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Can women really handle no strings?

There is an ongoing debate whether women can’t handle strictly physical relationships. Some believe that women can do it – but not for extended periods of time. Others believe that women “convince” themselves that it is fine with them, while secretly holding out for a real romance to bud.

Let’s take a little totally unscientific poll here:

Do you believe that women can handle casual sex? In your experience, is it a good idea or bad idea?

Are there circumstances that casual sex with no strings attached recommended?

For the record, I believe it is completely possible to be involved with someone and not be emotionally attached. But enough about me. What do you think?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

334 comments Add your comment

thewindwhistler

November 29th, 2011
6:38 am

that is a great question. I really like it. women can handle casual sex oover a period of time without becoming emotionally involved. They think of sex as therapeutic, like taking their vitamins or working out at the health club. In fact, I see them practicing some of the movements that they use during sex, “the pelvic tilt” is a favorite. Then there is the” inner thigh strengthener”you get the idea it is all part of tthe workout routine. I think one of them went through the routine for me, i fell off the “spinning” cycle watching.

I don't think so...

November 29th, 2011
6:43 am

Wishful thinking….
I don’t think so.

TJ

November 29th, 2011
6:49 am

I think it depends on the mindset and age of the woman. I know some women that have handled it in the past, but later got to a point in their life where they wanted more than just sex. Not necessarily from those they were involved with at that time. They just felt it was time to settled down.

I also know some women that may not be getting everything they need at home and have those “maintenance men” NSA relationships on the side. So to answer your question, I think women can deal with it…

USMC

November 29th, 2011
6:50 am

Bad Idea for men and women.

It only works for Prostitutes (male and female).

braddock

November 29th, 2011
7:02 am

If the woman doesn’t want the relationship baggage and finds a good sex match, then why not? If she becomes emotional she can always opt out and find a traditional match.

Older women, yes, younger ones, not so much

November 29th, 2011
7:07 am

From my experience, (Im a man) NSA results when that’s all the 2 parties agree to work toward. The physical just becomes the most convenient thing for both sides to do and they make no efforts toward anything else. I have NEVER heard of a man wanting more out of NSA. I think if he wanted that, he would treat the woman differently up front. It only has become NSA in my past if the woman was “good” at something during the process. I have been used by an older woman before who had a son my age. I would cook her dinner and she wouldnt eat anything. I made her a cake for her birthday and she took it home to her kids to eat. Women can do it too, but I think they are more likely to catch “convenient” feelings for the person closest to them. Men are always on the lookout for the next big thing. Its a catch and release policy when the need arises.

Dude

November 29th, 2011
7:17 am

I think woman are actually more apt at this then men are. So if it works for them, go for it, just don’t pretend that it may be something more, and let the other party know they are being used purely for sex.

Foxy

November 29th, 2011
7:44 am

karma

November 29th, 2011
7:54 am

I agree with Dude. let her know up front, most are attached becasue the were led to believe they were more than a bed buddy. thats all we want guys, to know where we stand and we still come around then yes casual sex is ok

KK

November 29th, 2011
8:05 am

I think women can DEFINITELY handle it. As long as both know that it is NSA .. casual sex is the best! There’s no guess work for either party and you know where you stand. I think older women handle best. Most older women have alot of “life” under their belts and know more of what they are looking for .. or not looking for. Being a older woman, NSA works best for me. I’m very confident and not looking for a long term relationship. I do believe you have to know who you are and believe in yourself to pull it off.

All the way from the "303"

November 29th, 2011
8:22 am

Morning Kiddies……

Generally speaking NO!!! There are alot of ladies that try, or wish on some level that they can, but ……… Nawwwww….its not a regular part of their social programming…..

DreamsMaterialize

November 29th, 2011
8:37 am

Do you believe that women can handle casual sex?
Morning Women CAN do whatever they WANT to do. I think they just generally don’t WANT to have casual sex.

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
8:37 am

Morning.

I absolutely believe women can handle no strings attached sex. When the woman goes in purely for sexual relief, she’s glad when the guy puts his clothes on and leaves. Many women can handle this and many can’t. All depends on what the woman wants.

