accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Tempted to cheat?

I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems as if Atlanta is a hotbed of infidelity. I can’t tell you the number of married men that proposition me or go way beyond simple flirting.

I know that love and commitment is hard at times, it’s natural to get tempted. I have not really heard of ways to deal with temptations though. How do you handle it when you are in a committed dating relationship?

What do you do if you meet someone really great while you are already exclusively dating someone else? How do you handle being tempted to cheat on them?

This could be a supremely naive question but is there a way to “cheat-proof” your relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

564 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
7:02 am

Infidelity is a CHOICE.

Fidelity is a CHOICE.

There is no way to “cheat-proof” a relationship other than to marry the right person…the one who WILL make the right choice. That is the tough part however. (One hint to start this process out is NOT to date/marry someone who you know has cheated before hoping he or she will change).

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
7:18 am

@ Leggs re: from yesterday (I had to go to a meeting early yeserday and did not see this until this morning).

“@Randyt ~ do you believe you can hear lust/longing in a phone call when the person is trying to act like they’re not lusting after you (LOLOL)? Do you believe you can see it in their eyes when they thinking they’re acting all nonchalant. I’m cracking up…”

I can’t, that is for sure. I have often wondered if I missed some major opportunities because of my lack of this kind of perception…I know for sure I missed some opportunities in high school that every body but me saw, with two teachers and a married lady down the street. Actually I have to pretty much be hit over the head with it to even know I’m being hit on. .

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
7:24 am

Probably TMI for this early in the morning. sorry ;-)

Lady~

December 1st, 2011
8:01 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!!

Dude

December 1st, 2011
8:13 am

Randy, has the right idea, don’t try and change those that have cheated before, I will judge all I want, if you find someone better, then dump the person you are with before you even take that chance, those that cheat and then dump the person they are with only after they have something to fall back on are not moral people. Men and women both cheat, deal with it. Only way to cheat proof a relationship is to be literally attached at the hip, or ritual suicide, best thing to do is find someone that appreciates you and you appreciate enough to fear losing that.

Lady~

December 1st, 2011
8:19 am

best thing to do is find someone that appreciates you and you appreciate enough to fear losing that. <—-I like that Dude!

SlimNu

December 1st, 2011
8:45 am

Good morning,

Trying to ‘cheatproof’ your relationship would be like trying to accidentproof your life. There are just too many variables (one huge one being ANOTHER PERSON with their own mind & thoughts) that aren’t controllable. You can freak your dude/lady down 20 times a day but if they have a desire in their mind/spirit etc, then they can and will find a way to satisfy it if they so choose to. All you can really do is control yourself and your urges. Just because you are married or in a relationship does not mean you’re dead to having attractions to other folks. There is always going to be someone who looks better, is sexier, more appealling than your SO especially if yall have been together for an extended period of time. In the words of a guy friend of mine, “Ain’t nothing better than monkey other than NEW monkey”. lol I would just hope my SO would respect me enough and care about how those actions of cheating would possibly affect me if I were to find out about it. As stated on here before, folks said they would most definitely cheat if they knew 100% that their SO would not find out about it.

William

December 1st, 2011
8:46 am

Personally, I find it flattering for someone to have that much interest in me. However, if you are an attractive lady surely you can expect others to make (hopefully) decrete inquiries. If you did not have the same interest you can politely tell them you are dating someone. If you do have the interest, I hope you would break it off with the one you are dating before you move on to the next adventure. Who cheats more–the men or the women?

L.

December 1st, 2011
8:49 am

Atlanta is a metropolitan area of over 5 million. It is a VERY easy place to get lost in the crowd, and simply offer a lot of options for those dirty spouses that want to engage in risky behavior. Trust is a gamble, and all I can say is COMMUNICATE with your spouse, and hope for the best. Infidelity can happens to ALL couples, and the less communication you have the greater the chances of it happening……….I don’t care how good each one claims to be, whether they are saints who attend church every Sunday, or felons who can’t seem to get a job.

TinselTown

December 1st, 2011
8:50 am

To insinuate that men are the only ones that cheat is just feeding into the double standard stereotype. When men cheat, they are dogs (and justifiably so). When women cheat they are tired of being treated so casually and stike out on their own to “do better” for themselves. I have been working in an industry where women come on just as strong as the men. In fact, it’s common knowledge but everyone turns a blind eye to it. I have a VP that has had numerous affairs on her business trips and has even jumped up and down on two co-workers. I have been “propositioned” by some casual aquaintances who are well aware that I am married. It’s definately a dual problem. I used to think that men cheat for sex while women cheat for emotional connections. But I have changed my opinion over the years and a LOT of women value a great roll in the hay (or at least trying it out) just as much as the men do. I haven’t given in to any opportunities, but I certainly see the attraction of some hottie dangling what would seem to be a really enthusiastic few hours with “It’s not like I want a relationship with you. I just think it would be a great time and my husband can’t (or won’t) deliver for me.”

disco

December 1st, 2011
8:50 am

years ago a friend and I discussed relationships being like jobs. that thing about it’s easier to find a job when you already have one. on a level, that might apply to relationships. I’m not condoning cheating or anything but I think a lot of folks will agree that if you are in a good relationship and are happy that there is some kind of aura/good vibe surrounding you that naturally attracts other people to you. folks being attracted to you is what presents the opportunities to cheat. then you get back to the point that randy already made – try to make sure you are with a person that will make the right choice when presented with the opportunity.

by the way – good morning.

ant banks

December 1st, 2011
8:51 am

Enter your comments here

dc

December 1st, 2011
8:52 am

It is easy to make your relationship much less susceptible to cheating. Find out what your partner wants/needs, and do your damndest to give it to them. That isn’t really hard. It just takes desire and commitment

ant banks

December 1st, 2011
8:57 am

don’t get beside yourself…i can’t tell you the number of married women who proposition me and/or the single women, who i have told that i was married…doesn’t have anything to do wiith atlanta being a hot bed…we are humans, bound by flesh and certain things feel good. as far as the cheating, alexander o”neal and cherrelle stated it best in their song…”EVERYTHING I MISS AT HOME..” please youtube this song and listen to the words…it will answer why folks cheat

Optius Prime

December 1st, 2011
8:58 am

My first wife did cheat on my while I was away on business and after it was all addressed (divorce), I would get the feeling that people thought I was “less of a man” because I couldn’t keep or SATISFY my wife, rather than she just cheated because she could and it was wrong. It’s almost that when a women cheats, she is liberating herself and thinks she can do better….so she does. I agree with Tinsel, there really is a double standard when men cheat and when women cheat. Women are looked on as sexual beings that love sex as much as guys do. For men to cheat, they have to be attractive, suave, charming, rich (sometimes) and energetic. For women to cheat, they just have to be available.

Ace, the man in the elevator

December 1st, 2011
9:02 am

I cheated all through high school and college…..I find it’s a hard habit to break….In fact, the other day, I got caught in Publix looking at someone else’s grocery list.

Burnt Weenie Sandwich

December 1st, 2011
9:05 am

I found the best thing is to buy an inflatable doll. They don’t cheat, they don’t talk back and they don’t call the cops when you have to smack them around.

disco

December 1st, 2011
9:07 am

speaking of temptation. can you say merry Christmas?

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11335/1193808-55.stm

Dude

December 1st, 2011
9:10 am

It’s pointless to discuss who cheats more, or the double standard there is, when it comes down to it, it really doesn’t matter, for example, if you are getting a job and have ADD, do you tell your future boss, I have ADD, no you just have to work harder at whatever you do. Should you look at the woman and say you are a woman and have a better opportunity for sex with more people, no, because you will end up being gay or dating a huge woman that even guys won’t touch if she “is” available. So give it a rest, it can’t matter.

Robert

December 1st, 2011
9:14 am

“How do you handle being tempted to cheat ”

Do no leave your woman. Go to Church, movies, grocery store, WalMart and the Mall with her and carry her bags this holiday season. Protect your most precious asset at all times. Never assume your woman is safe and give a real “Player” an opportunity to steal your goodies. I will find a way to compliment her (eyes, hair, clothes, etc.) and spark her interest. I will listen to her “wants and needs” and stimulate her curiosity. I will give her an opportunity to “cheat” if she has the desire. Let this be a warning to all men.

j

December 1st, 2011
9:15 am

i’ve never cheated in my life but have been cheated on twice … one was b/c of a long distance relationship, the other was b/c things just were never good at home. It doesn’t make it ok b/c i could have easily cheated too but i like to think of myself as a better person. However, i wouldn’t mind cheating now, just to say i did it. I assume it would feel really good

SlimNu

December 1st, 2011
9:18 am

I think some folks get caught up in the excitment of doing something they know is ‘wrong’….

