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Do women audition to be a wife?

A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)

I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this. Just because a single woman is out on the town, traveling around, and enjoying her carefree life, doesn’t mean she can’t make room for him.

I hear a lot of men say that girlfriends audition to become wives. Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important to show and prove domestic abilities, but perhaps I’m missing something.

If women audition to be a wife, are men put through the same scrutiny to be a husband?

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others?

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

220 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

November 8th, 2011
7:42 am

What are wifely duties?? What are husband things?

Button

November 8th, 2011
8:15 am

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others? Yes
Example: S ex, s ex and more s ex and maybe maybe a few home cooked dinner

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things? Yes
Example: Finance, car repairs, lawn maint, and other manly chores.

Optimus Prime

November 8th, 2011
8:18 am

Husbands have been put through the “checklist” since the dawn of time. Who is the best provider? Who has the most to offer me? Is he attractive enough? What is his status in the professional world? Does he treat me like a queen? I don’t think that’s bad. It’s just the law of the wild. To rail and fight against it would be like trying to dig a hole in the ocean. Accept it and move on. To think that women are put in that same spotlight is simply reality. But there is always someone that offers more, or rather, DIFFERENT things. It’s simply what you place the most emphasis on and can you live with it. Love IS a part of it, but love alone simply isn’t enough. If you think it is, you have been reading too many romance novels. It’s called FANTASY.

MzNewy

November 8th, 2011
8:21 am

You can’t audition…because anyone can be anything for “a little while”. By no means do I recommend playing house though. Just because you can act the part when you still have an out (there are no papers involved so at any time either party can say “deuces”) does not mean you can do it on a fulltime basis. There are other things involved in being married besides a female being able to cook, clean and perform s exual acrobatics. If you are fully vested in the relationship, these things will come.

CoolShadow

November 8th, 2011
8:22 am

We audition for most things in life that we have to gain acceptance for. Whether it’s for a boyfriend/ girlfriend, interview for a job, induction into a fraternity/sorority or simply a role in a theatric production, life at times is one continuous audition. We’re consistently attempting to prove ourselves worthy of some goal we’re trying to attain. For some of us, we’re just conducting our lives and being ourselves, whereas someone else perceives it as auditioning. In relationships, I think it’s auditioning when someone changes or upgrades their style, routine, etc., to snag someone but slacks off or simply stops doing what they did once they get that person they were after.

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things?

What do you considere husband things? If it’s what I think is meant, sure some women do; some will even try to get friends to do them, especially those men assigned to the friend zone. :(

SlimNu

November 8th, 2011
8:26 am

Good morning all…

I was washing dishes after cooking at the beau’s house and he comes up behind me asking in a joking way, “Are you auditioning?” So it’s funny this topic came up.

As far as ‘roles’ it seems, even as much as the traditional way of life has changed a bit, that many people still see women being the main caretaker of home/domestic chores and men seeing to the more laborous(i might have made that word up) duties.

Greg S.

November 8th, 2011
8:40 am

Those men are not looking for wives. They are looking to replace mom! In marriage, the roles are flexible and change from time-to-time. Guys, if you can’t love your woman deeply and beyond the lovemaking then you better seriously consider not getting married. Marriage is not a cookie-cutter situation by any means!

GracieL

November 8th, 2011
8:48 am

Good questions today, Ms. Diva! I don’t “audition” in this way because I’m not interested in being a man’s domestic servant and/or mommy. Experience has taught me that if I behave in such a way, I will at least get temporary work as such. A man enjoys such conveniences, but that does not inspire him to fall in love and pursue. I see women make this mistake all the time: they do everything for him, and he… lets them.

John

November 8th, 2011
9:04 am

I agree with Greg, and would add that someone who’s mature enough to have lived on their own (away from parents) makes better roommate material, regardless of the romantic relationship.

bad guy

November 8th, 2011
9:11 am

Certainly a man “auditions” a woman to be his wife. I know I was looking for someone who would not be a narcissist (tends to be the high maintenance women) and not care for my children to be. Come on ladies, you can’t be Ms. Career (hottie, party girl, etc.)only.

Men are required to do “manly” things (lawn, car, hh repairs, etc.) while providing the bulk of the income as well. Everyone has their part to do in raising a family. Our home involves both parents working hard all day to pull it off. You divas out there that think men are born to take you dinner and put you on a pedestal are sadly mistaken. Arm candy does not a good wife make….

You want the money, we want a good home life. Maybe that is why so many are living in single homes today?

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
9:11 am

Good morning.

I hear a lot of men say that girlfriends audition to become wives. Is that really necessary, though? Yes! Just like women audition, for lack of a better word, to become girlfriends. Just like the other day the question was asked are you good on paper, personal interaction is the interview from the stats on paper. You showcase yourself in a way where the man or woman wants to see if a second interview is warranted. Then the probationary stage. When you pass that and can weather whatever is taking place, you are then hired for a permanent position. This may or may not lead to marriage, but for now, it’s a long-term commitment.

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others? Some men do. From ironing their shirts, uniforms, cooking, possibly tiding up for them. Yes indeed. I have a gf who complains that her bf wants her to help keep his home a little cleaner because he’s horrible in that department. Sheet, you better put in your budget for a cleaning service once a week.

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things?Most definitely. If we’re dating, and something needs repairing, I would like to be able to go to my bf for assistance without nare frown on his brow!!!

GracieL

November 8th, 2011
9:18 am

bad guy also makes a good point at 9:11,

Regardless of gender, if you’re interested in moving toward a committed domestic partnership, then it’s worth your effort to demonstrate what you bring to the table in that regard. (Narcissists generally do not make good partners for anyone!) However, communication is important to establish that such a partnership is indeed what both people seek. If that’s not clear, then — and I see it all the time — a person can get caught up in “giving” mode, mistakenly thinking that the “taker” will, at some magical moment, decide to step up and reciprocate. This is not always the case.

disco

November 8th, 2011
9:38 am

good morning guys. this topic like so many others highlights the need for balance. whether or not a person considers themselves to be “auditioning” it is almost a given that someone is sizing them up for one reason or another. thing is that the criteria that’s important to one may not be so important to another. just another reason to do you and not try to be who you think a person wants you to be. personally, I keep my own house clean but I’ve never been the girl to clean up at the boyfriend’s house. if I contributed to the mess then I’d help clean it but I didn’t proceed to clean his place in order to “audition” for the spot.

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
9:40 am

That’s a much better word, GracieL, “demonstrate.”

Peach Blossom

November 8th, 2011
9:56 am

Of course we audition, we just don’t call it that. Now to be honest, men audition too. Men are hunter-gatherers and we’re the nurturers. The sad thing is that men want to be nurtured in bed and, rarely anywhere else. Women are expected to be whores in the bedroom, chefs in the kitchen and ladies in the living room. Men want to be millionaires by the time they are thirty. I just want a man who loves me and respects me. Life’s an audition.

Mike P

November 8th, 2011
10:00 am

@WD:
WD wrote; “A lot of my male friends want to “see” that a woman can come home, cook, and be all domesticated. To them, this is the sign of a mature woman ready to be a wife (I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.)”
My Reply: Not sure why you think others believe you were kidding, domesticated women are highly desired by men who are looking to settle down with his potential wife. And Yes, in many cases, it does show a level of maturity in women.
WD wrote; “I always ask my guy friends to cut their dates some slack when it comes to this.”
My Reply: We could, but then we won’t take the date seriously and our behavior will reflect accordingly.

WD wrote; “I hear a lot of men say that girlfriends audition to become wives. Is that really necessary, though? I’d argue that it is not important to show and prove domestic abilities, but perhaps I’m missing something.”
My Reply: don’t expect to get the part (cast as wife), if you can’t, don’t won’t audition for the part. Some other aspirant will gladly audition; odds are she’s more likely to get the part.

WD wrote; “If women audition to be a wife, are men put through the same scrutiny to be a husband?”
My Reply: Seriously!!! Wise diva, seriously???

Good Morning all :)

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:07 am

Excellent post, PeachB!

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:08 am

Where’s SexyC?

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:13 am

I’m not sure I agree on any level with the “audition” concept. I never even notice whetehr a woman cooks or not (other than if she has a fetish for brocolli “Houston, we have a problem”…I’m convinced brocolli is lethal). That said, I want her to be relatively self-sufficient also and not a slob, but other than that, no audition necessary.

For me, I’m a good cook already and enjoy cooking, I can wash my own clothes and clean my house and have for many years, I’m a bit “ironing” challenged, but as long as the Hispanic cleaners down the street cleans and presses my shirts for a $1 each, then we both are happy. And I can be a bit messy, but will eventually scrub things and straighten up. I am self-sufficient in every way.

Bottom line is I am more interested in a wife’s lovemaking skills in the kitchen (and the living room, dining room, laundry, all bathtubs and the main shower), than her cooking skills, and cleaning said places. I don’t expect her to clean up after me, nor me after her ;-)

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:16 am

Typical man, esp. last paragraph (lol).

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:17 am

Morning Crew!!!! Auditions hmmmm…..let me catch up! lol

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:19 am

(I’m not kidding, I have heard this repeatedly.) <——-WD lawd I can write a chapter about this statement lol smh lololololol!!!!

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:20 am

O/T….oh boy, just received a call from HR. I still have too many hours. My question is this, how the hell am I suppose to use my hours up when they keep accruing. Mind you, not really complaining, but come on! {{Sssssh, they just don’t want to cash me out (lol).}}

disco

November 8th, 2011
10:20 am

dating sure is hard for chicks like me – the not so much into nurturing types. I’ve never been much of a nurturer. it’s not my personality. I’ve taken vocational assessments and I’m told I would fit well in legal, military, corrections, probation, etc. go figure. when my son was about 5 he bust his head open and needed stitches. while I handled it and did the emergency room thing I remembered thinking about having to mop the blood off of my kitchen floor (I know that’s wrong on many levels). once I was dating a guy who had a cold and acted like he needed around the clock care. I’m like dude, it’s a cold, walk it off. call me when you get something more serious but I’m not feeling you whining over a cold. I’m definitely special and it definitely takes special types to deal with me. still – as for “auditioning”, I guess it would be extremely difficult for me to fake being a nurturer.

oneofeach4me

November 8th, 2011
10:21 am

Audition?? Here is the thing… I am NOT good at pretending nor being fake. What you see is what you get. That is what the dating period is for….to see if you WANT what it is you are getting! Right?

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:21 am

Do men expect wifely duties from girlfriends and significant others? They ones I encounter do.

Do women look to their boyfriends to do husband things? If we are together and I mean down for the cause the relationship would somewhat mimic a marriage sorta…….I don’t have to live with you prior or during but the needs and wants will be expected I think especially since I had a taste of marriage briefly…..lol

I Love Life Cereal

November 8th, 2011
10:22 am

I don’t take these questions here too seriously, as the questions themselves show a little bit of a lack of understanding of the real world.

People are (fairly often) sizing each other up when they are looking for something. That is human nature.

In the same way that men size up women for several reasons the same can be said for women sizing up men.

My issue is not with this. I do, however, have a problem with the pettiness I see sometimes from women who do not appeared to consider a man’s character, values, and emotional maturity.

Unfortunately I have been out several places where women repeatedly ignore worthwhile (educated, average-to-slightly above average physically, etc.) men for silly things.

No wonder the same and similar women are still single well into their 30s. And in a growing number of cases, obese as well.

It’s enough to make a man almost want to give up sometimes, if not for there being other places & races to look for women. :)

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:23 am

meant “The ones” not they…..sigh lol

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:25 am

;-) @ Leggs

Seriously, when I hear a man with a long list of ‘domesticated’ type requirements, I think “this dude doesn’t want a wife, HE WANTS A MOTHER OR A MAID. I think back in the fifties, this kind of a list was somewhat relevant, when lady stayed home and cooked, cleaned, and popped out and cared for babies…but that dynamic is rare these days.

Now I absolutely do believe men as mates are subject to a giant shopping list:

1) can he provide well
2) can he provide well
3) can he provide well
4) can he provide well
5) can he provide well
6) can he keep me interested physiccally…but this is expendable if first five are in place.

William

November 8th, 2011
10:25 am

Traditions are still vital to a harmonious union.
I am not talking about “Leave it to Beaver”
June Cleaver traditions. You and your “Partner”
have to acquire your own and make them yours.
Through mutual understanding of the wants,needs
and upbringing of the other.
James Evans: “Two things Florida.”
Florida: “Don’t say it James!.”
James: Two things; “The kitchen and the bedroom,
the kitchen and the bedroom.”

disco

November 8th, 2011
10:26 am

hmmm. I’ve never had life cereal.

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
10:30 am

Good morning!

@Randyt?

I can clearly see why u have so so many T-shirts! You are ’self sufficient’ and only want/need a woman for her sexual prowess!

No woman can come in unless she can fulfill a need to somebody..tangible need that is,other than sex.

A lot of women(traditional) will ‘own’ the kitchen and all (most) of the home inside stuff. Unless she’s really lazy then well,that’s another story.

On topic!

Yes,if we are talking about long term relationships,we All audition.

If there are no Expectations,then the the Outcome is not Expected.

You both coast…like some waste dumped in the Ocean.

Not good!

(very good posts do far)

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
10:31 am

Exiled!

November 8th, 2011
10:34 am

Disco!

that’s why u ain’t married!

And I aint being harsh,just honest

Man(married) want to be nurtured…that’s my experience

Try it!

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:37 am

William I am screaming LOL @ YOUR POST! too funny!!!! TWO THANGS! LOL

abc

November 8th, 2011
10:37 am

Yes, of course men are scrutinized by women as to whether they’d be good husbands. Yes, of course women look to their boyfriends to do “husband things”. The reverse is also true — unless you’re not interested in having a spouse, which you clearly are not. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. But, if that’s not what you’re after, I don’t see why you’d expect commitment to the role by others.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:38 am

Hey Exiled (aka meeeellllooooww) and Leggs

I was teasing about the sex part. Honestly I want a lady that is just plain interesting and I totally trust and feel safe with to be with first, want a best friend second, exciting lover third, interesting travelling companion fourth. Somewhere down the list would be clean and neat domestically. Can she cook? Hellz I may not even notice for months.

Celisea

November 8th, 2011
10:39 am

William – James Evans: “Two things Florida.” Florida: “Don’t say it James!.”James: Two things; “The kitchen and the bedroom,
the kitchen and the bedroom

LOLOLOL…you ain’t right William

disco

November 8th, 2011
10:42 am

exiled. no offense taken. I hear it all the time from everyone from my mother to assorted friends. it’s just not who I am. I didn’t do dolls, I don’t do pets. heck, as much as I love “relations” I don’t always need to be hugged up afterward. sometimes you just need for someone to move over and get out of the way. I own it. oftentimes, things are all good (and this is with male and female friends) until someone is in that “I need a hug” place. I’m not generally the friend you need to call when you need a shoulder to cry on. I’m the friend you need to call once you’ve decided how to handle the situation. at that point, I’ll ride out with you and help you handle business but that whining/crying stuff isn’t for me.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:42 am

Actually I was asked (again) to host Thanksgiving for all my family. I’m the best cook in the group and make a gigantic spread for Thanksgiving, my house has a double oven and is big and great for hosting, my den is huge with a 60inch High Def for all wanting to lounge, drink punch, and watch football or golf, and enough couches laying around for everyone to take a nap after gorging.

I love hosting on Thanksgiving…(may be the wife some of you never had ;-)

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:43 am

I believe in joint measures….I don’t want to be the primary cook….But I am a great prep helper and I will even have the groceries brought but for the most I would love and have been blessed with my man doing the cooking….I really lived this life so I know it can work….I love to entertain and will hold it down….I am a logistics chica…..I will create the blue print but I would love to have the cook in place to execute……Kid you not here lately the men I run into aren’t feeling this….the truly want their woman in the kitchen 99.9% of the time….I am not that chic. I can cook and will periodically but it can’t be my primary. just being honest…..lol

Mike P

November 8th, 2011
10:45 am

@Randyt I don’t see the point being a relationship with a woman without them fulfilling their roles, its not worth the headache, and same is also true for men. What you seeking can simply be handled by a good friend or fwb. just saying.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:46 am

I have been spoiled and a man told me that recently too…..smh lol

Mike P

November 8th, 2011
10:47 am

Hey Exiled!: you definitely know what you are talking about. Y’all better listen to meellow

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:48 am

I am so looking forward to cooking for Thanksgiving. I love it! Just wish my family could have come.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 8th, 2011
10:52 am

@ Mike P…I don’t disagree. But I’ve been married, have grown children, and my needs and desires probably differ from what they might have been in my twenties, It is what floats each one’s boat. I don’t need the Leave It To Beaver” kind of home structure, but someone else might. I understand what ‘disco’ is saying too, but that doesn’t fit me, because I do occasionally desire nurturing. But it does fit her. I am saying that at the place in my life I am currently at, domestic things aren’t as important to me. Now in twenty years, I may need a nurse type who can cook, clean, and change my Depends undergarments for me…but not yet. One size does not fit all.

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:52 am

Exiled is right about owning the kitchen sadly sigh lol…I will hold the house down but I don’t want to own the kitchen …smh lol

Leggs

November 8th, 2011
10:53 am

R.I.P. Mr. Joe Frazier (the first man to knock Ali down).

Lady~

November 8th, 2011
10:54 am

Leggs I am cooking two dishes for thanksgiving and excited! lol

SexyCool

November 8th, 2011
10:56 am

Leggs – here I am.

I kinda don’t get Wise’s logic in the second paragraph of her post. Don’t women who are out on the town still have to eat, clean and manage their single households? What part of being a “woman about town” eliminates any of those needs?

And yes, determining a woman’s domestic abilities and a man’s ability to lead and provide for a household in the way that you would expect either of them to do so is a critical part of determining the direction/longevity of a relationship…or at least it should be if you have any interest in the individual outside of the “lay-down.”