Introducing your date? Choose wisely
A reader is upset with her man because he decided to introduce her as a friend last weekend. They were at a restaurant and he ran into friends of his – all female. After months of dating, staying over, and acting a lot like “more than friends”, it bothered her that he doesn’t think they are at the stage of using the girlfriend-boyfriend label.
Is it important to name each other with a label? Should you have “the talk” of exclusivity so you know where you stand?
I don’t know the age of the woman who emailed me, but I suspect she is a little young and inexperienced with men. If things are going well, do you really need a guy to introduce you to other women as his woman?
Does it matter what they call you or how they treat you?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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355 comments Add your comment
disco
December 14th, 2011
3:55 pm
well speaking of wayward youngsters – my nephew recently stole his mother’s car. kid has no license, no permit, no nothing. any of you guys ever steal your parents’ car?
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
3:56 pm
Randyt – Oh yeah, always at another school! Even green nerdy me used to talk about this “boyfriend” I had at another school!
Well, it wasn’t all a lie, I did go to the prom with this guy from another school. We liked each other, but he didn’t have the “label” and neither did I!LOL!!
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
3:57 pm
(raises hand…goes to sit in corner….)
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
3:58 pm
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
3:59 pm
Exactly Leggs….honestly I feel for a lot of the girls because they don’t have advocates and real mamas. I do. I was Church’s one day and I’m telling ya’ll (probably said here before) it broke my heat. There was the mama, the daughter and an aunt. The mama was dirty and stopped me and asked for money to buy food. So I asked who the dude was driving them and she said he was giving them a ride, that they’d been put out. So I walked back in Church’s with the two girls. The mama moved on begging from someone else and I turned to the girls to ask whose baby….one had a baby on her hip. So one said “mine” and looked ashamed. I asked her how old she was and she said 15. I asked the other girl who she was and she said her aunt….she was 16….generations of babies having babies. So I ordered a family meal and started talking to them. I told her you’re a mama now and you don’t and won’t have time to do a lot of what you think is ahead of you. I asked her you want to raise your baby? Then raise it. I said don’t have this baby to folks all over the place, don’t leave the baby with anybody. I told her you gotta grow up now because you have responsibilities. I asked if she was in school. I told her you’re going to have to pass a lot of what 15 year olds get to do but do it for your baby and you’ll be proud of yourself if you make it. I told her then help your mama. Now ask me who was their example. The mama was filthy, no bra….and asking anybody anybody. The baby though was clean, fine and well taken care of. I tried to tell her all I could think of to encourage her but I was stern and told her I’m serious. After about 10 minutes they both started saying “yes ma’am” I tell you that one got me. I told her about my hard road and that if you’re determined you can make it but you can’t be selfish. Told her no time for clubs, parties, good times….you gave it up when you got that baby.
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
3:59 pm
@ disco…not me…that is why I am still alive, would have been the death penalty.
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
December 14th, 2011
4:01 pm
Why, why, why do they have to have every known dessert known to man at the holiday function.
It’s a set up!!! We had our holiday function today and there was a table entirely devoted to all types of sugary sweet, you don’t need it but you REALLY want it goodies and it was a true test…I tell ya. I will NOT gain any holiday weight…especially with my birthday coming next week. Soo not gonna happen.
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:02 pm
Since we are talking about it, you ever see the teenagers courting-the dude is always looking the girl directly in the eyes-(he naturally knows that this makes his bull seem true), she is usaully smiling her lil heart out and twitching her feet, ( she catchin them feelings, loves the thought that someone wants her that much)….Its nature, you can provide the guide, but you can’t stop that, nature is too powerful…
Just teach the girl to say “NO”, and hope that she values that innocence, cause he is not going to be givin those restraints, even when boys get “the talk”, its don’t bring any babies home, not don’t get that man wet.
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:02 pm
Cel – You gone make me cry in the car.
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
4:02 pm
Celisea – That’s so sad. You were a blessing to all of them, though.
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:03 pm
How come (yes how come) I’m flagging some of these emails in my yahoo addy as “spam” but they keep popping in my “in box”…
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
4:05 pm
Getting out of here now! Been fun gang!
Yall be easy!
disco
December 14th, 2011
4:05 pm
Randy – nephew’s mother had phoned police. my nephew had the nerve to phone my brother complaining that his mother called the police on him. my brother advised him that the police probably saved his life that night.
as for teen mothers – a lot of folks assume they are all hot tailed. some really did get caught up the first time out. experimenting is a bad boy hence why I said earlier, a child of mine would be on something. things happen.
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:06 pm
SexyC and Kimmie – I teared up talking to them….my mom and kid and niece was in the car. My mom understood but my kid and niece was just looking shocked. My mama was smiling because she understood the feeling of wanting to know “better” is somewhere out there but when you start off live in the negative you gotta scratch and fight to get it. They didn’t have because they’re mama didn’t give to them.
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:07 pm
SCool- please tell me you not driving and blogging, we like you girl, concentrate!!
SlimNu
December 14th, 2011
4:11 pm
I was too scared to try to steal anything, most definitely not a car.
Jake – Describing a dude putting that ‘talk’ work in is super funny. You ever notice when you get that feeling of being in the mood, your eyes close up just a bit? Your speech & tone changes? lol
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
4:12 pm
@Celisea ~ words of wisdom. Hopefully she holds onto your encouraging words. I HAD a friend who was always getting into fights with her then boyfriend. She had a very young daughter at the time. Between the fights and the constant moving I would council the young girl as much as I could. Always told her to make something of her life and get excellent grades because it will help her future. To this day I strongly believe that her witnessing the constant beatdowns, verbal abuse, moving all the time, helped mold her. She’s presently interning with President Obama!!!!!
