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Do you have a snooping problem?

Sometimes the quest for knowledge and information can backfire on you. That’s a nice way of saying being nosy can be detrimental to your relationships! Looking through phones or digging through personal property to find out something you feel entitled to know means you have a snooping problem.

I think snooping on the person you are dating is a symptom of trust issues. When you feel compelled to snoop instead of asking for information and accepting it as truth, you probably should ask yourself some honest questions. Why don’t you believe them? What have they done to make you think they are not telling the truth?

I am not a fan of snooping. Perhaps I am too lazy to do all that work just to find out something I probably already know. I don’t know how I would handle a snooping problem. What would you do if you were sabotaging your relationships?

Have you ever dated someone who violated your personal space and went through your things? What did you do?

What do you think is an acceptable amount of snooping and what crosses the line?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

167 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
8:17 am

Good morning, My name is SlimNu and I’m a recovering snooper addict.

TGIF!!!! Whoooo hoooooo hoooooo

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
8:20 am

I think I will sit this one out. I will look at the Facebook page, maybe even do an occasional Google search, but to go through someone’s personal belongings…nope. Nor would I date soemone that did that to me. My life is an open book, if the lady wants to know…all she has to do is ask.

Lady~

December 2nd, 2011
8:26 am

Good Morning!!!!!

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
8:27 am

Afterthought…would you…or for that matter would your SO even WANT to be with someone they don’t trust. Life is toooo short to spend time with someone who has your stomach tied in knots all the time. I’d rather be alone than be with someone I can’t or don’t trust…and have ended several relationships for that reason without another lilly pad to jump to.

TJ

December 2nd, 2011
8:30 am

I have snooped, but only after I have reasons to be suspicious.

DreamsMaterialize

December 2nd, 2011
8:41 am

Morning
Snooping is wack. If there’s something you need to find out, then just address it with me directly. At that point, you can either choose to take me at my word or not. If you take me at my word, then I consider the issue resolved. I don’t like revisiting old ish that I thought was done. Now if you choose not to take me at my word, then you need to go.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
8:44 am

My snooping days were in my last relationship…he was such a liar and I felt I needed to find the ‘proof’ to verify the feelings I was having. I would never want to be like that again because it turns you into this crazed obsessive Private Eye where you are entering any little thing as potential evidence. lol Am I proud to admit that? Not so much but it happened. It is what it is…

Lady~

December 2nd, 2011
8:45 am

simple as that Dreams! Good Post! Its so time consuming. What we ALL are suppose to know we will eventually. You never have to snoop bc the story will unfold right before your eyes. Good or bad. Its what you do then after that determines any suspicious behavior or acts………..

disco

December 2nd, 2011
8:48 am

good morning. I’m on both sides of this coin. will I go through a man’s phone/wallet/drawers/cabinets, etc? no. will I go online to the register of deeds to see if he owns his house or is behind on taxes? yes. will I check dmv records to see if there is an adult female with the same last name with a license in his house (I did actually bust a brother who was trying to pose single by using this method – he was real shocked when he called me and I asked him who his wife was)? yes. will I check the department of corrections/parole/probation to see if he’s listed? yep. I sure will.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
8:50 am

What we ALL are suppose to know we will eventually

So true! I got fed up with myself and stopped doing it, all the while telling myself what happens in the dark will come to light. That’s when the chick popped up over at the crib and rang the doorbell. BAM! Cold Busted!

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
8:52 am

disco – That’s called an official background check lol

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
8:53 am

@ SlimNu…where does one draw the line an walk when dating “such a liar”? How do you decide when to lace up the New Balances and drop off the key? I know I can’t handle someone I can’t trust, and I’m not just talking about infidelity (although that is a definite, no appeal, one strike and your out). I’m talking about in other areas. I guess the last serial liar I dated was when a freshman in college and my attentions were focussed on, well…you can guess that.

Lady~

December 2nd, 2011
8:54 am

Slim it was the good Father along with some good praying I promise you to embrace never ever to snoop again! Hell to even think about snooping you have a bigger problem than what you are looking for. You just want something concrete to blame it on but the issues are far greater than BAM I knew you were here or there……………I am not a passive chica or stupid but I am NOT and I repeat I am NOT snooping to find out anything but when it unfolds which it will its on me to deal with it or move on.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
8:56 am

Hey disco…I always wondered, how do you check the DMV, etc.? I have always been curious but usually been to lazy to look into it. After getting scammed by a renter this last year, I’ve wondered.

disco

December 2nd, 2011
9:00 am

randy – different states/different methods. a lot of info is available through court/sheriff/prison websites, etc. another fairly good resource is publicdata.com.

Kym

December 2nd, 2011
9:04 am

Good Morning All,

I am going to have to say I with disco on this one..I won’t invade your personal belongings but I am going to research to make sure that you are not a serial killer or wanted for bank robbery or child molestation. Sorry but I love me and mine and why we can’t predict anyone’s behavior..uh yeah..I would like to have a general idea of the person I am about to spend time with.

