Introducing your date? Choose wisely
A reader is upset with her man because he decided to introduce her as a friend last weekend. They were at a restaurant and he ran into friends of his – all female. After months of dating, staying over, and acting a lot like “more than friends”, it bothered her that he doesn’t think they are at the stage of using the girlfriend-boyfriend label.
Is it important to name each other with a label? Should you have “the talk” of exclusivity so you know where you stand?
I don’t know the age of the woman who emailed me, but I suspect she is a little young and inexperienced with men. If things are going well, do you really need a guy to introduce you to other women as his woman?
Does it matter what they call you or how they treat you?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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355 comments Add your comment
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
9:59 am
Good mornIng!
So Lady,if it were u,what term would u rather use..since girlfriend or my man is kinda juvenile or clingyish for u…(just asking)
I don’t see nothing wrong with boyfriend or girlfriend,depending on the age. Fortish to older having girlfriend boyfriend labels sounds just kinda hmmmmmm not quite appropriate…like u late to the party or something for that..
when a little younger than 40,then fine.
I would think just saying this is ‘Celisea’ or ‘Meelo’ is appropriate for older like folks. (40+)
At the end of the day,the label is not as important as how u two interact and whether u are secure in the relationship or maybe u are asked to come to his home at certain times and not others. Including whether you two intact when other folks are there from either side.
But if you have some privileges but NO Full Rights in the relationship,Listen!:
You on Rotation!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
9:59 am
I am firm believer though “The Writing Is Always On The Wall” and with that you rock and roll how you see fit……………..Be true to thy own self!
Randyt (aka. walk softly, some women can get touchy about this).
December 14th, 2011
10:01 am
@ MEEELOW, re: “But if you have some privileges but NO Full Rights in the relationship,Listen!:
You on Rotation”!
You got it!
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
10:02 am
Morning All!
Well first, you should know where you stand well before you guys go out where introductions are necessary. Like Randy & Kaiser said, it doesn’t have to be a “formal” discussion. But it’s something you should never assume. Just because you guys are sleeping together and spending every extra moment outside of work with each other still does not mean you are exclusive in the minds of some. So get it out and understood.
As for introductions, I don’t know why you’ve got to have a label to do that. Like Fion said, just say, “hi this is _____”. Only time I inserted a label is when I got married and introduced him as my husband. Until then, he was just introduced as ______. I didn’t even introduce him as my fiance’ when we got engaged.
If you came to the party or gathering “together” folks can see you are more than just “friends”.
So if I am introduced as “just” your friend, does that mean I am free to get with someone else at the party if they catch my eye? Just asking since we haven’t had “the talk” yet!
Yeah, some folks are just that literal!!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:03 am
Exiled if I am in monogamous relationship the title would be understood without the title……..my actions would convey I am his lady an he would reciprocate without confusion sir.
Randyt (aka. walk softly, some women can get touchy about this).
December 14th, 2011
10:03 am
“If things are going well, do you really need a guy to introduce you to other women as his woman?’
If one is confident, nope.
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
10:07 am
@Lady ~ too funny, but SexyC put “Ummmm….well………ok” on the blog map!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:08 am
I know she did but I was lost for words bc you told the truth. I was just being diplomatic!
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
10:08 am
Lady?
Ok I got u…
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:10 am
Full Rights do ROCK hard though, digressing softly~ #crackingup lol
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
10:11 am
If u a at a party and he disappears for what seems like long periods,cones back and disappears again…like that:
He is re-arranging his lady decks…u on rotation lady!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:12 am
Exiled! that hasn’t happened to me @ a party but I see your point……
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
10:18 am
Lady..I like ur sense of humor…u really crack me up when u laugh..
U so easy to relate to…u kinda late tho..
This blog cracks me up..the foolishness,the inexperience,the playa calls
Just hilarious!
(my folks here are always rolling their eyes coz I laugh loud abd they don’t know)
Thank u MIA for the foolishness!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:20 am
LMBAO Exiled!
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
10:23 am
Exiled – Your 10:11 – yep!
disco
December 14th, 2011
10:27 am
well heck – let’s jump right into that one. y’all want to throw out some pointers “you know you are in the rotation when __________” or “I discovered I was part of a rotation when ________”.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:29 am
Fantasia had her healthy baby boy in other entertainment news from her boo~ Go Tasia~
Fion
December 14th, 2011
10:32 am
I knew I was in the rotation when I asked for a toothbrush and she said they in the drawer on the left. When I looked there , there had to be at least 10 in the drawer.
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
10:32 am
I knew I was part of a rotation when he snuck off and was in the hospital for 2 days having surgery without telling me.
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
10:33 am
Fion – Do you think she might have purchased one of those bulk packs of toothbrushes from Sams or Costco?
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:34 am
Fion red flag on the play! I’ve seen that foolishness too I just shook my head! #dead I cut that ish short too bc I didn’t want to play! LMBAO!
