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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Does your date act differently around people?

If you ever want to get great insight into the person you are dating, you have to see them in their “natural habitat” – and no I’m not referring to in the wilderness. I’m mean in their most relaxed environment, surrounded by friends and family. People who have known them the longest.

A friend of mine accompanied his girlfriend of 3 months to a holiday function this weekend. The young lady he is dating was surrounded by her sorority sisters. He was “horrified by the vapidness” that was her inner circle. I think he was a little too critical, but he feels that the whole “birds of a feather flock together” thing is valid.

When I asked him if his girlfriend was “vapid and shallow” before he met her friends, he said no. However, he noticed a personality shift. According to him, she was acting like a different person and now he wonders which personality is she actually closest to – the one when they are together. Or the one he saw this weekend.

Do you behave differently when you are with your significant other? When you get around your family or friends, do you think you have a different side of your personality on display?

What would you if the person you were dating had a side to their personality that didn’t sit well with you? Would it matter if they are only that way around certain individuals?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

146 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:09 am

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:11 am

Second attempt….

czBrat

December 12th, 2011
11:17 am

hola chica!!

just started breezing thru your vacay pix. sweeeet!!! looks like ya’ll had a blast! i gotta wait til i get home to really take it all in tho :)

um. so what the heck is goin on in here today?

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:21 am

No eye-dee-uh?!?

Looks like we are the only ones here. Did the comments just get opened up?

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:21 am

Oh…and yes, we had BIG FUN! It was right on time. I feel refreshed and renewed.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:23 am

Morning!!

SexyC and Slim…ya’ll lurking???

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:25 am

As to the topic, I am old enough that I’m the same way all the time…for the most part. Of course, different situations call for different levels of decorum, but the core of who I am is solid.

As to buddy, he’s only dated the chick for three months. Please believe “the Representative” is still in FULL EFFECT. Hell, I’ve been with TheDude for more than two years. I am still learning stuff about him and am sure that I will still be learning new things about his past and discovering personality nuances for a very long time to come.

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:26 am

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:28 am

On topic…I’ve known people to do that but not my folks. I’m calling you on it if it happens. Believe that. Be yourself at all times. Don’t worry about what others think. There will always be some that like you and some that don’t or won’t. You can’t please everybody. If you try you’ll just lose yourself.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:32 am

Girrrrrl, guess who called me??? The dude I mentioned from the Waffle House….Saturday morning before 8:00 a.m. You know I went back by there and asked about him and the waitress asked me to write my name and number on a napkin. So, my phone rings and I’m half asleep and he says “May I speak with “so and so.” When he said “this is so and so.” I was trying to think…who???? Anyway we’ve been talking the since got a couple of cute texts and a “good morning beautiful” to start my day. He called me this morning before walking in the building and said he wanted to chat a bit about his “situation”…his ex has Lupus so that’s why he’s got the little girl. Said she’s gotten worse.

Oh, he was made an offer by my company and he countered offered so he’s waiting…..hmmmmm

Albert

December 12th, 2011
11:33 am

When I was dating my first real girlfriend, I was on Cloud 9 at first, and acted like it. I was very enthusiastic and ‘inspiration” seemed to come naturally to me, which made her very happy. But because of a long illness which caused me to feel horrible, I began showing less enthusiasm. She noticed immediately, and would prod me to act more enthusiastic. That’s when I started getting uptight around her – and only around her, not to mention that I was surrounded by people – nurses, friends and family, who didn’t ‘push” me to act enthusiastic. With my family and friends, I was my same old self, and why? Because they didn’t pressure me.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:33 am

It was funny too because I asked….”but who am I?” He did a reply of the entire Waffle House scene…lol

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:34 am

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:35 am

Aw sooky-sooky now.

Interesting developments…sending continued positive vibes your way.

Oh…and Saturday morning BEFORE 8? He couldn’t WAIT to call you. Makes me feel warm inside FOR YOU….(lol)

kimmie

December 12th, 2011
11:36 am

Hey SCool! Welcome back! Imma need a recap of that trip via email. I know you 2 had a blast!!! I sent you pics from our DC trip in case you have not seen them yet.

On topic – I’m sure this happens quite a bit with people. Like SCool said, he’s only been seeing lady for 3 months. Still very early. As long as she is cool with him and treats others they are around with respect, I wouldn’t worry so. I’ve seen folks act funny around the frat/soros, and it usually depends on the maturity level of the individual. Are we dealing with a recent graduate or pledge? Sometimes I see this behavior in those who felt they had not “arrived” until they were accepted by the sorority/fraternity. They had no identity or confidence in themselves prior to pledging. Sad, but there are folks like that. When in the real scheme of things, corporate America, nobody really cares!!!

