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Relationship growing pains

Most relationships undergo growing pains. This is the phase when a couple argues a lot and realizes how well they handle conflict. If you are in a relationship long enough, situations will come up to test you both. Some people wait this period out – waiting for things to get better. Others bail, cut their losses, and go seek out another mate thinking things will be different. They are never different.

Every dating relationship you have will require effort, work, and a lot of patience if it is going to last. A lot of us singles aren’t good at playing the waiting game though. The moment things get messy, challenging, or slightly imperfect – we check out!

I have been guilty of this before but I finally learned that you have to be willing to wait out the tough periods. Especially when the person is wait-worthy.

Do you have a hard time getting past the growing pains of a relationship? Do you have any advice for people who are just reaching that stage of bickering and arguing?

Instead of running for the hills, how do we improve our chances in the relationship waiting game?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

173 comments Add your comment

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
7:39 am

In my experience, it is simply stepping back and being grateful for what you have, instead of thinking about how things were in the very beginning. Most relationships are hot and heavy at first and then you start seeing the real person, then things can fall into a routine, you start noticing bad habits, etc. etc.

I find that people that have never been alone for a long period of time, 6 months +, don’t really have a good understanding and have real problems with gratitude.

OUCH ! i bumped my head

December 22nd, 2011
8:12 am

Relationship growing pains hmmmmm “Is that when over the past 25 years
her once was a Nice Butt doubles in size?

Adam Lambert

December 22nd, 2011
8:45 am

“The moment things get messy, challenging, or slightly imperfect – we check out!”

And you keep repeating this and repeating this and repeating this and you NEVER GROW or become truly mature! Your nasty attitudes fester throughout your lives and you become so wise in your own eyes and EVERY man is beneath you!

Guys and gals: Seek out old, even elderly men and women who have STAYED MARRIED TO ONE PERSON THEIR ENTIRE LIVES for relationship advice, instead of your mouthy, beyotchy girlfriends and don’t-know-what-a-real-man-is male friends.

Otherwise, y’all gone stay messed up and will keep repeating these bad-stupid dating things over and over and over and over …

Lam

SlimNu

December 22nd, 2011
9:00 am

Well, I see there’s some tensions today…Good morning ;-)

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
9:03 am

No tension on my side :)

Kym

December 22nd, 2011
9:04 am

Good Morning Honeybells!

Must we argue today..today is my friday..let there be peace and love and sunshine.

nelsonh

December 22nd, 2011
9:10 am

that is a great question. i really like it. One way to get through the growing pains of a relationship is to give in and give up on every issue. Another way is to be always right and never giving in. Personally speaking the very best relationships i have had have been of a short duration. I get to see the best in the other person and they get to see the best in me. I love it that way. It reminds me of a story , a man was being interviewed on his long marriage[70 years] and was asked what the secret was. He replied, “learning to say “yes Dear”. Can you imagine the number of yes dears in 70 years.

SlimNu

December 22nd, 2011
9:11 am

I see Kym walking in with the Christmas hat on handing out stockings filled with goodies…This is my Friday too, thank GOD! Woooh hooooo hoooooooooo. Who’s serving the Holiday Spirits?

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
9:21 am

Good morning.

Like I’ve been lamenting over and over, people do not have patience to weather through even the smallest hiccup in a relationship. So quick to jump ship due to a small disagreement. Disagreements doesn’t necessary equate to arguing, but some don’t know the difference…lots of punks (men and women) walking among us.

disco

December 22nd, 2011
9:21 am

kym – peace, love, sunshine? SHUT UP. okay – sorry. that was kind of ugly.

JK

December 22nd, 2011
9:23 am

Being in my mid 30’s and having been always good at waiting out the growing pains it is interesting to note that as the dating pool shrinks you realize that you are a rare breed. The people that know how to wait out the growing pains are already married!

disco

December 22nd, 2011
9:24 am

hi leggs – funny you mention punks. just had a discussion with a friend last night re her momma’s boy. not guy she’s dating but her son. he’s only 10 but the poor kid has an apron string in one hand and a nipple in the other. she thinks it’s cute. I told her it might be cute now but when he’s a 20/25/30 year old punk A momma’s boy it won’t be as cute.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
9:28 am

@nelsonh ~ all the times one says “yes dear” doesn’t even matter (lol)…they made it to 70s come hook or crook. They navigated the choppy waters together through sick and sin, his ride or die chick that got them to 70 years or marriage. No doubt it wasn’t always smooth sailing, but obviously they didn’t bail at the first sign of conflict. That’s the problem with relationships in 2011, too many bail too quickly.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
9:30 am

@disco ~ hello. Nope, it won’t be cute and he’ll be the first to bail because the woman didn’t do something the way his mother did it, or the mother herself will attempt to sabotage his relationship because the woman isn’t up to her standards…a no win situation for mama boys.

Truth

December 22nd, 2011
9:37 am

The worst is when you are dating someone and before the fourth month is up, she starts talking about engagement rings, weddings and “do you see us marrying in the future?” Why do women do that? Do women just place a bull’s eye on getting married? There is NOTHING that will make a guy pull up the emergency brake, go into a slideways slide and hit the ejector seat faster then that. What about just ALLOWING it to happen instead of trying to put it on the fast track? JEESE!

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
9:37 am

Leggs
Most guys are mama’s boys regardless of what you think, my own father who has been married to my mother for 35 years is a mama’s boy. Most guys want to fight their dad and will do almost anything for their mom, in my house we learned really quick that dad hits more often, but mom hits hard!!!! The mother won’t always try and sabotage relationships, she may put in her 2 cents, but most won’t interfere.

Kym

December 22nd, 2011
9:39 am

@Disco..girl don’t be all grinchy..it’s 70 degrees down here..it feels more like April than December

I guess folks do bail quick..I know I am quick on the draw with foolishness and I am begining to think I have developed..the gift of good-bye. Use to be a time I worked hard to have folks like or understand me..now..its more and more of a ol well..push the hell on!

Jeff Foxworthy

December 22nd, 2011
9:41 am

Have you ever seen the way women react to the wedding bouguet being tossed? It’s like a WWE Battle Royal. Women WILL hit pavement to catch that bouguet. The difference is with men when the garter is tossed. Men act like it’s a hand grenade dipped in AIDS. “OMG, it touched my pants! It touched my pants!” Then some brave soul throws himself on the garter to save the rest of us…..

disco

December 22nd, 2011
9:42 am

truth – I agree. that rush thing is so not cool especially for the younger women. still, the biological clock is a bad boy for some women once they reach a certain age. at that point, (in their minds) they don’t have time to be letting things take their course. it gets very real for those chicks.

dude – I disagree. I’ll say most men love their mommas but most aren’t momma’s boys. mostly because it takes a certain kind of mother to cripple her child in that way. same thing for daddy’s girls. some are crippled and almost freaking helpless because daddy did too much for them.

kym – yeah yeah yeah. I’m working on it. it’s still early and I’m still at work.

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
9:43 am

Jeff, I have a picture of me running away from it, lmao, that is so true!!!

Tmac

December 22nd, 2011
9:45 am

I am guilty on this but now that I have learned to wait it out and see things improve, I keep meeting those who are who I was before. Life sucks!!!

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
9:45 am

Ok, I think we have different definitions for mama’s boys, what is yours?

Truth

December 22nd, 2011
9:46 am

@Disco- That’s all fine and dangy, but she can’t have kids! There is no reason to even dwell on it this early, because she has no biological clock. She’s even going through menapause at 47. After two months, she first brought up the subject of her “wedding ring” and last week, she starts talking about where she would want to have her wedding at and if I saw us getting married! WTH?? Needless to say, I excused myself from that conversation and probably from the relationship.

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
9:46 am

Mine is basically I Love, Fear, and Respect my mom enough to try and not p1ss her off.

Love Fear and Respect in that order :)

disco

December 22nd, 2011
9:48 am

me, myself, personally – I think momma’s boys are the ones that can’t hardly make a decision without consulting momma. the ones who aren’t responsible because they don’t have to be because momma will always bail them out even when they don’t need/deserve bailing out. the ones who can do no wrong. everybody else is wrong but not her son. see where I’m going with that?

disco

December 22nd, 2011
9:50 am

truth – has she ever been married? if not, sounds like she’s rushing to make up for lost time. if she has, sounds like she’s trying to hurry up and recreate the life image that she wants. either way, she’s too old for that and oughtta know she’s ruining her chances. run forrest run.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
9:51 am

Awww the wedding bouquet. I have never stood in that line. That’s my cue to head to the restroom or the bar.

Four months into a relationship the convo on marriage shouldn’t be on the table. If the man brought it up, the hair on the back of my neck would start irritating me and, knowing me, I would shut down.

Truth

December 22nd, 2011
9:56 am

Never been married. Been asked twice, but she said NO to the suitors. She’s a nice woman and all, does a lot of things for me all the time, but getting married seems like dropping a mouse into a maze that has no exit opening. Can’t breathe….getting weak……need air…..fading….fading.

Fion

December 22nd, 2011
9:56 am

Now hold on ya’ll. The key phrase here is ” when the person is wait-worthy”. The issue is everybody ain’t wait-worthy. Those that aren’t are always full of BS. Stick around if you want to. For me, deuces and I’ll holla.

czBrat

December 22nd, 2011
9:57 am

HiYas!

excellent topic. i am the poster child for dipping when my feathers get ruffled. i blame my impatience and, well, general brattyness. :oops: but i’m growing by leaps and bounds! :)
i look forward to gathering some helpful tips from fellow bloggers today.

most men love their mommas but most aren’t momma’s boys. mostly because it takes a certain kind of mother to cripple her child in that way
disco, i was thinking along those lines as well. my son is no mama’s boy. i have trained up that child in the way he should go. the kid can sink or swim according to his own ability and understanding. he will sometimes thrive and sometimes suffer through the choices he makes in life. i’ll always be close enough to listen if he wants to share; far enough to let him handle on his own.

