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Introducing your date? Choose wisely

A reader is upset with her man because he decided to introduce her as a friend last weekend. They were at a restaurant and he ran into friends of his – all female. After months of dating, staying over, and acting a lot like “more than friends”, it bothered her that he doesn’t think they are at the stage of using the girlfriend-boyfriend label.

Is it important to name each other with a label? Should you have “the talk” of exclusivity so you know where you stand?

I don’t know the age of the woman who emailed me, but I suspect she is a little young and inexperienced with men. If things are going well, do you really need a guy to introduce you to other women as his woman?

Does it matter what they call you or how they treat you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

355 comments Add your comment

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:09 am

I’ve only exchanged keys once and the marriage license was the binding document. lol prior to that literally shacking up with the same man I married….so I’ve never shared a key or place with another man. sleepovers sure thing but that’s about it!

disco

December 14th, 2011
11:09 am

slim – I forgot to mention – honeycomb hideout? that was funny.

fion – sho you right. I’d be like “umm. sweetie. is there a reason there’s a summer’s eve in your bathroom”…

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:10 am

I’ve had 2- Major fall outs with women that wanted to move in with me and got beside themselves when I said no.
I still scratch my head about that.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:11 am

I don’t knock it though if it works for you rock an droll with it………oh with the ex boyfriend I had the garage opener briefly and I mean briefly he got that back quick so I don’t even count that lol

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:11 am

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:13 am

….and I’ve had it the other way when keys were offered to me. Nope, that’s ok. I not gonna be there when u ain’t there anyway.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:14 am

the thing with the key to me is playing house and getting comfy especially if you want to be married sooner than later…..its a slippery slope somewhat

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:15 am

meant I’m not gonna……

Ms.Atl

December 14th, 2011
11:15 am

Any couple should communicate concerning monogamy to make sure they are on the same page. Regarding labels; I agree that “boyfriend” sounds a bit juvenile for a mature person and “man” sounds funny as well. For some reason, you can get away with saying “girlfriend” for more years than “boyfriend.” Personally, I can be introduced by my government name or as “friend” because how a person treats me is much more important. Whatever title you ascribe to a person, if your behavior says I don’t care about you, the title does not matter. thus, if she was introduced as his friend but his behavior showed she was more, cool beans. Finally, are his introductions and treatment consistent whether they are around males or females??

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:16 am

@disco ~ EXACTLY….some are cool with it and some not so much! Along with watching the sniffles, watch the lips (mouth lips, Ex). It becomes crooked!

I need to write a what to watch out for book on cocaine (lol).

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:17 am

Now I’m not knocking anybody. I stated my postion here many times. I don’t do the live together thing.

@Lady
“the thing with the key to me is playing house and getting comfy ”
Bingo

i'm swiss™

December 14th, 2011
11:20 am

Morning, folks.

On topic: Pffft, amateur. When in doubt, just don’t use titles. “Pookie, this is [insert name here]. [Insert name here] this is Pookie.”. Boom. Enough said. :lol:

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
11:21 am

Hey Swiss Beatz!! I agree!

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:22 am

I’ve had 2- Major fall outs with women that wanted to move in with me and got beside themselves when I said no. – HUH???

They must have had a hidden agenda that you didn’t know about…like, they were tired of paying their own rent (lol).

I’ve never given anyone a key to my place other than my husband and I got that key back

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
11:22 am

Lady – yes I have a key ;)

i'm swiss™

December 14th, 2011
11:23 am

What’s up, kimmie? How you doin’? Did you catch that Boardwalk Empire finale?

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:24 am

Good Slim! Enjoy your boo!~

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:24 am

disco

December 14th, 2011
11:26 am

fion/lady – and not saying I don’t want a guy to be comfortable in my home. he can be comfortable. what I don’t want is for him to be TOO comfortable. true story: probably about 15 or so years ago a friend introduced me to her cousin. while going out things were cool enough. on a visit to my home he took his shoes off (without asking if it was okay) and that irked me but I said nothing. when he asked my son to bring him a glass of juice without first asking me if he could even have some juice – that did it. that joker had to go.

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
11:27 am

Swiss – Yes I did!! All the slowness of the season earlier was made up for in the last 2-3 episodes, including the finale!! I think Margaret’s days are numbered next season.

I really liked Angela & Jimmy!! His sick mama needed to go instead of him. His story line was so sad!

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:27 am

NP After the Love Gone E,W&F! Classic!

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:28 am

disco that is a hot mess and cause to be dismissed that is damn disrespectful…….
OAN Disco I am yet to date with my child being apart yet……..one day but not today

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:30 am

meant After the Love Is Gone. I can’t mess that great song up! lol Sing Elements!

i'm swiss™

December 14th, 2011
11:31 am

kimmie — Re: Margaret… Aw hellz yes, her days need to be numbered. :lol: I wanted to come through the TV & choke a b!tch my d@mn self when she signed over that land to the church! :lol:

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:32 am

Cold cut artist is Mary J…(4) 741-1075

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:34 am

I absolutely adore Mary J and I pray she comes to Chastain this summer as I refused to go to the Tabernacle (dislike this venue) to see her recently! Her new CD is the truth.com! love it!

