accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

What is it about men and their money?

A guy once told me that he was advised by his mother to never give women money. It seems to be a way to suss out which women wanted him as a sponsor instead of a partner. If a man showed no desire to help a woman out financially, would that be a sign that he is smart or inconsiderate?

Women today generally prefer to hold their own financially. I don’t know a lot of women who have a salary requirement for the men that they date. I wonder if they would look to test a man to see if he would be a good provider, though. How important is being a provider to women?

Do you think men today use wealth to attract women?

Guys, what are your thoughts about your money and your confidence? Are the two related?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

433 comments Add your comment

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
8:18 am

Good Morning MIA!!!!!!!!!!! Another interesting topic! ;)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 30th, 2011
8:41 am

Men use wealth and power to attract women, always have.

From the time when Gronk knocked Ugh over the head for Mmph, power and wealth have been at the epicenter of (most) men’s thinking.

You learn early. Popular = girlfriend(s). And if you’re a teenage boy with little atheletic skill, political skill, or any other talent that appeals to young women; then you learn that lesson hard.

If you learn it well you become Bill Gates, or a powerful CEO with your arse on your shoulder and at 30+, still trying to get the prom queen.

As for money, it’s a means to that end.

I’ve never had a problem giving a woman money, because I never give more than I’m willing to. And I’ll straight forwardly tell a female that “that’s as far as I’m willing to go.”

Having money, looking for it from/in other people, and withholding money is less about cash itself and more about the power the act conveys.

Mornin

Leggs

November 30th, 2011
8:52 am

Good morning.

Yes, men use money to attract women, just like women use their bodies to attract men.

I wouldn’t want to “test” a man to see if he’s a good provider. All I have to do is watch how he handles his own business while I handle mine. Nonetheless, being able to provide for US is the a responsibility we both will have to share.

Harder...please.

November 30th, 2011
8:55 am

Money and confidence related? The seeds of confidence and self-respect are sown before a child enters elementary school.

Robert

November 30th, 2011
8:56 am

“your money and your confidence? Are the two related?”

I believe this quote: “Man makes money, but money does not make the Man.” It does not matter how much money you make or how many houses and cars you own. The only thing that matters is you both share a common goal which gives you both confidence that leads to a successful relationship (love & marriage).

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
8:59 am

I am pondering about the correlation with money and ego……………….are they interchangeable?!?

Alternative Black Man

November 30th, 2011
8:59 am

Gay men all have their own money so this is not an issue. We are more concerned with other measruements if you get my drift…;)

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:03 am

Chuckle ABM!!!!!!!! I certainly do…….lol

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:03 am

“How important is being a provider to women?”

As one progresses in to the 40’s or beyond, this is very important…and should be important to all. The reason is in the statistics…money problems are the number one cause of divorce. Love has an amazing ability to run and hide when there isn’t enough money in the account to buy food or pay the mortgage. So it is easier to deal with that up front rather than let infatuation become contempt.

Regarding the connection between confidence and money in men…absolutely in my life. It gives a man a freer hand to be genteel, charismatic, and thoughtful….and this shows.

Dan was exactly right above.. In high school, if a guy was ugly, fat, and had an IQ lower than the average winter temperature, he could still be dating a doll as long as he had that “Letter Sweater”.

Women are attracted to money and confidence. It suggests masculinity and power…and they want that in their men.

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:07 am

Confidence and money? Yeah I think one boosts or fuel the other.

Oh….morning

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:08 am

I think one CAN boost or fuel the other. I don’t believe every man succumbs to the game of sponsorship.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:08 am

Here recently I find many men using power and yes money comes with power, but power is less tangible and some women just a man who flaunts it………..This is making me think about the series of Mad Men! smh! lol

Mike P

November 30th, 2011
9:09 am

If a man showed no desire to help a woman out financially, would that be a sign that he is smart or inconsiderate? That isn’t the right question to ask.

The real question is… Is it smart to show a desire to help a woman he’s with financially?
Ans.. Well that depends on what the man wants from the women and whether she’s giving in to him or not.

If the man is in relationship-seeking mode = invest in the woman (assuming she is worth it to him); but if the man is in play-n-fun mode = don’t invest in the woman, deal with her in equal transaction basis (pay to play, give and take). If she’s asking for $100 and you only getting $50 worth from her, she too expensive, too much trouble and prolly not worth it; on to the next one!

Good morning blog folks

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:09 am

*just loves that is*

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:10 am

taking notes Mike P! just interesting! lol

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:11 am

Regarding money and confiedence…if a man wants to show off his money, it ussually is covering an inferiority conplex.

That said, one can use money to show off, or one can use money to be free. I prefer the latter (and still remember too well the days when I had neither).

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 30th, 2011
9:11 am

I mean, I know plenny of confident foolish people, plenny.

As for money making one more confident….meh. I saw it in college; people without true confidence will latch on to just about anything (arbitrarily) to make themselves feel better about their station in life or whatever.

I was always taught that, when you strip away the awards, there should be more underneath.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:13 am

“usually” and “complex” I need to edit before hitting send, sorry.

Robert

November 30th, 2011
9:13 am

” If a man showed no desire to help a woman out financially, would that be a sign that he is smart or inconsiderate?”

It depends on the situation. For example I will help a woman if she needs help paying her bills (rent, car, food) especially if she has kids. I have compassion. I will not help pay her phone bill, cable, hair, nails or other non-essential bills.

Fion

November 30th, 2011
9:15 am

” I wonder if they would look to test a man to see if he would be a good provider”

You don’t have to test a man, operative word being “man”. Just pay attention to his world and how he functions in it.
The more organized and efficient his world operates, rest assured the more detailed the plan is he’s working from.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:17 am

” If a man showed no desire to help a woman out financially, would that be a sign that he is smart or inconsiderate?”

i think this is not this simple. I think you have to explore the reasons, the consequences, and the motives before handing out cash. If you don’t know this, then it could be just another example of the guy standing at the Interstate exit with a sign (that you have seen there for months)…may be real, or may be a way of life.

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:20 am

@ fion re: 9:15…well stated and true.

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:23 am

Giving to get is always how the game is played. Whether it’s just ass or whether you’re looking for something permanent. Ain’t nothing free. Not even love. You have to give time, willing to give of yourself, etc.

But yeah, I know…we’re talking men and their money.

disco

November 30th, 2011
9:24 am

good morning. the blog men are representing in full effect this morning. that’s what’s up. now if I could only find the real life men….

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:27 am

Ain’t nothing free. Not even love. <———-BAM there it is and Yes C we are discussing men and their money…..lol

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:28 am

@ Celisea…good post. When I was an early teenager, I read a word in a book that has stuck with me for decades. The word is “Tanstaafl”. It is an acronym for “There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch”. I try to NEVER forget that…ever.

You are 100% correct…almost everything has a price tag on it somewhere.

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:30 am

Lady – Exactly. I’m sure this conversation could take on many scenarios.

disco

November 30th, 2011
9:31 am

randy – I like to say “nothing’s free, it’s included”. included in the price you already paid or in the work you already put in.

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:32 am

Randyt – And even with that being a given, we still find some that want but not willing to give. Or willing to give on their terms…I don’t consider that giving.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:32 am

Now this makes me think about the book and movie Indecent Proposal! Should the question now be how much will you sell your soul for since nothing is free?!!?

TinselTown

November 30th, 2011
9:33 am

Power and Wealth are the greatest aphrodesiacs the world has ever known. Always has been, always will be. I’m sure a lot of people will give the patented answer “Oh, it’s not about that. It’s about love and being sweet.” But it isn’t. The two biggest causes of divorce are sex (lack therof or adultry) and money (lack therof). There’s always going to be a bigger house, nicer car, better vacations and more luxurious opportunities. Most (but not all) women will pay more attention to these with a wink and a nod.

I make a very nice living and have had no problem dating. It’s just amazing how much that attention intensifies when women get a whiff of the bank account. Some can get downright aggressive….

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 30th, 2011
9:34 am

Its not the cars, the clothes or the money. Its always the dude. Thats where it begins. If a dude doesnt know that basic principle he is losing from the jump.

kimmie

November 30th, 2011
9:38 am

Morning All!

Hey Dan, like what you’re saying this morn. I also agree with Leggs – you don’t have to test a man. Just observe how he handles his business. Another case for really getting to know someone before you jump in with both feet.

As for not helping a woman out financially being inconsiderate, I think that’s the wrong question. If he saw me really having a hard time, like not having enough to eat or lights or water cut off, I would hope he would have some compassion for me. I would do that for him or any of my friends. Now if I kept living beyond my means and blowing my check on clothes and whatnot and being generally irresponsible, he would be smart not to enable me. Beyond that, I’m an adult.