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:12 pm
Jake – I’m sitting at my desk – the “cry in the car” reference is a line from the movie, Friday.
I’m always quoting dialogue. It’s a habit I’ve picked up from TheDude. Friday is one of the three movies that I quote most often. The other two are Coming to America and The Color Purple. (Honorable Mention – Love Jones)
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
4:14 pm
@Jake, I thought the same then figured she was the passenger.
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:15 pm
Leggs – That’s fantab! I love to see women heck anybody overcome adversity
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
4:15 pm
@ Celisea re: “but when you start off live in the negative you gotta scratch and fight to get it”.
You got that right. My MBR at home is bigger than the trailer my whole family lived in until I was 12. First one in my family to ever graduate from HS, much less college. I knew that it would take luck and a lot of hardass work to get out…and it did. It takes 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Being smart always seems to work much better when you work your azz off for some reason.
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:16 pm
I loves Harpo God knows I do
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
4:17 pm
Hell, she at work…
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:17 pm
“You show is uuuugly.”
Cel – girl, don’t get me started. (lmao)
disco
December 14th, 2011
4:18 pm
I’ve never watched coming to America start to finish. I’ve tried. just never got into it. now love jones – dude hit a lick with “I’m the blues in your left eye, trying to be the funk in your right. is that alright?”
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:18 pm
SexyC – Girl, I hit refreshed and saw that comment and I’m on the phone…I had to muffle my laugh
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:19 pm
Randyt – It takes 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration
You got that right….I like that
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:20 pm
Slim-Its the truth, even as adults, its basically the same, except the woman’s feet isn’t what is twitching now, that thang is. Dude is still lookin at the lady straight in the eyeballs, waiting for her to give, when she says something like, ” oh really, you want to get to know me better”…….$$$$$$ gotcha
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:21 pm
“No…don’t save mine for later. Give me mine now.”
love jones…
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:24 pm
Ahhh, just you just love Love Jones??? I think when that movie came out on VHS I played it until there were lines across the screen.
Fion
December 14th, 2011
4:25 pm
Ain’t no you and me. You get gone and stay go.
“Pulp Fiction”
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:25 pm
“I love you, girl. And that…is urgent like a mphcka.”
more love jones…(lol)
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
4:25 pm
If we are quoting lines from moivies, one of my favorites is in “The Fugitive”. Harrison Ford says “I didn’t kill my wife” and Tommy Lee Jones replies, “I don’t care!”. I remember that sometimes when I deal with my bosses for some reason…and they are the Tommy Lee LOL.
SexyCool
December 14th, 2011
4:26 pm
“Falling in love is easy. Someone tell me how to stay there.”
love jones…
Fion
December 14th, 2011
4:26 pm
meant stay gone.
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:27 pm
Speaking of Love Jones, the best scene in the movie is when they both want it, can’t sleep, and he tips upstairs, and they cut to them dancing, its a real “moment” in the flick…anyway, carry on, can’t just be showing my Ralph Tresvant all willy nilly…lol
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
4:27 pm
One of the neat things on the internet is to google AFI’s 100 most memorable quotes from movies…like a stroll down memory Lane.
disco
December 14th, 2011
4:27 pm
another movie I love to quote – menace ii society. “you know you done effed up right” “that look like cain whooping your A the other night” – “man, MF cain”. I love it.
randy – the fugitive. tommy lee’s rant about searching every doghouse, outhouse, farmhouse….
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:28 pm
I like the first love scene…I think I was mezmerized
SlimNu
December 14th, 2011
4:28 pm
disco – It’s THIGH not eye
disco
December 14th, 2011
4:28 pm
randy – imdb.com is addictive too (at least for me). I love re-watching the movie and trying to spot the goofs, etc.
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:29 pm
Any Resevior Dogs fans in here…
Celisea
December 14th, 2011
4:29 pm
Annnnnnnnnnnd I cooked Sundy, leftovers Monday, cooked Tuesday. The kitchen is closed today.
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
4:29 pm
yeah disco, Tommy Lee Jones is something like Jack Nicholson in that you strongly suspect that in every movie he is playing himself.
disco
December 14th, 2011
4:31 pm
slim – you are right but it must have felt right when I was typing it (again, no pun intended). I’d smile back but I don’t know how.
Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")
December 14th, 2011
4:31 pm
Well folks, in the unlikely event that anyone anywhere cares, I’m heading out. Night y’all.
Fion
December 14th, 2011
4:35 pm
Mr.Blue, Mr.Brown, Mr. Pink “why I got to be Pink. How come he can’t be Pink.
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
4:37 pm
@disco ~ I liked the doghouse, outhouse, farmhouse comment my self. That one tickled me.
Can’t quote this directly, but loved Jason’s Lyrics when he said “I’ll sit in the back of the church just to be near you.” That entire scene makes me tear up!
SlimNu
December 14th, 2011
4:39 pm
disco – It’s all good. I fall in love with that movie every time I see him perform that poem. Being that I write a little myself, the best way to get me going is in between my ears
Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB
December 14th, 2011
4:39 pm
“You Bark all night little doggie, or you gonna bite”
“Excuse, me, I didn’t quite catch that”…lol