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Happily ever after?

The end of the year is almost here and it brings an opportunity to reflect on our lives. When we look back over the past twelve months can we say that we were happy?

It doesn’t matter how many good or bad dates you go on or how awful or great your relationship is, if you have not found a way to feel content, you have to do what it takes to make things better.

It’s not a good plan to wait till you find the one to be happy. Expecting someone else to be your only source of joy is not a good plan but I believe many people do just that.

Do you believe in “happily ever after” and does it depend on whether you are alone or in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

285 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

December 26th, 2011
8:55 am

How can you expect someone else to make you happy, if you can’t make yourself happy? And if you can’t make yourself happy, how can you make those around you happy? Happily ever after can happen whether alone, or in a relationship when you learn to make your self happy.

La La

December 26th, 2011
9:22 am

Wise Diva you are spot on today. Most people are unable to associate real happiness with singledom when in all actuality happiness has absolutely nothing to with another. It’s a joy from within and can be extra special if shared with another. Look at the stigma assiciated with being single or never having been married. Look at the ridicule hurled at unattached people as the lonelies. Yet so so so many are willing to walk the path of hipocrisy and stay in loveless unfulfilled relationships because they don’t to be assiciated with the stigma

Albert

December 26th, 2011
4:13 pm

Wise Diva, of course many people do just that. And i don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.There is no greater feeling than finding someone who can lift you up out of a depressed or despairing state, especially a significant other. Just being with a woman with whom you “click” can lift you up. And if she reciprocates, that’s even better. Conversely, there is no worse feeling in the world than being plunged into depression because you think a woman will never be attracted to you, even if you are attracted to her.

????

December 26th, 2011
4:44 pm

I guess I would have to wonder what happens then if the person that brings you a sense of happiness is ever out of your life? Do you stay unhappy until another comes along, if they come along? What, do you remain in a sad state?

Albert

December 26th, 2011
10:18 pm

I have remained in a sad state for quite a while when a relationship ended before, yes.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
8:16 am

Good morning and welcome back to work…

Guess this will be our topic for today as well? Hmmm

Exiled!

December 27th, 2011
8:49 am

Are u single and happy La La?

no cats?

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
8:54 am

As far as the topic goes, as with any year there are always ups & downs but overall I’d have to say I’ve been happy/content. Can only hope for an even better year.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
9:17 am

Ex – So, how was your holiday? (If you even celebrate)

Into the Light

December 27th, 2011
9:19 am

Good morning!

I hope Santa was good to all my blog peeps.

On topic: If you are looking to another as your source of happiness, you will always be disappointed.

czBrat

December 27th, 2011
9:27 am

HiYas!!

i trust all have had a safe and wonderful holiday weekend.

i belive in happily every before, during and after!

overall 2011 has been a good year. certainly loads better than 2010. there were fewer challenges in my personal life and a nice little boon in my work life.

as for 2012, well, it’s shaping up to be rather monumental.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
9:30 am

Good morning!

I decided to take the rest of the year off. Shopping all day yesterday tuckered me out and didn’t want to wake up at 6.

I cannot look to another for happiness. I have to rely on myself to exude and find my own happiness. Can’t attract another if I’m walking around all gloomy and unsatisfied. Love myself, and then I can hopefully love another.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
9:35 am

Leggs – You shopped till you dropped huh lol

A person very close to me has been in a rutt the last few weeks…she REALLY wants to be with someone and can’t understand why dating has not been working for her. It hurts to see her feeling so down.

disco

December 27th, 2011
9:41 am

good morning.

for me – personally – 2011 was some fraggle naggle bull. still, it’s all good because I am stepping into 2012 with a vengeance. going to make some things happen by hook or by crook this (next) year.

slim – that dating slump is a bad boy. it can play with your self esteem if you aren’t careful.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
9:44 am

disco – Yeah I know but the way I see it is she has a lot of things that other folks are struggling with outside of the dating realm…smart kid, own house, good job, make decent money etc…but I guess we all have a desire for something no matter where we are in life.

