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What really attracts a man?

There was a poll of about 20, 000 men to find out what they were attracted to. The results listed the top traits that most men put at the top for initial attraction:

1. Sexual chemistry
2. Smile
3. Kindness
4. Sense of humor
5. General body type
6. Eyes
7. Intelligence
8. Communication skills
9. Teeth/Lips
10. Hair

The list of traits that men are attracted to for “long term”:
1. Kindness
2. Sense of humor
3. Communication skills
4. Sexual prowess
5. Intelligence
6. Smile
7. Listening skills
8. Money/Wealth
9. General body type/fitness
10. Eyes

I have to admit, I expected body type to be at the very top but I am not surprised it’s listed in the top 10. Also, men are into eyes? Who knew! I believe that if women were polled, a lot of the same traits would be listed, but it is hard to predict how they would rank the traits.

Guys do you agree with the lists? Do you have others that should be placed on the list?

I think a lot of us are attracted to the same traits, but do we actually possess the traits we seek out? Do you think that what attracts you initially is similar to what you are attracted for the long term?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

367 comments Add your comment

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
11:19 am

Shet it up SlimNu! That was on point, I guess. :lol: :lol:

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:21 am

Men and women provide so much more to each other that you can’t put a pricetag on. BAM!!!

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:22 am

Slim – I shole agree with u! I am most appreciative of such manly gestures! :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
11:23 am

It’s that thing of “I don’t really need you, you are just here.” Know what I mean?
oneofeach4me But in my assessment, that’s a an appreciation issue, not a need issue. In your cooking scenario he’s not saying he doesn’t need your cooking, he’s saying he doesn’t appreciate it (which is probably even more offensive). Needing and appreciating are two different things. You can need someone, but not appreciate them. You can also appreciate someone, but not need them. I don’t need to be needed, but I do need to be appreciated. I don’t think it’s merely semantics. For example, suppose your husband didn’t have the means to eat out and he was clueless on his own in the kitchen (blasphemy lol), so he NEEDS your cooking to eat a good meal everyday. But he never says thanks for the meal, never tells you how good the food is, never says how much he looks forward to coming home to a good meal, just plops down and waits for you to bring him a plate, barely acknowledging you. See he needs you, but doesn’t appreciate you. Kids NEED their parents, but even a great kid probably doesn’t truly appreciate their parents until they get older.

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:28 am

Leggs – I’ll excuse myself off to the corner for the next 13.0074523 seconds lol

kimmie – I’m slapping myself on the hand for typing that. lolol

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
11:28 am

Folks freak over the “need”, “independent” thing. It’s an appreciation thing, like Dreams said.
See, kimmie I knew you would hold me down! I didn’t need you to do that, but I did appreciate it. haha How are you today?

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:28 am

Dreams – Man, you said a mouthful in that post. I dated a guy once that did not appreciate my cooking, which is an insult to a foodie like me. Never uttered one word of appreciation. It hurt my feelings.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
11:29 am

Men and women provide so much more to each other that you can’t put a pricetag on.

Worth repeating again!!

Slim, it’s examples like the one you gave, and the one SCool used yesterday about her always saying thank you for a meal out (even if it’s BK) and the dude always saying thank you to her for cooking that are really what it’s all about. Those gestures do far more than love poems and flowers to show me that you appreciate me and don’t take me for granted.

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:30 am

Dreams – :lol: Doing pretty good today, though trying to get over this nagging headache. Another cup of coffee & I’ll be straight though! What about yourself?

disco

November 3rd, 2011
11:33 am

right now I “NEED” for it to be lunchtime. and after that I’m going to “NEED” for it to be quitting time.

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:33 am

ITL – Yeah, you’re absolutely right…we do the same thing. No matter how things are going, you should always try to keep that up. Just as much as we all want to feel appreciated, no one wants to feel taken for granted.

Augusta

November 3rd, 2011
11:40 am

@Dreams 10:55 post – A M E N!!!!

Oh and by the way, I can throw down in the kitchen, and kick it with the crew WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAMES….I love Football.

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
11:41 am

@Dreams ~ okay see that makes sense; TOTAL sense to me. You have allowed me to see a different side to that. I guess I am associating appreciation with the need to be appreciated.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 3rd, 2011
11:44 am

I’m with Dreams,

I don’t ‘need’ to feel “needed.”

However, I think the construct is off (probably because it came from some female social gathering).

A man primal need – beyond Maslow’s – is to provide and protect his family, if that means getting the brakes done for the safety of everyone in the car, that’s what it means. For me to go get that work done, is not oout of some sense of feeling ‘needed’ I’m simply doing my job. A ‘thank you’ will suffice, and even if I don’t get it, I’m satisfied that I’ve fulfill my duty.

If she recognizes it before I do, and gets the repairs done – that’s fine, so long as it got done.

Again, being shown appreciation is different from feeling ‘needed’ at least IMO. I never heard a man complain about not being ‘needed’, but under-appreciated is a common refrain.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
11:44 am

I just read your comment, DreamsM and I like the way your said that. I see the difference and now have adjusted my thinking. Appreciation trumps need!

@kimmie ~ you are always on point.

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
11:44 am

@ Leggs re: Men love to feel they are “needed.” It motivates them in other areas of their lives. It makes the day a little brighter for him. Work is easier, dealing with people is easier, stress level can be diminished all due to the love of his woman. When a man knows his woman needs him and wants him he’s a little more at peace with himself which in turns makes his entire existence a little smoother. We all want to be needed and wanted by someone. A little mushy, but hopefully you get my point.

EXACTLY!!!

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
11:45 am

“I never heard a man complain about not being ‘needed’,”

I have and was thinking of him when I posted.