Linds

December 12th, 2011
11:37 am

I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again-authenticity is key when starting and maintaining a meaningful relationship. Of course there are some behavior changes that are appropriate and even necessary in certain settings, around certain people, etc. however, if your personality is starkly different from group to group, then you may need to examine yourself.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:41 am

Girl, I ain’t had the warm fuzzies in a minute. When he text me after church (when he got back from church), he sounded a bit disappointed when I mentioned I’d already cooked…lol This morning when he called he said I took my daughter to stay with her mom last night and hit a sports bar…awwwwww I felt so bad. Yeah he’s got a sexy voice too! The “good morning beautiful” came at 5:30 today. I said “wow you’re an early bird”…lol I can tell though he was sorta getting it out there that he can’t date conventionally. Of course being the single parent and raising a girl, I was all ears and understanding….lol

disco

December 12th, 2011
11:41 am

hey y’all. we’re a little late but better late than never. while we seem to agree that folks should be themselves I’m also willing to bet that we’ll also agree that some folks – especially some chicks – are just plain phoney. some folks probably can’t even help themselves when it comes to phoney. and I’m talking beyond the representative (and I think the representative is a crock. I’ve been known to ask guys up front on early dates “what’s wrong with you”. my logic is that everybody is okay with and can deal with the good stuff. let’s put the bad stuff out in the open early).

celisea – you met a guy at waffle house?

kimmie – I can give a “pledge pass” to youngsters but it grows old with age. I met a guy a few years ago and every thing out of his mouth was my frat this, my frat that. dude was mid 40s easy and could have been early 50s. I expressed that it irked me and he went on and on to try to make me understand how important his fraternity was to him. needless to say he didn’t last long after that.

Dude

December 12th, 2011
11:41 am

Shallow and Vapid around friends = Shallow and Vapid once she gets comfortable with you, kick her to the curb and move on.

kimmie

December 12th, 2011
11:42 am

Celisea – I’ve got the warm fuzzies reading you! Very cool!! :lol:

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:45 am

Speaking of the sorority of it all and as one who didn’t stay at FAM long enough to pledge (lol), the whole sorority issue just came up in my running group. I have no issues with members of Greek organizations. I understand individuals’ need to “rep” for theirs with the skee’ing and whooping and all that. It is important to you. You made sacrifices to be a member of your chosen organization. You accomplished something that others could not do, were not chosen to do and even perhaps had no interest in doing. You are to be commended.

I even understand that it is human nature to seek out those who are like you, who share common experiences and interests.

I’m just over the whole “my sorority/fraternity is better than yours.”

We are separated by enough as it is already.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:46 am

disco – Yeah….I could do a copy and paste where me and Slim was here the day after Thanksgiving bootleg blogging so you gotta go to the Wednesday before to get the entire scene. I met a guy there while having breakfast and he just really knocked me over. We didn’t exchange numbers but he sort of opened it up upon leaving but I didn’t step in there. So on my way to the drycleaners I stopped in there (read the story and you’ll see…he’s there a lot..single dad…single parent) to see if I could happen upon him again…lol So the waitress instantly remembered and said “honey (while handing me a napkin) write your name and number down and he’ll be in when he’s done working out. That was last week. He called me Saturday morning and we’ve been talking/texting since :)

Thanks Kimmie…I’m feeling tingling…ut oh

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:49 am

disco – “pledge pass” – LMAO – loves this. And you’re right…after a certain age, if an individual is still that caught up in it, it’s like….”Um, so…obviously, this is the only thing you’ve got going on in your life, huh?”

kimmie

December 12th, 2011
11:50 am

disco – I feel ya, that mess gets old real quick! And yeah, youngsters are the only ones that get that “pledge pass”!!

I dated this guy that was a little foolish about his frat years back, even though we were a good 10 years out of college. He could not understand why I could care less about it. My dad’s family is Alpha & AKA deep – my aunt who’s 90th bday I attended in DC is about to be a diamond(soro 75 years). The fam does not boast about it 24/7 tho, it just is what it is. Anyway, a few of my cousins were trying to get me to pledge around the time me & dude dated. I have always been nonchalant about the whole thing and dude did not understand that. He wanted me to pledge so bad he said he would pay for it. Mind you dude was having major financial problems. I told him his priorities were severely misplaced!

disco

December 12th, 2011
11:50 am

celisea – big ups to the waitress. that’s what I call good looking out.