Not all men control the relationship and the direction it takes. A lot of women have the reins in their hands. D..k on speed dial, then do the quick step out the door. Again, it works for some.

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
9:08 am

Ummmm, is it something I said…..where did the folk go?

MsMarriedUp

November 29th, 2011
9:11 am

From what I know single women more often struggle with this…that is in as far as being a little more demanding of a particular person’s time, than a married women. Generally, married women are rarely lonely, at least not those who do the NSA’s.

And please!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not saying it is right for a married woman to do this, HOWEVER, just as men probably would attest to if they are being honest, sometimes we get bored in (somewhat??) committed relationships, or start getting on each other’s nerves, and so a little extra side activity allows us to come home with a better perspective and attitude.

That said, not ALL married women are like this, or participate in NSA’s, just as there are some single ladies who find NSA relationships better for them.

For Real

November 29th, 2011
9:19 am

What up Blog Fam!

It’s been my experience that women can do whatever they WANT to do so long as they do not believe another women is getting more than they are from you.

For Real: Hey what up cutbuddy?

Cutbuddy: Nothing much cutbuddy, you coming thru tonight?

For Real: As many times as I can!

Cutbuddy: You are sooo crazy. What time?

For Real: When I finish this dinner and concert.

Cutbuddy: DINNER AND FUGGIN CONCERT!!!! OH HELL NAW!!! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!!!

For Real: Cut… Buddy????

Cutbuddy: CLICK!!!

For Real

November 29th, 2011
9:21 am

that should read “is not” getting more…

Audra

November 29th, 2011
9:25 am

I could and did when I was younger. Now, approaching 40, not so much. It’s just not worth the trouble/risk. I’d rather wait for someone I actually like. :)

disco

November 29th, 2011
9:33 am

good morning guys. I think I already put my two cents in on this topic as I am one of those emotionally detached types anyway. I’ve been able to make a jumpoff do what it do. if anything my control issues kick in meaning he’ll have to be my jumpoff. I can’t be his. but at the end of the day the deed is still done.

audra – the bigger problem I come across isn’t finding guys I like as people but finding guys that I think are just plain sexy enough to want to get with NSA. I know that sounds shallow but it is what it is. looking good and looking good for your age are two different things.

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
9:35 am

Morning lovelies,

Interesting topic….I think we’ve touched on this a couple of times in the last week or so. What I think? By design no. I think women think they can until…….. I have to agree with For Real. That’s sort of what I was thinking when I read the other posts. Yeah, it’s all good until you find out about the other women doing the FWB or NSA or until you find out other women are getting what you’re getting (as it relates to sex) and then some. But of course I’m looking out of my own window. So to answer in word? No. I don’t think women can.

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
9:42 am

So I wonder then, for women that say they can. What if he says okay I’m feeling you and I want more? Would you do it? Or would you hold with you’re just using him?

For Real

November 29th, 2011
9:43 am

Audra: So you can have sex with someone you don’t like? Interesting….

Well Blog Fam what do you think?

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
9:45 am

“…he’ll have to be my jumpoff. I can’t be his. but at the end of the day the deed is still done.”

Pretty much. I will call when I’m in need, you can’t call me when you’re in need (lol)…

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
9:47 am

But is there such a thing as a man being a jumpoff? Is it possible that he’s like, ummm okay if you say so?

For Real

November 29th, 2011
9:49 am

“…he’ll have to be my jumpoff. I can’t be his. but at the end of the day the deed is still done.” – Wow!!! Now that’s some mental gymnastics right there.

For Real

November 29th, 2011
9:50 am

Celisea: I think the definition of jumpoff needs to be restated.

GracieL

November 29th, 2011
9:50 am

Yes. Particularly when there is sexual chemistry, but the other conditions are not conducive to coupledom. Geography, jobs, schedules, personal goals…. there are many factors necessary for a successful LTR that are not necessary for a satisfying romp. An occasional romp can be helpful when getting over one relationship, before one is ready to delve into another. When one half of the casual sex equation starts to want more, though, it becomes necessary to either back off or take it to the next level.

Celisea,

That’s a good question at 9:42. If he wants to segue into relationship mode, and I’m not feeling him that way, then I’m straight with him — in a nice, encouraging sort of way: tell him how handsome, sexy, and wonderful he is, and talk about what it is he wants in a relationship, and encourage him to find a like-minded woman with whom he has more in common.

Mike P

November 29th, 2011
9:51 am

My Two Cents for the day…

NO!!! Women cannot handle NSA, those that believe they can are merely fooling themselves…
Even If the woman kept her emotions in check (with the man she’s NSA with), the fact is she “receiving” D from non-committal man, would have repercussion in her overall self-value and mental attitude about herself, towards other women, and especially from other men. Of which real men don’t put up with. So even if she has convinced herself that she’s cool with it. It still shows up as issues she’ll have to deal with; whether she realizes, recognizes, and accepts this fact or not.

Ladies, if you desire standards from the men you’re with, you have to BE the standard.

Good Morning all

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
9:53 am

Me too For Real…me too…lol

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
9:55 am

Gracie – Sooo, okay let’s say you opt to take a pass. Do you think though maybe there will come a time where you (not you) played and played and played and when you want to settle down, you played out? You don’t think you spend years regretting what could have been an opportunity? That’s not to say everything we take a pass on was the one that got away but I’m just wondering. It just seems a wasteful thing to do….

PLEASE NO ONE…DON’T GET OFFENDED. I’m just tossing ideas and thoughts.

SlimNu

November 29th, 2011
10:00 am

4Real – Nice skit…I was thinking that’s pretty much how it goes. It’s all good until another rabbit has the gun

disco

November 29th, 2011
10:05 am

Leggs – sounds like you understand exactly what I meant. I’m way past the stage where a guy can be thinking he can just call me up when he’s feeling some kind of way. I don’t even respond to that.

celisea – it’s very possible for the guy to be the jumpoff. and some guys really aren’t as okay with it as they might let on.

mike p – lots of women are empowered by their sexuality and have a strong enough sense of self to handle the repercussions, if any. some women really do enjoy their single way of living and really aren’t pressed to have a man all up in their space full time. who’d have thunk it?

GracieL

November 29th, 2011
10:05 am

Celisea,

Also a good question, and I see no reason to be offended. I can only speak from my own experience. I think Diva had it right in the second sentence. Casual sex is not something I could do for an extended period of time. (Uh… wouldn’t that be a relationship, albeit a one-sided dysfunctional one?) There have been times, in my search for Mr. Right, when I’ve met men who weren’t Mr. Right, but whose company and affection I enjoyed in a “friends with benefits” kind of way, especially when we were young and in transitional stages of our lives. (Sure, it’s embarrassing to admit, but we’re all anonymous here!) It’s not that I don’t have any “standards” or don’t want or believe in love. BUT…. some (not all) people have strong libidos and crave that physical attention, and frankly, if they’ve been out of a relationship for 6 months or a year, may well be inclined to “scratch the itch” before finding new, monogamous, committed deal with someone else.

The key, as with ALL types of relationships, is R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I’m nobody’s late-night booty call, jumping when the phone rings, nor do I treat anyone else that way. But it is possible for people to like each other without being a couple, and to be cool with the occasional expression of that… liking, amid their busy lives.

For Real

November 29th, 2011
10:06 am

For Real now fondling Slim’s rabbit

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
10:08 am

Doubt a man looks at it as he being the jumpoff. If he’s free when he receives the call, probably looks at it like “Oh boy, I’m in like flint right now and jump in his truck for the quick driveby.

Even If the woman kept her emotions in check (with the man she’s NSA with), the fact is she “receiving” D from non-committal man, would have repercussion in her overall self-value and mental attitude about herself, towards other women, and especially from other men.

I doubt that MikeP…when a woman goes in with NSA, she’s already made it up in her mind that’s what she wants. It doesn’t devalue her in the slightest. Probably nothing she wants to do for the long haul, but presently, doubt her mental attitude about herself is negative. There are women who are better at this than men are.