SlimNu

December 14th, 2011
11:34 am

Disco – because he had that not so fresh feeling lol

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:35 am

@Leggs
ya know 1-of them really was in Love with me and wanted to get married the whole 9. I wasn’t even remotely there. The other 1- deep down I ddidn’t trust her. I just felt she was up to something.

Audra

December 14th, 2011
11:36 am

How ’bout “This is Audra.” Let THEM figure out what you are to him/he is to you. It’ll become clear anyway, either you’ll be gone or walking down the aisle sooner or later! IMHO you don’t have to specify anything, ‘cuz it’t not their biz anyway.

Audra

December 14th, 2011
11:37 am

Furthermore, if he said something like “this is my boo” or my lady, or my girl, or whatever, it would skeez me out! :)

kimmie

December 14th, 2011
11:39 am

Swiss – Margaret is just another example of these women that KNOWINGLY marry into the mob, but have NO IDEA what it means to be a mafia wife! You keep your MOUTH SHUT and know your place!!

The only mob wife with some sense was Carmela Soprano!!!

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:40 am

@Fion ~ how the heck can someone be really in love with another and want to marry and the other person isn’t even remotely feeling the same? That’s truly messed up.

@Lady ~ I won tickets last year to see Mary J at Chastain. Seats WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY in the back, but had a good picnic basket with wine, fruit, cheese, crackers and SHRIMP (lol)…

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:41 am

I would not want anyone I’m sleeping with introduce me as their mofo “boo!”

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:41 am

Now Leggs I will buy them straight up and sit in the Terraces! I love up front @ Chastain with everything you mention! Made a great sangria for the Jill Scott Block party. I was toasty that night! lol

disco

December 14th, 2011
11:42 am

lady – understood and I generally don’t (didn’t) do the stray men around the kid thing but his cousin and I were good friends (heck all these years later we are still friends) so he got a waiver. that’s one good thing about hookups. if you trust your friend’s judgment it makes that adjustment a tad bit easier.

slim – and that’s what I’d be questioning. that not so fresh feeling. I’ve been told by gay male friends that they take care of that not so fresh feeling…

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:43 am

That’s exactly what I said.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:46 am

Leggs got a joke for ya! This dude I met @ a Falcons game at the start of the season text me yesterday the normal how are you how is work stuff…..I said fine. (prior when convo was steady he mention us doing the Kem concert) so I respond I am well. and then a few minutes later I text and said so are we doing Kem’s concert. It was a dead silence for a hour or so. then I noticed it and text back and said I was just kidding and not to work to hard and he said oh you good I was in a meeting and that ceased the convo…..too funny. I never felt dude that is why it never progress (incongruousness)

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:47 am

Why did the dang radio station just hang up on me??????:”

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:47 am

I did feel the need to call his bluff! devil’s advocate! lol

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
11:48 am

Yeah, he was in a meeting of the minds trying to come up with a decent response! PUNK!

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:49 am

No would have sufficed what in the hell could I have done?!? Not a damn thing but laugh! lol

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:51 am

i said damn I know how to get rid of them! o_0 lolol

Dude

December 14th, 2011
11:52 am

Just got here, I am too lazy/busy to read everything else-So on the topic
Quit complaining how you are introduced, you have a positive and negative spectrum, if you are refered to as friend that is still positive, if you are refered to as this is the person I am porking this week, that may go the other way.

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:53 am

@Lady
it’s stuff like that, that makes it hard out here for everybody else. It’s all upside down.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
11:55 am

yep Fion you are correct!

Adam Lambert

December 14th, 2011
11:56 am

let’s see now. “a little young and inexperienced with men,” yet she parks her “stuff” in the dude’s house for “months” playing HOUSE giving it ALL up for free despite Beyonce yelling to girls LIKE HER that the man needs to be putting a “ring on it” and now lil girl is upset to find out she ain’t his queen so what do we have: another stupid thing women do to mess up their lives…

Fion

December 14th, 2011
11:58 am

@disco
You know you are in the rotation, when you can reach them through the week and the weekend is nothing but crickets. They reemerge on Tuesday.

Leggs

December 14th, 2011
12:05 pm

You know they’re trying to put you on rotation when you only hear from them starting around 8:45pm.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
12:06 pm

I believe you only play the fool for one person. It not right to continue the fool act. Sure many more mistakes or bad decision continue but you quickly correct and alter and move on than playing the drawn out fool out. I can’t bc I have and its not fun.

Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!

December 14th, 2011
12:08 pm

ok y’all I see one thing I will get my lil girl….that is it…..she has been asking for it for 3 months daily…..amazon has it! sigh