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When should you end things?

It is not easy facing the reality that you aren’t clicking with the person you are dating anymore. Sometimes things just fizzle out and you are faced with a decision: light the fire or let it burn out. When and how do you end things?

When there is not really a red flag or deal breaker involved, we usually feel guilty for dumping someone “unjustifiably” but should we? If things are not working out, do you feel obligated to give it more effort?

What do you do when you know they aren’t the right one but they haven’t done anything wrong? Do you give them the old “it’s not you it’s me, speech”?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

353 comments Add your comment

sfw

November 4th, 2011
8:38 am

I usually end things after breakfast the morning after.

Button

November 4th, 2011
8:42 am

Good morning, I’ve never ended a relationship/dating without a reason. There’s always a reason why something ends. Just like death, there’s always a reason why someone dies.

SlimNu

November 4th, 2011
8:54 am

Yeah Button, there usually is always a reason…

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
8:57 am

~Happy Friday~ Most times for me its understood with silence……….chuckle & yes its for a reason that doesn’t need an explanation for the most part……..I am referring to casually dating too not an exclusive relationship. A relationship ending will require a bit more closure I think….but who knows…..lol

Into the Light

November 4th, 2011
8:57 am

Morning, all! Happy Friday!!!!

Dang, Button…way to be a Debbie Downer first thing this morning! Have a cup of coffee and buck up, little camper. :lol:

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
9:01 am

My s/o and I have been through some rough times recently and are working on things. It’s getting better, but I keep thinking to myself that things probably won’t work out in the long run. We both love each other and aren’t ready to end it now, but I have a feeling it will end eventually. It’s a crappy situation because part of me thinks we should just go ahead and end it, but the other part thinks that we shoudl tough it out and see what happens…

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
9:14 am

can you just not be interested suffice?!? no love loss…..you can remain friends or just let it be with no further communication……..Over time I learned the importance of not burning bridges bc many whom didn’t pan out I still can call up if I need something and vice verse…….

Ron Burgundy

November 4th, 2011
9:14 am

I usually end things on me ladies chest.

SlimNu

November 4th, 2011
9:16 am

ITL – Calling folks out all early this morning I see lol. For whatever reason, I pictured you pinching her cheeks all hard while you said that.

mark

November 4th, 2011
9:16 am

i always end a relationship with a Reason. you cant treat people wrong ang not expect it to come back on you.

OJ

November 4th, 2011
9:18 am

I usually end things by cutting off her and her new guys heads.

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
9:19 am

SlimNu

November 4th, 2011
9:22 am

Kelli – What type of issues are you two having that will lead you to believe it’s pretty much going to be over? (if you don’t mind me asking)

Button

November 4th, 2011
9:26 am

Hey ITL no debbie downer just stating my opinion. Death is reality nothing down about that.

Leggs

November 4th, 2011
9:31 am

Good morning.

If things are not working out, do you feel obligated to give it more effort? – Don’t feel obligated. If I was married, perhaps more willing to give it more effort. But while dating and things arent working out after I’ve exhausted all I can, time to skip…

Like it was said the other day, it should “fit without force!”

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
9:35 am

He’s a musician and has been travelling a lot lately. We are always at odds while he’s gone because of lack of communication. I’m loud and clear about wanting to talk to him daily when he’s gone and he’s stubborn and feels that we don’t need to talk daily. He’s not used to having a woman at home while travelling. His last s/o was in the band with him, so they travelled together. I sometimes feel that he takes me for granted. That’s really only part of the problems. Money (or lack of) has been a huge issue recently. It’s kind of hard to explain all of the issues. I just have a feeling that we won’t work out in the end. I think he loves me as much as he can possibly love anyone and I have to figure out if it’s enough…

Into the Light

November 4th, 2011
9:36 am

LOL@Slim.

No offense intended, Button. Just trying to keep it light and breezy on this beautiful Friday. :)

MzNewy

November 4th, 2011
9:41 am

Hey Leggs…

Good morning MIA Crew.

Hmmm…if it is fizzling anyway, I usually put the fire on out….no need to let it smolder. There is usually a reason that it fizzles….and sometimes the reason is as simple as “I’m just not that into you.” It’s wrong and really unfair to drag it on to “save someone’s feelings” because in the end it does no one justice.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
9:42 am

I think he loves me as much as he can possibly love anyone

But is it enough for you and knowing this, is it something you can live with…that’s the question.

Morning lovelies……..

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
9:43 am

On topic: Don’t try and keep something on life support that’s dying. Let it go. The sooner the better……for both.

Button

November 4th, 2011
9:43 am

If things are not working out, do you feel obligated to give it more effort? If we’re in a relationship then I would go over and beyond to make an effort to get things back on track to where we wish it should be. If we’re just dating then I wouldn’t feel any obligation to give it any more energy if it’s not working out.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
9:44 am

Matter of fact, I’m not going to fake the funk or force anything. And as painful as it may be, I’d much prefer you cut it with me sooner rather than later. Sort of like have the “snatch the bandaid” effect. Just go ahead and do it :)

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
9:44 am

having..not have

Button

November 4th, 2011
9:47 am

well then you should just stay in your lane ms ITL then it will be an easy breezy morning, k :wink:

SlimNu

November 4th, 2011
9:47 am

Kelli – Well just from the issue you stated regarding communication when he travels, it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to compromise. And it doesn’t sound like you are willing to change the way you feel about him not calling. Mixing money issues with other things is always like throwing lighter fluid on an already burning fire…I hope you are able to figure out what you will and won’t accept to make a decision you can live with.

Exiled!

November 4th, 2011
9:50 am

Kellibean?

Good morning!

Don’t say ‘we both love each other’ and yet u say u two are having problems…. Ha?

Speak for urself!

Say instead,’ I love him!’

He ought to speak for himself.

Women who say that kinda nonsense are really puppyish and make me sick! Lol

Desperate much??? your musician guy is a playa anyway but u are just so sorry lady!

Ok…let me get a good cup of coffee to simmer down a lil…. Lol

On topic

Guys shldnt end it.

Let the chic walk if that’s her desire….

Just in case…

Happy Friday!

Button

November 4th, 2011
9:51 am

I’m with you @ 9:44 Celisea, the agony of faking it —- kissing while squincing—-lol

Mike Vick

November 4th, 2011
9:52 am

I usually end a relationship by saying I gave her herpes.

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
9:54 am

Celisea…exactly. I’m still trying to decide if the love he can give is enough. In a way, I feel like it is for now, but it won’t be later. You know what I mean?

Slim…yes…he is not much of a compromisor, but neither am I anymore. I deserve what I want and if he won’t give it to me (not just about the phone calls), then there will be someone out there who will. I’ve made it clear that I won’t put up with B.S. anymore just because I love him.

I keep hoping that after a few more trips, we will both have figured out how to make it work without fighting. For a year and a half, he couldn’t travel and now that he can, he’s taken a few long trips. I also have to get used to having a man who may be gone for weeks at a time. He thinks that I can’t handle being with a travelling musician…I say that I can, as long as he is considerate to my wants/needs and feelings while he’s away.

Wow…feel like I’m getting some venting out this morning! :-)

DreamsMaterialize

November 4th, 2011
9:54 am

Morning
Ok I think this topic has already been beat to death in just 20 comments. Is that a record? lol If it’s fading, let it go. It’s just like stocks. The most common mistake investors make is NOT selling when they first see their stocks going down, hoping things will get better. They don’t, and then they either lose everything or are forced to sell for pennies.

So what’s the haps for the weekend?

Leggs

November 4th, 2011
9:56 am

Morning, MzNewy.

@Kelliebean ~ you’ve been struggling with this for quite some time now. I realize some men don’t like the “checking in” aspect when in a relationship, but it simply boils down to respect. You’ve asked him to speak with you at least once a day while he’s on the road and he doesn’t care to…..ummm, that says something to me.

Only you will know when enough is enough, especially giving the other factors you’re uncomfortable with. When you exhaust all your avenues tp make this relationship work is when you will have your answer on what you need to do.

Button

November 4th, 2011
9:58 am

Kelli I feel your pain, I’ve experienced what you’re going thru and sad to say it didn’t work out in the end. Lack of communication was our downfall. I’m not saying that will be your outcome and I wish you the best with your guy.

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
9:59 am

Leggs…I agree…I figure that I will KNOW when enough is enough. I’ve gained a lot of strength over the past few months and am not afraid to be without him. Right now, I don’t want to be without him, but I won’t die if things don’t work out. I keep hoping that his eyes will open to how wonderful I am! :-) I do feel some big changes coming up…either we will work it out or we won’t be together anymore. I’ll be ok either way…

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:00 am

MMeelloo – Women who say that kinda nonsense are really puppyish and make me sick! Desperate much??? your musician guy is a playa anyway but u are just so sorry lady!Ok…let me get a good cup of coffee to simmer down a lil…. Lol

LOLOLOLOL…my my my…fired up much this chilli Friday morning???

Button – Exactly

Kellibean – Honestly I don’t get it. I think Exiled spoke some truth, albeit harshly delivered. I just think you can do better than half azzedness :)

I’m easy breezy though today so I don’t have anything harsh to say. Honestly, I wish you well with that.

Button

November 4th, 2011
10:00 am

you got that right Leggs, it’s all about respect.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:02 am

Dreams – Morning…what’s on the agenda the weekend? I’m contemplatng getting my hair done a week early. This new growth ain’t no joke for a sista…lol

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:03 am

And if I can’t shake this lingering migraine…I won’t be doing anything but sleep….day three fighting it now. I so cannot let this thing go full blown. I’ll be out for about 3 days.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:03 am

Oh, and there will be no hair nothing with a tettering migraine

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
10:04 am

my weekend is open……..want to relax and just be free…..

Button

November 4th, 2011
10:04 am

Exiled I need to put you on speed dial :)

you’re a straight no chaser kinda guy

Leggs

November 4th, 2011
10:05 am

“Right now, I don’t want to be without him,”

You have your answer for the time being. Therefore, you can’t complain because you’re being complicit in the status quo…

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:06 am

Sometimes (NOT ALL THE TIME) Exiled/Meelloo, I like your style. That could switch by noon though. You can take it there sometimes.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:06 am

and to piggyback Leggs’ 10:05..nothing more we can add. We’re done here with that one.

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
10:07 am

Not really complaining…more like venting. When he’s home, we are probably 85% good. When he travels, we are more like 40% good. We’ll see how it all ends up. I hope we end up together for the long haul, but whatever way it goes, I know it will be the best way for me.

Celisea

November 4th, 2011
10:08 am

I’m feeling chatty this Friday :)

Imma have to blow though, I got work piled up from a two-day conference. Glad to have a job.

Leggs

November 4th, 2011
10:09 am

@Kellibean ~ as soon as I hit “submit,” I wished I hadn’t because I knew “complain” was the wrong word to us. You are getting things off your chest, more like talking things out to objective strangers….

Leggs

November 4th, 2011
10:11 am

It’s absolutely amazing I’m a typist, because I can’t type/spelll worth a damn when I’m in Blogsville.

Kellibean

November 4th, 2011
10:13 am

Yes…I get things off my chest and the more I “talk” about it, the more I think about things, which is a good thing. I’m still trying to figure out what I’m willing to settle for…

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
10:14 am

I wanna do brunh @ Another Broken Egg Cafe or the Waffle House…….long overdue but a fall brunch will make me happy! #random

Lady~

November 4th, 2011
10:15 am

brunch that is smh LEGGS lol