Dating: The lies we tell
Have you ever been excited over a potential romance, started to feel hopeful, and later discovered they were less then truthful about who they are? The lies we tell only come back to haunt us, so why do we lie so much!?
What should you do if you catch the person you are dating in a lie? Not a huge, disturbing lie – but something small, insignificant? Is that a sign of a bigger problem with truth telling?
I know a lot of guys think lying is a part of relationships. They believe in order to keep the peace, it’s better to leave things out, conceal the truth. It’s a simpler way of dealing with the complicated part of dating and relationships.
How much truth can we handle in dating? Is lying a necessary evil that we all have to contend with just so we can hook up?
Happy Monday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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231 comments Add your comment
Audra
November 21st, 2011
11:15 am
I haven’t had the out-right lie situation as much as I’ve had guys misrepresenting themselves because they actually think they are the person they purport to be. Case in point:
I start dating a cute, (seemingly) nice guy in April. He tells me two things up front: he likes intelligent women and values an intellectual discussion. Second, he is willing to work on any relationship issue, he doesn’t just walk away. I think: Great! Well, a month or so in I discover that Mr. I Love Intelligent Women ain’t all that himself. When I pressed him in a discussion on politics or something, he couldn’t explain his views or his reasoning for them. This happened again and again.
Even worse was his TOTAL inability to look at anything in the relationship and work on it. We got into a small tiff because he had said he’d take me out and we’d do whatever I wanted (I’d been stressed) on a Friday night. Usually we did what he wanted. He comes over that night and I tell him what I want to do, he vetoes it all. We ended up going to the movie and restaurant he wanted to go to for “my” night out. I said – hey, this was supposed to be my night. He’s like: what? It was! *Sigh*
Maybe I should’ve known something was up, he was a major momma’s boy and had some weird proclivities in the intimate department to boot.
So…be careful, people. Be straight about who you are. Don’t present yourself as something you’re not (something you WISH you were maybe?), cause sooner or later the real you is going to come out!
SexyCool
November 21st, 2011
11:21 am
Peach Blossom – sounds as if that fellow didn’t consider many of his associations with those women relationships. You know that there are those that feel that way.
“We’re not in a relationship. We’re just kicking it.”
Kinda like those lyrics to that Rocko song – that I detest….
Celisea
November 21st, 2011
11:21 am
I agree…..you never know what people are going through. IMO a little tact served in dishing out the truth takes into consideration the person and all else……whatever that is…….. Sugar coating is never called for. You are guilty of lying if you do so.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
11:22 am
@Aundra ~ if he vetoed all your suggestions, why did you go and do something you didn’t want to do? Why you felt to appease him when he had no desire to appease you? You said you usually do what he wanted to do. Were you bothered to learn it was really about him and not you?
Audra
November 21st, 2011
11:25 am
Yeah, good points, Leggs. I guess sometimes I appease the other person even when I don’t want to. Then I end up resentful, and you know the rest…
Audra
November 21st, 2011
11:25 am
I guess in that regard it’s better to just be yourself, period.
KaiserSoze
November 21st, 2011
11:27 am
When I take a woman out I always try to make it something she will enjoy, or better that we will enjoy mutually. What sense does it make to spend time with someone if they’re not having fun too?
And the hangup on the number of partners someone has had has never made any sense to me. I personally have never asked a woman that question in all of my 42 years. I don’t want to know any more than they want me to know.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
11:32 am
Damn I’m enjoying the banter! Lol
Truth or insensitivity…
A man can’t win here!
Hilarious!
weak minded people.
Tell the truth,you damned
Tell lies,you damned
If that woman asks me if her sister is prettier and the sister happens to be,or is, I will offer my honest answer!
Lol
kimmie
November 21st, 2011
11:33 am
Audra – I bet if you had refused to accompany him that night he would have gotten the message loud & clear. You can get your point across in a kind but firm way that would let him know you’re no pushover. For example, when he nixed your suggestions and insisted on going where he wanted, sweetly say “okay well you can go ahead without me. I really wanted to do XYZ tonight,but if you’d rather not I understand.” Then sit back and see what his reaction is. I bet he would be tongue-tied.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
11:39 am
@kimmie ~ I was thinking the same, just don’t go. But, doubt he would have been tongue-tied. He probably may have just waved his hand like one would do and say forget you, I’m out. Then throwing in “you’re too unreasonable for me, gotta go.”
kimmie
November 21st, 2011
11:41 am
Exiled – I think it’s a matter of maturity, on both parts. True, don’t ask a question you can’t handle the answer to. I would not ask my man such a stupid question because even if he thought my sister was finer and didn’t want to say it, his hesitation or body language or beating around the bush would give the truth away.
At the same time, I wouldn’t expect my man to be cruel to me. Some random dude in the street, sure. My man, no. Maybe I’m PMSing or tipsy or depressed or something. I wouldn’t expect him to take advantage of me in my weakened state and be insensitive to me. I wouldn’t do him like that.
Fion
November 21st, 2011
11:42 am
5-Points MARTA station
Dude: excuse me miss, but what is your name.
Chick: Shantel, where do u work?
Dude: the construction site on W.Peachtree.
Chick: Paaalease!!!!!
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
11:42 am
You can’t say the truth is important(u ladies) but turn around and say,’don’t ask me about a,b,c and d..eg your number) if you wanna be in a relationship and the truth is important to u so everything must be on the table,truth wise! Including ‘your number’ if that’s important to Him.
If u won’t tell me then the silence and tongue lashing speaks Volumes!
kimmie
November 21st, 2011
11:43 am
Leggs – That would be okay too. A Texas standoff, it would be!
Girl, I’ve done it before with a guy I used to date. He played cool and nonchalant, but best believe he came correct the next time!
kimmie
November 21st, 2011
11:45 am
Fion – I don’t know what you’re talking about. Some of those construction workers are ripped and fine! Well-paid too.
Speak for yourself.
i'm swiss™
November 21st, 2011
11:47 am
Me.lo — I’ve always believed that tongue lashings speak much louder than words. Wait, what are we talking about?
Howdy, everybody!
Reio
November 21st, 2011
11:48 am
@ KaiserSoze – Hear,hear!
SexyCool
November 21st, 2011
11:48 am
Fion – those are lame attempts at humor, at best.
First post – if that’s your experience of how chicks respond after being blatantly lied to, I’d say you need to be dating smarter chicks.
Second post – if you even respond to a chick’s whose first question out of her mouth is where you work, y’all are on the same level.
But I know – these were just jokes.
disco
November 21st, 2011
11:49 am
fion – that’s funny. I had a guy get mad at me once because I wouldn’t tell him where I worked. I gave him my generic response “downtown” but that wasn’t good enough. he continued to ask until I finally told him that where I worked wasn’t any of his business. and this was some chump I just met who actually stopped calling me after that conversation. you get that a lot with folks asking where you live. I might say a general vicinity but I don’t tell folks share certain things all willy nilly.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
11:50 am
If my sister was prettier than me, I wouldn’t ask my SO if he thought so. That’s not important. Nor am I insecure to ask if a person is prettier.
@kimmie ~ a Texas standoff sounds good to me. When in a relationship, all outings will not be what he wants to do. If reciprocity is not in the mix, then he would need to be let loose so someone else can enjoy him.
kimmie
November 21st, 2011
11:51 am
Exiled – Again a matter of maturity. If a number is important to a grown, 30+ dude, and not to me – I would appreciate him putting that out on the table to me – so I didn’t have to waste more time with him. We are not a match. We need to be on the same page about what’s important.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
11:52 am
Happy birthday Swiss
and u won right?
Go Dawgs lol
i'm swiss™
November 21st, 2011
11:58 am
Thanks, Me.lo! You know I’m always #winning, regardless of what my team does. But yes, my DAWGS did take care of business.
Now it’s time to put the nerds in their place before taking our lumps against LSU/Bama/Arky.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
12:00 pm
Exactly Kimmie!
I think it’s fair to say different folks pay particular attn to different things when choosing a mate.
I can’t assume for her neither should she assume for me what’s important to me
I don’t know if chics keep a journal of boyfriends and numbers but I never did(all memory)
But sometimes I would ask if a chic went out with so and so…coz I didn’t like some people
Her response would provide me with enough to proceed or not
But I don’t appreciate pleading the fifth if we assume we all mature
It’s enough to make me backtrack
Fion
November 21st, 2011
12:02 pm
@ Sexy
You gotta stop throwing pitches in the dirt if u want me to swing.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
12:03 pm
“I don’t know if chics keep a journal of boyfriends and numbers but I never did(all memory)” – funniest post of the morning.
DreamsMaterialize
November 21st, 2011
12:03 pm
Morning
Love doesn’t destroy, it creates, builds, and reinforces. If you’re always maiming someone you claim to love with the “truth”, then you need to reevaluate what truth it is that you’re really presenting. Your “truthful” presentations should result in the person you love being a better, stronger person. If, instead, they are weakened or worse off afterward, then your “truth” isn’t working.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
12:10 pm
@DreamsM ~ that’s what I never understood. When a couple argues and such hurtful, disgusting things are said where is the love. Love is a filter. It should stop people from saying anything and everything in whatever manner they feel to get their point across. There’s a way to argue and being brutally honest because “you’re keeping it real” is not the way to go…all in the name of love and respect for your mate.
