accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: It’s not personal

No one likes to be rejected. Unfortunately, it is a part of dating. It happens to everyone and the size of your ego determines how you are going to handle it when it happens. We try to tell ourselves that we are resilient, but every now and again..it kind of stings.

When you devote a lot of energy and effort to a budding romance and things fade to black, fizzle out, or worse they “trade up” to someone else, it’s hard not to take it personal!

How do you keep things in perspective when you feel slighted? Does it become easier to deal with rejection if you keep your ego in check?

How do you keep your ego in check when dating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

215 comments Add your comment

Peter

November 15th, 2011
6:36 am

I just stopped dating. I finally figured out that all my intimate relationships end….my friendships have always been there.

CPR

November 15th, 2011
6:48 am

Modern Warfare 3…. LOL….

Harder...please.

November 15th, 2011
7:41 am

Rejection is a part of life. You learn from it, deal with it, and move on. After all, this isn’t rocket science.

I can handle it...

November 15th, 2011
8:05 am

First of all I call her every name in the book. Then I stalk her and slash her tires or break a window or two. Maybe send her annoymous notes. Then I stay drunk for a month. After that I stay at home and watch a lot of t.v. Then I join a dating website and eventually I read and write comments on irrelevant issues in the AJC!!!!

SlimNu

November 15th, 2011
8:12 am

Good morning,

Only sneaking in for a bit. No rejection doesn’t get any easier…The only way to try to keep some perspective on a failed courtship or with anything in life, is to sit back and see what you can learn from it and how you can go forward in a better way. All you can control in life is YOU so when you deal with another person, there is always that risk that things won’t work out the way you imagined it to.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 15th, 2011
8:16 am

Uncharted 3.. Drakes deception.. Is so much better than dating.. Ha!!!

sfw

November 15th, 2011
8:44 am

If you can’t handle it, then don’t date. there are 2 types of people in this world, those that have had success in everything and take any disappointment really hard and the people that stuggle their whole life and are grateful for everything that happens good to them. Decide which you are and deal with it.

abc

November 15th, 2011
8:45 am

One takes rejection personally because it IS personal. Clearly, plainly personal — how could it be otherwise? Someone just said they don’t particularly care to know you, or at least not in anything resembling romance, because of appearance, intellect, personality, chemistry, whatever.

It’s harder for chicks to take. Men simply realize who and what they really are, sooner or later, and rejections help to define that. If you think you’re all that and someone else doesn’t, then either they’re mistaken, or you are. What, I’m not really all that? REALLY?! Well, I’ll be. How ’bout that.

Move your hips, wouldja

November 15th, 2011
9:10 am

I tend to fall really fast and hard, but then start to see things that bother me. I know it’s bad, but I keep wanting it to be like when we first started dating. I hate the drudgery, drama and boredom that comes after the excitement ends. I may just be an adrenaline junkie or I may just need a therapist.

Celisea

November 15th, 2011
9:24 am

Yes it’s personal but more than likely you dodged a bullet. Most times folks what you to sit this way, act this way, look this way dress this way, do it this way…and frankly it’s not always conducive for you. If it’s a rejection where you’re all the better off, then don’t sweat it….K.I.M.

Move your hips, wouldja maybe you’re boring to them.

Celisea

November 15th, 2011
9:26 am

Oh….morning

Celisea

November 15th, 2011
9:28 am

Move your hips, wouldja – Do you tell them up front that you bore easily? That would definitely save you some time and the drama of going through it with folks. Put it out there and let folks decide. Don’t take someone under the pretense that you’re looking for something permanent or stable and you know within that it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be ready to move on. Just tell ‘em…hey I’m only good for a couple of months, after that Imma need to start anew again. If you can get their buy-in based of honesty then I’d say it’s all good.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 15th, 2011
9:31 am

It’s a shot to the ego, defiinitely.

As abc said, this person has decided not to get to know me further.

As for remedies: one can salve the ego with a “it’s his/her loss” or one can truly take the hit and make it an opportunity to get to know themselves better.

As the great philosopher Popeye said “I am what I am, and that all that I am.” Some people will like it, others will hate it, someone will love it; and in the end, the love need start with self before asking someone else to accept it.

Good morning

@Slim – holla at cha boy @danbynight@yahoo.com – I need a favor if you can…

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 15th, 2011
9:32 am

@Move

Define ‘excitement’ please…

Celisea

November 15th, 2011
9:33 am

As for remedies: one can salve the ego with a “it’s his/her loss”

No truer words…yes indeed

Kym

November 15th, 2011
9:35 am

Good Morning All..

Rather than rinse and repeat..I will just say I agree with abc’s comments..except the part of women taking it harder than me..but yeah..it’s rejection and it stings and it is personal.

CoolShadow

November 15th, 2011
9:38 am

It’s taken personally but you move on. Sometimes you’re just someone’s “the one”. However, rejection is easier to deal with in the initial stages as opposed to when you’re emotionally vested.
And it doesn’t always necessarily have to be a negative experience; sometimes rejection is a way of saving you from yourself from future drama that you wouldn’t see unfolding.

CoolShadow

November 15th, 2011
9:40 am

Meant to write, “Sometimes you’re just not someone’s the one.”

Button

November 15th, 2011
9:42 am

Dan summed it up quiet well, I must say.

Move your hips, wouldja

November 15th, 2011
9:42 am

Celisea, actually, it’s me that gets bored. I start noticing when they put on weight, that they stop doing the things like holding hands, kissing a lot. I’m dating someone now and she is really a great person and she’s dropping hints about “promise rings”, “engagement rings” etc…and it really makes me kinda wig out. I treat her really well and she does me. I have been married once and hated it when things hit the rut and then was told “Well, we’re married/officially a couple, and we don’t need to do that stuff anymore.” That kind of rhetoric just makes me pull up the emergency brake hard. Do I just expect too much from a relationship? Probably, do…….

Move your hips, wouldja

November 15th, 2011
9:47 am

I really hate when the situation cools and it becomes the “Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch some TV, go to bed” routine. And when you try to make it interesting or shake up the routine, you get that look that says “WTH are you doing?” or like it disrupts their routine….which is exactly what I’m TRYING to do. Maybe long term relationships aren’t for me because just lose interest when it becomes the same ol, same ol. Sometimes the “security” that some men and most women are looking for just sucks the excitement out of it for me.

GracieL

November 15th, 2011
9:48 am

I have learned not to take it personally! Dating is a horrible ritual akin to interviewing for a job. Like Chris Rock said, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their personal representative! It’s a lot of work to try to present yourself at the right place and time, put your best foot forward, and make engaging small talk without revealing too much. The whole point is to see if the two of you have the chemistry to connect on a deeper level. Statistically, this will happen only a small percentage of the time.

Sometimes, he’s just my cup of tea, and therefore when I meet someone, and I’m just not HIS cup of tea, no biggie. I would rather he move on in his search then lead me on.

When DO I take it personally? When a man knows I like him, and he plays me. You know, “Collectors.” People who want you to really like them, so they put in that effort to let you think you’re special to him or her because they like having backups or side pieces. They’re into conquest and ownership, but not true shared experiences. Dude, if you’re not into me, that’s cool. No hard feelings! But don’t come ’round here playing me like you are when you’re not. THAT pizzes me off in a truly personal way!

SexyCool

November 15th, 2011
9:48 am

Cosigning the sensible comments.

It is what it is. If you’re not for a person, guess what – that person is not for you. That person moving on takes you one step closer to finding the person that you are supposed to be with…or that person finding you.

Celisea

November 15th, 2011
9:49 am

myhw – Do I just expect too much from a relationship? Probably, do…….

Then I’d venture to say it’s you not them. If you don’t want to get married why not make that known? I still say I can respect a person (no matter their views or how they wish to relate), that will lay it on the line…straight up honesty and then let them decide.

Into the Light

November 15th, 2011
9:53 am

Morning, all!

SexyCool

November 15th, 2011
9:54 am

Yeah…a person telling me upfront that they bore easily is a turn off. I am not in a relationship to provide entertainment or “constant” stimulation to my partner….(notice I said, “Constant.”)

kimmie

November 15th, 2011
9:57 am

Morning people!

Yeah, rejection hurts but it’s part of life. Some don’t take it well. Yeah, it’s much easier if it’s done in the beginning versus after a good bit of time. Actually, later on down the road hurts the most. In the beginning, yeah it might sting a bit, but I was able to shake it off quickly. Later, it hurt, but I still kept myself in check. Never let em see ya sweat.

Thinking back, it’s actually been more of an ego blow when I got rejected for a job I wanted or my credit wasn’t good enough for a purchase I wanted to make. Some tired dude didn’t want me – ohhhkayyy. Life will definitely go on.

Kym

November 15th, 2011
9:59 am

I thought relationships were about enjoying each other’s company not about putting on a show to keep one party interested. To quote A Pimp Named Slickback..”you want entertainment..@#@ take your a$$ to the movies”

disco

November 15th, 2011
9:59 am

good morning guys. dan – I’m feeling your “I am what I am” comment. some folks are longer in discovering exactly who they are and that’s a problem in and of itself. still, once you know you and accept you rejection is a whole lot easier to take because, while it’s still personal it becomes a lot less personal. you can view the rejection as their loss or even consider that perhaps your guardian angel just helped you to dodge a bullet. either way, shake it off and move on to the next one.

O/T – why do people have to steal my pencils off my desk???

M. (pronouced M dot)

November 15th, 2011
10:04 am

Good day…

“How do you keep your ego in check when dating?”

I think the best way to keep your ego in check is to remember that dating is like playing blackjack. You will win some and lose some but you cant win if you don’t play. Also You have to remember that dating is about compatibility. Some people are a good fit and some are not so when someone does not work out for you, maybe they just were not a good fit for you.

SexyCool

November 15th, 2011
10:09 am

I have never had any issues with keeping my ego in check as relates to dating/relationships.

For me to have problems with that, I would have to be oversold on my own press. And while I know my attributes, I am also well aware of my shortcomings and that I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

disco

November 15th, 2011
10:15 am

kimmie – not that you said you feel rejected by credit scores. funny but I know where you are coming from.

SCool – re not everyone’s cup of tea comment. I’ve been known to tell folks that my own momma doesn’t like me all the time (these words have come out of her mouth). consequently I’m not that chick that’s hard pressed for folks to like me. if you do, great. if you don’t, no skin off my back.

Leggs

November 15th, 2011
10:18 am

Good morning.

When you devote a lot of energy and effort to a budding romance and things fade to black, fizzle out, or worse they “trade up” to someone else, it’s hard not to take it personal! – It sure is, but what’s harder is not getting a chance to actually form that “budding romance.” Have to have a strong sense of self to realize just because you think you have something to offer, the one standing in front of you is not interested in the bill of sale. :lol: :lol: Doesn’t make who you are less marketable. With dating or attempting to date, one must have a sense of humor about it all.

SexyCool

November 15th, 2011
10:22 am

Who says they traded up? Maybe they just traded. Who’s not to say they got the short end of the stick? The saying “He/She went from sugar to sht.” does not exist just because. (lol)

Then of course, there is always the possibility that it wasn’t about another person at all. Sometimes, it’s just not a love connection.

your daddy

November 15th, 2011
10:24 am

The absolute worst has to be a newly former romantic partner who “trades up” for someone else. If the trade up is better looks, that shows that your former partner is actually very shallow, and not worth your time. If the former partner trades up for more money or stuff … you dated a whore / gold-digger. In either case, you have seen the persons true colors.

Do you really want to be with a person who is for sale (a whore) or is shallow?

For Real

November 15th, 2011
10:28 am

What up Blog Fam!!!

Rejection is design to hurt so that one MAY learn from it but if rejection wrecks your ego then that says more about you than the person that rejected you. I have three words that sum up rejection.

LIFE GOES ON!!!!

Leggs

November 15th, 2011
10:29 am

@Move your hips ~ do women really talk about “promise rings?” That sounds so elementary to me?

SexyCool

November 15th, 2011
10:30 am

G.Cain says that she did not ask Herm about the allegations.

Um…yeah…right….

For Real

November 15th, 2011
10:31 am

ScooL: Right on with your 10:09. I think people wrap their ego around an inflated sense of their worth. Ego is knowing who you are plain and simple.

kimmie

November 15th, 2011
10:33 am

SCool – She knows it was HOT up in that house!!!

For Real

November 15th, 2011
10:35 am

Oh and for the record you can “trade up”. Folks that say you can’t are lying to themselves to make themselves feel better.

Kym

November 15th, 2011
10:37 am

G.Cain is a registered Democrat..I think it is always interesting at their house.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 15th, 2011
10:37 am

Majority of adults should be hardened by all types of rejection in life. I’ve felt the sunken moments where all the air has left my body over something I truly wanted. What I learned, rejection doesn’t feel good though it is a intrical part of life to sustain you from further heartache and mental anguish.

Good Morning:

For Real

November 15th, 2011
10:37 am

ScooL: Of course she didn’t ask because she already knew. She is comfortable being an ostrich and if she likes it, then I love it.

GracieL

November 15th, 2011
10:43 am

Blackfoote,

YES. We learn from those moments and toughen up. Once we give up believing in stupid fairy tales like Mr. or Ms. Right, and let go of the notion that anything is ever going to work out, we are free to just experience the world for what it is. It ain’t pretty, but it’s real. It’s liberating, actually.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 15th, 2011
10:44 am

What’s weird about rejection is some people have been rejected so much they build this wall/fortress around themselves to prevent further harm. I have always said rejection can be a good thing when your ego is not invloved.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 15th, 2011
10:49 am

GracieL:

Great point, it’s all about how real and which direction you let your mind take you.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 15th, 2011
10:51 am

ut oh, not inloved…….involved……LOL

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 15th, 2011
10:54 am

“ego not involved”….never met one that was inloved, that didn’t include their own self.

Leggs

November 15th, 2011
10:54 am

“Oh and for the record you can “trade up”. Folks that say you can’t are lying to themselves to make themselves feel better.”

Not only that, it’s their form of emotional control over that person. They have to beat another down in order to lift themselves up.