Non-negotiable: Men pay for first date
I was getting a little insight about men from a married couple. They shared a lot of interesting things but the one they both agreed on was that men should always, always, always pay the bill on the first date.
Apparently, I should not take a man seriously, if he does not feel happy and eager to pay for an evening date. I can be traditional, so I can appreciate the sentiment behind this idea.
Dating – in a lot of ways – sets the tone of the relationship. Maybe that is not the case for everyone, but generally people who seek a relationship, look at dating behaviors when seeking potential mates.
When a man allows a woman to pay her own way on a first date, does it prove anything about his character? Does it say something about what he thinks of her?
What happens when a woman decides to spring for the first meal? Would it be a sign she is rich, pushy, or overbearing?
Have you ever gone dutch on a first date? If so, was there a second date?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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272 comments Add your comment
Robert
December 21st, 2011
10:49 am
“What happens when a woman decides to spring for the first meal? Would it be a sign she is rich, pushy, or overbearing?”
From my experience it depends on her “strategy”. Women always have a plan and will execute their plan if they have a sincere interest in a Man. For example confident women are not afraid to “put their money where their mouth is” if they feel the benefits outweigh the risks. In today’s dating world trying to find a match requires different tactics and investing in technology (internet, facebook, etc.). Women who are savvy enough will take advantage of any opportunity to catch “Mr. Right” and will – spring for the first meal – as part of her overall “strategy” for success.
Into the Light
December 21st, 2011
10:51 am
Slim: did you try the cayenne capsules? They really do work. You can also dissolve some cayenne in warm water and gargle with it for your throat. Feel better!
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
10:56 am
Breakfast is maple sausage patties, grits, scrambled eggs w/cheese and biscuits, and a nice, cold glass of milk.
disco
December 21st, 2011
10:58 am
leggs – shut up.
Into the Light
December 21st, 2011
11:02 am
@Leggs: You forgot to say what time I should be there. LOL J/K, we’re taking off for the Flying Biscuit in less than an hour..
Dude
December 21st, 2011
11:04 am
Leggs- did I hear you right that you went out with a guy that wanted to split the bill and had to be picked up by his mom. You also had said that you picked up some clothes the other day from the 70’s are you robbing the cradle or something or giving guys that should be on their own a chance they truely don’t deserve
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 21st, 2011
11:08 am
did I hear you right that you went out with a guy that wanted to split the bill and had to be picked up by his mom.
I had to re-read that myself to make sure I seent what I seent…I just hope it wasnt’ really his mama that was picking him up.
cba
December 21st, 2011
11:09 am
Leggs~ glad to see you have added grits back on your menu
Maple sausage??
BlackMagicWoman
December 21st, 2011
11:10 am
Hey hey folks….chiming in from a dreary but unseasonably warm NYC…considering that Sunday jack frost was nippin’ at my @$$!
When a guy asks me out, I feel he should pay. But do I expect it? NO! My mom always taught me to not order what I can not pay for. And when the check comes, I genuinely ask what my half is because I do intend on paying for myself. Now if he covers the check, I ask can I at least cover the tip. No of course the one who pays the bill gets more of my consideration for a second date or even if there will be another conversation after the date. Like LEGGS, I believe that if I ask a guy to the movies or dinner, I will pay. Some guys feel weird and just won’t let that happen. I will insist. But if he is adament about it, then I will let him pay.
Hmmmm...
December 21st, 2011
11:11 am
@Dude why do you assume Leggs is robbing the cradle? I don’t recall her mentioning her age?
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
11:11 am
@Dude ~ not robbing the cradle. The mommy reference was a joke. Yes, he asked me for my half which I gave w/o blinking an eye because nothing is guaranteed in life. I found out while there that he was dropped off and had to wait for his ride to come back and pick him up. Haven’t seen him since, he called once but I have DNA by his name (thank you bloggers) and have since deleted his number. I left his number in my phone just to see if he had the nerve to call, and he did. I’m not the one to leech off.
Dude, I’m still walking solo because I’m not giving someone a chance who doesn’t deserve it.
Hmmmm...
December 21st, 2011
11:12 am
Neither did she mention the man’s age. How did that question come into play at all? Hmmmmmm
SlimNu
December 21st, 2011
11:12 am
ITL – I only made 2 stops after work: the gym, then home….I may pick some up today though. Thanks for asking
DreamsMaterialize
December 21st, 2011
11:15 am
When a man allows a woman to pay her own way on a first date, does it prove anything about his character? Does it say something about what he thinks of her?
