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Marriage material? Prove it

If you are perpetually single and want to get married, you may have to start sending out your “marriage material” signals. There are some people who do live their lives in a way that is conducive to marriage. Then there are others who talk, live, and conduct their lives in a way that screams “Single for life!” – and maybe that is turning people off.

When you first meet someone you are interested in, they may size you up and put you under “marriage material” scrutiny. How do you think you would come off? Single for life or ready for marriage?

Do you ever worry that your fabulous single life may send the message that you are not willing, ready, or able to give it up and merge with someone else?

What changes, if any, should be made so that you can prove that you are indeed ready for love and marriage?

P.S. I hope everyone has a safe and spectacular holiday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

138 comments Add your comment

Jaded Guy

November 23rd, 2011
7:47 am

Fellas, sadly, there are ONLY TWO kinds of women in this world:

1.) The ones who have lied to & cheated on you

2.) The ones who haven’t lied to & cheated on you YET (but WILL)

CoolShadow

November 23rd, 2011
8:11 am

When you first meet someone you are interested in, they may size you up and put you under “marriage material” scrutiny. How do you think you would come off?

That depends on the interpretation of the scrutinizer; you can only control the type of person you want to project, not how it’s taken by others. And just because someone may look like marriage material doesn’t mean they are. For example, if you’re a man looking for a wife with culinary skills, this might be an opportune time to take notice. But just because she’s in the kitchen doesn’t make her so. There’s a big difference between the woman who is roasting, stuffing and basting a turkey and the other who is opening a can of cranberry sauce or coating the dinner rolls with butter. But both can make the claim that they were “in the kitchen”.

Big Dick Johnson

November 23rd, 2011
8:13 am

Marriage is for suckers. Why buy the cow when she’s giving you free milk.

Sparkle

November 23rd, 2011
8:14 am

What is marriage material? Who knows. The majority of people who are married, tend to hate one another, cheat, lie and make up tons of excuses. There are a few who actually take time out to enjoy each other. Because a person is single doesn’t mean that they aren’t marriage material, they just haven’t connected with someone that they want to spend their life with. It’s not a bad thing, it just hasn’t happened. It’s so unfortunate, that people think that if you aren’t married, don’t have kids, dog, a dirty house, etc..that something is wrong with you. Why should people do the Hollywood marriage? Get married, adopt kids, divorce a few months later and move on to the next person.

LOL

November 23rd, 2011
8:17 am

@ Jaded Guy – Somebody must be heart broken :( So sorry to hear that you have had that experience but the truth is that all women don’t cheat. I have never cheated on my man. I respect him more than that and never will. So maybe you should do some self soul searching to see what it is you are doing wrong. Maybe you are pushing them away because of your past experiences or maybe you are not stepping up your game enough. Maybe you are just picking the wrong type of women are your standards too high or maybe even too low. Research yourself. All women don’t cheat.

Move your hips, wouldja

November 23rd, 2011
8:29 am

But what if you are dating, but never want to set foot within the chains of marriage again? WINNING!!!!!

Optimus Prime

November 23rd, 2011
8:35 am

I agree with MYHW, the car tag on the limo driving away from the reception should read “Game Over Buddy”. The only phrase he will utter for the rest of the marriage is “Yes honey, I was wrong.”. The reason she’s smiling when she walks down that aisle? She knows she’s given her last BJ. And the best date you were able to take her on because of that great bonus check? Well, that’s the bare minimum, now. How do you turn a nymphomaniac into a nun? Marry her. Why doesn’t a married man bother to remember his mistakes? No sense two people doing the same thing.

Dude

November 23rd, 2011
8:49 am

Nope, no reason to get married, they only slow ya down, leave it to the rest of the world to procreate. Never sign that paper.

Patricia O

November 23rd, 2011
8:52 am

I firmly believe that unless you are planning on having kids, you should never get married. Even then, having children is vastly overrated. have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

TinselTown

November 23rd, 2011
9:06 am

Why are you people so down on marriage? It’s a beautiful thing where two people join together to share their love, dreams, wants, needs and live the rest of their adult lives together in harmony. They give each other a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with….

I’m sorry…I can’t type any more of this drivel with a straight face or clear conscience…..

Dude

November 23rd, 2011
9:13 am

Tinsel, I am not saying one word about not living, sharing, crying, so on and so forth. I am only saying not to sign the paper, look at goldy hawn and kurt russel, they are still not marriend and have been together for decades. Just don’t sign that paper, getting away from that crap is a pain in the butt.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
9:30 am

Morning lovelies,

Now I know I’m not the only one working today. :)

On topic: Marriage material? What is that exactly? I’m going to have to go with Sparkle’s take on the whole thing.