disco

December 27th, 2011
9:50 am

slim – heck it sounds like she and I are wearing the same shoes. that almost makes it more depressing because she probably thinks she deserves what she doesn’t have, like she’s worked hard, paid her dues and is still being denied. we discussed something similar in bible study group once. how some folks pray for their mate and yet never find their mate. we debated whether sometimes marriage simply wasn’t in God’s plans for a person. needless to say, while it wasn’t a heated debate, there were folks on both sides of the coin. I know my grandmother used to say “if it’s for you, you’ll get it”. at the end of the day I guess that about sums it up.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
9:55 am

Blog ate my post….basically stated she probably does feel that way, that she deserves the ‘love thang’ aspect in her life. Here I am wanting to get all the other stuff of having my own stuff. Even though I love my beau, it’s not always perfect and I’m sure we want to strangle each other every now and then but it’s not like we’ve run off to marital bliss just yet. Go figure

Alternative BM

December 27th, 2011
10:00 am

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas and happy Kwanza!

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:04 am

@SlimNu ~ yep, shopped to we dropped. She wanted to spend $200 on a pair of UGG boots, but I wouldn’t allow her to spend that much on one item. Our only bone of contention while out. Of course, I prevailed (lol).

Also, I too can identify with your friend. Not sure if I’m in a rut, just a little uneasy as to why I’m not connecting. Oh well, my time will come and the same for your friend and same for you disco KEEP HOPE ALIVE!!!!

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:04 am

slim – well. you know the saying. “success is nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with”.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:08 am

Quoting movies early on I see (lololol).

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:10 am

leggs – the quote just happened to fit the situation speaking of movies. I finally saw slumdog millionaire over the weekend. my first thought was that that movie was “beautiful”. I don’t think I’d ever considered a movie beautiful before.

I’ll be sure to toast hope on new year’s eve. which one of the blog chicks is tall? I forget. still, even with me being a short woman I find I’m usually perturbed when approached by a short man. I know it’s wrong to be that shallow but I can’t help it. met a little guy in blockbuster the other day and he was well spoken and polite and asked for my number and I was “generous” and obliged but the entire time I was thinking this guy is probably all of 5’7”. I knew I was kidding him and myself.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
10:13 am

“success is nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with”.

Yeah I totally get it…I think we as women tend to feel more that way than men. I wonder if we did a poll on which one would prefer over the other between Love & Success, more men would choose Success. Just my guess

S/N: My coworker gave scratch offs to a friend as a gift and they won $500 dayum dollars. That kind of thing NEVER happens to me. I know she felt some kind of way about it but hooray for them.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
10:14 am

“met a little guy in blockbuster the other day”

:lol: at ‘little guy’ Ha ha ha ha

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:16 am

The quote definitely fit! Success is always better enjoyed with someone else. It’s like winning an award then going to the after party by yourself then going on and putting the statute in bed with you. Cold and probably pointy (well, forget the pointy part (lolol).)

czBrat

December 27th, 2011
10:17 am

we debated whether sometimes marriage simply wasn’t in God’s plans for a person.
not that i can quote scripture on this, but i often think of God, as any loving parent, wants the best for His children. and my understanding of His intention for men/women is that we should be paired and complement one another in our roles according to his design.

having said that, of course not everyone will find “the one” and marry happily ever after. but i don’t think that’s by God’s plan. i think it has more to do with our own failure to see what He knows to be best for us. we focus on what we want for ourselves (height, weight, education, net worth, complexion, etc.) if we truly allow His will be done in all things, and act accordingly, we wouldn’t miss the many times he places blessings right in our path.

that is all.

Kym

December 27th, 2011
10:18 am

Good Morning All!!

I hope you all had a Happy Merry Holiday Season..I have no idea of the topic..but I figured I would get in where I fit in. I do have a few Holiday Vents..but I will save those for later..

@disco..my cake came out alright..I was so proud of myself..I had that kind of crusty butter top..going on..I love that!