No. The only thing it proves is what she ASSUMES about his character and what she ASSUMES he thinks about her. I dated a woman who wouldn’t let me pay until we were more serious. She said she just wanted us to hang out and have fun without any expectations or pretenses. As we got more serious, she eventually felt comfortable with me paying. It was a bit of a different approach than many women take, but I respected it and was ok with it. Paying or not paying is no big deal to me. We overthink dating too much. Just go with the flow. If you see there is no flow, then stop going.
Willie Dynamite
December 21st, 2011
11:20 am
Morning All,
On topic – If I ask her out then I pay. This is not really that hard. I’ll side with the ladies on this one just for GP. Seems like we have plenty of dudes out here that are either jilted/jaded or looking for a loophole in the game. If this is really a big deal to you dudes then find a better way to play. Get creative and find some activities for your date that are less stressful to your wallet. If you are keeping score by your wallet then you are already a sponsor. Embrace It.
Dude
December 21st, 2011
11:21 am
Hmmm
In a different topic, Leggs had mentioned that she picked up some blouses in the 70’s, which would make me think that she is an older woman or time traveler, which one do you think is more likely. And in reference to the guy, if he has no vehicle, he is asking to split the check after he asked her out, and from what I gathered, missed the joke, he had his mom picking him up. Which led to my conclusion that he is either someone that can’t make it on his own or he is very young. Does that aproprietly answer your question.
disco
December 21st, 2011
11:24 am
leggs – another alternative to DNA is to assign the “no ring” ringtone. I love that one.
re guy needing a ride after the date. I had a friend hook me up with a friend of hers. he always suggested I drive and I always insisted that I’d meet him wherever. turns out he had a DUI conviction and a breathalyzer installed in his car. in my mind the solution to that was “dude don’t drink”. in his mind I was supposed to be his designated driver. I think I mentioned on here that my friends SUCK when it comes to matchmaking.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 21st, 2011
11:28 am
LIke that 11:20 Willie D…
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
11:30 am
@cba ~ I’ve missed my grits. Today is the first day I’ve had some since the beginning of the year. I figured my exercise regime is in tact that I can eat them in moderation.
Too funny. @Hmmm most here know my age, but would love to be a time traveler.
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
11:50 am
Did everyone check out already???
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
11:51 am
@Dude ~ For the record, I didn’t buy clothes from the 70’s. That day I had on a blouse I bought back in the late 70’s.
Dude
December 21st, 2011
11:54 am
That is what I meant, that was where the whole time traveler comment came in, sorry I wasn’t more specific
Exiled!
December 21st, 2011
11:54 am
11:24@disco!
Yea,real funny..
a drink habit??
proly sick but an adult with no car because they’re broke…?..broke to be incapable of owning a car?
Yea,chics are in trouble really!
SlimNu
December 21st, 2011
11:56 am
Leggs – I’m mobile today but I’m still lurking…it’ll probably be low attendance for the next couple of weeks. I hate it because it makes the time go by even slower
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:01 pm
Since it’s noon, I have a question. Was watching a show last night where this statement was made. “He used you to get to your friend.” Have any of you dated someone just to get close to the friend?
If so, were you successful? Or, well you ousted when your game blew up?
Of course this is a scenario from our younger days, but going down memory lane is sometimes fun.
Dude
December 21st, 2011
12:02 pm
Negative, I don’t wanna be down stream from my friends
Dude
December 21st, 2011
12:03 pm
Meaning I wouldn’t want to get with one of my friends girls, nor would I want to try and get between twon girlfriends
SexyCool
December 21st, 2011
12:10 pm
“Have any of you dated someone just to get close to the friend?”
That’s tacky as sht. (lol)
That being said, I have been “tried” by someone who met a friend of mine first, then after meeting me, tried to get at me with the “I wish I would have met you first.” line. My response, “I’m glad you didn’t.”
Dude
December 21st, 2011
12:19 pm
I was only doing you to get to Mary GREAT!!!!
Willie Dynamite
December 21st, 2011
12:22 pm
Heyyy Sassy
Leggs – To answer your ? No I have never went after a Friends girl or used a girl to go after her friend. However I have been on the other side.
Dude
December 21st, 2011
12:23 pm
I have beeen with a chicks that were friends with each other, but I never went in with that intention.
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:26 pm
@SexyC ~ that has happened to me. One of my friends came over with her then bf for dinner. He was a very nice man and treated her well (at least in public). During the evening he cornered me in the kitchen and told me he wished he had met me before he got in deep with her. My response was “apparently you aren’t deep into her if you’re wishing for something else. Go sit down!” That time, I didn’t say anything to her.
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:29 pm
Hey WillieD.
Exiled!
December 21st, 2011
12:31 pm
No Leggs! but I met two chics once in a club when younger.
