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Dating a workaholic?

Late office hours. Frequent business trips. Cancelled or postponed dates. If you are dating someone who is already “married to the job” then you are intimately familiar with all these. At some point you have to ask yourself: Is it worth it?

Dating someone who is ambitious, driven, and successful can be a great thing, but it comes with a price. Would you be willing to date someone with an extremely busy schedule? Do you think things will get better after you become exclusive or marry?

Have you ever dated someone who had a painfully small amount of time to spend with you? How did things progress to the next level with so little quality time?

If you are dating a workaholic – or have dated one before – how do you make it work?

By Wise Diva Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

232 comments Add your comment

Don't do it!

December 8th, 2011
7:17 am

Married to work, someone else, their own person, whatever you will never be their priority. If a person have or places any other obligations ahead of you then you’re not important or important enough for them. No matter what other things are going on or what they say, people spend time with what matters most. if it’s the job let them have it and move it along. It is a lie that a person is THAT busy, too busy for you.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
7:28 am

Good Morning!!!!!

Let’s see…………

Have you ever dated someone who had a painfully small amount of time to spend with you?Yes I have, but at the end of the day I find most people will find a way to do what they choose to do be it work 24/8 or make time to be with the ones they care about the most within a chaotic schedule………..

How did things progress to the next level with so little quality time? Over time for me it dwindle…….never make someone a priority when you’re treated like an option……… :)

Now to stir up some hot chocolate!!!! ;)

Randyt (aka...always throw the baggage out first)

December 8th, 2011
7:47 am

In Lewis Carroll’s sequel to Alice in Wonderland, Alice was on a giant chessboard, and had to run as fast as she could just to stay in the same place. My point is that many, if not most, people have a hard time with the balancing act. They are afraid that if they slow down for a moment they will lose out. Instead they push aside their closest relationships thinking they will somehow make it up to them when life slows down…and it never does.

This is a toughie…balance is everything. I’ve been on both sides of this one, and if someone can’t handle it, they best move on. Asking someone to change their priorities is just setting you up for excuse after excuse for the same behavior. People seldom change because that is asking them to step out of their comfort zone. Most aren’t capable of real change.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
7:49 am

Asking someone to change their priorities is just setting you up for excuse after excuse for the same behavior. <——————-Good One Randy!

MzNewy

December 8th, 2011
7:52 am

I have been that workaholic. At one time I was filming 2 movies, as was the munchkin, plus I have a day job. BUT I still made time for the SO because he was important to me. There is no such thing as too busy. We make time for things we want to do, and make excuses for those things we don’t.

MzNewy

December 8th, 2011
7:53 am

O good morning Lady and Randy! *waving like a blooming idiot* Happy holidays LOL

Good morning MIA!

thewindwhistler

December 8th, 2011
7:56 am

that is a great question. i really like it. If the wife wants to work that hard that is her perogative. The husband can busy himself with the household duties. I have a cleaning lady that comes in and tidies up the home. Then she gives me a massage so that when I go to the health club my muscles will be limber.I know the wife is a driven work alcolholic, that is why we married. Our marriage does not suffer at all. Way too much is said about the spouse not having time for the family. That is alot of baloney. there is one drawback however, the coffee clatches that the women in the neigborhood have, leave me out. Thta is all there is to it.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
8:05 am

Waving @ MzNewy! Enjoy your day sis!

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
8:06 am

Yeah Happy Holidays!!!!! I am jammin’ Luther Vandross Christmas CD this morning………..

Big Al

December 8th, 2011
8:35 am

I never felt the need or desire to work hard. Work is not important. Relationships are important. I’ve never seen a grave marker that says “John Doe: Devoted Worker”

kimmie

December 8th, 2011
8:42 am

Morning All! Blogging from home today.

I have dated the workaholic and it got frustrating. I felt they could have made more time for me if they had wanted to. What let me know I was not a priority was when they did have extra time, it was not spent with me.

People who have very busy schedules need to seek out someone that can relate to what they are going thru. That’s why a lot of law students marry other law students or med students/interns get together. They understand and can work with each other.

Like in all things, balance is key.

Caramel Toffee Flavored..yes...that, too.

December 8th, 2011
8:44 am

Hmph, I was just having a discussion with a co-worker about how I believe black folks are highly guilty of this. Every brother in this city that I’ve tried to date seriously was a workaholic. These men are in their mid-late 30s, watching the prime of their lives pass them by, all in the name of…work. I just don’t get it. I know some sisters who are guilty of this as well, however, I don’t think they’d put the prospect of love on the back burner in favor of work the way some brothers do. I think it’s sad. To work that hard and have only material things to show for it. Now I meet men well into their 40s who finally feel that they’ve arrived, and are ready to settle down and start a family. They’ll be in their 70s by the time their children are fully-able adults, and may never meet any of their grandchildren, if their own future children decide to take the same, long route that they did. Mercy! Maybe they don’t care but I still think it’s sad.