Blah
November 21st, 2011
12:12 pm
Blah to people that always have the perfect precise cookie answer. Almost like too good to be true. I bet they are.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
12:14 pm
Where is the luv?
copious make up s e x!!!!!
Blah
November 21st, 2011
12:14 pm
cookie cutter, fairytale answer. not buying.
i'm swiss™
November 21st, 2011
12:21 pm
So, Blah, I assume you have a custom-tailored, pragmatic answer? Care to share?
Blah
November 21st, 2011
12:27 pm
Sometimes I want to clap and GREAT ANSWER GREAT ANSWER…lol
disco
November 21st, 2011
12:33 pm
hey leggs – some of us were just raised that way. okay, fine – me – I was raised that way. heck, almost my entire childhood my mother called me either heffa or wanch (misspelled intentionally as she didn’t say wench). and there was always an adjective in front of that – little skinny heffa, smart mouth heffa, whatever. my siblings/cousins and I played the dozens as hard with one another as we did with outside folks if not harder considering we had the real live ammunition with our own mommas. all i can say is that we know our words – with each other – were still encased in love. but yeah as far as arguments go, I know I have the propensity to go too far. an argument is a verbal fight and I fight to win even if it means not fighting fair. I know – I should be ashamed (I don’t know how to do those little emoticon things).
SexyCool
November 21st, 2011
12:34 pm
Now, that I’m reading Wise’s actual post – I have to ask, Wise, who are you dating that is doing all of this lying?!?
And this – “It’s a simpler way of dealing with the complicated part of dating and relationships.”
No – that’s a sign of a person who lacks the emotional maturity/intelligence to deal with a person on a real level.
If you are in a relationship with a person whose method of dealing with complicated relationship issues is to lie, well, I can’t really say that I see a successful outcome for said relationship.
And last, but not least – this –> “Is lying a necessary evil that we all have to contend with just so we can hook up?”
If all you’re doing is hooking up, does it really matter if a person is telling the truth?
i'm swiss™
November 21st, 2011
12:39 pm
Guess not.
SexyCool
November 21st, 2011
12:41 pm
Swissbeats/kimmie – I thought about you guys when I read about Larry Munson.
SexyCool
November 21st, 2011
12:42 pm
I thought the rush on liquor stores yesterday was hilarious.
i'm swiss™
November 21st, 2011
12:49 pm
SexyC — Yeah, Munson was a Damn Good Dawg! He will be missed.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
12:54 pm
@disco ~ My mother had a sharp tongue as well. I was the brunt of choice words growing up. Most of which I knew weren’t true so they didn’t bother me as much. Others I didn’t understand why things were being said. As I got older I realized Mama was afraid for her little runt of a daughter with all the dirty men out there. Sometimes, parents are a little extra trying to shelter their children or telling them about the world by projecting negativity on their own children. Does it make it right, of course not.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
12:59 pm
@SexyC ~ I laughed at the man that saw the lights on in the store and found change to buy himself a bottle. I didn’t think Sunday sales would happen so quickly. Everyone on the news were beaming that they could buy likka on Sunday.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
12:59 pm
I thought that fake doc who injected cement in her ‘patient’’s butt,to enhance it, is …….
I tell ya!
the things we do,or try to to do,to Attract!
!!!!!
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
1:03 pm
And then seal it up with crazy glue…I blame most of it on the desperate clients.
Celisea
November 21st, 2011
1:14 pm
The thought of having foreign chemicals injected makes me cringe.
The AMA was decent I thought.
Sniffer!
November 21st, 2011
1:18 pm
I blame….. it on the desperate clients
Leggs!
and these men too with their feeling fingers!
spoiled brats! LMAOF
Question to man?
Is bootey(round ample behind) all that to u?
Lol
Into the Light
November 21st, 2011
1:20 pm
Afternoon, all!
Munson was a Damn Good Dawg! He will be missed
Indeed.
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
1:21 pm
@Celisea ~ I thought it decent too….cracked up when Hasselhoff came out ripping his pants off and thrusting the air.
Celisea
November 21st, 2011
1:24 pm
Leggs….lol I LOVE Maroon 5. I pretty much thought they had a good line-up.
Into the Light
November 21st, 2011
1:30 pm
Swiss, how was your birthday?
Leggs
November 21st, 2011
1:31 pm
Love Maroon 5, laughed at Nikki Minaj and those shoes, glad Adele won. Even though NMinaj gets on my nerve, I’m glad she won the awards she did because that girl has been working her behind off. She has a nice voice if she would only sing.