accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Ready to meet family?

A lot of new couples find out just how serious things are this time of year. When it is time to decide where you two will spend the holidays – together or apart, things get pretty clear.

Some people place a lot of meaning in meeting family members. If you are not invited to Thanksgiving dinner, should you be worried?

It depends, really! I believe that when the time is right, you will meet the family of the person you are seeing. It should not happen before you both feel ready to meet family.

I think that the important thing to remember is when and if you meet someone’s family, you have to be your authentic self. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t to impress them. Family members can spot a fake person from a mile away. Well, my family members can!

What do you think is important to know when you are ready to meet the family?

Have you ever dated someone who did not introduce you to their family? I know someone who dated a young woman for years and never met her family. She was basically delaying the inevitable “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” scene with her African American boyfriend and her Korean parents.

Would you allow the person you are dating to keep you from their family?

How do you know when and if you are ready to meet the family?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

167 comments Add your comment

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
1:56 pm

Slim – Remembering back, like your 1:26, one of the guys my mom could not see him being a potential longterm mate. She said he didn’t have much direction. Nice enough, but not impressive.

One guy did not impress my late brother, who I was very close to. My brother was what one would describe as a dream man. He was smart, good looking, a friend to all, humble and treated women like queens. He worshiped his wife. He knew how to treat a lady and wanted anyone I dealt with to treat me the same. One particular guy I was seeing just didn’t sit well with him. He was not mistreating me, but he was coming up short, according to my brother. He said I deserved better, in fact that was one of the last conversations we had before he died a few months later. He ended up being right on the money too. He set such an excellent example and I thought of him when choosing men. He would definitely approve of my husband today I think.

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
2:05 pm

kimmie – Awwwww, you should’ve given an Eyeliner running warning. sniff sniff

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
2:08 pm

Slim – I was just telling my husband the other day how much I miss my brother. The thing is, he had so much going for himself, but didn’t take himself too serious. He was a 2nd year medical resident. His patients loved him. Right now he could walk in the room and not even know you and have you cracking up.

abc

November 16th, 2011
2:10 pm

I can so relate to the “family fallout” posts. The Ex’s mom told me I will always be family, no matter what, and his daughter calls/texts, “I miss you! When are you coming to see me?”

That’s nice and all I suppose, but I really don’t get that, personally. Should my sons marry, and if for some reason break up, get divorced, etc., then those chicks have made a break with me, too. Ain’t no way an ex of my kids is going to somehow get along with me. I’d be with my boys, not their exes.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
2:13 pm

abc – You are consistent…lol

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
2:13 pm

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

November 16th, 2011
2:13 pm

BLOG FIGHT: In the Red Corner, SMH-from parts unknown vs. In the Blue Corner, Leggs-from, (leggs where u from), residing now up the way from the Lil Church on the Hill (wink)…

Where’s the Popcorn!!

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
2:14 pm

I think it depends on the situation as to whether one interacts with exes family.

disco

November 16th, 2011
2:16 pm

slim nu – I wouldn’t worry too much about my family’s opinions now. my family disliking someone would probably be more of a personality conflict than a serious issue. we’ve got a lot of significant others that the general consensus is that we (the family as a whole) don’t like. my mother’s significant other, in particular, is not very well liked. to be totally honest I’d have to say my mother is the only one who truly likes him. everyone else simply tolerates him. my grandmother, before she passed, used to intentionally call him by the wrong name. I’ve joked that it’s bad when even the little kids don’t like you.

leggs – I used to use the phrase “multiple uncle syndrome” for the revolving door chicks. and it sounds like old movie cliché but I do know some women who allow their children to call these guys uncle.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
2:17 pm

@Jake ~ had to laugh at the church comment. I don’t fight in Blogsville. A stranger behind a computer who doesn’t care for me…..not me.

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
2:24 pm

abc – (not to bring up the ex again – Sniffer) But my exes mother still calls me from time to time. She always knew that I was what folks would phrase “a good woman for him” but deep down she also knew that he just wasn’t what I needed/wanted. I don’t necessarily see her taking sides or anything but I suppose she’s a little sad by the fact I am moving on with my life. I was like a daughter she never had i suppose and probably misses our friendship.

disco – Your story sort of sounds like how things are in every family…always that person you don’t necessarily care for but you tolerate them because they are with/dating/married to a family member…

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
2:25 pm

@disco ~ took me way back to calling someone “uncle.” My mother tried that on me when I was very young and I vehemently said “I know my uncles, he’s not your brother!” (Can you see how I got slapped a lot growing up :lol: :lol: ?)

Yeah, disco, not my style. I don’t need a man to make me feel worthy, but I need to feel worthy by doing right by my child. A man comes second (for now).

