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Dating: Ready to meet family?

A lot of new couples find out just how serious things are this time of year. When it is time to decide where you two will spend the holidays – together or apart, things get pretty clear.

Some people place a lot of meaning in meeting family members. If you are not invited to Thanksgiving dinner, should you be worried?

It depends, really! I believe that when the time is right, you will meet the family of the person you are seeing. It should not happen before you both feel ready to meet family.

I think that the important thing to remember is when and if you meet someone’s family, you have to be your authentic self. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t to impress them. Family members can spot a fake person from a mile away. Well, my family members can!

What do you think is important to know when you are ready to meet the family?

Have you ever dated someone who did not introduce you to their family? I know someone who dated a young woman for years and never met her family. She was basically delaying the inevitable “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” scene with her African American boyfriend and her Korean parents.

Would you allow the person you are dating to keep you from their family?

How do you know when and if you are ready to meet the family?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

167 comments Add your comment

abc

November 16th, 2011
11:33 am

Kaiser, me personally, I wouldn’t go. The kids will be fine. I just plain wouldn’t want to go.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 16th, 2011
11:35 am

Kaiser Soze never responded again so far. Shame, because I like his choice of a name. For any that do not understand the significance of his screen name, it comes from a great movie with a truly great twist at the ending called, “Usual Suspects” with Kevin Spacey in what I think was his best role ever.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
11:35 am

disco:

I was the opposite my oldest sister college friends flocked to her, then right at me. When she came home from school she brought friends with her who wanted to visit the little A. When I visited her on campus in DC it was too much to handle alone so I had to bring friends with me on occasions.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
11:41 am

I think Kaizer should go if he can go without any expectations. To ask if he’s being set up to emotionally fail sounds like he’s expecting or hoping rather. If he can’t go and let it be just what it is…dinner with the inlaws, then he shouldnt.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
11:41 am

@abc?

maybe u should be honest with Kaiser and tell him u don’t get along with most of your own family and don’t even get in touch that much.

He will then take ur advice in perspective.

(don’t we all have elephant memories in here?) :lol:

Dontcha think??

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
11:49 am

@KSozer ~ if you’ve been reading abc, you would understand why he wouldn’t go…he’s the minority, not the majority.

disco

November 16th, 2011
11:50 am

blackfoote – and a lot of folks want to act like mannish boys are the problem. they aren’t as quick to point fingers at the fast A boy-chasing girls. especially if their daughter is the one who is hot in the tail. (that’s not directed at anyone on here – just a general observation).

abc

November 16th, 2011
11:50 am

I get along fine with my family. I’m not that crazy about the ex’s family, never was. I don’t see much point in keeping up an ex’s family, anyway. Kids will deal with stuff like that just fine.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
11:51 am

@Randyt ~ you’ve spoiled it early. I was waiting for him to come on to explain his moniker. I remember it from the movie as well. I agree, one of Kevin Spacey’s finer roles and one movie I figured out before it was revealed. I will always take pride in that (LOL). Great movie.

@Sniffer ~ you know most memories on this blog are quite commendable (unfortunately)! :lol: :lol:

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
11:54 am

” Kids will deal with stuff like that just fine.” Ummmm, they will better “deal” with stuff with the HELP of their parents showing they can put their dislike for each other aside and realize this is for the benefit of their child(ren)….

SMH

November 16th, 2011
11:58 am

Sometimes I have to SMH at the people on this blog. If it’s not the cliquish behavior it’s passing judgement. As with anything in life it’s to each his own to do as he or she pleases or deems fit.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
12:04 pm

And I too have to SMH at people coming on commenting on the cliquish behavior. Most of us have been blogging with each other for over 5 years. Not necessarily a clique, we just know each other’s style and sometimes their line of thinking. Nothing with saying “Kudos on that post,” I agree 100%,” etc. That happens with you are around the same people, day in day out, year in year out.

Also the blog topics most often ask for opinions and opinions lead to a judgment call of that particular poster.

abc

November 16th, 2011
12:07 pm

How does showing up at an ex’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving help the kids? I’d think it’d contribute confusion more than anything else. The reality of it is, you’re no longer a family. Divorce does that.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
12:11 pm

SMH?

in other words U don’t have a judgement/ opinion on anything?

u would be admitting to Not having a(functioning) brain!

I doubt u want to do that.

Calling folks ‘cliquish’ is passing a judgement.

Now we in the same boat.. Ha ha ha laughing back at ya buddy!

SMH

November 16th, 2011
12:11 pm

@ Leggs

How though are you able to pass any opinions when haven’t yet figured out how to stop fishing for dead fish in a rotten pond? You haven’t figured to fish from the fresh water pond? I would think you would get this one down before being a self proclaimed expert in other matters.

With regard to cliquish, how can that exist in a place open for all to interact? I would think too, being one that can pass opinions that you are able to exercise adulthood and bypass school girl mentality.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
12:17 pm

@abc

I doubt I wld go to my baby mama’s house if I were invited coz I (or my wife) run the risk of eating poisoned food! :lol: because of the acrimonious history.

However Ksozer mentions that they are talking good and there is no acrimony. So.

Being divorced does not untie the relationships.

Your kids are going to graduate,marry etc and there will be celebrations in the future where uall have to meet.
Better be civil than be throwing stones and taking too much time contorting muscles in the face.

Too much unnecessary angst is painful!

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
12:22 pm

@SMH~ let me state something that should be obvious to you. I haven’t dated because I chose to parent first. My child was 12 when I divorced. I didn’t want to date. I wanted to do my job as a parent and didn’t want to bring a man into the mix at the moment. When I felt the time was right was when I would actively pursue it. The little stories I put here are just that, little MIA. I’m smart enough to not waddle in what you consider a “dead pond!” Women like me know to keep it moving and not sink in the quicksand that may surround them. It’s all a learning process, and if you can’t do it with a smile and recognize what’s in front of you then you don’t need to be dating. My choice and no complaints on my part. I just made up my mind this year I want to date. It’s not difficult for me to get a date, not at all. It’s my judgment call that tells me I don’t have to go out on a date simply because I was asked out on a date.

Also, since I am alive I have opinions. Never once have I said I’m an EXPERT on anything. But what I am an expert on is how I rear my daughter.

abc

November 16th, 2011
12:28 pm

Attending the weddings of your children doesn’t compare to visiting your ex’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving. One can be more than cordial and polite without having to keep up with ex’s families. And, when the kids’ weddings happen, there isn’t going to be any groom’s parents dancing together stuff either — you know, bride and her father, groom and his mother, everyone switches places, then the in-laws dance. Not happening. Sorry, future brides of my kids.

Besides, my exes are lousy dancers, I’ll get a pass on that anyway.

disco

November 16th, 2011
12:29 pm

leggs – my mother always said “I’ll be the expert on me and you be the expert on you”. very fitting especially when folks try to tell you about you. I’m all for being read by folks who know me well enough to tell me about myself but anybody else needs to bag back.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
12:37 pm

@abc

I understand abc?
I guess I wld be different as long as me and ex were in good books. Besides,u can always get some bonus,no strings tail from the ex….at the ex in-laws’ house! That wld be some ThanksGiven! :lol:

do u think paying child support made u and ur heart so hardened.

Haven’t had the experience but I can understand if u being made to pay thru the nose at the risk of going to jail.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
12:39 pm

To answer your other question:

“With regard to cliquish, how can that exist in a place open for all to interact?” – Easy. Not all interact. Outsiders feel there’s a clique because they lurk more than post. Those like you, who don’t regularly interact and simply come on with snide comments on the side, feel there’s a clique. Those that converse and comment with each other for years are deemed to be in clique simply because they are regulars. It’s a no win situation, but I’m having fun!

abc

November 16th, 2011
12:42 pm

I seriously never had interest in any after-the-fact ‘bonus sex’. I never minded child support, either. Nor do I think my heart is hardened. I’m just realistic and pragmatic. Those chicks made their choices, and got what they wanted.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
12:45 pm

abc I can’t believe you’re answering Mmeello…lol Usually you don’t respond to too many people.

abc

November 16th, 2011
12:53 pm

I’m usually pretty busy, but it’s lunchtime!

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
12:58 pm

“Pappa’s” was great! I am too full.

Folks kill me coming on being jealous of a few friendships from a blog!

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:05 pm

Is it just me, or is everyone PMS’ing? lol

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
1:06 pm

If blogging with people who don’t mind sharing experiences a clique, is lurking a clique too?

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
1:06 pm

Yes indeed, kimmie! Not only that, this is blog about one’s dating adventures, if they care to share them. If you have good ones, all the better, but the name of this blog is MIA!

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:07 pm

Excuse me if this question has been posed but if after you family met your SO, and they expressed dislike for them, would that make you re-think moving forward with them??

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
1:09 pm

Good one, BF. Like if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?

czBrat

November 16th, 2011
1:12 pm

slim, yes. experience has taught me that close friends and family who know you very well often see things that love goggles will not allow you to see.

i may not necessarily dump him in his tracks, but maybe slow down a bit, be more aware and ask more questions.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
1:13 pm

Leggs:

I can feel the heat and see steam coming from these key pads cool down some…….LOL

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
1:13 pm

Slim – If not everyone, at least some are PMSing!!LOL!! Take a Midol please!!

Slim – I can tell you in the past when my family didn’t care for an SO of mine, it didn’t stop me from seeing them but it made me uneasy. They would express their dislike to me privately but were always cordial when they would come around. But it was an “uneasy cordial”. You could cut the tension with a knife. A few times I would try to be defiant, but deep down I really respected their opinion, especially my parents. They usually had a very good reason for their distaste. I didn’t want to admit it, but they were always right.

kimmie

November 16th, 2011
1:14 pm

Slim – The relationship would eventually fizzle.

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
1:19 pm

@BF ~ I’ve always said I would not argue with anyone on this blog. But, that post was harsh. I’m damned that I don’t have a revolving dating life, and would be equally damned if I did with a child in the house. I’m doing me the way that’s right for me. Sounds like I’m suppose to jump on all dating opportunities presented to. Lord know I could, if I didn’t respect myself, my home, and my child!

@SMK ~ Please understand. I may finally be seeking companion, but I’m doing it with a levelhead and not a moist puddy as my source of reasoning!

KaiserSoze

November 16th, 2011
1:22 pm

Sorry guys, work called and I was away from the computer for a couple hours. I appreciate the advice, but the key piece I guess I left out is they are in an ultra small town and there is no option but to stay in the house in a spare bedroom. I agree with most everyone that it is best for the kids. I guess my fear is that the kids may see it for more than what it is. I have already had the tough conversations with them and “if Mommy and Daddy will get back together”, so I don’t want to faster any false hopes.

And thanks for the kudos on the handle…one of my favorite flicks of all time.

Celisea

November 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

Sometimes when things are up close we see through rose colored glasses. I wouldn’t necessarily do away or count someone out but I would try and inspect around what it is they see that I can’t see.

Too I think it depends on age. Usually you’re getting that kind of advice when you’re young, dumb and don’t know a thing. Now if I’m known for making bad decisions, again yes I’d have to consider what my family see that I can’t.

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:24 pm

kimmie – What were some of the reasons they stated distaste for the SO at the time? (If you even remember)

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:26 pm

My folks never said they disliked my ex…but my mom and stepdad said they felt he wasn’t mature enough for me as far as the long-term basis was concerned.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 16th, 2011
1:29 pm

Leggs:

I feel you like that, keep up the good work. That’s how real strong women do it.

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
1:38 pm

Slim?

is he younger than u?

another thing,ur older folks especially,may have seen something they don’t like but may not telling U ‘exactly that readon’ just for fear of crushing u.

They hope u take the q

(Slim asking questions on the sly)

:lol:

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
1:39 pm

May not tell u

Exactly the reason

sworry

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
1:43 pm

Afternoon, all!

Just back from (ugh!) the first of what will be many holiday potlucks. I was skimming trying to catch up, and will totally agree with whoever said that you have to be extra choosy (or not eat) at those things. And yes, I am that woman that will listen from the stall to make sure you wash your hands. If not, I will memorize your shoes and patrol the hall until I figure out who you are. Then, you go on the “no no” list.

I can so relate to the “family fallout” posts. The Ex’s mom told me I will always be family, no matter what, and his daughter calls/texts, “I miss you! When are you coming to see me?”

And Leggs, you are amazing, strong, and intelligent and anyone who has ever read you and has at least one operating brain cell knows that you always put Little Leggs first and foremost. :)

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:45 pm

Sniffer – I was talking about my EX, not my current beau. But the ex was a few months older than me and the current beau is a few months younger than me. Actually, his bday is coming up within the next week ;-)

Into the Light

November 16th, 2011
1:47 pm

PS – Sniffer, you are cracking me up with the pseudonym! :)

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
1:49 pm

Slim…

there u go,talking/thinking bout ur Ex Again!

(u owe me for wasting my blog ink talking bout him)

Leggs

November 16th, 2011
1:49 pm

Thank you much, ITL. I appreciate that.

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:51 pm

Sniffer – oh whatever!

Sniffer!

November 16th, 2011
1:52 pm

ITL

thx I’m keeping it

it puts a female on notice!

can u be my blog god mother since u blogetted(christened) the name?

SlimNu

November 16th, 2011
1:55 pm

And I brought up ‘the ex’ as a point of reference regarding the topic. smh

I’m so rhett to go! Wack!