Audra

November 29th, 2011
10:08 am

disco – true, when I said “like” I meant “want to sleep with AND like as a person!” LOL. A lot of dudes are nice, interesting, whatever, but unfortunately a lot of ‘em don’t get me going. Some guy who’s fat, out of shape, can’t dress himself, or has no style does not get my attention. Yes, it’s shallow, but they look at us like that…it’s reality.

For Real

November 29th, 2011
10:11 am

“I’m nobody’s late-night booty call” – Calling BS. You have absoluetly no control over what another person thinks about you. If I think you are my booty call, then guess what, you are my booty call and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

GracieL

November 29th, 2011
10:17 am

For Real,

You’re funny! First, I’m going to give you some props for your 9:19. I have actually had an eerily similar conversation. Haha! And you’re right, I can’t control what somebody thinks of me, but I can control whether I answer the phone past 10 p.m., or whether I agree to the request. TRUST me when I tell you I have no problem saying, “No thanks” and not concerning myself one whit what a man thinks about me for doing so. Just because there was a connection once or thrice does not mean it’s ever a given that it will happen again.

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
10:17 am

I gotcha Gracie…understood.

Disco – Oh I’m sure plenty of men don’t let on to how they really feel sometimes. I wish some would, that would be refreshing :)

For Real – Imma have to agree again on our 10:11…that’s what I was trying to say. He’s not going to say outloud what he thinks but is it possible in his mind he’s saying ole good is good for a good time…and that’s all. How do you know he’s not thinking that? Would it matter? Maybe not.

Honestly ladies – Can you say you wouldn’t have a problem knowing a dude is doing you and some other ladies all in one week or during the same time? Would you not be upset if you found out that he was pulling out all the stops for someone else and just hitting you up in between?

Okay, I’m probably just too dang sensitive. I take this sort of stuff seriously. I got a REAL problem not being an only….knowingly.

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
10:18 am

You might make the booty call, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get the booty.

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
10:21 am

No doubt, you can’t control how a person views you. But, you can control whether you give into “their” perceptions.

Robert

November 29th, 2011
10:22 am

“Do you believe that women can handle casual sex?”

I date women between the ages of 30-50 and it depends on where she is in her life. For example women between the ages of 30-35 can not handle casual sex because they are planning for marriage and a family and are looking for a committed relationship. Women in this age group lack maturity and are emotionally insecure. They feel they need a man. Women between the ages of 40-50 (cougars) are better suited emotionally and prefer younger men (35-40) for “casual sex”.

SlimNu

November 29th, 2011
10:24 am

O/T Anyone out there have t-mobile phone service? My internet isn’t working at all on my phone and was wondering if it was a system wide issue right now or just me. I tried calling the support line but it says they cannot answer any calls at this time. WTH!

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
10:27 am

Slim – I have T-mobile…I’m up and running

disco

November 29th, 2011
10:28 am

For Real – for some reason your post read as forceful. were you thinking forcefully when you typed it?

gracie – thanks. you saved me from fully responding to for real. we are thinking along the same lines.

celisea – dang. I’m not saying you’re too sensitive but you did take the scenario to a whole new level. still I’ll respond from my perspective (mine only people – not speaking for the masses). if I’m in it NSA it was my decision to be in it NSA. I keep it at what it is which means eliminating all of the niceties of dating or pretending the guy is my man. he’s not my man and I know it. consequently, if he’s spending time with someone else then that’s between him and that someone else. I’m doing me (and him – ha ha). still, I wouldn’t want him stepping to me worrying about what I’m doing. that’s not the nature of our “situationship”.

leggs – you funny.

SlimNu

November 29th, 2011
10:29 am

C – Well I have no idea what’s going on…it was working fine earlier this morn. Maybe it’s just folks on the southside or something. Sucks!

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
10:30 am

disco – Naw, I didn’t think you was saying that…lol I’mmmmm saying I’m probably too dang sensitive

So you call it a situationship huh? I like that term. We should add that like they added bootylicious.

Celisea

November 29th, 2011
10:30 am

Slim – Take your battery out and reset it. See if that works.

Leggs

November 29th, 2011
10:31 am

I have T-mobile and all’s well here…

SlimNu

November 29th, 2011
10:32 am

I’ve done that twice already…finally on hold waiting to get support. So we’ll see.