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Introducing your date? Choose wisely

A reader is upset with her man because he decided to introduce her as a friend last weekend. They were at a restaurant and he ran into friends of his – all female. After months of dating, staying over, and acting a lot like “more than friends”, it bothered her that he doesn’t think they are at the stage of using the girlfriend-boyfriend label.

Is it important to name each other with a label? Should you have “the talk” of exclusivity so you know where you stand?

I don’t know the age of the woman who emailed me, but I suspect she is a little young and inexperienced with men. If things are going well, do you really need a guy to introduce you to other women as his woman?

Does it matter what they call you or how they treat you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

355 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
2:38 pm

Slim – I can see anybody crushing on him :)

Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")

December 14th, 2011
2:39 pm

disco

December 14th, 2011
2:40 pm

celisea – not that you had the male reinforcements on the ready. that’s what’s up. I don’t have a daughter but if I did she would have been on something as soon as she needed to be. a lot of folks say that encourages the negative behavior (whisper “s-e-x”) but I’m operating off of two quotes: old enough to bleed, old enough to breed and better safe than sorry. still – I can’t help but gloat “glad I had a boy, glad I had a boy”….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 14th, 2011
2:41 pm

Celisea:

LOL…..that’s what up. Lay down the demands and Believe sending him to the brothers and uncles made an impression he wont forget, I know from experience most all young males go through it.

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
2:41 pm

Lady – You’re more ready than you think…yes ma’am you are.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
2:45 pm

C you are sorta right this past Monday sorta proved that @ her social studies fair! Motherhood is a special journey! Thanks sis!

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
2:45 pm

Exactly disco exactly. I got a girl and I’ll say it fast tail…lol If she snap another dang pose Imma scream.

Blackfoote – He was “yes ma’am, yes ma’am yes ma’am” the whole time. Had him sitting with his legs closed like a girl. I know though, that’s just around me…lol

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
2:45 pm

You got it Lady…it’s in you. You’ve already traveled the road? Then you’re equipped with what you need.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
2:49 pm

Disco making me scream and RUN! but I so feel you! whew lawd! OK I am gone lol!!!!

Enjoy your evenings folks!

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
2:52 pm

I don’t have a daughter but if I did she would have been on something as soon as she needed to be

disco – That’s the same way my mom thought. As soon as I turned 16 she told me she was taking me to the ob/gyn to be put on birth control. I was not thinking about sex AT ALL and actually ended up crying about it. She said, it wasn’t that she didn’t trust or even that she thought I was active. She basically said she would not be with me 24/7 and she much rather be safe than sorry. She had me when she was 16 going on 17…Here I am 33 and still no babies. So I suppose it goes along with all the other life lessons, foundation, moral values etc that a parent gives a child. If yo mama is known for giving out cooter coupons, then you can’t expect the child to be much different.

disco

December 14th, 2011
2:52 pm

celisea/lady – well the bright side is that the mother of the little girls calls the shots. I drilled that one into my son so much during those high school years that he probably still hears it in his sleep. i made sure he understood that if he got caught up the little girl’s MOTHER held his life/future in HER hands. she decided whether her daughter had a baby or kept a baby while he and I had to sit back and accept that woman’s decision.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

December 14th, 2011
2:53 pm

You’ve planted fear in his mind, you had him listening with his legs closed. That’s equivalent to a dog (not calling him a dog) with his tail tucked in………LOL

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
2:53 pm

I remember how much it hurt, back in the day, to be automatically assumed to be “fast” because I was a girl, even though that could not have been farther from the truth. I always said if I had a girl I would never treat her that way and I don’t. I’m not naive, folks just give girls a bad rap coming out of the gate, while boys get a free pass. It stinks.

disco

December 14th, 2011
2:59 pm

kimmie – you sound like you really do remember the hurt. trust me – if there was something to give the sons I would have had my son on it too. as it is, I already had the poor kid wondering if he could get a vasectomy when he turned 18 and reverse it when he was ready. yep. he came up with that one all on his own.

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
2:59 pm

Kimmie – I called my kid “fast” by her “omnish” (another old folks word) ways…being cute and probably more so “girlie” but I think she’s a pretty good kid. She’s lazy as heck but she’s a pretty good kid. The “tude” jumps up but hey that’s a part of it. I gives it to her straight. Sometimes she’ll say I was thinking about what you told me and just burst out laughing in class. I tell her about my shenanigans and what I didn’t know but what I know now and where (in that experience) she can learn and do different. She’s pretty attentive…hope she keeps chugging along.

