I was reading the Very Smart Brothas’ blog post entitled The Don’ts of Dating: How to Lose a Good Thing in 8 days. When I read
“Doing the bare minimum” – I heard the record scratch sound in my head. I’ve been thinking that a guy of interest has been on the bare minimum plan and wondered WHY I was even entertaining the half effort.
The harsh reality is – half effort can be just as bad as no effort. Check out what Rahiel of Urban Cusp and my buddy Panama had to say about “Doing the Bare Minimum”
Rahiel: He asks her out on a date, she accepts, and he responds, “So, figure out what you want to do and let me know.” This is what one of my girls had to say about that: “Why do I now have to plan everything? Wasn’t this date your idea? I think it says a lot if a man at least puts forth the effort to suggest something you could do on your date OR God forbid actually has everything planned. I think the complete lack of effort is either laziness, lack of leadership ability, or a sign of a self-centered man who does not think he needs to put forth any effort all.” This doesn’t mean that the blueprint has to be laid out, but where’s the initiative? Having ideas in mind and having made efforts to plan things out suggest interest, responsibility, and consideration for others. And those things never go out of style – even if you think chivalry has.
Panama: I totally agree on this one. Any man who won’t put at least a little effort into planning probably isn’t really that into you. I’ve been that guy before and I honestly feel bad about it sometimes. I’m almost sure I owe a few apologies too. But you live and you learn. You know what though? You have to be careful with this one as well – not to read too much into it. Some guys are just chock full of knowledge of random and interesting things to do because they like doing them. Of course, those guys are a win for you. Just remember, you might feel special, but he took a chick hang-gliding yesterday too, boo. But in general, the least a man can do is plan a day or an evening that you’ll spend together unless it’s agreed upon that you’ll just be streaming Netflix movies and ordering take out. Or watching reality television.
That pretty much makes things crystal clear in my situation. I’m moving on and putting half effort guy on ice. Live and learn right!
What are your thoughts? Are half efforts worse than no effort?
Would you let the person know if they are showing half efforts?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog