins around 16 and tails off in the late 60’s or 70’s. If you’re healthy and you live long enough you have 50 or more years to enjoy it. Everybody is not participating and there are dry spells for everyone else. Abstinance is being practiced by young and old and no one has died from it, irritablility would be a side effect from lacking but not a cause to panic.

Happy New Year:

Leggs

January 3rd, 2012
10:44 am

@oneofeach ~ that’s why I had to clarify. Intercourse is with another able-bodied person, whereas masturbation is between you and Mary and her five fingers! I see the difference.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

January 3rd, 2012
10:57 am

‘Sup Kimmie, and errbody else

It’s easier said than practiced, but I think a lot of what causes dating confusion is worrying about other people.

Sure that nice lady (guy – it’s 2012 whatever floats your boat) that *seems* to be a good match keeps dating the same [type] of guy, but hey, that’s on her. Hopefully, she’ll figure it out before the consequences get too deep – but it has nothing to do with me beyond learning that she ain’t the one for me.

Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her – or me – she’s just not the one; and that’s okay.

SlimNu

January 3rd, 2012
10:59 am

Someone had mentioned sex as a distraction but my point is releasing can also be a distraction…not calling masturbation sex but they both are both a means to an end. lol

Celisea

January 3rd, 2012
11:01 am

I don’t find it shocking (as Diva commented) that there are some men abstaining. I know for certain there are quality men seeking a higher path/road and will opt to take a pass. Not everybody take the hit because it’s presented.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

January 3rd, 2012
11:03 am

Leggs of course you don’t necessarily need Mary. A guy can use his own five fingers. I’m with you, although masterbating isn’t intercourse it is a form of sex, if there’s a release something sexual happened.

Tired Out

January 3rd, 2012
11:09 am

Regarding the masturbation as sex discussion -
For those claiming that masturbation is sex, what was the consensus on “wet dreams?” Would you say that a teenager who has a wet dream has had sex?

Leggs

January 3rd, 2012
11:10 am

Tks BF…you get my drift.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

January 3rd, 2012
11:10 am

I don’t know about anyone else, I’ve heard this quote “I’m having sex with myself” from a lot of women. I assume men have and is doing it too.