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Holiday Gifts: Does size matter?

Tis the season to stress over gifts! The trickiest part of gift selection when you are dating comes down to this: should you get a big gift, little gift, or medium one?

I don’t believe spending a lot of money on someone you have just started dating is a great idea. I would even skip gift exchange altogether. I wonder though, when you have been in a committed relationship, do you think that giving an expensive gift is important?

If money is tight this year, what can you give the person you are dating that still makes a great impact?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

301 comments Add your comment

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
6:36 am

Good morning……….

Can’t sleep been up since about 4:00 a.m. I’m not buying a gift for anyone outside of family. I agree….folks you may have recently met or spending time with, will maybe get a card and a slice of cake…..lol IMO, anything more might just be too soon, inappropriate or a bad call. Live in the moment and enjoy the season.

If you have a SO, buy according to your level of like….never mind the price tag :) Sometimes small but significant can be more effective than all the fanfare.

Dude

December 13th, 2011
7:41 am

Guys- Don’t listen to the women on this at all, if they say you shouldn’t get them anything they are lying, be safe and get something for them, if you don’t and they do you are effed. And women never forget.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
7:51 am

Morning MIA!!!!

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
7:59 am

Wow, I haven’t exchanged a gift with a mate in a minute so this is almost not applicable to me……prior I would get nice gifts and I believe in getting what a person what or needs or truly like so it’s not really a huge surprise and I stay within my speeding limits for that year.

This is definitely not even a concern this year. I am not even spending to much on my own child. I am however sponsoring a family @ a local women’s shelter during this season. Its been a tough year for many, even those who work everyday so imagine those who are not and have beautiful kids in these circumstances…..So being a blessing to someone else will be my gift to someone else! ;)

Fion

December 13th, 2011
8:19 am

@Lady
Standing ovation. Confetti , balloons and streamers falling from the ceiling

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
8:31 am

Too Cute sir! ~Thanks!

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
8:40 am

Hey Lady, we are doing the “shoebox” thingy. I don’t have all the details but a coworker mentioned something about to our team and we’ve adopted that idea. It was either that or pajamas and books.

I talked to the new guy all the way in today :)

MzNewy

December 13th, 2011
8:44 am

Good morning MIA!

I believe in thoughtful heartfelt gifts. I take notes throughout the year on folks and get them something they may have mentioned in passing. As for SO, I think the same should apply. However, if you are just dating, a nice card suffices. Big elaborate gifts have never been my thing becaues I don’t believe in waiting all year to let someone know what they mean to you.

Kudos to Lady on what you are doing this year.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
8:46 am

He C & MzNewy!!!!!!

Yep C its all about helping others!!!!! Glad you talked to the new guy!!!!! Good things sis!!!!! ;)

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
8:48 am

Big stuff is just show off to me anyway. Unless you’ve noticed a SO in need of something (big) that maybe they can’t afford or don’t have the funds to do at the time and you can…and it’s more so a necessity then okay. But just showing off and spending money? That’s tacky. I can’t speak for all women but I would venture to say something well thought out or about is more striking than bells and whistles.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
8:51 am

& C you bring up a great point. If I had that serious SO I would give much thought to something they have longed for that year and I knew circumstances on their end couldn’t make that happen. The though and appreciation will be genuine and it wouldn’t be a ploy to send a message of hope of desperation. Maybe big item we stay together forever……I can’t do the random gift thing. I never played that game really……

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
8:53 am

Exactly Lady…me either. Buying gifts just to spend money…no can do.

DreamsMaterialize

December 13th, 2011
9:00 am

Morning
I buy for my daughter, neices, and nephew. Everyone else is on their own. When it comes to dating though, I’m not into big gifts. I’m into thoughtful and useful gifts.

Guys- Don’t listen to the women on this at all, if they say you shouldn’t get them anything they are lying,
Dude I was talking to a co-worker about this the other day. He was saying that his wife loves that Christmas song “All I Want for Christmas Is You”. He went on to say that that was some BS and suggested trying that on Christmans morning.