Fion
December 14th, 2011
10:35 am
ok kimmie, yeah right. I got a beach front Condo in Omaha I’ll Sub-let to you.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:36 am
how about that 72 hour grace period by the third day you here from the person maybe a text or two in the 48 hours but a live convo by the third day…..smh lol I am glad I can laugh @ this now a few yesars back I was pissed like What the hell is wrong with me?!? lol
Fion
December 14th, 2011
10:37 am
I’ll tell all the female playa’s out there. It’s hard to play a Playa. Hell we know all the moves.
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
10:38 am
Anybody listen to that J Cole song in vee
The beat?
Exiled!
December 14th, 2011
10:38 am
On vee
disco
December 14th, 2011
10:39 am
fion – I agree with kimmie – I’ve got a stash of toothbrushes and other toiletries. I even keep a “man stash” – masculine soap, deodorant, neutral lotion. after my son moved out I didn’t think about it but once a cousin rolled through and had to make a store run before taking a shower because he didn’t want to leave my house smelling like a girl. since then I try to be accommodating.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:41 am
The watcher watching the watcher…..yeah it is what it is!
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
10:42 am
Fion – LOL!! Just sayin, could have been perfectly innocent!
But in all honesty, I used to buy those big 10-packs to keep around. I had family & friends to spend the night from time to time. Any good host has plenty toothbrushes, soap and clean towels available for guests.
But you were seeing this woman, so you knew what the real deal was!
Fion
December 14th, 2011
10:45 am
@disco
Listen, if you feelin the man tell him to bring his bag. We what that means. Now if you tellin me you free and clear and I roll up in there and you stocked up better than any GI Barracks. Sheeeeeeet Houston we got a problem.
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
10:47 am
@Llady ~ I now have that song in my head “Where is the love….”
“If u a at a party and he disappears for what seems like long periods,cones back and disappears again…like that:
He is re-arranging his lady decks…u on rotation lady” – NOPE!!! He’s in the bathroom doing cocaine!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:48 am
Leggs not drugs?!? I will leave that mofo there @ the party! 0_o
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
10:48 am
I like being the watcher watching the watcher…it’s fun.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:50 am
Leggs when you saw me @ the gas station that night and the party I went to you know I cut it short bc it just didn’t seem right…….Some monkey business was going on and I promise I just knew one host so I was a bit standoffish so I just left kindly bc who knew what was up in there……..
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:51 am
Leggs VERY fun! lol I master it!
Leggs
December 14th, 2011
10:51 am
O/T – Man, I tell ya, December is not the month to lose weight. It’s THE month to hit the gym hard and long. Every week in December lunch and breakfast, Assistants’ luncheon yesterday, company wide luncheon today. Gotta pick and choose. Got a bad stomach ache yesterday on my way back to work….
back to regluarly scheduled broadcasting…
disco
December 14th, 2011
10:51 am
fion – I was seeing a guy for 3 years who always would stop and buy a toothbrush when staying over. he was well aware of my stash but because he just brushed his teeth and threw out the toothbrush he didn’t want to deplete my stash. he wouldn’t take the brush home and I sure as heck wasn’t giving him a designated brush at my house. definitely don’t play that. now me, myself, personally – I keep a “just in case” bag in my car. you never know when you might pull an all nighter.
leggs – not that you went and opened up a whole new can of worms. dang. hope chick notices dude has the sniffles when he comes back.
disco
December 14th, 2011
10:55 am
oh – and fion – if toiletries get a brother. I feel sorry for the man who snoops and finds the guest room closet filled with men’s suits and coats.
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:56 am
Leggs enjoy your month honey!
I am ready to cook some of Christmas dinner sorta….I am doing a beef brisket, apple pie, and a pineapple upside down cake….simple pleasures! foodie in progress! lol I think I am going to smoke the brisket too!
SlimNu
December 14th, 2011
10:57 am
I keep my toothbrush, deodorant, body wash etc at the honeycomb hideout…
SlimNu
December 14th, 2011
10:59 am
If I had my own spot, he’d have a key and could leave whatever would make his stay more comfortable at my place as well…
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:59 am
you should Slim!
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
10:59 am
Slim do you have a key to his place?
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
11:00 am
hmmmmm the key topic!
thewindwhistler
December 14th, 2011
11:00 am
She was only a friend
She wanted to be more
She is no friend no more
Lady~Back to life, Back to reality!
December 14th, 2011
11:00 am
but that is apart of Full Rights so I can dig it!
Fion
December 14th, 2011
11:03 am
@ disco
I feel ya. You know for a fact, if a woman comes to your house and have above the norm in female accomodations she is going to start thinking ” who does he have all this for”.
disco
December 14th, 2011
11:04 am
slim – the key??? I’ve had folks look at me incredulously when I announced that no has EVER had a key to my house. sure my son has a key and my brother has had a key in the past but no significant other has ever had a key. i figure when we share a house (legally), we’ll share a key. other than that, you are still technically just a visitor.
Fion
December 14th, 2011
11:06 am
@disco
I’m with you on that one. 11:04 post. When I roll out my grip goes with me. When you come through please do the same.
kimmie
December 14th, 2011
11:08 am
Yeah, clothes and feminine products up in a dudes place would raise my eyebrows more than just a bunch of toothbrushes would.