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:18 am

slim – and that’s why I can’t date little guys. I’d slip up and say stuff like that all the time. a little guy would probably try to choke me out.

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:24 am

brat – and that’s what we debated back and forth. it made for an interesting discussion. also, we inserted various topics in the place where I indicated marriage. perhaps a person was praying for certain thing/situation and perhaps that thing/situation just wasn’t in the plan for their life. our ultimate question was when do you accept (or do you ever accept) that the thing that you want isn’t meant for you to have.

kym – congrats on the cake. I bought the 7up but didn’t bake the cake.

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
10:25 am

Kym – There isnt much going on in here so go ahead and throw those Holiday vents out there. It’s going to be a long slow day for me here at work.

SexyCool

December 27th, 2011
10:33 am

“Happily ever after” depends on where you hang your happiness.

czBrat

December 27th, 2011
10:35 am

when do you accept (or do you ever accept) that the thing that you want isn’t meant for you to have.
when we can no longer see because there is so much blood pouring into our eyes from the gashes we’ve torn into our own head banging it against the same damn wall!

and those who never accept just tell themselves their plan is better than His. LOL

Kym, vent! vent! vent! vent!

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:38 am

brat – you’d make a nice addition to the group.

SexyCool

December 27th, 2011
10:39 am

My holiday vent #1 – I’m fighting slight disappointment that I got shtload of Bath&Body bodywash.

Why? I’m not really a body wash person. I actually prefer Dove soap. However, now that I have 16 bottles of it, I will be B&B bodywashing fool.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:42 am

@SexyC ~ (1) friend gave my child a washcloth and towel, and (2) another gave her bodywash. She was confused. I told her she stinks and needs to take a shower (LOLOL).

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
10:43 am

SC – Even though I didn’t get any body wash stuff this year, I totally feel ya on that stuff as a gift. I think back in the day it was a bigger thing but to me, it just seems like a ’safe-not-much-thought’ kinda gift. I don’t want to sound like an ingrate if someone were to get me that but it’s just a blah gift to me. What you can do is Re-gift that to someone else :lol: I’m pretty sure i’ve received regifted body wash gifts before ;-)

Mr_NYC

December 27th, 2011
10:44 am

Greetings all

It’s not a good plan to wait till you find the one to be happy. Expecting someone else to be your only source of joy is not a good plan but I believe many people do just that
I will focus on the words “only source of joy.” Indeed if that is the case, one is heading for disappointment. Another person can enhance the happiness or already enjoyed or take away from it if they are a pain in the rear.

Do you believe in “happily ever after” and does it depend on whether you are alone or in a relationship?
I believe one can be happily ever after. In my opinion this has to be come when you take an overall high level view of your life. To suggest that you are happy each and every moment may not be realistic. When difficulty or tragedy is being faced that is certainly not a happy moment. There are even occasions in scripture where men and women of faith expressed doubts about their Creator’s favor, and even wished for death rather than continuing to deal with their trial. Of course, they made it through and later looked back on the favor of their life. But during the trial it is possible they may have wondered and gloominess overshadowed their happiness.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:45 am

All I know with dating is that you can’t assist someone in getting to know you better if they don’t want to be assisted. Perhaps there’s something better, more exciting on their horizon. Happily ever after only occurs when both are on the same page, fighting for the same things, willing to go through the peaks and valleys together. Then, the pursuit of happiness is worthwhile….

Kym

December 27th, 2011
10:48 am

@disco..awww….I made two sweet potato pies and the cookies..uh..Leggs..the boy took the cookies to his friend’s house before I could even get two..The boy needs a job… oh by the way this is my #5 Vent.

#4..People in the store buying last minute gifts..who send their children..nieces..or nephews to find another size or item while holding up the line..This happen to me in Walmart and the Dollar Tree..get it all before you get in line people

#3 Family..who cooks for themselves but still wants you to bring them a plate of what you cooked..we cooked the same thang joker! This would be my sister.