While I’ve never said it outright on here, I don’t get all the dribble about it. I see too many people living selfishly yet taking and expecting to make the journey. I was getting feedback from a girlfriend last night and she asked me what is it really that you want or want to do? Honestly dealing with people and issues and relationships and matters sometimes just makes me tired. I understand working at it but something being too hard, well…..

Anyway, the holiday is upon us and I’m excited….excited to be away from the hustle and bustle, excited that we’ve been given the green light to scoot early, happy to be alive and grateful to make it this far down through another year.

abc

November 23rd, 2011
9:40 am

Being a good cook doesn’t make a woman marriage material. Nor does keeping a clean house, or anything else along those lines. A man that looks for that is really looking for a surrogate mother.

Being ‘marriage material’ means that one is not just ready for, but LOOKING for, someone to whom they can commit. Someone that they’ll care about more than themselves. If you’re not there, you’re not marriage material. And, nothing wrong with that — marriage isn’t for everybody. Parenthood isn’t for everybody. Obviously.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
9:47 am

Good morning.

Marriage is a beautiful institution when the man and woman genuinely work at making it work with respect and love on the front burner, and seriously want to honor their vows. It’s one of the hardest things to do. It’s not for everyone, no doubt.

The only signal a person should be putting in the atmosphere is their character, good or bad. What category a person puts them in is on that person. Single material, marriage material, or harlot material is your perception and that perception isn’t always accurate.

@JadedGuy ~ have you met abc yet?

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
9:55 am

@Optimus ~ in line with your comment about the license plate, I have a friend who when she married her sister went up to the husband at the reception and said “We got you now sucker, you bound to her for life!” WTH. Marriage is not a jail sentence, although some feel it is. 28 years later, they’re divorced. Nothing is guaranteed.

Reio

November 23rd, 2011
10:01 am

Mornin all. Quick story. By the way, I have always wanted to get married,settle down and start a family. Years ago, I worked late one evening, not too long, maybe a couple of hours. Finally made it home, parked in the garage, got ou,t went up the basement steps, turned the corner to the kitchen,and there was MY family, having dinner. My wife and four children just munchin away. My son said “Hey dad, better pull up a chair, it’s going fast”. I went to the bedroom, put my stuff away, and went to wash my hands. While rinsing them, I paused for some reason and stared in the mirror with my hands dripping in the sink, and thought to my self, this is all I ever wanted, wife, kids, nice home, nice neighborhood…They’re happy, well adjusted, warm in winter, cool in summer, full tummies…. Thank you Jesus. All I ever really wanted. And then, there were times when I’ve wanted to throw each one of the five off a rocky cliff. Oh well, tis life, tis life.

SlimNu

November 23rd, 2011
10:04 am

Good morning all,

I would like to get married and it be the one and only time it’s done. I’d like to think that I’d be more than willing to do all it takes on my end to put in what I want out of it. Only time will tell though

disco

November 23rd, 2011
10:04 am

Good morning.

Abc/leggs/celisea – I’ve been laying in the cut waiting on y’all.

Abc – caring about someone more than yourself… to me that’s one of those truly romantic notions but I actually do it hear it quite often. Call me selfish but I’m not loving or caring about anyone more than I love and care about me. Parents/siblings/offspring included and I do love my parents/siblings/offspring. I don’t want any man to care about me more than he cares about him. Of course I’m probably just taking that too literally but that’s me. I take a lot of things literally.

abc

November 23rd, 2011
10:09 am

I mean it literally, disco. If you’re motivated more by what benefits the other person’s welfare than your own, then that’s what marriage is all about. If you’re unable to do that, don’t get married. If the person you’d consider marrying isn’t like that about you, then forget about it.

Reio

November 23rd, 2011
10:12 am

I agree abc. Sadly, all it takes is for one of you to do otherwise, and everything falls apart. Can’t make the other one feel the same way you do.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
10:13 am

Morning, disco.

SlimNu

November 23rd, 2011
10:16 am

I was just telling a friend that the person who cares the least has the most power. I love hard and give a lot of myself when I do. I just want that person to love me just as hard as I do.

