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Do women audition to be a wife?

A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)

I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him.

I hear a lot of men say that girlfriends audition to become wives. Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important to show and prove domestic abilities, but perhaps I’m missing something.

If women audition to be a wife, are men put through the same scrutiny to be a husband?

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others?

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

220 comments Add your comment

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:56 am

Also @ Mike P. I understand totally your comment about a friend with benefits (and frankly have considered it, but have not a clue how to go about finding one), but generally I am monogamous and I do like full time or almost full time companionship. A wife, ‘the elusive soulmate’, etc. would be nice.

GracieL

November 8th, 2011
10:59 am

Mike P,

I appreciate your old-school perspective. Understanding comes from considering a the broad range of perspectives that exist in our society, especially those that hold true from one generation to the next.

However, I don’t think those requirements are the norm for the current generation seeking to marry and start a family. Even for mine (I graduated in the 80’s), men were looking at potential mates with a critical eye toward her ability to contribute FINANCIALLY to their union. A girl from a rich family — yeah, dream catch! She doesn’t need to work; get in good with her folks! But most I know were looking at not only her ability to spend the marital money wisely and be responsible in the home, but also in how much her education and skills could bring in to the bank accounts. Combined income/purchasing power, what neighborhood, how much house, what kind of vacations, can we afford to buy all the latest electronic gizmos… All these things seemed to be important to men in the 80’s, and in today’s depressed economy, I think men are even MORE concerned with money when they seek to tie the knot!

Rickman

November 8th, 2011
11:00 am

I don’t know if I’d put it that way (audition), my wife and I have been Married 27 years, 2nd. time for both of us, we never had any kids, neither one of us wanted to. She takes care of everything inside the house, groceries paying the bills, laundry etc.etc.etc. and I do all the outside stuff. But she also dosent work, hadn’t in a long time. I like coming home and having dinner ready and her being there after a long day. And I wouldn’t have it any other way …. she is the Love of my life.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
11:04 am

good post Rickman

Robert

November 8th, 2011
11:05 am

I like to turn this thing around and be the “auditioner” for a woman looking for a husband. My resume is complete (job, home, car, etc.). I am an excellent cook (breakfest, lunch, dinner). I will cook for you every day and gladly do the dishes. My home is always clean and well kept. You can have the remote control for the TV while I massage your feet. I consider it an honor to run your bath water. I will take you to work and pick you up. It is my duty to make sure you get to work on-time and home safely. Is there anything else you need? Just ask….

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
11:10 am

So, Robert, the way I read this – it is your desire to be a house husband?

kimmie

November 8th, 2011
11:13 am

Morning Gang!

SCool, you and I think so much alike! Because I was thinking the same thing. Even if you are out-on-the-town & carefree, you gotta come home some time and eat, wash, etc. All adults should be able to be self-sufficient, period. Now the level of the sufficiency will vary. Everyone is not going to be a gourmet cook, but you should be able to fix yourself basic meals or at least know how to work a microwave and a toaster!

Yes, life is indeed an audition. As a girlfriend, I had a BIG problem doing “wifely” things around the house. Big problem. There were just certain things a man was not going to get from me unless he put a ring on it. I love to cook, and I cook often for family and friends anyway, so he would get that benefit anyway. But laundry or yardwork or any housecleaning above surface cleaning behind myself – uhm no. He saw how I kept my own house, so he knew I had good hometraining. No need for me to “audition” at his house as well.

To marry, a couple should decide what skills they have that compliment each other. Decide strengths and weaknesses. Then go from there as far as “duties” are concerned. They may or may not be the “traditional” roles of husband and wife. The wife may be better at managing finances, the husband may be a better cook. But when one can’t perform their normal duties, the other should be able to step in. That’s what a partnership, marriage, should look like.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
11:16 am

good post kimmie! i so agree!

Rickman

November 8th, 2011
11:19 am

@Lady~

Thank You Lady

kimmie

November 8th, 2011
11:21 am

Life Cereal – How do you know these men you see women ignoring are “worthwhile”? Do you live with them? You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. They may be a “cereal killer”!LOL!!!

Stupid joke, I know, but really, who are you to sit back and judge. Everyone has a right to want what they want. So what if one is obese? So what if you are over 30 and single? Maybe they are single by choice. Do you and don’t worry about other people.

kimmie

November 8th, 2011
11:22 am

Rickman – That is a nice post. You and your love are doing what works for you and you are happy. That’s all that matters.

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
11:22 am

LOLOLOLOL…… ceral killer funny

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
11:23 am

cereal killer is what I should have said

Robert

November 8th, 2011
11:26 am

@SexyCool – Yes, I would love to be “house husband”, best friend, lover, or whatever will bring the passion I desire in my relationship. I am auditioning. Anybody want a “house husband”?

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
11:27 am

Nice post kimmie/Rickman.

@SexyC ~ I was wondering if you saw on GMA this morning the blonde who’s speaking out against Cain and what she said when she saw him again after he “sexually harrassed” him and why she’s doing this after all those years?

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
11:29 am

Look at Robert showing out :)

For me, your list is is fantab but are those the things what you think a woman wants to hear? Can you start that routine and keep it going? Do you have staying power. I ain’t knocking your resume but that sounds all too perfect. Too, I don’t want you there when I’m gone. If I’m working you should be too. Making sure all is well and sufficient transportation, okay but if you talking about kissing me off and a greeted kiss (where you never left the house), um that’s a problem.

See that’s the thing with “auditioning”….both man and woman need to be who they are…period. If that makes you a winner, so be it. If “performing” weren’t such a stressed point, we might not see so many headed for divorce. All this dang auditioning and you end up “hiring” a stage character that you eventually can’t stand or want to live and deal with.

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
11:30 am

And the funkmiester is back…Jesus

Okay won’t say anymore on this….sorry folks

Mike P

November 8th, 2011
11:31 am

@Rickman: on your 11:00 am post: that’s what I’m talking about, that right there is where its at.

@Randyt: understood buddy!

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
11:31 am

A lot of “house husbands” need a gym membership.

disco

November 8th, 2011
11:33 am

speaking of house husbands. I worked with a silly little girl once who had a house husband. apparently her husband had an affair with a co-worker and she figured the best way to handle that situation was for him to stay home. all I could do was shake my head while thinking “what do you think your husband is doing all day while you are at work”. but again, to each his own. I’m like celisea – when I go to work, you go to work.

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
11:34 am

Yeah…I had half an ear on that.

I don’t doubt that there was quite possibly some inappropriate action on his behalf. However, I am certain that, to a degree, her own actions could have led to whatever happened between them in the back of that car. Does that absolve him of any responsibility for his actions? Certainly not.

But having moved in the social circle of politics, there is a LOT that goes on when you have adults in situations where both of them are seeking to take advantage of whatever “opportunities” present themselves.

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
11:36 am

Additionally, if there was ONE attempt that was rebuffed and the rebuff accepted, I don’t call that harassment.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
11:38 am

Hey Leggs…beautiful weather this weekend. Since i worked my azzz off at two houses this weekend, I have to live my life vicariously through you and others, so…my guess is the boytoy called to say hi. What’s the scoop?

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
11:39 am

They are tumbling down the rafters,(hos) like roaches.

Herman’s crotch is (was) hyperactive back then.

Aren’t most bros like Herman,sometimes.

I can’t run for Public Office myself

so u know!

(my closet is stacked full, of panties) :lol:

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
11:41 am

I guess what I don’t get about Herman Cain is did he honestly think this mess wouldn’t surface? I mean they allowed you to get midstroke of campagning and bam, garbage gets tossed. Did he not know this is how politics work? Did he think he could shrug stuff off like nothing?

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
11:42 am

Reaching out to ur nikkers,between ur thighs, is harassment Sexxy!

as long as she didn’t give him consent to proceed

I believe her

I mean its four women

Really

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
11:50 am

Meelow – you are certainly entitled to see harassment as you fit.

Although it would seem by your own post at 1139a and the closet full of panties that you claim to have, you have admitted, by your definition of harassment, to harassing several individuals.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
11:50 am

The idea of being a house husband is intriguing except for one major problem…daytime television. it would turn one’s mind to total mush in a few weeks. If I had to watch Kelly and Regis, The View, or God help us all, Maury, Montel, and Jerry or if I had to sit like in A Clockwork Orange, with my eyelids forced open and watch that stuff for hours, I’d chew through the locks on the door and run naked down the Interstate. Even the daytime news stations are crap. I would put a gun to my head. In a month, I would be having shouder spasms, involuntary twitching, and decorate my walls with the National Enquirer.

Daytime TV succcckkkkksssssss.

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
11:52 am

Randy – just because you own a television doesn’t mean that you are forced to watch any of its programming at any given time. (lol)

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
11:54 am

I know SC, but I tend to keep it on to break the silence. Plus I have this stupid idea that it has to be getting better…not.

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
11:55 am

No I wasn’t admitting harassment

But relations

Why don’t u think,from the woman’s description(account) of events,it’s not harassment ??

I thought u wld be kinder and sensitive to another woman’s viewpoint,never mind get race.

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
11:56 am

Never mind her race,rather!

disco

November 8th, 2011
11:59 am

randy – if daytime tv is your only concern think of all of your other options. you don’t have to watch those channels. what are you into? there’s sports channels and western channels and when all else fails there’s dvd. or you can arrange to hang out with all the other house husbands in the neighborhood. hmmm. let’s see. what would groups of men do with themselves with all that free time?

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
11:59 am

I’ve watched “harassment” from the sidelines plenty over the years. What intrigues me is that I have seen some women sue for harassment when the ugly guy gets suggestive, but fawn and glow when the office stud says things a hundred times worse. I guess that is why it is defined as “unwanted” comments…right for the ones they like, but illegal from the ones they don’t like. Seems to arbitrary to me.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
12:04 pm

I don’t want a house husband and quiet frankly I don’t have to be a stay @ home wife I don’t think hell it would take me a moment to process been working since 15……..lol but anyway i see both incomes contributing to the lifestyle

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
12:06 pm

I know disco…just amazes me that there is a huge audience for that crap. A truly scary sociological phenomenon.

Speaking of that, my daughter had on the new season and pre-show for the Real Housewives of Atlanta. If those and frankly most reality shows demonstrated and represented marriage or relationships in the USA then they do make me want to just find an FWB and not even try to look at marriage. The thought of being married to any of the “Real Housewives of (fill in the blank) would make abstainance look really good.

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
12:06 pm

I don’t think either that folks look better for drudging up the past or things that have been laid to rest or putting stuff out to make folks look bad. Where were all these so called victims before now.

I just think Cain should have thought about all of this coming out and had a strategy and been prepared. Singing hymns ain’t exactly what folks want to hear.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
12:07 pm

lol randy I agree smh lol

disco

November 8th, 2011
12:15 pm

I can only say to each his own re folks’ tv watching habits. I’m always the odd man out when the conversation switches to tv shows. I think the only current shows that I can say I watch with any regularity are life after and will to live on tv one. Other than that I don’t keep up with any shows – especially reality type shows. Never seen any of the housewives, never watched american idol or so you think you can dance or survivor. None of it. I’m a total square when it comes to tv. Those type shows just don’t appeal to me. Still, the networks are giving the people what they want. My co-workers are all over this stuff and I’ve even been at church functions where folks are discussing these shows.

Robert

November 8th, 2011
12:25 pm

@Celisea – I work from home (M-W) and commute to my office on (Th-F). My schedule is flexible. To answer your questions –
1. are those the things what you think a woman wants to hear?
I think a woman wants a man to be honest and let her decide what she wants.

2. Can you start that routine and keep it going?
It all starts with passion and desire. If you really want to please your woman.

3. Do you have staying power?
I am a one woman man full of passion and desire. If we both share the same passion and desire the sky is the limit.

I am still auditioning. What can I do to help you?…….

disco

November 8th, 2011
12:25 pm

I just looked in my waste can and saw a humongous pile of candy wrappers. no one ate that candy but me. it’s awful. I understand now why some drinkers like to leave their empties on the table. it’s eye opening.

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
12:25 pm

Meelow – race has nothing whatsoever to do with my viewpoints regarding this woman or the accused (of which I am NOT a supporter.)

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
12:25 pm

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
12:30 pm

Robert

LOLOL…boy you better stop :) I can’t knock it…I’m impressed

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
12:31 pm

I am still auditioning.

And you’re funny too….

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
12:32 pm

As to being kinder and sensitive based on my gender, um…yeah…no…my bllsht detector works regardless of race, creed, color or gender.

Additionally, as one who has been approached, propositioned, received several passes over my entire career, my position still remains that after ONE advance is rejected and none occur after that rejection, it is not harassment – especially not by the legal definition – “the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands.”

Robert

November 8th, 2011
12:32 pm

@Lady – Do I know you? You seem very familiar to me.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
12:35 pm

What seems familiar sir?!?

Robert

November 8th, 2011
12:36 pm

@Celisea – If you would like a sneak preview of my audition I will be at the Atlantic Station (Sports Bar) this evening having a cocktail or two. Please join me. You might be happily surprised. “House Husband”.

kimmie

November 8th, 2011
12:37 pm

Celisea/others – A lot of folks think that past behavior is indicative of future behavior/lifestyle/morals etc. Nothing is ever really “put to rest” especially with the advent of the internet. Many may say it’s not fair, but that’s life. I’m sure once a person has committed a crime and done their time and paid their debt to society they would like to be able to apply for a job and not be still judged on their past behavior. Life just doesn’t work that way.