#2 Family who has not spoken to you in a decades..okay maybe not that long..but still..who want you to help them out with a problem.. Is there not some kind of rule that if we have not spoken in awhile all family ties are cut? If not, there should be!

#1 Vent..folks who buy they kids stuff they know they don’t need. Why does the six year old need a droid or IPad..I understand you want to buy little Timmy’s love..but he is bad as hell now..so in a few years you gonna wish you had that money for bail..

SexyCool

December 27th, 2011
10:48 am

And what is really the issue is that he bought me eight bottles about six months ago from the store when he was buying his sister some for her birthday. And that was a special thought, made me smile. To come with an unexpected gift bag loaded with smell goods was really thoughtful.

I must have mentioned that I liked few of the fragrances. Christmas morning, there was a huge shipping box under the tree. And there were another ten bottles of body wash and body spray and a candle…that he bought six months ago.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:49 am

@Mr. NYC ~ you’re are absolutely right…sometimes you have to take the stance of Job in one’s pursuit. He prevailed, but he questioned God, he wanted to give up, but never did and he was blessed twenty fold.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:50 am

Loving Vent #1.

disco

December 27th, 2011
10:51 am

SC – safe to regift. I’m still on bar soap too. get a lot of flack for it but I’m not a fan of the shower gels.

kym – well dang. a friend of mine once tiraded that her family members showed up at her kid’s birthday party with their own aluminum foil for leftovers but no gift for the birthday boy. it’s been years and she still fumes over that.

Kym

December 27th, 2011
10:51 am

@SexyC..what fragrances you got? I can take a few off your hands..

SlimNu

December 27th, 2011
10:53 am

SC :shock: :lol: Well, you now have NO excuse to be funkdified this year lol

Exiled!

December 27th, 2011
10:53 am

@Slim,sorry at getting back atcha late..the Christmas day itself was well..nothing to write home bout…but the next day was cool…

I don’t care for the day really..more for the food and lounging around and staying home. It gets on my nerves..all the attn on gift giving etc..really nauseating. I bought her something coz she cares for it. I haven’t opened nor seen what she bought me..No biggie here for that sort of thing.
On topic:

As for Disco’s quote,it’s proly more apt for a successful woman.
A successful man knows that once they get successful,the women will come(no pun),hovering and circling like hyenas on a dead carcass! :lol:

Successful Women? the guys give her one sniff and shake their heads and bench her!

It’s a big Conundrum! :lol:

How old is ur friend Slim?

Celisea

December 27th, 2011
10:54 am

Morning lovelies,

Lovely Christmas I had :) My kid had a very bright Christmas!

Happy or Happily Ever After IMO has nothing to do with a mate. IMO it’s a need and desire placed in every man, sought out by every man but found (as intended) in God, the Almighty. I didn’t say ultra religious, I didn’t saying at the church every time the doors open (not that I’m knocking that) but finding him and having an intimate relationship with him. I think that’s why there’s that feeling of emptiness if no spouse or some that soon bore with a spouse or a need to have frequent partners, or cheat so forth and so on. If you notice those folks that go from person to person to person having sex no matter how much fun they claim to have, they are are ALWAYS the most unfulfilled people. As soon as the goal is achieved it’s on to the next…..never satisfied. I believe if you have intimacy with God to satisfy this yearning for “something” that we all have, subsequent to that does or can or will a relationship become fulfilling…..between humans. That’s why Solomon says it’s all vanity and vexation of spirit.

That’s just what I think though :)

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:54 am

@Kym ~ I made a sour cream pound cake in a flowered shaped bundt pan…beautiful cake, but used a bit too much vanilla, but still good. Christmas dinner was delicious.

Leggs

December 27th, 2011
10:55 am

BTW, Kym, have your son make YOU more cookies (lol). Still, that was a nice compliment since he ran to his friends house with them.

Kym

December 27th, 2011
10:57 am

@disco..I don’t blame her either..that was just some foolishness..

@Leggs..it is absolutely insane..lord…forgive me…I know I cant control other folks houses…