I have traveled the world, and the USA is the only place where I see people work themselves to death, without taking time to inhale all the goodness God has to offer and just…live.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
8:46 am

amen Kimmie! > What let me know I was not a priority was when they did have extra time, it was not spent with me.

Button

December 8th, 2011
8:54 am

I’ve dated a salesman, a consultant, a truck driver and now a small business owner who is super busy which I’ve seen myself. it’s all about putting quality time in as oppose to quantity time in. I knew head on that being in a relationship as I described would mean that I/we would have to be very creative and make the most out of our time. But with today’s technology if your man/woman is on the road then take advantage of skype to make free video calls and the other gadgets out there that can give you more face time if that’s what you need.

Button

December 8th, 2011
9:01 am

Like in all things, balance is key. I wholeheartedly co sign @ Kimmie

With the guy I will go and sit with him at his business one day out of the week and bring a basket of goodies which he loves to munch on between customers.

Leggs

December 8th, 2011
9:03 am

Good morning.

Nice post Randyt.

@MzNewzy ~ I agree, no matter what your schedule, if you want to spend quality time with that person you will find the time. Busy is busy, but anyone can carve out time to make their SO feel that they are an important aspect of their life. With that being done, the level of understanding increases twofold.

disco

December 8th, 2011
9:05 am

good morning guys. me, myself, personally – I don’t mind a workaholic type man. I’m a relatively low maintenance chick anyway. don’t need excessive time or someone up under me all the time and I’d rather a man that was at work all the time as opposed to “in the streets” all the time. as to kimmie’s point that he wasn’t putting his available time into her, that’s valid. still I think for some the issue wouldn’t be that he put that available time in so much as they might be upset because they didn’t feel the time that he was available was enough. some folks simply need more time than others.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:21 am

one major task completed………….#content

availability is availability…………….understanding and respect for one’s schedule is key and it takes two on the same page to me it rock steady………………….it can happen but more often than many it becomes misleading………..

SlimNu

December 8th, 2011
9:23 am

Good chilly willy Thursday,

Balance, Yin & Yang —> find it ;-)

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:34 am

kimmie

December 8th, 2011
9:38 am

disco – You are so right, that some folks simply need more time. I am more like you – i really don’t need someone all up under me 24/7, in fact I had one like that years ago and it drove me crazy! But I have a friend that needs to talk to her man at least 2 or 3 times out of the day or she feels like she’s being neglected or he’s messing around.

In fact, one time she observed how I was with a past boyfriend, how we were not all up in each others face all the time. He worked 2 jobs and time together was sparce. She was convinced that he was faking his 2nd job and was messing around on me! I just was never that paranoid!

SlimNu

December 8th, 2011
9:39 am

Lady – Sometimes I just sit back and :lol: at myself

Fion

December 8th, 2011
9:41 am

Giant Himalayan Gong rings, Dong!!!! Dong!!!! Dong!!!!
Thick smoke form incense burning. Shaman steps forward.

“Time crawls by like a Snell in a sling shot. If we are infinite beings’, then time is irrelevant ‘.

Fion in front row, “Aye man what he say”????

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:45 am

me too Slim and today is that day I am chuckling softly @ myself…….

DreamsMaterialize

December 8th, 2011
9:45 am

Morning
I don’t have a problem with workaholics. I respect that you have a passion for something and are dedicating your time to that. I know people say that you’ll make time for the things you want, but that’s not usually the issue, in my experience. The issue is usually that people think the time you do make for them is not enough. You have to find someone who can relate to your situation.

Leggs

December 8th, 2011
9:50 am

What’s a snell in a slingshot (lol)?

dyslexicbunny

December 8th, 2011
9:50 am

Toffee, it’s pretty disappointing. One of my coworkers was working with some guys in Europe and they were trying to figure out what to do for their two month holiday break. And they get another month off along with 30 hour weeks. Much different priorities.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:50 am

time and investment huh still the significance lies within on that measurement correct?!?

disco

December 8th, 2011
9:52 am

kimmie – re your girl talking to boyfriend 2 or 3 times a day. I once worked with a chick who spoke with her husband by phone all day every day. and it was such mundane stuff. I often wondered if they even bothered to speak to each other at home. heck, after speaking all day you’d think that by 6:00 they’d be all talked out. another co-worker speaks to her children all day about nothing. I don’t get it. I’m all for communication and all but dang.