Kym

December 2nd, 2011
9:07 am

There is a site now called beenverify or beenverified..I think that is what it’s call..I have used pipl.com too. That site reviews your public postings on social networking sites.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
9:13 am

Randy – You draw the line where you feel you need to draw it. Everyone’s tolerance level will be different. I know when I reached mine and I have moved on. I’m just sooooooooo thankful that my current relationship is nothing remotely similar to the last one. It’s a breath of fresh air and I feel I have a peace of mind. I suppose I had to experience my last r’ship in order to appreciate the one I have now.

Lady – Yes, as with anything it definitely takes restraint to not be a repeat offender if you’re used to doing a certain habit. The current beau leaves his email & fb open all the time and I’d be lying to say I don’t get the urge to check it out. However, I figure if he’s comfortable enough to leave it up then he must not have anything to hide.

disco

December 2nd, 2011
9:19 am

LOL – I’m that chick that will interrogate a brother to death. I bet a man would probably just rather I snooped.

Lady~

December 2nd, 2011
9:30 am

Disco too funny!

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
9:33 am

Morning,

I was a snoop with the kid’s dad….so you see how long ago that was. The minute he dropped off to sleep I would check pockets and everything. I’ve learned a few things over and the years and came to realize a good time ago, it’s not necessary. So no I don’t snoop but I will google you the minute I learn your name. I’m with the other ladies, we are in such times now where you just need to know who you’re dealing with. The average killer just ain’t quick to let you in on that fact. My spots are Pipl and Veromi. Even if I have suspicions I’ve learned to watch and pay attention because know for certain the truth will evetually reveal itself. A few months back a dude took my number and called after a few days. Well I checked the number on TNID and low and behold the number he called me from was in a woman’s name WITH THE SAME LAST NAME!!! I’M GUESSING A WIFE MAYBE???!!! Yep I told him I thought he was full of crap. I will say though he was like, “okay if that’s how you feel”….lol Buddy just back away from me please.

abc

December 2nd, 2011
9:37 am

If you have a problem with SO snooping, then remove all the secrecy. That’s what makes them want to snoop in the first place. It’s a mark of contemporary society that didn’t used to exist, before the Internet, email, smartphones — all avenues of communication that provide secrecy. If you want them to trust you rather than snoop, then remove the secrecy incumbent to these methods of communication.

DreamsMaterialize

December 2nd, 2011
9:38 am

I like to think I’m open enough that a chick doesn’t have to feel like she needs to snoop. If she still needs to snoop, then she’s being shady, and she can save that for the next dude.

CoolShadow

December 2nd, 2011
9:39 am

I think snooping on the person you are dating is a symptom of trust issues.

I concur and snooping will decimate the very cornerstone that you are trying forge your relationship on. I understand curiosity is normal and sometimes we get intrigued, but you will likely not get a 100% full disclosure of their past, and in fairness they deserve a clean slate from you. However, when morbid curiosity still urges one to snoop after someone makes an effort to be upfront, the snooping one is very deserving of a burn notice.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
9:40 am

I might have told this before…..

One weekend the kid’s dad called and asked me to bring the baby and stay the weekend at his spot (usually we stayed at mine) so I packed up my what 10/11 month old and went over. Well, I get there and there’s a house full of jokers hanging around, beer, weed, condoms…the whole nine. Needless to say I WAS NOT HAPPY. So they all decide to run off and he’s like we’ll be back. Soooooo, I’m there with baby and nothing to do and feeling sort of weird. So I start looking. Looking through stuff. Drawers, closets, everything. During my quest I found guns, bullets, again….weed, condums, blow…all of it. By this time I’m scared of out my wits. The last thing I find was a ticket. The ticket was issued in the name of a cousin of mine. I dunno…don’t ask. What I did do though was got on the phone and called my aunt and told her. I kept asking “am I seeing this for real?” After I made the call I took my baby and got the heck out of there. Between the guns and the blow I was scared out of my mind. That sort of help me come to terms with curbing the itch to snoop. If you go looking you will definitely find something.

disco

December 2nd, 2011
9:41 am

in defense of the snoops – some folks are just nosey by nature. they truly can’t help themselves. maybe there’s some kind of nosey anonymous support group.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
9:42 am

I don’t snoop now and haven’t for sometime. Even if the other person is shady I think it says alot about the person that’s doing the snooping.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
9:42 am

DreamsMaterialize

December 2nd, 2011
9:45 am

If you go looking you will definitely find something.
Celisea Definitely been there before. Really, all it did was confirm what I already knew. I could have walked without the hard evidence…really I could/should have. lol How you doing this morning?

disco

December 2nd, 2011
9:45 am

has anyone’s kids starting snooping for xmas presents yet? as kids we used to snoop looking for the xmas presents. used to think we had struck gold when we found something but my mom and all of her siblings pretty much had us figured. they each stored gifts at another’s house and so all of us cousins were left trying to figure out who the gifts were for. a cousin said once that all of the gifts under her tree had little holes in the bottom.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
9:47 am

Hey there Dreams…I’m good today. How are you? My vacay starts officially at 3:00 today :)

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
9:54 am

I just wanna say that yesterday was a mighty wacky day in blogsville…

Kym

December 2nd, 2011
10:03 am

@SlimNu I know yesterday’s topic was about the dude from RHOA..but I have a topic for this afternoon..