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
2:59 pm

kimmie – I don’t give little boys a free pass…they are all just as hormonal as the rap little girls get. But I guess it’s the double standard and how we’ve been programmed to think. Even I find myself thinking a bit biased when I see a little girl with a body like a grown women, with a grown woman’s walk. If it makes me do a double take, I can only imagine how the fast azz boys deal with it. lol

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
3:06 pm

Blackfoote – Pretty much…lol

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:07 pm

Me getting pregnant in high school was my mother’s biggest fear. She realized later down the road that she had nothing to worry about because I was nerd with a capital N, scared and insecure about my body and such, like a lot of teens. She had me so scared, I was terrified the first time I kissed a boy. I was 15. Graduated high school a virgin.

I just remember getting accused of even THINKING about doing something! I had long hair that I wore in a ponytail every day. One day in 9th grade I decided to wear it out. My mom saw me as I was leaving (my bus came usually before the rest of the fam got up) and went off, just sure I was trying to impress some boy!

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:11 pm

Slim – I developed early too, but my mom was good at camoflaging my body!LOL!! Had me under lock & key with the clothes, until my maturity level caught up with my body!

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
3:13 pm

kimmie – One thing I am most certain of is I NEVER had an issue with early development. Heyal, i’m still waiting on puberty to hit me now. I’m ready to trade in the training bra for at least a padded underwire :lol: j/k

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:16 pm

Slim – :lol:

Years later I found out the boys in high school thought I was pretty, but they knew they were not getting ANYTHING here!! I hated high school! I had fun with my friends, but I was SO ready for college!!

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

December 14th, 2011
3:22 pm

Boys should get a pass, girls shouldn’t….before ya’ll snap, boys lie to each other in the locker room about who they kissed, fugged, touched, or whatever, but most are virgins with capital V’s…until some fast ass lil girl opens them legs…if you can keep the girls in check, the boys will stay in place…you can always tell when a boy gets his first piece, he changes immediately and starts trying to assert his manhood.

SexyCool

December 14th, 2011
3:23 pm

My first time, I didn’t like it. And wasn’t that crazy about it for some years to come.
(Glad that changed…lol)

I was actually into my 20’s before I learned enough about my sexuality for it to become truly enjoyable.

So…my advice for delaying sex and encouraging abstinence for teens is more about learning self with a heavy dose of pregnancy prevention.

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
3:24 pm

Well some boys take it these days…But i’m sure you’re going off the “norm” though

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:26 pm

SCool – Your 3:23, same here to be honest.

disco

December 14th, 2011
3:27 pm

jake – trust I agree with you. women definitely hold the cards in that arena. most little young girls don’t even know their power yet. still, even without knowing it, I know that there’s just as many girls out there looking to give it away as there are little boys out there looking to find it. thing is folks don’t necessarily want to own that about their daughters. you know that “my princess” mentality. still, some little girls are wide open (no pun intended).

Lord Velonese

December 14th, 2011
3:28 pm

I have had a gal introduce me as friend to her guy friends before, sucks, but you know thats what communication is for…..at least I thought. I don’t really get people anymore, don’t really care to sometimes.

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
3:28 pm

if you can keep the girls in check, the boys will stay in place

If you can keep boys out of their ears and head…

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

December 14th, 2011
3:29 pm

Slim? Take it, as in pressuring her to give in, or take it?

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:30 pm

disco – In talking to some of those grown women later, the ones that were wide open with it, usually it was a cry for help. Looking for love in all the wrong places. They were permiscuous because things were not right at home. Not saying that’s the case with all, but is with many.

It all still starts at home.

SexyCool

December 14th, 2011
3:32 pm

Blame the girls. Blame the boys.

Um, yeah…no…it is an individual choice where a girl or a boy responds to whatever pressure most directly and heavily influences them at that given moment.

Let us not fail to hold people personally responsible for their decisions/actions.

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

December 14th, 2011
3:33 pm

Celisea, true, I remeber being in High School, talkin on the phone with “the Quiet Storm” on in the background sayin outlandish things to girls, one time in particular I told this girl that I wanted to put honey on her nipples and lick it off, hadn’t even seen a tit, (we were in 9th grade), I was mannish as hellz.

disco

December 14th, 2011
3:35 pm

celisea – re keeping boys out of their head. hmmm, I’m going to have to say it’s their job to try get in her head and it’s her job to regulate what she lets in her head. I’ll make allowances for youngsters but I’m totally annoyed by grown women who continue to blame men for what they do as opposed to blaming themselves for what they allowed men to do to them. I swear I could slap a chick every time she starts whining and singing that sob story. I figure the earlier a woman learns that the better her choices/decisions will be.

kimmie – I know and understand that point. my point was simply to point out that the boys are taking advantage of the opportunity and I won’t pass judgment on them for that. young boys (and a lot of grown men) really do think they can talk a girl/woman into giving it up but most girls/women have already made up their mind to do what they are going to do.

SexyCool

December 14th, 2011
3:36 pm

Oh…and one more thing regarding the topic – I do hope this reader addressed her “friend” about how his introduction “bothered” her.

