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What happened to chivalry?

There is this perception that women today are treated with less chivalry. I always consider chivalry another form of kindness. I am optimistic and a bit of a romantic, so I don’t like the idea that women are treated with less kindness in today’s society.

When I am on Marta, I still see men giving up their seats to women and children. I still notice men taking up for their women if they notice any signs of disrespect. So when people ask what happened to chivalry, I like to answer with another question: What happened to kindness?

Do you believe that we are generally less kind to one another? If women are treated with less chivalry, do you think men are less appreciated?

How do you define chivalry? Do you think it is necessary and needed?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

323 comments Add your comment

sfw

November 17th, 2011
8:15 am

Do I believe that we are less kind to one another-Yes
Are women treated with less chivalry-Yes
Are men less appreciated-Yes
Is it needed-Yes

How can we change this, I have no idea……

webby

November 17th, 2011
8:35 am

I was raised to treat others, particularly women, with respect. As a non-traditional male student in college a couple of years ago, I held a door open for a young woman as I was leaving and she was entering. She frowned at me and, looking me straight in the eye, opened the other door to walk in. I honestly believe some of this has to do with the notion that by showing such a kindness, the man is implying the women is weak or incapable of doing such for herself. I hold the door as a courtesy, regardless of the gender of the person behind me.

IndependentWoman

November 17th, 2011
8:35 am

I was raised by my Dad to be independent, so I often do things for myself – like change the headlights in my car, carry heavy objects, etc. So it’s not necessarily chivalry that I think is fading, but just general kindness. It seems to me that men especially no longer have any concern for women and children. Simple things, like holding a door open for a woman with small children, are foreign ideas to a lot of today’s men. I won’t even start talking about the number of women and children who are injured or killed at the hands of the men who say they love them. We live in a different world now. Kindness, unfortunately, should no longer be expected.

LeeH1

November 17th, 2011
8:36 am

Women’s equality killed chivalry. When women complain when men open doors for them; when women often times now makes many times what men make, but still want men to pay for their dinner and movie tickets; when women snarl at men for being patronizing, superior, dominating, chivalry dies.

Women who demand equal funds for girl’s sports cannot insist that men do all the heavy lifting for them; women who insist on equal paychecks should not insist that men pay for the priviledge of taking them out; women who insist on equal opportunity should no longer insist that men let them come first.

Besides, this is also a class thing. So women who insist on tearing down class distinctions, should not be surprised when they are torn down. Bad drives out good, and equality drives out superior actions by dominating men.

When men are made the fools in comedy shows, women get the kinds of men they want and praise. When boys are treated as loud mouthed and sarcastic laugh getters on comedy shows, women get the kinds of boys they grow up to be.

What is needed is a new set of manners, where men don’t make gestures to women that re-inforce that they are weaker and need protection that other men do not. Women need some new manners, too.

But I won’t hold my breath.

sfw

November 17th, 2011
8:43 am

Put it simply
You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t

Foxy

November 17th, 2011
8:49 am

GM kids!

Foxy believes in the law of attraction – act like a lady and you will get a gentelman.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
8:52 am

Morning,

Foxy I agree and

Mike P

November 17th, 2011
8:57 am

You can’t just act like a lady, you have to BE a lady to get a gentleman; else, you’re going to end up with that other man.

Good Morning Blog Folk

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
8:59 am

Opp….hit enter too quick

I was saying that IMO it’s nothing more than kindness and consideration. It extends though beyond being being that “lady” that lands a gentleman. Too many men now frown on the “lady” of yesteryear. Too antiquated too stuffy. So even in that regard being a lady can has become subjective. Overall as I said it’s just plainly kindness and consideration.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
9:02 am

Being a lady I would thinks means to act accordingly.

disco

November 17th, 2011
9:02 am

good morning. I am a proponent for chivalry but must say that I was quite tickled when a guy phoned in to a morning radio show and said that if he pushed the unlock button on his key chain and the passenger door went “beep beep” then his wife should consider that opening the door for her.

sfw

November 17th, 2011
9:04 am

Kindness and consideration is all but dead now, it’s more fun for people to bully and berate each other than actually helping each other out. The most help people will give to each other now is to give them a vague direction and send them on thier way, if that even helps out at all.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
9:07 am

Hey just because it’s rarely practice doesn’t take away the meaning

Audra

November 17th, 2011
9:09 am

Wow, LeeH1, angry much? :)

I guess I don’t understand – you’re saying that promoting basic fairness (e.g. equal funding for girls sports, equal pay), negates the need for men to be considerate to women? So if we complain when men are “patronizing, superior, and dominating” we lose our right to kindness? How about men not being patronizing, superior, and dominating?? The men I interact with are none of these things, nor are they unchivalrous. I guess you’re right, it’s a matter of class.

And while I agree with you that a woman should offer to pay (or split the bill) if she is going to be an equal, there is nothing wrong with opening a door for a lady, and most of us appreciate it. Even those of us who make more money than our men. Like it’s been stated several times before, it’s about kindness and consideration. And in my world nothing about equality takes that away.

Mike P

November 17th, 2011
9:12 am

@Celisea: Nope, well, yes and no…

If you are a lady (believe inside that you are, If you’re going along with the law of attraction theme), you could behave normally, and you would naturally “act” like one.
but if you believe you’re not a lady, you’ll have to “act” as in pretend.

“Too many men now frown on the “lady” of yesteryear. Too antiquated too stuffy.”
I can’t speak for other men, but those are the only women I date. I don’t find them to be stuffy or antiquated, I find them to be rare.

sfw

November 17th, 2011
9:14 am

VERY RARE!!!!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 17th, 2011
9:16 am

Common courtesy is dying attribute, period. The Army taught me one of the most valuable lessons ever about child rearing…you lead BY EXAMPLE. When my children were growing up, I addressed THEM with”yes sir”, no sir”, the quotes above, etc. from the time they could talk. they watched me hold doors, open car doors, and try to always demonstrate courtesy. Now, one has his Doctorate, one has an MBA in International Business, and one recently graduated with her undergrad degree in Communications. All have been successful partly because of respect and common courtesy…and on Father’s Day they remind me who taught them that. I guess I got at least one thing right amongst all the things I didn’t ;-)

Today, we have some pizz poor examples by parents for the last couple of decades and it shows. When I was entering the job market in high school and college, I did the bag boy/cashier thing, all of the normal part time jobs. One was McDonalds. Back then, if you didn’t say “please, thank you, yes sir, yes maam, and THANK YOU”, your azzz would be out the door in an hour. Now I swear I thank cashiers more than they thank me.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
9:17 am

MikeP – I there with you….in other words you can’t fake it. Either ya is or ya ain’t…lol I’m happy to hear you say that. I find it rare too that some can still appreciate one.

Roy Jones

November 17th, 2011
9:20 am

Real equality can be tough.
If women want pay equality along with other forms or equality then they should get used to “manners equality”. If I am unwilling to open a door for a man then why should I open it for you?
No special treatment just because you have a vagina.
Those days are gone.
Along with a mom that does not work and a man providing for a family of four on a single income.
Good riddance,

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 17th, 2011
9:24 am

“I hold the door as a courtesy, regardless of the gender of the person behind me”.

Great comment. Me too. The only time I ever have regrets is when I hold the door and then fifty people walk up and just keep coming :-) I do it then too, but I then wonder how many people are now in line ahead of me, LOL.

Kym

November 17th, 2011
9:27 am

Good Morning All,

Yes, I believe that the attitude of it’s all about me..what’s in it for me..what can you do for me..has invaded us all like the aliens and we have become less concerned with helping our neighbors(fellow human beings). Sad state of affairs but becoming increasingly true, and yes kindness is needed now more than ever.

kimmie

November 17th, 2011
9:36 am

Morning All!

I thought we covered this about a month ago. Anyway, I’m with you Randyt & Webby, I hold the door out of courtesy for anyone. If I see someone struggling with packages or small children, I will help them. I call it good manners and hometraining.

All that bs about “act like a lady”, women’s lib – what does any of that have to do with simple kindness?

SlimNu

November 17th, 2011
9:49 am

Happy Chilly Thursday…

I am considerate & kind in general but if someone is not reciprocating that, then I don’t waste my energy on miserable folks…because in my mind, I assume that’s what’s wrong with them since there is no excuse to be a d!ck

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 17th, 2011
9:51 am

I will hold open a door as common courtesy, I respect people and knowing not all warrant, appreciate, or expect chivalry it doesn’t change my perception. The lady/guy don’t have to say a word to me for holding a door open for them. I made that decision not them.

Morning Back Kimmie, Kym, Celisea, Foxy:

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 17th, 2011
9:54 am

@ BF re:
“I respect people and knowing not all warrant, appreciate, or expect chivalry it doesn’t change my perception”

EXACTLY! Well stated.

Sniffer!

November 17th, 2011
9:57 am

People dint even greet u in the office esp here in the U S A!

they just walk past u.

I used to find that very hard,saying’ good morning’ to folks,black and white and never getting a response.

Now,I target my kindness to folk who are like minded.

The rat race(capitalism) has made folks so unfeeling,so inhuman,so unconcerned for the welfare of the next person. How can I open the door for that sucker coming in when I (not me personally) have to rush and punch that clock to get credit for my hours?

Fcks chivalry! :lol:

(I do open doors tho personally)

SexyCool

November 17th, 2011
9:57 am

Topic – Use. Rinse. Repeat.

T-Shirts – “Today, we have some pizz poor examples by parents for the last couple of decades and it shows.” <<–THAT needed to be said again.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
9:58 am

Morning Blackfoote. You summed it up nicely, it’s you and what you do. Doesn’t matter about the othwr person. A person that’s geniunely considerate won’t waste time trying see if it’s deserved or have motives.

disco

November 17th, 2011
9:58 am

kym – I’m not even going to lie this early in the morning. I have learned to embrace the “what’s in it for me” attitude sometimes. I own my selfishness and I defend it. sometimes you have to be selfish or folks will take advantage. some people are okay if you are always the one to drive or if you are always the one to initiate something or if you are always the one to volunteer to take care of something. you have to get selfish when dealing with those kinds.

kimmie

November 17th, 2011
10:00 am

Morning Bf!

It never fails. Whenever this topic comes up we can count on the usual: 1-somebody always comes on talking about how they held the door for some woman and she didn’t appreciate it,2-some tired dudes moaning about how life is miserable and he doesn’t have to be considerate to women anymore because of women’s lib, 3-the “women don’t act like ladies anymore” women-bashing crew. So you have time to size up a woman and assess if she’s a lady or not or too independant before you hold the door so it won’t slam in her face or help her if she’s struggling with some packages?

It really isn’t that serious. If you don’t want to do anything kind for your fellow woman or man, then don’t do it. Real simple. The world won’t come to an end. But don’t come on moaning that you’re a “nice guy” or “good woman” and can’t find anyone interested in your tired behind.

smh!!

Into the Light

November 17th, 2011
10:05 am

Morning, all!

Am I having deja vu??

Now I swear I thank cashiers more than they thank me.

Exactly, and one of my pet peeves. Another? When you thank someone and they say, “yep.” Whatever happened to “you’re welcome?”

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
10:06 am

Mmello….a person don’t if they can only extend based on whether or not given first. Sort of how my uncle explained how to survive relationships…both give 100%….. not 50/50. Do it because it’s who we are as humans…not because of reciprocity. Yes we would all appreciate coming back or extended back. Shouldn’t prevente from displaying just because someone else don’t or won’t.

Typing from a device….not fun.

Kym

November 17th, 2011
10:06 am

@disco….I have come to accept that the world is full of givers and takers and some folks only know how to take..you can’t stop giving just have to know who to give time too..someone told me that when folks disappoint us after we discover they are taker we have to go..dang feel sorry for you..you missed out on a good friend..oh well..NO SOUP FOR YOU!..and move on.

SexyCool

November 17th, 2011
10:08 am

kimmie – agreed. My stance is this – I do what I know to do and was taught to do regardless of whether or not other folks act like they have any sense/manners or not. Well, at least, most of the time, I am human.

