accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Ready to hear the magic number?

The next time you get the crazy idea to bring up the “magic number”, really think carefully if it’s worth it. It is important to have an honest discussion about your partner’s sexual health, but too much detail could end up being problematic.

I know we all say we are mature enough to handle info about our partner’s past, but the reality is, that’s not always the case. One thing we seem to get hung up on is not knowing about the context of the number. You wonder if there were multiple relationships or multiple hook-ups – or both. As soon as we get the digits (digit?), we start doing the mental math of how many partners, per year of sexual activity.

The number starts doing a number on the relationship and then there is trouble in paradise. I have seen it happen a lot! So are you really ready to talk about the magic number or do you just think you are?

How do you handle the discussion of the magic number? Do you opt for full disclosure or do you go the “need to know” route?

Have you ever told someone you were dating your actual magic number or did you fudge the numbers to appear less or more?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

246 comments Add your comment

Peach Blossom

November 7th, 2011
10:45 am

I think it’s all on a case-by-case basis.

If you know you’re going into a one-night stand, then it’s meaningless. And some people just don’t care.

I wish my SO would have been a little more candid when we had this conversation, because once every five years or so my SO’s past is going to pop back into our relationship and bite me. We’re in love, so it really doesn’t matter. The past can be a very good predictor of how the future is going to shape up, not always though. With the Internet, Facebook and other social media, there’re really no more secrets anymore. And nobody likes to be surprised. But I’ve acquired an STD from my SO and from time to time a picture will pop up in the Internet with my SO and somebody else. If you’re in love, it doesn’t matter. My SO’s hot and had more sex partners than I was originally told. It does make me wonder what else I haven’t been told, but we’ve been together so long now, and I do get weary of being surprised every now and then.

And I agree with some posters when they say the past is in the past. But when my SO’s past becomes part of my present, and I’ve got to deal with an STD, then the dynamics change a bit.

I would have appreciated a little more honesty at the beginning of our relationship. It probably wouldn’t have changed anything, but, at the least, I would have been prepared emotionally. Love is a funny thing.

Don’t you love this weather.

SexyCool

November 7th, 2011
10:52 am

“I’ve acquired an STD from my SO”

You make it sound so pleasant.

Lady~

November 7th, 2011
10:55 am

I am well C!!!! Happy Monday to you!!!!!

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
10:56 am

Peach Blossom I would have appreciated a little more honesty at the beginning of our relationship. It probably wouldn’t have changed anything, but, at the least, I would have been prepared emotionally

Wow, I don’t know if congratulation on love or empathy is in order. I don’t know how to “prepare” for the news an STD. You have the ultimate gift but you seem okay with. I think you have to be wise enough to know with most (especially wh@ish natured folks), face value is portion of what they’ll reveal. I don’t mean necessarily numbers but the lifestyle.

hazel

November 7th, 2011
10:57 am

interesting topic
I was once told that…because I had never been with anyone ever.. i wasn’t his type.
Well, I was actually glad that he was honest. Honestly, for me..the magic number would be 0, before me. But that is impossible.
@ Kimmie – I agree with most of what you said.. I just think that individual with a big number has too many issues

disco

November 7th, 2011
11:05 am

good morning all. eww – the number of partners??? this should be a moot topic but to those who feel they need to know, good luck getting an answer. slim nu – I watched that episode of will to live. that chick was crazy for real. also, watched last night’s episode. can’t believe the state of ohio wants to do that guy like that. 19 years wrongfully imprisoned and they don’t want to acknowledge their mistake primarily because they don’t want to pay him. I think the show said ohio pays $47k per year of incarceration.

kimmie

November 7th, 2011
11:15 am

hazel – Most folks issues will come out whether you know their number or not. I was watching this old episode of Oprah the other day that had these two women over 30 that were virgins. It was not religious or they just had not met the right guy. They had all kinds of mental issues they were dealing with(or not dealing with) that had turned off a lot of men.

mark

November 7th, 2011
11:18 am

i dont care about numbers as long as none of her partners were WHITEBOYS !! im cool. i dont screw with sistas that screw Whiteboys nasty heifers.

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
11:22 am

disco – Yeah, he would be sitting pretty well right now. But even if they wouldnt pay him, they should at least expunge the record so he can find honest work for himself. No one, really in the economy anyway, wants to hire a guy that has a murder charge on his record. That’s just shady if you ask me.

MsMarriedUp

November 7th, 2011
11:23 am

What an interesting fun topic…and comments!

I wouldn’t ask, and if asked I would answer honestly. I don’t know.

