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Non-negotiable: Men pay for first date

I was getting a little insight about men from a married couple. They shared a lot of interesting things but the one they both agreed on was that men should always, always, always pay the bill on the first date.

Apparently, I should not take a man seriously, if he does not feel happy and eager to pay for an evening date. I can be traditional, so I can appreciate the sentiment behind this idea.

Dating – in a lot of ways – sets the tone of the relationship. Maybe that is not the case for everyone, but generally people who seek a relationship, look at dating behaviors when seeking potential mates.

When a man allows a woman to pay her own way on a first date, does it prove anything about his character? Does it say something about what he thinks of her?

What happens when a woman decides to spring for the first meal? Would it be a sign she is rich, pushy, or overbearing?

Have you ever gone dutch on a first date? If so, was there a second date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

lee

December 21st, 2011
6:34 am

Yes he should until you are in a commented relationship. also open up the door for her as well, and lady’s don’t forget to say Thank you. I heard on the radio that us women no longer want a man to open up doors , “it takes away our power” well they didn’t ask me or any of my girl friends , we do and it doesn’t take away power (that is just plain crazy) i want my man to be a man !

USMC

December 21st, 2011
6:45 am

“When a man allows a woman to pay her own way on a first date, does it prove anything about his character? Does it say something about what he thinks of her?”

It says that the man respects the woman as an equal.

Women(not all) don’t REALLY want equal rights, they want SPECIAL rights.

Grow up Ladies; you’re not a little girl anymore. :-)

GreatALTGuy

December 21st, 2011
6:45 am

@lee – what is a “commented” relationship – brainless gold digger… go back to school to learn how to write a sentence

Joe

December 21st, 2011
6:53 am

A great man once said, “people are nothing but hookers and johns”. How true. Men not paying for things just upsets the natural balance.

Enemas for Easter

December 21st, 2011
6:55 am

If I have to pay, then you ladies are not getting lucky.

First date is always dutch. If you want to be treated as equal, then act like it. Otherwise, stay home to cook and clean.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
7:05 am

Play it by ear, if I am going after a rich cougar, she pays, if I am going after a chick that is out of work, I pay, situation decides what happens. Just 2 examples

Dude

December 21st, 2011
7:22 am

Frankly though, if a girl doesn’t work, I generally speaking won’t touch that, she is bound to become clingy and dependent, big warning sign, if she can’t get a job, keep a job, etc etc. She is going to the curb really quick.

ken

December 21st, 2011
7:37 am

When you invite someone to an event, the one who initiated the invatation should be responsible for the cost, be it a couple of buds to a ballgame, or a date…. and since the one initiating the date is generaly male, he should pay, but in this “progressive”age in which we live, if she should be the one asking… then….

You pegged it

December 21st, 2011
7:48 am

And Diva………that’s why those men are married.

I’m just about sick to death of men stepping out of the natural balance of things. I just wish women would wise up. For all the men complaining I can bet my life you all are the biggest horn dogs wanting to f@ck and no doubt on the regular. I bet you are the ones seeking easy. Ass is not for sell per se but d@mmit what else the hell yall want? Made by God to d@am pursue and too lazy to do that. Every one of you lazy mofos need a warning signal to sound if ya’ll just stand ya ass anywhere near a woman so she can run her ass the other way. Lazy bastids. I’m sick of reading this mentality every morning. Quick f@cking if you can’t spring a d@mn burger!

Foxy

December 21st, 2011
7:56 am

GM Kids:

If Foxy invites, Foxy pays. But thats some grown azz woman isht. lol

You pegged it

December 21st, 2011
7:57 am

If you’re taking your ass after anybody, my guess is you’re meaning sex and not a relationship, if you can’t spring for a date you are all out trifling. I can bet every one of you represent that man that wants it the first night. What the hell is your part, the man part in all this? Like I said women need to wise up and starve lazy bastids out of the game. Those men well deserving should be fed and have it served up.