czBrat

December 8th, 2011
9:52 am

HiYas!

i guess i consider myself lucky. while all the men i’ve dated since my divorce were gainfully employed, ambitious and upwardly mobile, none were too busy to share their time with me. s/o travels for work from time to time and might occasionally have to fire up the lap after hours, but it doesn’t take away from the care and attention he showers over me. as for myself, i am the anti-workaholic. my motto is “the people i work for are waiting for me at home”.

and i think it helps my relationships that i am not the clingy chick. i quite like my me-time.
as has been said here already … quality over quantity.

thanx for sharing your experience, kimmie. that was an eye-popper.

to any panamañian moms lurking … feliz día de la madre! :grin:

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:52 am

or is it the substance that is measured or a combination….hell something has to click to move forward somewhere down the line………………shrugs!

Fion

December 8th, 2011
9:57 am

Wow, I meant snail. I really have to pay attention.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
9:58 am

czBrat I like your post…..I was thinking silently when I leave work I leave it there and always have….and traveling for work I play lol so incorporate whatever I want into that…..yep there is balance and its what one chose to do………

kimmie

December 8th, 2011
10:00 am

Hey Brat, you’re welcome! Girl, I love my me-time too. I think hubs feels the same about his time.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
10:00 am

I miss going to conferences of some sorts………those were the best! and to travel with a mate on a conference is fun times! & no all the time you won’t attend and I feel many adults have enough hobbies to sustain while a mate is away……………that is balance too

Leggs

December 8th, 2011
10:04 am

@Fion ~ it was obvious you meant snail…just messing with you.

czBrat

December 8th, 2011
10:15 am

thanx, lady. it is about balance … and timing.
i don’t lack ambition. i’ve been a small business owner; managing my time skillfully between making that money and being there for the munchkins. but i’ve settled into a comfort zone that takes a lot less of my time and energy at work, leaving much more time and energy to enjoy the greater things in my life.

I feel many adults have enough hobbies to sustain while a mate is away
singles of the world, DO NOT get involved with someone who has no hobbies and no friends! that’s worse than adopting a pet with separation anxiety. LOL

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
10:16 am

*wink* czBrat we are >>>>>>>>>>>HERE<<<<<<<<<<<<!!!!! *big smile* ;)

abc

December 8th, 2011
10:18 am

A company’s expectations will dictate how much time is required to be spent on the job; expectations have grown to often unreasonable levels over the years, especially for technologists. It’s not like dotcom days, when 100+ hour weeks were expected (whatever it took to get it done was expected); but business travel and 60 hour weeks, with after-hours work on weekends, extreme difficulty truly getting away, it goes with the gig. What shall a guy do? Get some poorly paying job that affords more leisure time? I daresay yall would then take issue with lack of abundant funding.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
10:23 am

of course not abc…………………..abundant funding is an added bonus so what comes with that a mate will allow it to work effortlessly if that is what they seek………..

O/T why is Chicago calling my name……….I have to visit in mid 2012 #bucketlist

test

December 8th, 2011
10:31 am

Fion

December 8th, 2011
10:31 am

@ abc
……and there’s the rub.
Personally for me, I’ve instructed my son to secure his future. Choices and decisions you make as a young man can make you a very happy old one.

ya’ll be easy.

test

December 8th, 2011
10:31 am

i'm swiss™

December 8th, 2011
10:35 am

Morning, folks…

Speaking of J-O-Bs, I finally got the official offer letter for the job I’ve been interviewing for since September. Took long enough, but it’s worth it. So, blog drinks on me! :D

disco

December 8th, 2011
10:37 am

swiss – congrats. that’s what’s up.

Lady~It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it-Lena Horne

December 8th, 2011
10:37 am

Texas Margarita sir! Congrats Swiss! Enjoy it!

Leggs

December 8th, 2011
10:37 am

CONGRATS, swiss…

czBrat

December 8th, 2011
10:43 am

awww, swiss. you’re leaving? i thought you loved your job?
all the same, big congrats to you! you sound happy, so i’m happy for ya. =D

i'm swiss™

December 8th, 2011
10:43 am

Thanks, disco, Lady & Leggs! Lady, how did you know I make a mean Texas Margarita? (Although, to be fair, your boy swiss makes a mean anything) ;-)

SlimNu

December 8th, 2011
10:43 am

Slim lifts up skirt and lets the CT give him a standing congratulatory round of applause CONGRATS swiss!!!