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:20 am

@ Disco, LOL. Re your link.

It has been a number of years, but one of the funniest things I ever read was in New York. This Brinks armored truck had the same thing happen to it. The door opened and a bag of money dropped out. The authorities caught the guy at the airport heading to the Bahamas with something like $89,000 in cash. He was a steelworker who had been out of work for nine months. When Brinks or maybe Pinkerton had him charged for grand larceny he went to trial and pleaded “Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity”. The judge asked him why he was pleading this way and he said, “Judge, I’ve been out of work so long, when I saw that money I Just Went Crazy As Hell!!!”. He was acquitted. ;-)

KJ

December 1st, 2011
9:20 am

” Never assume your woman is safe and give a real “Player” an opportunity to steal your goodies.”

This is a good strategy, if you want to drive yourself insane. If you have to act as a bodyguard 24/7, you’ve already screwed up. “Players” are always going to do what they do, it’s the person committed to the relationship’s responsibility to ward off advances.

Tempted

December 1st, 2011
9:21 am

I have cheated on my husband and certainly not proud of it, but it’s like I’m addicted or something. I consider myself attractive and take care of myself, I’m social and very outgoing. My problem is that I just love men, the attention I get and my husband just doesn’t treat me the way he used to. I have tried to address it with him, but nothing changes. I know it’s shameful, but for those minutes with someone, I can forget about how lonely I am and concentrate on the pleasure. I am thinking about seperating just to have more freedom to spend time with my “friend”. He doesn’t want to get married and i know he dates others, but he makes me feel SO good and is, quite frankly, very, very good at it. It’s far from perfect, but it’s what I have in front of me.

Mike P

December 1st, 2011
9:22 am

Good Morning all

The best ways I know how to “cheat-proof” your relationship is to:
(1) don’t be a cheater yourself.
(2) don’t date or get into a relationship with a player or a ho_.
(3) don’t expect to change a player into a husband or good boyfriend.
(4) don’t expect to change a ho_ into a wife or good girlfriend.
(5) don’t get attached to the one you’re with (and have that mutual understanding).

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:22 am

@ Robert…good post. Your point about just listening to her is spot on.

Ace, the man in the elevator

December 1st, 2011
9:24 am

@ Tempted…….I just made lunch reservations at the Marriot……Care to join me?

Lady~

December 1st, 2011
9:24 am

me too Slim. the thrill and ego!

Lady~

December 1st, 2011
9:24 am

i can’t focus today! sigh!

Chelsea

December 1st, 2011
9:25 am

Detroit Michigan Dime in ATL – My Body Type: 5′ 5″ 38 waist, thick thighs, light skin, phat az, 38 C tata’s, pretty face, nails and toes are suculant, flexible…Bottom line in ATL, no man can say “no” to me. I love having sex with married men. They want it so bad I don’t worry about being pleased like I do when I’m with my husband. I’m always at Tantra staying up on the latest ways to please.

Dave

December 1st, 2011
9:25 am

@SlimNu, I think you have a major point. After a while, life gets routine, mundane and just one day after another. Something “new” is exciting, refreshing, passionate and edgy. I have often thought about and fantasized about some hot thing just telling me she just wants sex and lots of it and then just releasing everything inside of me in a few sweat filled, frenzied hours a couple of time a week….but that’s as far as I get. I don’t have the courage to take it any further.

Alicia

December 1st, 2011
9:25 am

Wives just know, you have gotten the red flag, yeah… he is cheating. He makes enough to cheat and you see the phone bill, who is he texting/calling! He is only with you because you are a pay master, buying him.

Celisea

December 1st, 2011
9:27 am

Ooooookie dokie then to you ladies that are cheating on your husbands. I wasn’t going to give credence to the folks saying it’s a double standard because really it’s not. Both women and men do it. But ya’ll just played right into their theory.

Morning lovelies!

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:28 am

@ Tempted…your honesty is appreciated. As a man, I know it would be my position that if my partner cannot remain faithful, then it is best to set both free. Marriage is by definition supposed to be a monogamous institution. If one can’t handle that, then it is only fair to the other to just leave.

