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Archive for November, 2011

Dating Dilemma: Hung up on the ex

I know there is this dating rule that you should not talk about your ex on the first date. Now, I wonder if it is better to bring the ex up – so you would know early of possible unfinished business!

I know we all are rebounding from someone when we meet someone new. I just wonder what a reasonable amount of talking about “the ex” is and when does it become a sign of unresolved feelings?

When you get the feeling that someone you are seeing is hung up on their ex, do you think it is good to confront them? Does it do any good to bring it up or should you ignore it – hoping you will eventually make them forget?

How do you know when you are competing with the ex? Do you think we often compare our new relationship last with our most recent relationships? Does that mean we still have feelings for them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating Dilemma: Hung up on the ex »

Dating: Are you open-minded?

My friend Dawn recently went out with an artist. She had a really good time on the date but she was a little surprised that he told her that she was not open-minded. He told her that based on her outlook sex, politics, religion, etc., he considered her someone who has a narrow view of the world.

Compatibility is important but how important is being open-minded? Do you consider yourself to be someone is open-minded?

When you think of your dating history, does it reflect that you are open to different types or have you generally focused on one particular type? Could you benefit from being more open-minded in dating?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating: Are you open-minded? »

Are we too quick to marry?

What is an acceptable amount of time to date before you should get engaged? I ask because a lot of the couples that I meet tell me that they met, dated, and got engaged in the span of 2 years. It’s rare that I see a couple with a long courtship or engagement. Do you think we are getting married too soon?

Perhaps part of the reason is that a lot of us are waiting until we get older to marry? Does a longer courtship or engagement mean you give your marriage a better chance of survival?

If you are married or was married before, how long did you date before getting engaged? How long before you tied the not?

What are the pros and cons of short courtships?

How long would you wait for an engagement to happen?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Are we too quick to marry? »

Are you chasing the wrong one?

It’s quite perplexing how we sometimes get caught up in the wrong person. It seems as if we are more attracted to the people who give us mixed signals – or worse, no signals at all. Why do we tend to give people more effort than they ever give us?

When you figure out that it’s all a game to the “elusive” one, you can move on to someone who is consistent and genuine. So, how do you know if you are chasing the wrong one?

I think it comes down to reciprocity. When you are the only one putting in the work – that’s your answer. Be warned though, the really slick ones can sometimes pretend that they are interested just enough to keep you in the loop.

Have you ever noticed a pattern of being attracted to people who don’t show real interest? Is it a bad dating habit that you need to break?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Are you chasing the wrong one? »

Do women audition to be a wife?

A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)

I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him.

I hear a lot of men say that girlfriends audition to become wives. Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important to show and prove domestic abilities, but perhaps I’m missing something.

If women audition to be a wife, are men put through the same scrutiny to be a husband?

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others?

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Do women audition to be a wife? »

Dating: Ready to hear the magic number?

The next time you get the crazy idea to bring up the “magic number”, really think carefully if it’s worth it. It is important to have an honest discussion about your partner’s sexual health, but too much detail could end up being problematic.

I know we all say we are mature enough to handle info about our partner’s past, but the reality is, that’s not always the case. One thing we seem to get hung up on is not knowing about the context of the number. You wonder if there were multiple relationships or multiple hook-ups – or both. As soon as we get the digits (digit?), we start doing the mental math of how many partners, per year of sexual activity.

The number starts doing a number on the relationship and then there is trouble in paradise. I have seen it happen a lot! So are you really ready to talk about the magic number or do you just think you are?

How do you handle the discussion of the magic number? Do you opt for full disclosure or do you go the “need to know” …

Continue reading Dating: Ready to hear the magic number? »

When should you end things?

It is not easy facing the reality that you aren’t clicking with the person you are dating anymore. Sometimes things just fizzle out and you are faced with a decision: light the fire or let it burn out. When and how do you end things?

When there is not really a red flag or deal breaker involved, we usually feel guilty for dumping someone “unjustifiably” but should we? If things are not working out, do you feel obligated to give it more effort?

What do you do when you know they aren’t the right one but they haven’t done anything wrong? Do you give them the old “it’s not you it’s me, speech”?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading When should you end things? »

What really attracts a man?

There was a poll of about 20, 000 men to find out what they were attracted to. The results listed the top traits that most men put at the top for initial attraction:

1. Sexual chemistry
2. Smile
3. Kindness
4. Sense of humor
5. General body type
6. Eyes
7. Intelligence
8. Communication skills
9. Teeth/Lips
10. Hair

The list of traits that men are attracted to for “long term”:
1. Kindness
2. Sense of humor
3. Communication skills
4. Sexual prowess
5. Intelligence
6. Smile
7. Listening skills
8. Money/Wealth
9. General body type/fitness
10. Eyes

I have to admit, I expected body type to be at the very top but I am not surprised it’s listed in the top 10. Also, men are into eyes? Who knew! I believe that if women were polled, a lot of the same traits would be listed, but it is hard to predict how they would rank the traits.

Guys do you agree with the lists? Do you have others that should be placed on the list?

I think a lot of us are attracted to the same traits, but do we …

Continue reading What really attracts a man? »

Dating: Good together on paper?

It is one of those things that happens to the best of us. You meet someone who appears to have a boatload of things in common with you. Similar background, upbringing, likes, dislikes, even your taste in music matches up! Then dating commences and the attraction wanes instead of grows. What happened?!

It’s when you are good on paper but not in real life. The things that we consider super important for compatibility does not always translate to hot and heavy relationships with great chemistry. You can never predict it but is it something we can create?

Do you ever meet people who you seem to match well with in theory, but not in practice?

Is the chemistry really important or can you begin a love affair with someone who is simply compatible to you? What happens when you realize you are only good on paper?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Continue reading Dating: Good together on paper? »

What are irreconcilable differences, anyway?

If you have not heard the shocking news, a reality tv show star is divorcing her athlete husband of a whopping 72 days. I know, it’s become downright strange to watch the circus that is surrounding this entire pop culture phenomenon. You are probably like me, tired of seeing the letter K, right?

I have read a lot of commentary about this entertainment news story, but I can’t figure out why people are trying to find meaning in it. I mean, the behavior of celebrities and public figures doesn’t always reflect on what we do and think in the real world does it?

In this case, though, I have to acknowledge that a lot of us are marrying for the wrong reasons and many are divorcing quite quickly. There even seemed to be a trend of having “starter marriages” to sort of try on marriage like it’s something we may or may not keep. When things don’t go like we want or expect, then everyone likes to site irreconcilable differences. A legal term that is about as vague as Herman Cain’s …

Continue reading What are irreconcilable differences, anyway? »