And for any smart asses out there that feel I will probably grow old alone, you might be right. And then again, you might be wrong! I’m betting on myself. :wink:

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
2:26 pm

abc..even when there are offspring’s outa ur kids and exes relationships?

No contact whatsoever?

U kinda sounding like the English Royal family(Queen and Prince)

dotting on William and Harry but hating Diana like a mfcka!

(well,she was a biatch,I can relate tho) :lol:

It happens tho in some fams.

Not good tho and poisonous!

abc

November 16th, 2011
2:28 pm

Nope, no contact with exes, beyond the absolutely essential, and there’s not much of that.

Lord Velonese

November 16th, 2011
2:31 pm

So, what if the person doesn’t have a family, and they grew up in foster care??? Automatic disqualification????

disco

November 16th, 2011
2:34 pm

leggs – I was essentially in the same boat when my son was at home. I didn’t even play the posting up in my house thing with men. not saying I wasn’t getting any just saying I wasn’t getting it at home. when my son was old enough to discuss such things he actually told me that he figured that’s what all my overnight road trips were about. I couldn’t resist telling him to stay out of grown folks’ business.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
2:35 pm

Jake that was funny……LOL

Growing old alone, I fear not. If I grow old alone I’ll welcome it, if a love connection happens I’ll welcome that. I’m happy one way or the other.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
2:38 pm

disco:

That was funny too…….LOL
I’ve over heard girl friends explaining the road trips to their child….LOL

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
2:39 pm

High Five, BF!!! That’s the only attitude to have.

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
2:39 pm

@Sniffer: Yes, I will be your blog godmother. But I am not changing any diapers, let’s get that straight up front. :)

@abc: I do limit the amount of time I spend with them, because, like you say, at the end of the day family is family and he will always come first to his family. That said, though, just because he and I are no longer in love doesn’t mean I stopped loving them. I just love them from a distance now. But, I know that I know that I know if I ever needed anything, they would step up to the plate.

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

November 16th, 2011
2:42 pm

BF, since we can’t get Mayweather vs. Pacquio, gotta get the best ones that come across our way!!

disco

November 16th, 2011
2:44 pm

blackfoote – not even trying to be funny. just real talk. I didn’t shelter my child I just didn’t need him hearing some new uncle hollering out his momma’s name. ha ha. now that was supposed to be funny. still I guess I just appreciate that I’m not old and broke down enough that he’s disgusted by the thought of me getting some. I’ve finally got to the place where I cringe when my mother decides she wants to share and my mother’s not shy.

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
2:45 pm

Jake, you left off the most important line….

“Let’s get ready to rrrrrruuuuuummmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeee”

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
2:47 pm

Leggs: High five and fist bump back to you.

Light: Somehow can’t picture you a diaper changer…..LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
2:50 pm

Y’all cracking me up…….LOL

Robert

November 16th, 2011
2:52 pm

“How do you know when and if you are ready to meet the family?”

A few years ago my family decided to have Thanksgiving Dinner at my Mother’s house so we all could be together. It was good to see all my cousins, nieces and nephews. One of my Uncle’s pulled me to the side and told me his daughter was physically abused (beaten) by her boyfriend who was at the dinner. My Uncle askd me to talk to this young man and handle the matter. I tried to talk to the young man in private but his attitude made me mad. He had the nerve to tell me to “mind my business” and spoke to me in a harsh tone. I took a 2 minute break to gather my emotions. I gave him a choice. He could apologize or I would take my belt off and beat him like he was my child. He refused to apologize for his actions and decided to faced the consequences. I took my belt off and whipped that boy all over the back yard. The morale to this story is do not bring your boyfriend who beats you around family. You may forgive him, but your family will kick his but every time they see him. You do not have a choice. Justice will be served….

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
2:55 pm

this is where my culture and yours collide and clash

no way my mum wld talk about getting some or anything remotely close in my vicinity

It’s an abomination!

@Disco!

some of these kids outa single mom homes with no shame in their game gotta be real strong and hardened…coz some mamas don’t mind getting it in at home,even hollering,when the boy is sleeping with one eye open,in the bedroom next door!

That’s tough and sad!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
2:56 pm

Robert man that’s what I’m talking about, good ole fashion old school.

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
3:01 pm

I’ve changed many a diaper, BF. Shoot, I’ve even got the tee-tee tent down to a science so that I don’t get sprayed. :)

Jake a.k.a. SPJ, TWB

November 16th, 2011
3:01 pm

ITL, thank you my dear, how did I forget….cant have a fight without it….lol

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
3:01 pm

Exiled – I know someone whose daughter could not stand her mother’s boyfriend, but mostly she could not stand hearing them do the do in the bedroom next to hers. She had enough and when he came to visit, she parked herself in mom’s bedroom and would not leave. She cried and told them it was wrong. Nobody got any sleep that night!

I felt so sorry for the girl!