Foxy

December 21st, 2011
8:03 am

Dude

December 21st, 2011
8:13 am

Pegged-
You sound angry, and you seem like you are acustomed to to being waited on hand and foot. You may not be, but that is how it is coming off.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
8:22 am

Ok- Good guys pay for the check, nice guys would if they could get a date, bad guys don’t pay for jack, of the 3 of these categories, which one do you think gets the most dates?

RJ's WIFE aka QC

December 21st, 2011
8:24 am

Morning All- When I was dating and invited a guy out for dinner, movie etc. I always paid and didn’t have a problem with it. I mean really it’s time for a change it’s not 1940 spend a little something on your date. HELL PAY FOR IT ALL & LEAVE A TIP…GEESH!!! Have a great day everyone
p.s. DEMI – it you’re lurking HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)

You pegged it

December 21st, 2011
8:26 am

@Foxy I’m in a thriving relationship for about 6 months now. It’s all good :)

You pegged it

December 21st, 2011
8:32 am

We’ve also looked at rings!

EJ

December 21st, 2011
8:34 am

Of course the man should pay. After you are in a relationship then the woman can pay sometimes. I would not go out with a guy that could not pay. At least wait until you have been dating a while to expect a woman to pay. If you want to go Dutch you can go out with your girlfriends. That’s why these guys are some weak now. Some of them need a real man to train them.

MoneyTrain

December 21st, 2011
8:34 am

My goal–find a rich cougar type who wants to pamper me with her money—I’ll pay on the first date and let her spoil me later with pricey stuff.

Jeff

December 21st, 2011
8:38 am

I do it. BUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I chose very wisely who to go on a date with.

The days of blanket non-negotiables are over. As a group, women can’t demand equality in the professional world and with equal pay and also demand inequality when it comes to dating finances. Sorry, you made your bed as a group, now you have to deal with the fallout.

You pegged it

December 21st, 2011
8:38 am

And that brings me back to Diva’s post. Those men Diva mentioned knew without hesitation how to make things happen. That’s what a real relationship is all about. Maybe we should differentiate when discussing real relationships as opposed to those that are just out scamming and scrapping. Real expectations. Willing to give to get. I’m more than wiling to give because the love of my life gives to me unconditionally.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
8:43 am

Conversation I had at my building with someone I go outside to smoke cigarettes with

Me- So you go out to bars all the time
Her- Yeah
Me- That must cost you a fortune, I see the type of places you got to
Her- No, I buy my first drink and I let guys buy the rest of my drinks all night
Me- So you must be getting calls from these guys all the time
Her- Every once in a while I call them, just to keep them on the hook, so I can get drinks the next time I go to the bar.
Me- What ever works for you
Her- That is a perk of being a woman
Me- That is a hellava perk
Her- I love being a girl

Simply wow!

December 21st, 2011
8:46 am

@USMC “Women(not all) don’t REALLY want equal rights, they want SPECIAL rights.”

This so true. Men were required to pay during a time when women didn’t have equal means to earn a similar income. It was reasonable to assume the man should pay if women weren’t permitted to get the same type of job (or, even vote). Things are very different in 2011. For the most part, the glass ceiling has been broken. I find it amazing that women have managed to keep this tradition alive while ignoring all the oppression that was associated with it in the past. The fact that we fall for it and even defend it is just another example of how women are apparently smarter than men.

CoolShadow

December 21st, 2011
8:46 am

What happens when a woman decides to spring for the first meal?

I’d be flattered by the gesture, but I’d still pay. The fact that she offered is noble on her part, plus I’m of the mindset that I’ll always spring for the first date. I view it as one of the unwritten rules of dating. I also assume that she might be testing me, i.e., she makes the offer and I allow her to pay, then there won’t be a second date. Since I’ve always paid for first dates, this really isn’t an issue for me.

Would it be a sign she is rich, pushy, or overbearing?