I wanted the other one..made an approach to talk to them as they were sitting/standing on the side.
The one I really wanted didn’t bite…at least not as enthusiastically as the other one…
I went with the flow and said….fish is fish…
Caught her…we had fun for many months.
A few years later,maybe 2/3,I met the one I really wanted then at her job and confessed what was on my mind back then when we met…
Both myself and her had really moved on and grown!
Funny titbit…I was visiting her(the one I caught) in another city one time and they were rooming together. We went to a club that nite.(3 of us)..and some local dude came to join our table and wanted the friend.
I tried my very best to cork block…coz I still had the ugh for the friend..to No avail!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
czBrat
December 21st, 2011
12:33 pm
i am extremely late and no time to catch up but, Mike P, LUV your 9:49!
brb
HiYas!
disco
December 21st, 2011
12:33 pm
leggs – I personally never used someone to get close to their friend but back in the day I had plenty of fake friends trying to use me to get at some of my cousins. heck, truth be told some chicks still try to cozy up so they can be around the family gatherings to get around the cousins. I don’t know what the cousins are doing but they must be doing it well. and some of these particular cousins aren’t worth the spit it would take to cuss them but chicks love them.
disco
December 21st, 2011
12:35 pm
exiled – please share your blocking methods. low key blocking or in your face blocking?
LL411
December 21st, 2011
12:35 pm
I recenlty started dating again after long time guy and I ended. A friend of mine always wanted me to meet someone she thought would be a good match, she passed on his phone number and I called him (no problem). Becaused she’d probably told him the same thing over a period of time… ten minutes into the intro he asked to meet a few days later with a plan (activity) in mind WOW! great. He paid, lovely. I’d been thinking about him the following week so…. I invited him out, I paid for dinner and drink, after awhile not ready for the nigth to end suggested we move somewhere else… easy breezy we did, he ordered us another driink and paid.
With the above said, I think we are off to a nice start. I expressed my desire to see him this week and he accepted…
Thank you to all my blog therapist.
SexyCool
December 21st, 2011
12:35 pm
I didn’t say anything to my friend either. (I just didn’t want that between her and me – if that makes any sense.)
Their assocation turned out to be short lived as it were.
Willie Dynamite
December 21st, 2011
12:36 pm
Leggs -Hey Ms.lady how are you?
Ex – you just greedy Man.
disco
December 21st, 2011
12:38 pm
willie d – for ex, that was the “one that got away”.
Exiled!
December 21st, 2011
12:39 pm
@disco..I was in her face(the friend) telling her how No good dude was,and just saying negative stuff about him when he left to go to bathroom etc..she had no known boyfriend that I knew of.
But to really rub it on my face and make me sore..dude convinced her to go with her..(slick Willy!)
They broke bread that nite!
Well,I did too but I had a lump on my throat still !
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:41 pm
Thanks to those who answered. I thought it happened much.
The questioned resonated with me because I remember Eric asking me out only to find out he really wanted my cousin. He got with her, married her, had children, loved each other dearly then someone shot and killed him.
disco
December 21st, 2011
12:43 pm
ex – now that was funny. you were really throwing salt in dude’s game. my first thought was you caught the vapors. remember biz markie’s song? still – that is a sucky feeling to watch the object of your affection all up in somebody else’s face. I learned early to travel with chicks that were either not as attractive as I was or reasonably close to being on the same playing field. I’ll be darned if I’m ever going to be the ugly duckling in the group.
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:43 pm
It makes perfect sense, SexyC. Not all things have to be said to the friend. Sometimes you can nip it in the bud yourself without friction. Now, if friction should arise, then we all know what to do.
Exiled!
December 21st, 2011
12:44 pm
Oh SlimNu?!
forgot to tell you..
U deserve what u got with that Sore throat!
get better tho!
Willie Dynamite
December 21st, 2011
12:46 pm
12;44 Classic Meelo
Leggs
December 21st, 2011
12:46 pm
Dayyuumnmm, Ex. You’re doing the tango with your woman that evening, but a lump is in your throat over her friend and that dude. You are a hot mess (lol).
SlimNu
December 21st, 2011
12:51 pm
Exiled – I’m not in the mood for your assumptions…who deserves a sore throat. BAH HUMBUG! Plus the beau is not even in the country right now so surely you could not be implying what I think you’re trying to imply.
Exiled!
December 21st, 2011
12:52 pm
Lol Willi!
guys,it’s amazing the Diplomatic negotiations that go on, on a nite club dance floor,when dude and chic meet and dance a couple of times.
@Leggs..I really liked that chic(friend) ..the one I caught had a nice body but facially,she didn’t compare.
Vane I know!