Just this morning, I had to stop in the street for these two very overweight folks who were jaywalking and on top of that, crossing the street at negative two miles an hour. I have to admit – I gave them the death ray glare. (I should say a prayer for forgiveness and a bible verse. Dear Lord, forgive me for shooting death rays at the people crossing the street this morning. Amen. Oh…and the Bible verse. “Jesus wept.”)

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
10:08 am

Off topic….Dentists aren’t fun…..boo

Kym

November 17th, 2011
10:11 am

I have to admit..I am more of the revenge type..you hurt me and..well..you might get soup but I wouldn’t eat it if I was you..I tell folks all the time..one of my all time fav quotes is “they send one of ours to the hospital, we send one of theirs to the morgue..that’s the Chicago Way.” But I am a work in progress..I am getting better.

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
10:12 am

And the dude complaining because he feels acts and priviledges are tied to the vagina. With that attitude hope he’s sworn off vaginas all together.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 17th, 2011
10:13 am

LOL…..@Kimmie

Funny this early, y’all makes my day.

kimmie

November 17th, 2011
10:14 am

Kym – Yes, I’m not going to stop giving. That’s who I am, a giver. Now I am just sharper about those I give to. Those that are truly in need and are appreciative.

If I’m always expecting something in return, then I’m really no better than those I complain about.

kimmie

November 17th, 2011
10:15 am

Sniffer!

November 17th, 2011
10:15 am

Cel.. I was talking about folks in the office..folks I know on the regular..

some of them..I take it that they are hung up on their bills to worry about saying good morning to a fellow worker…I font bother either,Now! they’re stuck in their ways.

Kindness in general… I’m good to everybody regardless.

If u a lady/woman,a thank u is appreciated

I have no issue with dudes on this coz many will nod or acknowledge u with a thanks

Females? Ofcourse there are some with scars who frown but we pray for them and KIM

We can’t judge the rest of the fish coz of one stinking one.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 17th, 2011
10:17 am

Celsiea…….LOL

disco

November 17th, 2011
10:17 am

dang kym. too early to be sending folks to the morgue. still I understand the give/take nature of relationships but folks who are taking (or trying to take) all the time better wake up. or at least try to get their take on somewhere else. I’m not the one.

ITL – pet peeve? folks who are still saying “my bad” instead of I’m sorry or I apologize. your bad? really? as for the sorry – you’re welcome thing, it played out very nicely in a movie called take the lead with alfre Woodard and Antonio banderas. it’s the typical inner city high school movie where the dance teacher taught the kids respect.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 17th, 2011
10:21 am

Sorry Celisea I was laughing too hard when I tried to spell your name.

Mike P

November 17th, 2011
10:21 am

@Celisea: by design, vaginas are receivers and men, real men are the givers, not complainers. If a women isn’t receptive to a man, being a man, then she’s out of sorts/out of bounds/not for you. If a man complains about being a man, then he is out of sorts/out of bounds/out of his mind.

O/T: I love y’all women, esp. my black women… Ya’ll the best; thank GOD!

Celisea

November 17th, 2011
10:22 am

Meello – I use to feel like like that cause I work with folks that have serious entitlement issues. I learned to kill with kindness. I won’t give them a reason.

Kym

November 17th, 2011
10:24 am

Speaking of giving….Uhh does everyone know that thanks to the folks over at 11alive you can Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a mere 1.11..coupon is on their website.

kimmie

November 17th, 2011
10:25 am

Exiled – About the coworkers who won’t speak – my husband was telling me about this sister that works at his law firm that would not reciprocate when he said hello or good morning. It would be awkward because they might be just the 2 of them in an elevator or a hallway. He asked a few of his other coworkers that he was friendly with about her, males & females, and they said she was the same way with them. Now other than the admins, everybody there is a lawyer mind you. But she only spoke to those she thought were higher ranked than she. The problem with that is that she’s of the lower rank. Now a few of those she did not speak to have now been promoted! Now she’s skinning and grinning and they ig her!

SexyCool

November 17th, 2011
10:25 am

One donut equals two miles. (lol)

Kym

November 17th, 2011
10:28 am

@SC well they are giving you a dozen..sooo you could run there..and eat and run with the donuts back to work…honey life is too short to not eat a hot Krispy Kreme..cold milk..