Measuring wealth by who springs for the first date? …okay. How about that she’s assertive and very interested in the guy, why does she have to be pushy and overbearing?

Mike

December 21st, 2011
8:47 am

It’s a joke that women continue to cling to these expectations. If a guy chooses to pay the tab you should be thankful for the small gift. It’s the double talk about expectations that make things so complicated. Women EXPECT to be treated as equals but also EXPECT special treatment. Do you think that meal was more delicious for the man because you were there? It wasn’t. To quote an earlier post, “people are nothing but hookers and johns.”

AJ

December 21st, 2011
9:21 am

Women expect to be treated like women. Nothing more nothing less. When two people are really feeling one another I think this is a non issue. IMO those that are so worried about doing “too much” or making sure the scales stay balanced are the ones keeping score. Really loving a person removes all the dribble or who’s doing too much. It just gets done.

Cool Shadow, nice post

Harder...please.

December 21st, 2011
9:23 am

If I ask, I pay. If she asks, she pays. This isn’t rocket science, people. Seems to me back in the day I don’t remember dating being this complicated.

Audra

December 21st, 2011
9:33 am

I have to agree with the men who say that women who are into equality should also be willing to pay. I usually play it by ear. Often on a first date I split things – he buys dinner, I buy drinks, or I buy dinner, he buys the movie, etc. It’s a nice gesture for a man to pay for things, and of course, I would NOT date some lazy dude who wouldn’t pay at all. That’s just poor character. But women do need to realize that with equality comes responsibility.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
9:37 am

BRAVO!!! Audra!!!

Mike P

December 21st, 2011
9:39 am

the problem is that the “bad boys” are playing the good girls and the “bad girls” are gaming the good guys.

all the bad people should move to the left side of the room and play themselves while the good people move over to the right side of the room so they can date amongst themselves without fear or concern of being played.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
10:00 am

OK trying to play this as evenly and as fairly as I can, what “entitlements” should a person get purely based on gender, not race, not job, not worth, purely on gender.

Exiled!

December 21st, 2011
10:04 am

U answered ur own question..you are a Traditionalist so u expect a man to pay!

A man does not have to pay on the first date. It just depends on whether he is a new wave kinda guy or a Traditionalist,like the expectant woman. If they both are not Old school,there should be no expectation on anybody’s part about the other’s money!
No man wants to be a sponsor,paying just to conversate(lol,I know) with some stranger.

It would be nice if a chic genuinely reached for her wallet when the check comes.

Most tho,are just fake,broke and not even classy like that!

I would offer to pay personally…no,I mean,I would pay.

Because I am a Traditionalist!

Good morning!

Jeff

December 21st, 2011
10:04 am

Where are the women who like to label certain men knuckle-dragging neanderthals and who like to say “this ain’t the 50’s anymore”?

SlimNu

December 21st, 2011
10:07 am

Good muggy morning!

The man has always paid for every 1st date I’ve been on. However, thereafter, I have no problem treating every now & then as well. I never want a person to feel I’m trying to take advantage of them or don’t appreciate their generosity. Even after the relationship has gotten well on its way, I still take time to thank them for dinner, picking me up a sandwich, scrambling some eggs, making me hot tea, washing my car, or just for passing me the grey poupon lol. It’s a matter of appreciation & respect.

Into the Light

December 21st, 2011
10:11 am

Morning, all.

So, maybe I’m too much of a “brass tacks” kinda girl, but here’s the thing – if either of us is worried about who is picking up the check at the end of the night, we’re not “present” during dinner/drinks, when we could be taking the time to get to know each other and find out if there’s chemistry. I’ll agree with the blogger who said that people who worry about such things are the kind who keep score.

Bottom line: I don’t care who pays, or if we do something free. If I’m enjoying your company, the rest is just bookkeeping.

Dude

December 21st, 2011
10:14 am

ITL- I like that

Into the Light

December 21st, 2011
10:17 am

Thanks, Dude. :)

Morning, Slim! When will you hear something about your exams? Are you feeling better today?