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:04 pm

Any woman that tells a family member her bf is beating should be prepared for him getting his own arse kicked. That’s just the way it goes. Even if the males in the house are punks, they know to contract others to do the job for them….

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
3:04 pm

I have yet for my kid to hear or see mama getting it at home. I don’t play that. Rarely have I allowed my kid around a man…don’t play that either. Now that my kid is less than 5 months shy of 17, ain’t too much pulling the wool over the eyes will happen.

Any man I’ve dated and date have and must respect that.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:08 pm

I so remember that story, kimmie! I can’t remember if you said she was 7, 8 or 13. Story funny and heartbreaking nonetheless.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
3:08 pm

Yeah that’s a shame Kimmie!

@Robert?

What if the guy had a gun…you were going to put the whole fan at risk.

If i knew my daughter is dating an abusive person,they’re both not welcome in my home ‘together’. Inviting and welcoming the sucker in my home is such a strong statement.
I won’t do it!

The dumping decision is on her but she is going to get it in her ear from me.

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
3:09 pm

Celisea – I tried to tell my friend soon after her divorce that she should limit and be very selective of who she had around her daughter.

But being single & childless at the time, what did I know? :shock:

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:10 pm

Exactly, Celisea. Exactly.

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
3:11 pm

Leggs – She was about 12 or 13.

disco

November 16th, 2011
3:12 pm

re: the battered woman thing I agree and disagree. I agree that family members should step up and bust a brother up BUT I have also seen so many cases that these women are in it for the long haul with their abusers (after all the love him…). no point in daddy, uncle, cousin, brother constantly getting into and running the risk that things will go too far when the woman is comfortable with it.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:13 pm

“But being single & childless at the time, what did I know?”

It boils down to common sense and wanting to protect your child (again, a rung on the ladder of common sense).

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:15 pm

@kimmie ~ I remember when you first told the story picturing a girl crying with her legs up to her chest and thinking she was older to be able to stand her ground and make everyone miserabe….

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
3:16 pm

Leggs – Common sense. You are right. There are some things you should not have to have experience at to know what to do or what is right.

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
3:16 pm

@disco: This guy I know told me that he found out that his sister’s boyfriend had been hitting her. He confronted him about it, and it got physical. And what did his sister do? She hit her brother and yelled at him to leave her man alone. Messy, messy, messy….

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
3:19 pm

Leggs – I tell you my friend could not believe it, but I had been trying to tell her for years she was setting a bad example. I am her daughter’s play aunt, been there since she was born. She’s a sweet girl and an excellent student. She didn’t deserve to be exposed to that, no child should. I didn’t care for the dude either. I really felt for the child and her having to deal with him.

Robert

November 16th, 2011
3:19 pm

@Leggs – Most women do not tell family members or anyone else they are being abused. Some fear retaliation against their man. Some fear their man might hurt a family member. For whatever reason women do not tell someone about the abuse they are only hurting themselfs. My Mother use to tell my sister all the time be careful who you date because I do not want your 3 brothers to hurt someone or get hurt trying to protect your honor.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
3:21 pm

Kimmie – That’s just plain common sense. You don’t have to have a child to know that.

I even took a break from the tender age of about 3 to about 7 or 8. I just didn’t have time either trying to juggle that. Kids are some inquisitive little creatures. You better make sure, if you do decide to get it done that you be circumspect because kids are much smarter than what’s known.

There was only one guy that I was in a relationship with that saw her twice. Once with his son and another time while visiting….or dropping by I should say. When he would come over, it would be after her bed time. But even so, that was in the living room, watching movies or having dinner….NOTHING ELSE. Once he was over and I said “she’s not sleep”….she coughed (a fake cough) to let me know she heard me. Most times though I made sure she was SOUND asleep before company coming over. Like I said though…nothing popped off.

disco

November 16th, 2011
3:22 pm

once when I was younger I was out with a guy. his sister and her boyfriend were also out. something went down and the boyfriend started whaling on his sister. I was shocked when dude I was with didn’t do anything. I’m like yo that’s your sister. handle that. and he looked at me and said “for what. she’s just going to get right back with him.”

one of my female cousins was in a relationship where her boyfriend beat her up pretty often but she was in it and wasn’t going to leave him. she’s an only child but groups of my male cousins would go to her house and punk dude whenever they felt like it and tell him that they’d be back and she’d better not look hurt. it was so funny to watch a grown man cower in his own house but he knew not to jump bad.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
3:23 pm

Today is my Friday….yaaaaah!!!! I’m not back until next week. Then out 2 weeks in December. Yeah baby

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:26 pm

@Robert ~ I realize that. I said if any woman should tell, they should expect teir by receiving a beatdown . Top reason many women don’t tell. Bet It took a while before your niece told her father. Doubt she told him with the first hit.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
3:29 pm

expect their bf to receive a …..