DreamsMaterialize

November 23rd, 2011
10:18 am

Morning
Marriage material is completely subjective and depends on the person doing the evaluating. I don’t worry about whether I project “marriage material” or “single and loving it”. When I meet the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I’ll project THAT very clearly.

disco

November 23rd, 2011
10:20 am

abc – I know you do. lots of folks do. I don’t. I can’t. and I’m not passing judgment on anyone for feeling as they do. like when I hear parents say they’d give their lives for their child. I understand it in theory and maybe I’d do it considering I’ve only got one but if I had more than one child I couldn’t stand by that. I’d think it would be better to stick around for the others but I’ve heard differing opinions on the topic. again, call me selfish.

reio – now that’s the kind of honesty I’m talking about. folks will take you there. my son is an only child and consequently he’s got what I refer to as “only child syndrome”. it can be mistaken for being spoiled but I don’t think it’s the same. there are just some benefits that come with being an only. over the years I’ve threatened the boy with having more kids just so he wouldn’t be thinking he’s all that.

hey leggs.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
10:28 am

Reio – Nice post :)

disco – Let’s do the dang thing…we need to light a fire up in here

abc/Reio – I agree. I think that’s probably the crux of failed marriages. Of course I’m not an authoritarian but really it’s not rocket science. Ya’ll (not “ya’ll”…just saying) will have women knocking themselves out trying to audition and stuff when really you just need the sticktoitivenss. I mean I understand initially there’s got to be something present to get you to that point but I don’t get it and really I got tired some years ago….lol I don’t do all that auditioning, at least not intentionally. If it happens great if not…it’s still all good. I will still do me and be me.

Dreams – I agree.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
10:29 am

And sometimes you can find a person that will will having you giving and giving and giving until it’s all gone. What have they done? Nothing but taken.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
10:32 am

disco – My child severely suffers from “only child syndrome.” She’s not really bratty but yes you can almost spot an only child. I can be standing in line at the store and I guess folks within earshot listening to the both of us talking will ask, “she’s an only child?” Or teachers…OMG teachers say it ALL THE TIME……I can tell she’s an only child.

disco

November 23rd, 2011
10:39 am

celisea – yeah I was constantly telling my son how good he had it just in the little stuff like getting to pick what kind of cereal I bought. that was always a big one with us growing up along with the fight over who got the prize in the box. he never had that – he always got the prize. he always pointed out that he felt he got the short end of the stick when it came to chores. kids with siblings got to split up the chores while he didn’t have that luxury. he also never had to share a room. I have one cousin, poor thing, never had her own room until she was grown and moved out.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
10:45 am

Yep, you have to put some restraints and pullbacks there because they’ll grow up believe the world evolves around them.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
10:45 am

I sometimes feel guilty that I have only one child. She doesn’t! She would tell me she doesn’t want a sibling because I would have to share my attention with another, but more importantly in her eyes, she would have to share her toys and her room.

I’m blessed that I have a relatively good child.

@disco ~ my first room of my own was when I moved away to college. Loved, loved, loved my first apartment. Warm and cozy and all mine!

Reio

November 23rd, 2011
10:50 am

I honestly don’t remember wondering whether I was marriage material or not. I guess I assumed I was. I knew that I needed to put myself in a position to afford to take care of a wife and children, so I did that, never really thinking about when I would get married. I just knew that I would eventually. Was always a one woman man. I gave quite a few of them the boot, but I sent them packing before I started another relationship.

DreamsMaterialize

November 23rd, 2011
10:52 am

I’m not loving or caring about anyone more than I love and care about me. Parents/siblings/offspring included
Disco Did you have your child out of self-interest/self-love? If the answer is “No”, then what was your motivation?

Dreams – I agree.
Celisea I’m with you when you say it’s not rocket science. You’ll show your “marriage material” to the person you want to marry, and if they feel the same about, then they’ll have no problem recognizing it. How are you this morning?

disco

November 23rd, 2011
10:52 am

I wasn’t an only child but I was the only girl and the oldest so I never had to share a room. I never felt guilty about only having one. when my son was younger – maybe 7/8 or so – he was obsessed with having a sibling. he even asked once if my tubes were tied. yeah – a 7 year old talking about somebody’s tubes being tied. when I replied that my tubes weren’t tied he said “you mean to tell me I could’ve been had a baby brother”. I laughed but now looking back I wonder if I did the right thing. I mean siblings are pretty important parts of a person’s life. I tell myself my son is cool because he and my youngest brother are only 4 years apart and were brought up more like brothers than nephew/uncle.