Leggs

December 21st, 2011
10:25 am

Good morning.

On my way to the thrift store. Called my friend to see what she wanted me to pick up for her and she informed me today is not the last Wednesday of the month. So glad I called her, and feeling good that I was still in my subdivision.

Here’s the bottom line. If he asked me out on the first date, I definitely would think he would pay. If I asked him out, I will pay. However, this isn’t set in stone since I was asked out on a date a few months back, met at the place and when check came he asked me for my half. Then, he stayed seated at the table when it was time to go because he was waiting on his ride…Mommy, please come get me now…..

Exiled!

December 21st, 2011
10:27 am

somebody has to do the bookkeeping still..ITL

its not like paying for a dinner date is an insignificant expenditure…

Leggs

December 21st, 2011
10:30 am

And, while he pays the check, I leave the tip. Sometimes he lets me, sometimes not.

The guy who took me for my bday massage paid for everything that day. Spoke with him this morning and asked him out for dinner which I will pay for. It really isn’t brain surgery….

Dude

December 21st, 2011
10:33 am

AT Ex- There are some women that want 3 appetizers, plus desert, plus the most expensive entree, plus demand a good tip be left, and not willing to pay a dime of it, and not even eat everything that she ordered, after that date, I watch myself very carefully on if I am going to pay or not.

Exiled!

December 21st, 2011
10:35 am

Leggs!

maybe u can pay for the date and let him do the massage on u this time! :lol:

:lol:

NY eve day maybe looking really promising Leggs. :lol:

Imagine! (locked in an embrace11:56pm, ,eye to eye..and connected by the umbilical down there!) :lol:

LeeH1

December 21st, 2011
10:36 am

I agree that men should always pay. Women belong to the rich men, after all. Poor guys without money shoudn’t go on dates, since they can’t sqire the women around. Men who can’t/won’t work are scum, and should be denied the company of women if they can’t pay for themselves and the woman, too.

Survival of the fittest, dude! “Da rich gets da b!tch!”

Exiled!

December 21st, 2011
10:38 am

Exactly Dude!

some of them are just not classy nor appreciative At All..dating,for a guy,is (can be) expensive.

U gotta weed them out carefully..

CoolShadow

December 21st, 2011
10:43 am

@Dude’s 10:33- If that scenario happens, there’s no need for a 2nd date. Chalk up the cost of dinner to a life lesson.

disco

December 21st, 2011
10:45 am

leggs – you should hit the spot anyway. there might just be something there for you. if you wait until next Wednesday it might be gone.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)

December 21st, 2011
10:46 am

since I was asked out on a date a few months back, met at the place and when check came he asked me for my half. Then, he stayed seated at the table when it was time to go because he was waiting on his ride…

:shock: damn…really?!

As previously stated…dating is not rocket science and it’s all about choices. If yoU ask someone out etiquette dictates that yoU pay and vice versa. Some of you fellas sound a lil jaded b/c you’ve dated the selfish entitled woman who expects everything…and that didn’t rub you the right way..well sorry but isht happens, just don’t do it again m’kay. Just see it as a learning experience and move on…and that sentiment goes for both sexes. That being said, please keep in mind that even though a woman is independent and self sufficient she STILL likes to be treated like a LADY.

Leggs

December 21st, 2011
10:48 am

You got a point there, disco. Thought about it, but now making breakfast.

@Ex ~ paying for the date, but no full body massage. This will only be my 2nd time out with him. No body contact, and definitely no umbilical cord entanglement!!

Into the Light

December 21st, 2011
10:49 am

What’s for breakfast, Leggs, and what time should we be there? :)

SlimNu

December 21st, 2011
10:49 am

ITL – I’m not sure when I’ll know. Guess I’ll just keep checking online…I feel like this bug is just in my throat and nose area. Hopefully it’s not sinus cold. :(