Alicia

December 1st, 2011
9:28 am

He is still cheating with his ex-wife. The ex-wife let him go, she stop putting up with his mess. Just know, you don’t have much! I see why you didn’t take his last name!

Roll Em

December 1st, 2011
9:29 am

Ummmm….Chelsea….you are just FAT. A 38″ waist….I guess some guys get off on that sort of thing. I can’t imagine a guy looking to cheat would say YES to you, unless it was 3 AM and the bar was closing up.

Alicia

December 1st, 2011
9:30 am

Some people are on their third marriage, do you really think marriage means something to them? They would have tried to save one of the first two!

DreamsMaterialize

December 1st, 2011
9:30 am

Morning
I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems as if Atlanta is a hotbed of infidelity. As opposed to where?

How do you handle it when you are in a committed dating relationship?
If you’re serious about the one you’re with, then avoid the temptation and show your lady the respect she deserves. If you’re serious about the one you’re being tempted by, then you may need to have The Talk with your SO. Either way, you don’t HAVE to cheat.

How do you handle being tempted to cheat on them?
Just don’t do it. Every guy knows that the minute you’re off the market is when it SEEMS that women all of a sudden come out of the woodworks throwing it at you. Usually our ego makes us stupid enough to believe that we’re just that fly. We probably never stop to think that just maybe it’s our lady who’s special because she’s able to bring out the best in us, thus causing women to be interested when they weren’t before.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:31 am

Great post DM.

Larry

December 1st, 2011
9:34 am

Here’s how I I have stayed faithful over the last 5 years. It’s simple. Don’t put yourself in a situation to cheat. I meet nice women all the time and my animal instinct is telling me to pounce! But if I can just not ask for her number, I will likely never see her again…well maybe in my head, but not physical. If you can’t contact the folks you lust, you have no joice but to stay faithful. So its pretty simple. Flirt all you want. Flirt all night long. But NEVER exchange contact info.

Mike P

December 1st, 2011
9:34 am

@Tempted: maybe you should do your husband a favor and divorce him, then you can be sexually loose with every man without shame. Some people shouldn’t be married… just saying.

Celisea

December 1st, 2011
9:35 am

I can’t tell you the number of married men that proposition me or go way beyond simple flirting

I agree here. I won’t say there’s a plethora of men but I can tell you the ones I’ve maybe hung out with…even or mostly in group settings will likely take it there. I use to be amazed at how “common” it is for folks to step to you. I’m no longer shocked…lol I’ve pulled back from some of the seemingly coolest dudes because of such. You better not blink.

The work place is the worst. Had one dude that use to come by and “visit/chat” and that started with a quick call asking “whatchu doing for lunch”….he thought he was smart, he started out inviting me and my manager. After a while, it was just me. He use to touch my hair or comment on my shoes….ALL THE TIME. You know me, I was always like so what does your wife think of so and so??? This sort of behavior is rampant. The little “jokie jokes” and one liners that’s slips in during the course of a conversation. Gotta keep good distance and make it known.

SlimNu

December 1st, 2011
9:35 am

My stepdad always says it’s a matter of decisions and the situations you allow yourself to get in. He was like, if you know a person has an interest in your and you’re involved, you need to keep the distance between the two of you. He was like, you don’t want to end up with a nekkid woman in front of you trying to make the decision then because he doesn’t even know himself what he’d do at that point in the game. It trips me out when folks be like, Well it JUST happened…as if you woke up with your wang or woke up sitting on a dizzle. It didn’t just happen. It started with some flirting, other communication whether it be calls, texts, meeting up for drinks or to talk…then you find yourself at the point of no return. THEN it happens.

Lady~

December 1st, 2011
9:36 am

wow @ the blog! chuckle

Alicia

December 1st, 2011
9:37 am

Cheat proof is to be about something, no one wants a person who is just cute but about nothing. Cute won’t pay GA Power.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:38 am

Tempted’s post does bring up another subject. How many people aren’t faithful and frankly aren’t happy with who they are with, but won’t do the right thing and end it because hubby or wifey is a meal ticket and player/playess isn’t. That is really not fair.

Celisea

December 1st, 2011
9:39 am

Oh and I checked the hair toucher…lol

smooth operator

December 1st, 2011
9:40 am

eatin’ ain’t cheatin’….

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

December 1st, 2011
9:41 am

@ slimNu and Larry…exactly.