“God bless the child that’s got his own” was drummed into me. I was raised not to take money from people, especially men, because nothing is free and they will always want something in return. Independant as all grown adults should be, but not overbearing with it. Raised to keep money stuff seperate until you are serious and making a commitment to each other.

Leggs

November 30th, 2011
9:40 am

I’ve known from an early age that nothing in life is free. You may not shell out any greenbacks, but payment is made through other avenues in your life.

@Tinsel ~ money and sex are the 2 biggest reasons why the divorce rate is so high. I’m not concerned how big a person’s house is or how expensive their car may be. Sure it’s all nice, but it’s not a grading factor toward him. More concerned he has his own place and his own car and I don’t mean a place in the corner at the shelter, or a Marta bus pass as his only means of transportation.

Fion

November 30th, 2011
9:41 am

@ Lady
“I am pondering about the correlation with money and ego …are they interchangeable?!?”

Just for the record, if you run into a man who’s ego moves in conjunction with his income, you just met a fool. Ego (Identity of self) has nothing to do with income (money).

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:42 am

And IMO how you feel about her or him determines and says a lot. A woman not looking for sponsorship won’t take handouts or take just to be taking and a dude not looking to sponsor won’t do just because she’s getting drunk from the smell of money. Yes if she’s struggling or having it hard and he’s a friend (boyfriend, man friend, BFF…whatevs) I would think he would lend a helping hand.

But I think we all know most men that don’t have good intentions lead with the wallets, snag with their wallets, date with their wallets, sex with their wallets, talk with their wallets…so forth and so on. If you can make it happen without the wallet THEN you are the man.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 30th, 2011
9:43 am

Yeah, I have a friend in TX that had a woman and her kids (plus his) living with them. She only had *one* bill, and when that didn’t get paid, he put ‘em out.

Made sure they had somewhere to stay, but she had to get gone.

Point is, men have no problem with money – as it has been stated – but when it’s bee proven that female can’t handle her end…well, there’s no sense in pouring money down a proverbial drain.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 30th, 2011
9:44 am

Tinsel – I do agree with the downright agressiveness when they get a whiff. I guess with me.. I make my money, my money doesnt make me.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:45 am

Fion know you know I meet some fools along the way on this journey! Great post!!!!!

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:45 am

TinselTown – You sound like you’re still in a place of getting while the getting is good….because your possessions are doing the getting for you.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:46 am

meant now you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammit! smh

Randyt (aka. no new t-shirts lately)

November 30th, 2011
9:49 am

As some have suggested above, there is a difference between looking for security and looking for “flash”. “Flash” is often superficial. Security suggests that the dude has worked for and appreciates what he has been blessed with.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:51 am

& may I add it is OK to look and appreciate for security! *wink* ;)

Kym

November 30th, 2011
9:52 am

Good Morning All.

I am going to try..try..to work less and blog more today..:-)..Yes I do believe men look for money and power to catch themselves a woman or women.(depending on your beliefs) I mean if a man has more than one wife then he is responsible for the care of all of the wives. I am not going to state it as fact..but I would venture a guess to say that in societies where multiple wives are welcome, the man with the most wives is usually the richest guy in town.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:54 am

scurity in general that is! yep I am all over the place! smh lol that is me!!!!!!!!! ;)

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
9:54 am

Celisea

November 30th, 2011
9:57 am

Like the dude interviewed by Elizabeth Vargas the other night. He’s married to twin sisters and a third woman. The have 24 children and seemingly a lovely home. I’m thinking how does he take care of 28 people???!!! But somewhere he got their buy-in. They said he was in construction but somewhere in the whole of it all, he got their buy-in. Maybe in this case not solely on money getting tossed in the air but I’m sure he’s got to be producing funds to keep that set up going.

kimmie

November 30th, 2011
10:00 am

Lady – I’m glad you added that 9:51 post. Bottom line, nobody wants someone that can’t handle their business. Even if you don’t have a lot, it’s how you manage what you have that can make a difference and put you in a better position than someone making twice the money.

I was thinking about yesterday’s topic. It seems some women today feel they need to apologize for being women. So what if most women are not comfortable in a NSA situation and just mindlessly getting with whomever comes along? So what if we crave security in a mate? These are the things that set us apart from men and animals. We are the gatekeepers of our bodies and our hearts. We compliment men in these respects. We should never apologize for it.

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
10:00 am

Wow C! does that take the cake! sheesh! :/

Lady~

November 30th, 2011
10:00 am

Enter your comments here