Guy: Merry Christmas baby.

Girl: Merry Christmas! Soooo, I don’t see anything in your hands. Are you hiding it? Oh, oh, oh, it’s a surprise!

Guy: Ummmm, no. You said all wanted for Christmas was me. Well…here I am!!!

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:05 am

DreamsM too funny! One of my fav Christmas song is Luther Vandross “A Kiss for Christmas” LOL I promise that is all I want but from WHO will make it whole! LOL

Alternative Black Man

December 13th, 2011
9:09 am

Size matters, width matters, texture matters….

Dude

December 13th, 2011
9:11 am

I find myself remembering the line from Star Wars – “It’s a trap”

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:12 am

hush Dude LOL too funny! You are getting in the jokes! all women don’t have to have the gifts…..on that one day! Lawd holidays! & just think Valentines is next! smh lol

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:12 am

meant you ALL are getting in the gift jokes! lol

disco

December 13th, 2011
9:13 am

good morning.

celisea – shut up (sorry that was the hater in me. she shows up from time to time. I told her to go sit down somewhere).

I’m always tickled when folks decide to NOT exchange gifts and then one party buys a gift anyway thinking that those were just empty words. male friend of mine (who is creeping no less) had that conversation with his sidepiece. no gifts. he shows up empty handed and she presents him with a rather expensive watch. I asked him if he declined the watch. he was like “heck no – that watch was nice”. I asked if he planned to at least get her something and he responded with a firm no. in short, some folks must get off on playing themselves.

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
9:15 am

Merning disco (waving at you…now wave back)….muah!

disco

December 13th, 2011
9:24 am

I don’t mind buying gifts. I do mind folks (especially grown men) who solicit gifts.

DreamsMaterialize

December 13th, 2011
9:25 am

DreamsM too funny!
Lady There are just some things in life that you know better than to do, no matter how much you hear to the contrary.

I’m always tickled when folks decide to NOT exchange gifts and then one party buys a gift anyway thinking that those were just empty words.
disco I always tell people not to get me anything. I’m a simple dude. My parents still ask me what I want for Christmas or my birthday. I still them that a phone call will do. I tell women the same thing. Some listen, some don’t. Go figure.

disco

December 13th, 2011
9:28 am

well dreams – “some listen, some don’t” – please tell about some of the gifts you have received from folks that you told you weren’t exchanging gifts. how did they feel? did they guilt you into getting them something? I know a lot of us will agree that some folks really do feel good about giving but I also believe that some folks really do give expecting reciprocation OR they give because they are trying to be affection.

DreamsMaterialize

December 13th, 2011
9:28 am

& just think Valentines is next! smh lol
Lady What is Valentines Day? Don’t think I’ve ever heard of it.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:31 am

good answer DreamsM 9:25 to me! good one! I chuckled!

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
9:31 am

I ain’t knocking getting a gift and I’m not against buying one. To Diva’s post, if it’s something new then no..not happening. Now if we’re well into relating and having a well established relationship, IMO buying a gift sort of goes without saying. To what extent and knowing your SO well enough to get the “perfect” gift is what should be happening at that point.

Randyt (I have this t-shirt and it is a stinker)

December 13th, 2011
9:32 am

There may be some women out there who really are content with “just you”, but I have never dated one…and I believe in them as much as I believe in fire breathing dragons and unicorns. Women most of the time, IMHO, want to feel appreciated. If it costs a bundle at The Shane Co., they don’t care it looks like crap…it will work. That said, they will still break up with you right after you deliver, and right after they give you the shirt and tie.