M. (pronouced M dot)

December 22nd, 2011
9:59 am

Good day..

My only advice is for us singles to remember that relationships go in waves. We just have to ride the wave when things are up and down. I just think if its someone that you are always into it with, they are always nagging, arguing, complaining, never satisfied with you and it is just a constant battle, then cut your losses. You will be better off without them.

People always forget that dating and relationships are OPTIONAL; therefore if you are not happy with someone and your interaction together, you can always leave, just be up front and honest!

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
10:00 am

I consider myself a mama’s boy, but I don’t tell my mom hardley anything that goes on in my life nor do I let her influence any decisions I make. I don’t cry on her shoulder nor do I ever ask for her help, but I love, fear and respect her enough that I won’t go out and purposely do things to make her angry. I talk with her maybe about 10 minutes a month, a call every other week or so.

SlimNu

December 22nd, 2011
10:02 am

I will get up to do the bouquet toss but I am usually standing outside of the proper lane of tragectory. I’ve seen chicks boobs come out, panties show from falling on the ground wrestling for that thing. Catching a married chicks flowers does not make you a soon-to-be-bride. It’s just for fun I suppose.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
10:08 am

It’s that old wives tale that makes women jump up to catch that bouquet.

Hey czB! You must have been working on your brattiness for a long time cuz I see no remnants of if (LOLOL).

i'm swiss™

December 22nd, 2011
10:09 am

Re: The bouquet toss…

We’ve got a picture from our wedding of one of Mrs. Swiss’ friends in mid air, doing a full split (so much so that you can almost see her lips peeking out from under her dress) & reaching out as far as she can to try to catch that thing. B!tch had some ups, I’ll give her that. :lol:

SlimNu

December 22nd, 2011
10:12 am

swiss – She must have those butterfly wing lips :lol:

Fion

December 22nd, 2011
10:16 am

Legend has it that in 1823 Hazel Bartholomew caught the brides bouquet and was married 6mths later.

czBrat

December 22nd, 2011
10:17 am

i'm swiss™

December 22nd, 2011
10:20 am

Slim — Apparently so. Sadly for her, she still didn’t catch it. This other tall b!tch put a body on her & came down with the board. Rebounding is all about boxing out. :lol:

Side note: Do the butterfly wing CT lips start out looking like a cocoon when younger? :shock: :lol:

Kym

December 22nd, 2011
10:24 am

Hey there czBrat!! I have never understood the bouquet thang..thank you Fion for the historical fact..of course back in 1800’s marriages were arranged..dudes could get the daughter, five chickens, two goats and a side of beef. LOL!!

disco

December 22nd, 2011
10:26 am

ARRGGH! I just made a phone call. went through umpteen voice prompts. finally got a person. they put me on hold and them promptly hung up on me. I call back and suddenly the voice prompts don’t work. I’m pressing 1 and the recording is just going on and on like I didn’t push a number. I hang up and call back a third time. anyway – just wanted to share the angst.

Dude

December 22nd, 2011
10:28 am

Sounds to me that the fathers couldn’t get rid of them fast enough lol, gotta put sweeteners on the side to get them to take the deal.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
10:29 am

I hate that disco…I always get a name when a person answers so when they mysteriously hang up I can call them out when I call again. Just rude hanging up on folk, esp. if you call with a problem they don’t want to deal with. Customer service is going down the drain…

i'm swiss™

December 22nd, 2011
10:29 am

I believe you mean a side of beef curtains, Kym. :lol:

Purple Reign

December 22nd, 2011
10:29 am

Merry Christmas everyone! Just popped in to say that!

SlimNu

December 22nd, 2011
10:33 am

Sounds to me that the fathers couldn’t get rid of them fast enough lol, gotta put sweeteners on the side to get them to take the deal

Reminds me of The Color Purple. Danny Glover’s character wanted Neffe but the dad was only trying to get rid of Ceelie :lol:

swiss – I don’t really know if they are in the cocoon phase at a younger age. The beau and I were talking about that the other day. He was like, Why do some girls have extra meat down there? He was like, isn’t it supposed to be nice lips with the ‘man in the boat’ in the middle, not a whole sheet of flaps :lol:

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
10:34 am

Chile, if I was born back then, my father wouldn’t have been able to arrange a marriage with me. I would probably most resemble Taming of the Shrew (lol) and disco would have been my younger sister. :lol: :lol: Not meaning to throw you under the bus, disco…I like you.

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
10:35 am

Merry Christmas to you PR and your family.

i'm swiss™

December 22nd, 2011
10:36 am

“Why do some girls have extra meat down there?”

Slim — See now, that right there ↑ is why it’s good to not be famous. That quote, taken out of context, could make headlines on TMZ & the Enquirer for weeks. :lol:

Leggs

December 22nd, 2011
10:36 am

@SlimNu ~ you have me choking with laughter. A whole sheet of flaps…