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
11:23 am

Looks like some more wild animals escaped the zoo again. Everyone, quick! Grab your blog Paint guns…

SexyCool

November 7th, 2011
11:32 am

“Hide ya’ kids. Hide ya’ wife.”

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
11:42 am

Celisea’ if u feeling me,then go for it’

that’s funny girl! Lol

Why don’t u want the guy to trust But verify? Lol

that’s do funny to me.

It seems from the posts I read,anybody with no number but an adult is the bad one! Lol

f-cking crazy I tell ya!

We are in the f-cking age!

Off topic:

The movie place is cool,ambiance wise But the food is Garbage!

Most dogs won’t sniff it. Lol

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
11:48 am

But I’ve acquired an STD from my SO and from time to time a picture will pop up in the Internet with my SO and somebody else.

Which STD have you acquired, if you don’t mind me asking? And is your SO in he public eye, some sort of celebrity, porn star? I only ask because it sounds like he pops up on the web fairly frequently???

kimmie

November 7th, 2011
11:50 am

Exiled – I was waiting for your review on the movie place. Fork & Screen in Buckhead has pretty decent food & drinks.

disco

November 7th, 2011
11:50 am

slim – apparently that’s the catch 22. if they expunge his record then they are acknowledging that they were wrong and then they are on the hook for the money. as it stands it looks like they’d rather just leave the poor guy hanging in the balance.

I need for it to be lunchtime like nobody’s business. not so much because I’m hungry but because I need a second wind and I’m hoping a lunchtime conversation will get me going.

Leggs

November 7th, 2011
11:53 am

And, the STD rears it’s ugly head every five years? You seem so non-chalant about the disease because of your love for your man. If you’re dealing with it and comfortable, that’s all that matters.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
11:54 am

MMeelo – Celisea’ if u feeling me,then go for it’ that’s funny girl! Lol
Why don’t u want the guy to trust But verify? Lol

You missed my entire point. I can count my partners…there’s a clear vivid number. My past is not so busy it’s a blur. My point though is I cast suspicion to a person wanting to know all this stuff before they can go in. What’s up with that? How about we get folks to bring their record to the table…if they’re looking for honor…lol That would be an honorable move if it’s honor you’re looking for. If you’re dealing with adults, don’t ask the number because in my mind…in a man’s mind zero ain’t enough and one is too many.

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
11:55 am

Peach Blossom

that’s the risk anybody signs up for when they have a sexual relationship with a (stranger) that becomes ur boyfriend or girlfriend….

U are very open and candid

That goes on a lot I wld think

Imagine all these people with baby mamas and baby daddys(multiple) or swear by the pill(morning after)

Lot of raw dogging going on

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
11:55 am

Is that the MO for herpes, to come back every so often?

disco – I guess you have a point there. They said he was still ‘under investigation’ which makes no sense. And I’m starving like marvin, craving some JR Crickets. I think i’ll make this a wing and salad day. I haven’t had their wings in forever.

Leggs

November 7th, 2011
11:58 am

Fever blisters is what I’m thinking too SlimNu.

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
12:00 pm

Kimmie!

yea the chic hyped the place as if the food was exceptional

but their HD screen is fab.
We watched that comedy with Ben Steela and Eddie Murphy

very funny tho..

(why are all bad guys/thugs black?)

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:01 pm

MMeello – You went to the place in Alpharetta?

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
12:02 pm

Leggs – Maybe she seems nonchalant because they both have it, so she doesn’t deem it much of a problem now. However, I would think when it came to dating in the future (if her and the SO doesn’t work out) THEN it would be more pressing because she’d need to disclose that to the potential gentleman callers know

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
12:06 pm

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
12:06 pm

I heard Tower Heist was pretty good..guess I’ll try to catch it soon. I wonder if Harold and Kumar was any good.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:07 pm

You like? How was the ambience? Pricey cheap? Good movies? Food a’ight, great so so? Sounds so so.

SexyCool

November 7th, 2011
12:07 pm

Meelow…all of ‘em aren’t black.

SexyCool

November 7th, 2011
12:08 pm

There are plenty, many movies with bad guys in them that don’t have a single black person anywhere in the cast or even as blurs in the background onscreen.

disco

November 7th, 2011
12:09 pm

okay speaking STDs. I had my annual physical last week. got tested for assorted STDs. generally doctor’s office doesn’t call with any results unless there is a problem. I get a voicemail from doctor’s office and get to feeling some kind of way. there’s a new chick working and she called unnecessarily. still the way she phrased it, it sounded like she was telling me I tested positive for several diseases. my heart dropped and I couldn’t talk for a minute. I asked her to repeat herself and she got it right the second time, making it clear that I was tested for such and such and that I didn’t have anything. still, for the sake of clarity I asked her to repeat my results one more time. I called my SO and told him he dodged a bullet because I was on my way to show out.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:12 pm

I called my SO and told him he dodged a bullet because I was on my way to show out.

LOLOLOLOL… That’s so sho nuff love with Peach Blossom because I would be too hot to calm down if a dude passed an STD to me. Want to see crazy? Yeah, that would take me there…no holds barred.

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
12:13 pm

Movie price for two grown and three kids,17,13,6 $41

Food bill $70 I cldnt find anything worthy,it’s kinda MickyD type so I had pizza and coffee(u get refill),so did Queen +salad. My other daughter had pizza too..can’t remember what the other two
ordered.

Ambiance really great!
A lot of black clicks with white brothers (bonus observation) :lol:
:lol:

disco

November 7th, 2011
12:15 pm

celisea – yeah. he was trying to be all calm and cool talking about I should have at least asked for a second opinion and taken the time to get retested. nope. second opinion and retesting didn’t cross my mind. I went straight to “oh no he didn’t”. it was going to be on. of course, now it’s another inside joke but for that small window of time I might have been looking at some charges.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:16 pm

Thanks Meelloo and thanks for the little extra of A lot of black clicks with white brothers (bonus observation)

Maybe I’ll get a white dude to take me up there…you’re stoopid sometimes…lol

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:17 pm

disco – LOLOLOLOL….okaaaaay

Mmeelloo – My sister is saying all the time now when I’m with her, what’s up with all the black chicks dating white dudes? Says maybe she missed her mark. She’s divorced…lol

mark (above) probably ain’t liking this…lol

hazel

November 7th, 2011
12:21 pm

@ kimmie – i can see that… but I was in my early 20’s then. But, I think because too many ppl just depend on sex .. there are less and less real relationships that are based on something that is much stronger.

Leggs

November 7th, 2011
12:27 pm

@Celisea ~ we don’t know if she showed out when he first presented it to her. Apparently, a lot of time have gone by and she/he talked it through and agreed to work through it together.

And, when people post things like this, it could just be a dangling carrot…

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:35 pm

Okay again…not sure what’s up with my post getting kidnapped

Leggs – I was saying I agree. I was saying it sounds like she’s forgiven and moved on and they’re okay with it.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:37 pm

I wonder if a person would divorce or leave from catching something from their spouse…married folks I’m wondering. Is that one of those things where you ponder long and hard and for keeping the marriage going you would forgive? I bet if anything a woman would forgive quicker than a man.

I wonder if Peach Blossom’s man would have stayed if the tables were turned. Not being funny. I’m truly wondering.

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:38 pm

Well I can’t pose the question to the menfolk because no one is here….but I’m wondering is that would kill the deal.

Leggs

November 7th, 2011
12:41 pm

I think the severity of the STD would have some staying and some walking.

Leggs

November 7th, 2011
12:41 pm

and some SNAPPING!!

disco

November 7th, 2011
12:42 pm

celisea – I recently read of a case where neighbors were involved in an affair. neither couple split up but one couple did move. the wife of the couple that moved contracted an STD and passed it on to her husband. how come the husband turned around and sued his neighbor? I figure he should have chalked that one up to the game but I guess it takes all kinds.

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
12:45 pm

I don’t know Cee. 12:37?

My best friend in Joburg South Africa gave his then girlfriend,now wife a donation early on in the relationship.

she told me coz we all high school buddies so our relationship is like that…

But she forgave him

Now if it were the other way round,I don’t know honestly.

If it’s a wife that does that,giving the hubby a donation

Well….it’s going down! :lol:

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:47 pm

Just wow disco. So that means who she got it from (between him and his wife…somebody was stepping out) got it from someone else. I guess if you can’t hit them, hit ‘em where it hurts..lol

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:48 pm

MMeelloo – Well….it’s going down!

I just bet!!!

SlimNu

November 7th, 2011
12:49 pm

Question: When you all order food for pickup/carryout, do you tip the counter-person?

Celisea

November 7th, 2011
12:50 pm

No…only when delivered or dining in

SexyCool

November 7th, 2011
12:59 pm

I never tip the counter person.

Exiled!

November 7th, 2011
1:02 pm

If u got it SlimNu,nothing wrong in that.