Reio

November 23rd, 2011
11:03 am

I was number 5 of 6. One older brother, 3 older sisters, and one younger brother(15 months younger), so I shared everything. My sisters taught me to be more patient with women. “Don’t be so quick to dump them”. “Some of those women were very nice”. Looking back on it, maybe I was quick to get rid of them, if I decided that they weren’t marriage material. Cause I figured that if the ultimate goal of dating was something other than getting married, then one should let the other one know this. Of course, then it’s all about having fun, and rolling in the hay, which you can do with anyone.

disco

November 23rd, 2011
11:04 am

dreams – I just think a person needs to love themselves properly before they can love someone else. it’s like always taking care of others but neglecting to take care of yourself. if you aren’t well, you can’t care for others. I can get with you saying you love someone as much as you love yourself but when it’s more – I just don’t get that. heck, as far as I’m concerned it might even be dangerous to love someone else more than you love yourself. a chick up this way just shot 4 people behind loving someone more than she loves herself.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
11:06 am

I admire those with a loving, caring marriage. It’s endearing to see a couple in love, especially a couple married for decades and the twinkle is still there.

abc

November 23rd, 2011
11:09 am

“Loving yourself” is a very narcissistic concept. Self-preservation is instinctive, but “loving yourself”? “Hating yourself”? These sound like psychological problems to me.

I can’t imagine not sacrificing for my children, including taking a bullet for them. This is parenthood in a nutshell. Likewise, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my wife. Selflessness is a worthy goal; selfishness is self-defeating.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
11:09 am

Dang, disco. Never understood fighting over a man, let alone harming others for what you perceive as showing your love for/possession of that person. Hell, harm/shoot yourself.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
11:10 am

I have to admit….I’ll go through hell and high water, take a bullet (seriously)…..probably give my life without a second thought….for my kid. I would. I think there are two people in the world that you can lover hard and deeper than yourself. A spouse/SO and a child. With that being said you can love without losing yourself. You can love without tolerance (to some degree). I love my kid but I won’t tolerate shenanigans….because I know down the road who will that benefit? Certianly not her and dang sure not me. I don’t even think you love kids like that when they’re first born. You come to love them like that over time, trials, ups and downs, the good and the bad. My 81 year old aunt was watching my kid play one day, I was sitting on the porch with her. I guess my kid was 7 or 8 ish….she said “you know they say when they’re babies their in your arms, when they grow up their in your heart. As silly as it sounds I was frustrated off and on during her baby years because of the struggling…not just financially but all of it…giving of myself, giving back when I could have (not really) gotten in the wind, giving up sometimes friends because a baby placed me on a different page, wanting to love but not really having the capacity to do it at that time, her daddy being the person who he was….I kept waiting on this “feeling” to hit me…lol I was thinking heck all that crying and stuff folks do in the movies and tv ain’t real. I had to come to know and understand. Ahhhh yeah, I get it now. No matter how mad she makes me, NOTHING…there is absolutely NOTHING she can’t get from me or that I’ll do for her.

Mike P

November 23rd, 2011
11:10 am

My two Cents…

You Male, Looking to Marry = Loser “Single for life!”
You Male, Want to remain Single = Winner “Marriage material”

You Female, Looking to Marry = “Marriage material”
You Female, Looking for fun = “Single for life!”

That is all…

Good Morning All

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
11:10 am

Dreams – I’m good this morning…I’ve been better but hey I won’t complain. How are you?

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
11:13 am

And you can love a man that deep too. Only a man though has made me blind with furry. I think some of that is fueled from what you feel from within…but that’s just me…if that make sense.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
11:14 am

abc – Your 11:09…I agree.

disco

November 23rd, 2011
11:15 am

leggs – she did. she shot the dude she was involved with, shot some members of her own family (who knows why) and killed herself.

Celisea

November 23rd, 2011
11:16 am

“won’t do for her”

Reio

November 23rd, 2011
11:17 am

Celisea – That’s true love. I know the feeling. Even though I have had thoughts of throwing each of them off a rocky cliff on more than one occasion. Hehehe.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
11:18 am

@disco ~ WOW.

Leggs

November 23rd, 2011
11:19 am

Not that it matters, but how old was she and he?

disco

November 23rd, 2011
11:20 am

well I owned up to being quite literal early on. recently some chicks were talking that “I’d do anything for my children” mess. I had to enter my two cents with “while there’s a lot I’ll do for mine, there’s a lot I won’t do for him too”. I won’t issue that blanket statement about I’ll do anything. I know a woman who is serving prison time right now for a crime her son committed. she said that she figured she could handle prison better than he could. I love my son but I don’t think I’m going to prison for him. jail? maybe. prison? don’t think so.

disco

November 23rd, 2011
11:25 am

here’s the link. looks like it’s been updated since I read about it a few days ago.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/north-carolina-jilted-lover-case-latest-child-victims/story?id=15007068