If she feels as if she is unable to, that’s a problem. If you have been dating, staying over and acting like more than friends for several months, you should be able to address concerns if the relationship (or you) are in a healthy state.

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
3:37 pm

Jake – Both

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
3:39 pm

You know Jake it’s a game that will never end. You have to get in with your kids ahead of the game getting them. It’s a really really fine line. If you ward them off from everything you’ll cause an imbalance. So there is much finesse and handling with care that must happen. I want my kid to experience love, the butterflies all of it but not at the expense of getting used a hundred times over. So it’s about starting with them, teaching them first and foremost self love and self preservation, learning to sharpen their senses because if you can get them off on the good foot the basics you hand them, they’ll learn to build off the seeds you planted.

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:39 pm

disco – Fear works too, if they know the beatdown waiting at home!

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
3:43 pm

Jake – But how do yall learn how to talk like that at such an early age especially when the only ‘tail’ you’ve had were ox tails? lol I’m amazed by some of the things you hear these kids say.

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:44 pm

Celisea – You are so right about that balance. While my mother had me scared to do anything, at the same time she really didn’t want to be TOO STRICT that it backfired. She wanted us to have a normal, happy healthy life. As a result I was able to participate in a lot of activities and had no curfew. She said she would put us on a curfew if we abused the priviledge.

Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")

December 14th, 2011
3:44 pm

As I catch up reading here I realize I thought the guys I went to school with were notorious liars…seems as if everybody was playing the game. good gals pretending bad, bad girls pretending good, and none of the guys doing a fraction of what they bragged about ;-)

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

December 14th, 2011
3:44 pm

Slim-I agree with Disco with regard to it being the boys job to try and pressure her into giving in, but she is in control…as for straight taking it, lock his lil azz up.

SexyCool

December 14th, 2011
3:44 pm

Television/media/older male influences.

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
3:45 pm

disco – Yes it is their job but it’s a battle keeping them out…that’s from being a “soft” woman and that’s from being a mother. Yes par for the course but for the selling of bs there should be an automatic deflector. And yes accountability should be in full effect but it’s gotta be instilled and packed down in them in order to deflect bullcrappery. Now if girls ain’t getting that rearing cause their mamas are still battling the same thing does that make it okay for the boys to have at it? Is it okay to say hell she should have known better or known to say know? Folks don’t know to do until you equip them with what they need. Everything ain’t about being hard and having a black or white answer. If you can’t see that or not willing to go the extra mile to get them there, you won’t understand their plight.

You and I are fortunate having grown up and being reared and rooted in common sense by (for me) my daddy first and foremost, brothers, uncles, cousins that hedged us and and schooled us until we got it. Had we not been that fortunate I don’t think for some things we would have been ahead of the game. And even in all the teaching some lessons we learned the hard way.

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:45 pm

My mom was very frank about boys & such. First thing she taught me is not to believe all the sweet talk. Take it with a grain of salt!LOL!!

disco

December 14th, 2011
3:46 pm

amen to the fear comment. once I was discussing parenting with someone and I said fear was necessary. they told me they didn’t want their kids to fear them but only to respect them. I said respect goes a long way but fear will reel you in when respect is off taking a nap or something. I’m also fond of countering the phrase “don’t make a kid a promise you don’t plan to keep” with don’t threaten a kid if you have no plan to follow through.

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
3:48 pm

none of the guys doing a fraction of what they bragged about

Randyt- :lol:

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

December 14th, 2011
3:49 pm

RandyT-Yep, we all lie early on.

Celisea-Balance is key

Slim-Its as natural as breathing, of course you are influence by what you learn from watchin adults couples and TV, but really we are born that way. The change in voice tone, the lean in, the neck rub, the soft caress…I promise those things are innate!

Celisea

December 14th, 2011
3:50 pm

Exactly Kimmie – I tell my kid straight up. Sometimes it’s hard of her to hear and sometimes she just listens. And just to play devil’s advocate sometimes I’ll tell you this lil dude you call yourself liking is just waiting on you….that gets her everytime. Makes her buck back at him. Sometimes she thinks she knows and have all the answers but I just politely shut her down with what I already know. What I do like is she talks openly (I know not all) but I don’t in now way try to discourage. I need to always know (from what I already know) from what she don’t tell…”yeah just keeep right on talking”

Randyt (I am so bored I'm thinking about conjugating the word "bore")

December 14th, 2011
3:51 pm

@ Kimmie…these supposed conquests were always from another school coincidentally LOL.

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
3:51 pm

@Celisea ~ now, that’s how my talk went as well. No marching him through the uncles, brothers and cousins.

O/T ~ Why, why, why do they have to have every known dessert known to man at the holiday function. Such gluttony (lol).