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
10:04 am

If I had snooped in my last flame’s drawers I would have found what she cheerfully showed me anyway…her collection of toys. Geez that ‘rabbit’ was scary looking…that big thing fits in that little thing…and moves around? Nope, more than I needed or wanted to know. (Dayum rabbit ruined a whole weekend once because it hurt her you know what so bad she couldn’t use the you know what for days. She had not been near it for many months supposedly and got horny one night during the week).

Sometimes less information IS better.

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
10:04 am

Kym – Well, there really isn’t much going on in here now. Care to throw it out there & lemme see whatchu tombout? :p

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
10:06 am

Randy – WOW!

So fellas, if you went snooping and found some ‘toys’…crazy looking and all in her drawers, how would that make you feel??? I would definitely look at dude different if I found a portable puddy, blow-up doll or pump in his belongings. :shock:

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:08 am

Randyt – That hurt reading about it….I crossed my legs on that one. Jack rabbit hammer.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:09 am

I didn’t mean to bold rabbit…I was suppose to strike “rabbit” I was answering an IM from someone…oops I’m not a good multi tasker

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:11 am

I think I’m going to introduce my kid to her first Starbucks drink this weekend. I have a buy one get one free holiday drink. Something like a latte.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
10:12 am

;-) Funny thing was, she said that for all of that trouble, it still didn’t get her off because she had gotten used to “the personal touch” and couldn’t get wet and off with her toys as well as before. Not totally sure I totally bought that line but WTH, LOL.

disco

December 2nd, 2011
10:15 am

celisea – I am not a coffee drinker and so I feel cheated just because of the amount of sheer pleasure some folks get from coffee. same thing for cheesecake. I don’t care for it but I do get a wee bit envious at the amount of joy a slice of cheesecake can bring to someone. and it doesn’t help that the turtle cheesecakes look fabulous. oh well. can’t have everything.

randy – not sure I buy that either. I’ve always heard it the other way. chick gets hooked on toys and then the real thing comes up short.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
10:16 am

I’m not concerned about the little bullet vibrators, hellz bring them along…but that dayum rabbit was not welcome. She would laugh like crazy and say “come on honey and lay down on your stomach. Mama and the rabbit will make it all good for you”. UHHH, no thanks. I never sit on anything smaller than my azzz thanks.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:18 am

disco – Try the Caramel Mochiatto (sp), it’s to die for. Well not die but it’s prettygood. Honestly their coffee is a bit strong for my taste. I usually have 2/3rds coffee and 1/3rd water when it’s straight coffee I’m drinking.

Oh, LOVE cheesecake. We had an exec that flew in and brought cheesecake from NY…somewhere supposedly famous for cheesecake. The pieces were so big that they sliced regular pieces in half. Well, I ate 2 halfs and my coworkers 2 halfs….ugggh talk about sick. It was good but I paid dearly for that.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:20 am

halves…okay I’m not good today I did it twice too

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 2nd, 2011
10:20 am

@ disco. I know that is usually true, but…how do I say this…there are a few little nuances that a lady in my past educated me that , well lets just say I get high marks for some techniques that…ahhh never mind.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:20 am

halves…okay I’m not good today I did it twice too.

Kym

December 2nd, 2011
10:20 am

@SlimNu well RandyT has beat me with his topic shift..I was just gonna talk about this new trend of bootay implants..I saw where some lady/men have taken to using cement,superglue,and fix-a-flat..to get their fake lady parts..and I just heard that these celebs are using some kind of gel to get big bootays.

disco

December 2nd, 2011
10:26 am

celisea – folks are always trying to turn me on to a coffee. I don’t want any of them. in fact, I hate the way coffee smells. eew. I mistakenly bought coffee ice cream once and could have kicked myself in the backside.

kym – I’m not endorsing their methods but I will say that some of these flat-bottomed heffas need something. it’s almost hard to look at them and I’m a woman. chicks walking around messing up perfectly good jeans.

Celisea

December 2nd, 2011
10:27 am

disco….oooookay, gotcha…lol

SlimNu

December 2nd, 2011
10:28 am

Kym – I thought the fix-a-flat, cement, superglue was used by a Fake doctor on some folks??? I would never dare knowingly seek out those substances to enhance my backside