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
11:51 am

kimmie – I’m looking for your email now.

kimmie

December 12th, 2011
11:51 am

We are separated by enough as it is already.

Bears repeating, SCool!!!

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:52 am

disco – Exactly…me too!

Yeah I’m agreeing on being caught in the whole greek scene after a certain age. One of my boys pledged the nasty frat at the graduate level and I asked him really? Ya’ll having kids now and you’re pledging??? Alrighty then. He’s faithful too…to all the little thingys they have to sponsor their causes.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:56 am

And so no one thinks I’m a liar…the mom does NOT live out of town…okay I’m done now. Just saying folks can be funny sometimes. I don’t know how I got that or heard that.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
11:58 am

I don’t get the whole acting different around certain people. Don’t ya’ll think folks know that and feel less of a person for having (not really) to behave as such? I’m willing to bet most folks that don’t know how to be themselves at all times are envious of folks that keep it real. They’re the first to talk about them but in my experience they’re the most envious.

disco

December 12th, 2011
12:03 pm

celisea – I just read the original post. not that you hit a lick in waffle house. you go girl.

I was just discussing phoney in the workplace. chicks at my job talk about each other, then go to lunch, then talk about each other some more, and then arrange a play date for their kids, talk about each other some more, and then volunteer to host a shower for someone. I don’t even play that game. if we’re cool, we’re cool. if we’re not, no point faking the funk.

Leggs

December 12th, 2011
12:03 pm

@Celisea ~ that’s a good waitress. Nice looking out.

@SexyC ~ glad you had a fabulous time.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:06 pm

disco/Leggs :)

disco – Talk about faking the funk. Yes ma’am. Baby showers, lunches, get togethers and gossip. I take a pass. Of course I’m pegged as anti-social but that’s quite okay/alright with me. At least they know where I stand.

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
12:12 pm

I actually believe that folks that act noticeably different depending on the who and where of it all don’t really know who they are or who they wanna be.

kimmie

December 12th, 2011
12:15 pm

SCool – They are a “wannabe”!

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
12:16 pm

Oh…and we haven’t even thought to address mental issues that folks have that cause them to behave certain ways.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:18 pm

And they gossip about you as if something is wrong with you. Wrong with you for not wanting to be a gossip, wrong with you for not wanting to be a fake, wrong with you for not living to live for others. Go figure.

Jewel

December 12th, 2011
12:18 pm

Great topic! Starting this week my boyfriend and I will be introducing each other to friends and family. While its really a cute and exciting time, I scared to death. As much as I want us to just be ourselves, I’m sure we will both be nervous.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:20 pm

Good luck Jewel….just be yourself girlie…lol

Leggs

December 12th, 2011
12:22 pm

@Celisea ~ you antisocial…naw! Never believe it.

I may have met my Prince Charming this past weekend. :wink:

SexyCool

December 12th, 2011
12:23 pm

Aw, Leggs – more warm fuzzies. (lol) AWEsooooome!

disco

December 12th, 2011
12:23 pm

leggs – for real? heck, I might have to gas up and drive down to the A and post up in a waffle house if folks keep meeting like this.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:23 pm

Leggs – You think I was the social butterfly Friday? I was actually a bit quiet. I got an email from Blackfoote this morning “tombout we still can do something”….I’m kidding Blackfoote :)

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:24 pm

Leggs – Oh, wait..you was being funny

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:24 pm

I got the warm fuzzies for Leggs too!!

SlimNu

December 12th, 2011
12:29 pm

Hi there, I’m here now…I got tired of checking to see when in the heyal somebody was going to open the dayum doors up. :roll: Guess I need to try to catch up…

Leggs

December 12th, 2011
12:32 pm

@Celisea ~ no, I wasn’t being funny. You engaged in convo, especially with my friend Anita. You were people watching (exactly one of the things to do at a club). I say you can’t be antisocial because you came out. Thanks.

Yeah, I got a call from him telling me about this “surprise” Friday evening! Had me cracking up.

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:37 pm

You were people watching (exactly one of the things to do at a club).

Outside of Strip, I ain’t been to a club in EONS….watching folks eat ribs and dance at the same time was funny. Oh and all the cake daddies waiting for you to look at them or catch their eye. How about the dude at the table directly in front of us that kept looking? Yeah it was all too interested. Dreams looked pretty dapper, all nicely lined and shaved. Yes he does look like Al B. LOL

Hey Dreams….whassup…thanks for my “non-achoholic” drink :)

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:37 pm

Didn’t mean for that to go all bold…oops

Celisea

December 12th, 2011
12:47 pm

interesting…not interested