Celisea

December 13th, 2011
9:33 am

Women most of the time, IMHO, want to feel appreciated

And there you have it.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:35 am

@DreamsM Saint Valentine’s Day, commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day,[1][2][3] is an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions.[1][3] The day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD. It was deleted from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines”). The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
Modern Valentine’s Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.[4]

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:37 am

Women most of the time, IMHO, want to feel appreciated

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:38 am

& I LOVE the little things! ;)

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:38 am

so DreramsM some white hot chocolate would suffice! lol I had to go there! LOL

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:38 am

meant DreamsM that is! smh! lol

Leggs

December 13th, 2011
9:40 am

Morning…

When newly dating someone, I think “Happy Holidays” is good enough. Now, while in a relationship you will never hear from my mouf “I don’t want anything.” The price of the gift truly is not important to me. I’m enriched that you though enough to give me a gift.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:40 am

now playing Happy by Surface! #appropriate! lol

Randyt (I have this t-shirt and it is a stinker)

December 13th, 2011
9:42 am

“If money is tight this year, what can you give the person you are dating that still makes a great impact?”

For the man, anything…
For the woman, don’t even try…

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:44 am

lol @ Randy! you all got it today….lol smh

Randyt (I have this t-shirt and it is a stinker)

December 13th, 2011
9:49 am

The only thing that I have experienced that is “safe” was actually a Valentine’s Day gift. the lady I was seeing was really tight for money, and her ex-husband was being a dIIIk about the child support for her three children. She had been really hurting because they hadn’t had a new pair of jeans to go to school in in two years. So, I bought her gift certificates to be used to buy her kids a new pair of jeans each…and flowers from me. Packaged them in a nice gift bag and gave them to her over dinner. That worked. She may not care for you, but she usually does care about her children.

Alternative Black Man

December 13th, 2011
9:49 am

I find that my lovers just want a good holiday meal? Like a tube steak smothered in underwear. Also I am very good at stuffing sausage or making some gourmet glazed sticky buns.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:49 am

I love doing someone’s favorite list…….its fun!

Randyt (I have this t-shirt and it is a stinker)

December 13th, 2011
9:50 am

:-) @Lady I have the scars of experience.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:52 am

Alrighty then ABM! get it in!

Dude

December 13th, 2011
9:52 am

Everyone here should go to youtube and watch “beware of the doghouse” and all will be explained, it’s a JC Penny commercial from last year, but there is no other video that is more true during the holiday season.

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:52 am

I know Randy and I respect your scares! Enjoy your stories!

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:53 am

Enjoy your scars that is! I am a bit sidetracked! lol

kimmie

December 13th, 2011
9:54 am

Morning All!!!

Celisea, I’m loving hearing about your new friend!!! See that’s whats up. You are giddy not because he’s blowing a lot of money on you, but paying attention and getting to know you.

On topic – In new relationships around the holidays, I would bake dude some cookies and give a card. I had been dating my now husband a little under 3 months and that’s what I did for him. He gave me a nice little wooden box of assorted teas.

Once established, I’ve never spent a ton of money on bf’s. I used to hear of other couples that did and sometimes I thought I and the guys might be coming up short. I would hear people saying they got a coat, a watch, jewelry, a wardrobe, an expensive purse, etc. Adding it all up it would sound like at least $500 if not more was blown. I’ve just never been in a position to do that. I make sure my kids, neices & nephews have gifts first. I loved doing nice things for my parents when they were alive and I make sure I give money to my grandmother.

Yeah, I try to listen and observe to find out what people truly want and need. That makes it easy.

Alternative Black Man

December 13th, 2011
9:57 am

I think if its a new relationship you should just shower that person with attention. My lovers always shower me with something.

Randyt (I have this t-shirt and it is a stinker)

December 13th, 2011
9:58 am

I apologize in advance for the following sexist remark…but it is what it is. Women are in no real danger most of the time when it comes to buying for a man…because he doesn’t put that much stock in it to begin with. A man is in extreme peril when it comes to gift giving because there are a thousand mines in that minefield because the women highly values the meaning and message…and it is a tightrope that is easy to fall off of.

Leggs

December 13th, 2011
9:59 am

I hate that song, Happy, Lady! Reminds me of this punk I dated who was never happy (unless drunk).

Lady~

December 13th, 2011
9:59 am

Leggs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL