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Should you break up in person?

There are certain things you have consider at the end of a relationship, fling, or situationship. How do I approach the topic of breaking up? Do I owe the person some explanation? Sometimes you even do all that you can to avoid the awkward conversations.

Of course, it’s not fun being a “bad guy” but you can’t always take the easy way out. Breaking up can be done in a way that both parties can accept and move on. It helps when it is done face to face though!

I have been dumped on the phone and I have been dumped in person. Guess which one stung the most?

Do you think the way you end a relationship makes a difference? What is the “right thing” to do in a break up? What is the wrong thing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

402 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

December 6th, 2011
8:39 am

Breaking up can be done in a way that both parties can accept and move on.
This is almost never true. We wouldn’t need divorce lawyers and judges it were true.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
8:43 am

Morning………….

DreamsMaterialize

December 6th, 2011
8:47 am

Hey Lady. How are you this rainy morning? Coffee, tea, cocoa?

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
8:49 am

funny dreams……….

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
8:49 am

I want some tea DM quick! *smiles* How are you?!?

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
8:52 am

Good morning all,

Um…Wise..why wouldn’t you state which way stung the most? As much feedback as we give you, you could’ve at least elaborated on that a bit more. But I digress

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
8:58 am

Do you think the way you end a relationship makes a difference? Yes it makes a difference or it has for me. After an explosion of a marriage me and my ex had a very applicable parting. I still remember the court date and we were the only couple acting civil and only ones granted a divorce on that particular day. It was some heated and angry folks there. I must admit after a year separation and some praying and soul searching the bitterness wore off. The judge applaud our stance and co-parenting model and even asked were we sure. We were for sure and I prepared all documents and the ex was fine with it. So no lawyers here as my good buddy DM suggested just $87 and a parenting class. Now we have had ups and downs along the way but we do great as co-parents and our communication is the strongest its ever been here recently.

What is the “right thing” to do in a break up? Do what works best for you I think……its a learning (self) experience like no other. What is the wrong thing? Play the blame game and go tic for tat…….but it happens and I did do it briefly but I had to stop bc @ the end it would have affected my child.

Dude

December 6th, 2011
8:59 am

Breaking up should be in person, unless the relationship was so brief that it really won’t matter one way or the other. In person is for people that have been exclusively dating for a period of time, the extent of the time is going to be different from person to person, if it is a on again off again relationship and you are not living together, then over the phone is fine. They should have learned it’s not going to work after the first break up.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:05 am

I have been dumped on the phone and I have been dumped in person. Guess which one stung the most? <—————————–face to face hurts the most for me but I respect the in person "talk"

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:09 am

Dude I agree with ya!

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
9:11 am

Breaking up via text message or post-it note seems a bit rude to me.

E Harmony keeps matching me with fat chicks

December 6th, 2011
9:13 am

I faked my death once to end a relationship.

Randyt (too many of these t-shirts)

December 6th, 2011
9:14 am

My last one told me how she was going to be f__king her ex-boyfriend before the weekend was over. I thought I detected some possible anger issues there.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:14 am

Slim my post about that didn’t make it though……lol it is crass but it happens………Over the phone is interesting too…..face to face you can get it all out I think…….that only happen once in my dating world and it was with my rebound after my divorce………we are now good friends believe or not…….life is funny

MzNewy

December 6th, 2011
9:17 am

Slim Imma need you to get outta my head…LOL Or just the plain “did you know he/she changed their relationship status to single” Everyone else shouldn’t know via FB before you tell him/her. LOL That right there cracks me up

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:21 am

MzNewy that FB relationship status is a serious matter honey! ~fierce~ smh lol

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:25 am

I am sooooooooooooooo glad I wasn’t into fb during my real relationship in ‘99, my brief marriage, or divorce………I couldn’t imagined how that would have played out. 0_o

Leggs

December 6th, 2011
9:33 am

Good morning.

I prefer face to face, which is difficult because sometimes the tears start. Heck they start forming the harder you refrain from crying. A post-it note or text is cowardly, but like many have said, sometimes walking away can be the “safest” thing to do.

O/T ~ there is too much food in the conference room. I’m going to have to take the back hallway to not stop in and keep grabbing food.

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
9:38 am

I chose not to display my relationship status…so either way, folks who are close to me will know and everyone else will go on business as usual.

Samantha

December 6th, 2011
9:41 am

You know it all depends on the party that’s on the receiving end. If you know that they are clingy and will make it difficult, then you should just send them an e-mail or a text message. The proper thing to do is just to tell the other person, but if you have tried that and it didn’t work, then send the text message or e-mail.

atlgal

December 6th, 2011
9:42 am

The best way to end a relationship is with a 3rd party. Counselor, parent, friend, minister etc. That way is anything goes down.. there is proof.!! Never breakup during the holidays, its tacky!

Recently dumped, again.

December 6th, 2011
9:46 am

In person hurts, but it’s the best way. Unless it was a very brief relationship.

E Harmony keeps matching me with fat chicks

December 6th, 2011
9:47 am

Facebook was several years away from being in use in 1999

CHELLE

December 6th, 2011
9:47 am

I think the way to breakup with someone depends on how the other party has treated you; or the degree of respect you have for the other party.

MzNewy

December 6th, 2011
9:49 am

I still have my relationship status as “In a relationship” It never changed…although I have been engaged and now married. I chose to leave it like that. Speaking of FB, I hate to see the status change everytime they have a fight etc. You can tell when things are good or bad with some folks by their postings and relationship status. That is TMI.

Chris

December 6th, 2011
9:53 am

Of the breakups I’ve gone through (three and hopefully no more counting), the phone call was probably the best, or at least the least worst. The worst, though, was the Facebook breakup, when one day, she changed her relationship status to single, and I didn’t know why until three days later (she sent a letter. While it helped, it was bad timing)

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:55 am

I married in 04 and divorce 07 so its still could have been is my point via fb but digressing: E Harmony keeps matching me with fat chicks :)

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
9:59 am

MzNewy yep a virtual roller coaster and don’t dare comment bc you will be deemed a hater but their business is on front street go figure…………………

Leggs

December 6th, 2011
10:00 am

“The best way to end a relationship is with a 3rd party. Counselor, parent, friend, minister etc. That way is anything goes down.. there is proof.!! Never breakup during the holidays, its tacky!”

What you want everyone to get shot…I kid, I kid.

kimmie

December 6th, 2011
10:02 am

Morning All!

If it’s a long-term relationship, in person probably the proper thing. I was in a long-distance one though, and it was done over the phone. I thought it was jacked up at first, but later realized it was just fine. I’m one that does not really need “closure” or a long drawn-out talk or “dump date”. You don’t want me or I don’t want you or both. Let’s just get it over with and move on. If it’s a situation where I think I may cry, I don’t want him seeing me like that.

Some folks are crazy and you have to “ease away”. Phone is probably better in that case.

Text, FB – that’s tacky, childish and cowardly.

Of course, now that I am married, it would have to be in person.

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
10:12 am

I’ve experienced a break-up over the phone and in person…now that I think about it, even via text but that was a joke lol If things aren’t going so well in my relationship, I try not to display that on fb. I may say something, post some quote or write a poem. Speaking of which, I verbally wrote a poem last night about not being able to sleep. It was pretty good but I couldn’t remember it to write it down or record it. (now kicking myself)

Dude

December 6th, 2011
10:18 am

Been dumped over email, cowardly is right. Been dumped over the phone, didn’t care really, never been dumped by text, nor have I ever done it. I prefer to do it honestly and in person, only time that it was a little awkard was the girl that I knocked up and we ended it with a termination. Accidents happen, I know I wasn’t ready to have a kid, but the break up was months after that.

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
10:24 am

Dude- Wow…what was the reason for the breakup and who was it initiated by, if I may ask?

DreamsMaterialize

December 6th, 2011
10:25 am

I think most guys would just prefer that the breakup be quick, whatever the method is. We don’t want to discuss the breakup for three hours. 15 minutes should suffice!

Alternative Black Man

December 6th, 2011
10:26 am

I was dumped face to face in a bathroom stall one time…at a truck stop. Not good.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
10:27 am

~Some people play the victim in an attempt to not accept the blame for being the villian~ This is something to ponder when getting back out there trying to date and coming across a person who are dealing with a break-up…………………

Dude

December 6th, 2011
10:28 am

She was way too clingy, I initiated it, little awkward to say the least, she wouldn’t have made it to term anyways, she had some health issues. Either way it was weird.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
10:31 am

15min Dreams?!? Wow. That is Venus and Mars. but hey some women keep it moving quick too leaving the break up in the wind…..gheesh….

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
10:31 am

do you regret dude?

Tuesday

December 6th, 2011
10:35 am

Define way too clingy. Oftentimes a man’s definition varies from that of a woman’s. Did you take into consideration the hormonal challenges with pregnancies?

Dude

December 6th, 2011
10:36 am

Regret, no, only that I used the wrong type of protection. Wouldn’t have worked out between us, I don’t know, are there any ladies that have had to terminate, and afterwards got extremely clingy? After that she got so codependent that it drove me out of my mind. But regret, no, it was an accident and sh1t happens. Still did it in person though, which is what we are discussing is it not?

Cool Breeze

December 6th, 2011
10:37 am

I dated a guy for five months and he moved in with me for almost two weeks. Then he sends me a text that he’s decided to go back to his ex wife (Weak, Pathetic, POS LOSER!). So, I texted him back asking how long would it take for him to get his S–T out of my house. He had the nerve to say in a few days. I texted him that he’d better come get it now because it was about to go off my 2nd story balcony. Needless to say, he was out of there within the hour. Live and Learn!

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
10:37 am

Have a pre-afternoon delight laugh…apparently the folks in my office are CRYING laughing right now

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-dyacs-first-year/

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
10:38 am

understand………….

DreamsMaterialize

December 6th, 2011
10:40 am

15min Dreams?!? Wow. That is Venus and Mars.
Lady There is a reason why I say you don’t need more than fifteen minutes. Usually, if the two of you have been together for some time, then issues have come up, been discussed (often several times), and ultimately not resolved. By the time the breakup rolls around, you’ve probably discussed everything under the sun until you were blue in the face. Nothing new will be said in the breakup conversation. So, what else is there to say?

SlimNu

December 6th, 2011
10:41 am

Dude – If she got ‘clingy’ afterwards, maybe it was due to her feeling closer to you since to her, yall went through something BIG together…could’ve been hormones and her way of dealing with the termination all in the same token.

disco

December 6th, 2011
10:43 am

hey y’all. I really don’t care how the break up goes as long as there is an actual breaking up. I can’t stand the “fade away” move where a person never says anything but just gradually becomes less and less available. this for relationships and friendships. I guess the fade away irks me because I’m vocal with mine. I don’t have a problem telling a person that I’m not effing with them anymore. still I understand some folks are passive aggressive and non-confrontational and prefer the path of least resistance.

secondly, I don’t care how folks break up as long as they break up. I can’t stand the couples that break up every other month just to get back together. stop playing or at least stop calling me to tell me about the game.

Lady~

December 6th, 2011
10:45 am

I see your point DM, I really do bc those things do occur to set the stage for the exit……………

Chaka

December 6th, 2011
10:46 am

My boyfriend broke up with me over the telephone & I tell you that was the worst feeling ever. I believe if two adults are in a relationship the person that’s breaking up should have the “balls” to tell you in person then you can have closure. I wanted to say some things to have closure. If you are 52 yrs old (grown man) you tell that person face to face & not be a “coward”. Not even a day went by that someone told me he put on his facebook page that he was in a relationship with his ex-wife. When I finally saw him, I told him I don’t need closure anymore I realize he was not the right person for me & I am happy now & best wishes to you & your ex-wife…Life is too short to worry about 1man, another will come along.

Dude

December 6th, 2011
10:46 am

I am with Disco on this one, end it, and don’t get back together, ONE and DONE!!!