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:47 am

Dreams – Also, what I pick up from your posts is that you are a secure, confident man. I know todays topic is about what men find attractive, but that would be at the top of my list on what would attract me to a man. That was what attracted me to my husband. He is not threatened by a confident woman, in fact he finds that attractive. The “helpless female” routine would definitely not work with him. But I let him know I appreciate every thing he does for me.

SCool – What you said about thanking and showing appreciation between you & Dude – I think that is beautiful. Brought memories of my parents.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
11:47 am

Speaking of being needed, Randy, how did the rescue mission go yesterday? :)

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
11:48 am

@Leggs ~ I have also. And it came at at time when he was laid off, out of work, and probably felt a little lost.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
11:48 am

@no tee-shirt guy :wink: ~ thanks for the endorsement. Although the words are not interchangeable, I stand by that post.

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
11:50 am

men are, by design, fixers. Being needed is very important, being wanted is even more important. It just isn’t something a man will readily admit to…but it is there in most men. Re being “wanted” I read once that many men would rather trim hedges in a freezing rain with a paair of toenail clippers than to make love with a women who doesn’t want him. I’m that way.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
11:51 am

@Leggs: Me, too. If I remember correctly, it was something to the effect of “You have your own home, a good job; whatever you want you get for yourself. What do you need a man for?” When I realized he was serious and just didn’t get it, I knew it was time to move on.

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
11:54 am

@ ITL…re the rescue mission. Get this. As my daughter is directing me to her friend’s house, I am getting more and more uncomfortable with the proximity falling near the lady’s house I just broke up with. Turned out it was in the same subdivision and I had to drive right by her house. She had company. Oh well. Then today the lady texts me to say hi. WWWEEEIIIRRRDDDD.

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:54 am

I’ve heard some dudes sit back and see a woman they don’t even know, but see that has it together and say “she doesn’t need a man”. That always makes me feel a little sad. We all need each other.

mark

November 3rd, 2011
11:56 am

i look for a woman that can keep a good home. and that can cook. small traits like that are a lost art among these new age sistas who only want to go school and get jobs and there is nothing wrong with that. just remeber to not lose your homemaking skills because if you cant cook or keep a man you will never get a HUSBAND.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
11:56 am

Indeed, Ms. Kimmie, indeed.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
11:57 am

@Randy – Rut ro. :shock: Do you think she saw you driving by?? Please tell me you didn’t slow down and rubberneck…… :lol:

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:58 am

Well, since we are on the topic of “need”, I be NEEDING to have won the damn lotto last night. I think blogging would be way more fun if I was doing it from my own G6 on my way to some tropical island lol

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:59 am

mark – I’ve seen PLENTY of women that can’t boil water or don’t know what a broom looks like with HUSBANDS that worship the ground they walk on.

It’s about so much more than that!!

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
11:59 am

i came to this party late today, but for me, I don’t care about a woman doing my coking or laundry…that’s 1950’s stuff…not essential. Wanting ME is essential, a good heart and not self-absorbed is essential, (and a pretty face…can’t handle the thought of sittting across from an ugly woman for years).

disco

November 3rd, 2011
12:00 pm

where I come from need was one of the fighting words. i.e. “what you need to do is”… that was a quick way to get something started.

abc

November 3rd, 2011
12:00 pm

I know I’m wanted and needed emotionally, I don’t need to be told about it all the time, but it’s nice to hear. I know I’m needed for all kinds of practical matters, it’s nice to hear ‘thank you’ but not a requirement. Folks who think they don’t need (especially) the intangible things that such needs and wants bring surely will never know what they’re missing.

men lie, women lie

November 3rd, 2011
12:00 pm

Adam Lambert

November 3rd, 2011
9:01 am
Augusta, babe, I gots to tell you like it is:

You are too perfect. And you think you know it all.

“Obviously,” you say, you have done fine by yourself?
So what happened to the baby-daddy? Unless he has died, it was YOU who picked this joker to bed with and have a child by.

My guess is that you treat men like children and talk to them like a child, especially if they don’t have it all together (or so you think) like yourself.

I come across women like you ALl the time. They make me sick!

You are alone because of YOU, and nobody else.
So sorry to come down hard on you. But you are being blind, like many women like you are prone to being.

A.L.

THE TRUTH…. I stop seeing a female because she feels she is perfect, and is looking for a flawless man, while me on the other hand would be straight with a female just giving the relationship an honest try, she is so lonely she went from fine to fat like going 0 to 60.

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
12:01 pm

It hurt my feelings.
kimmie Shame on him! lol I’m sure you don’t have that issue anymore. I hope you get around that headache soon.

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
12:01 pm

cooking, not coking sorry

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
12:02 pm

That is weird, newrandyt! She probably sensed you threw out all those t-shirts and want to try again. Also, whoever her company was paled in comparison to you!

For Real

November 3rd, 2011
12:02 pm

What up Blog Fam!!

On topic: My first choice in attributes for a lady is confidence and I am not talking about those independer that think it’s a major award for taking care of themselves either.

DM: You on point about that whole “need” thing. Appreciation! Let say it again Appreciation!!!
We learn from childhood how important it is but somewhere along the road to being an adult it gets lost.

For Real now camel walking out the blog.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
12:03 pm

LOL@Slim. Me, too! I told my co-worker yesterday that if I called in today and she heard steel drums in the background, she’d know I had won. :lol:

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
12:06 pm

cooking, not coking

Yeah, that would be a whole ‘nother topic!! :lol: :lol:

newrandyt (no t-shirt day)

November 3rd, 2011
12:06 pm

@ ITL, uh yeah it would LOL.

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
12:08 pm

ITL – Steel drums shole would be music to my ears right now with a tropical drink in hand and some shrimp cocktail.

abc

November 3rd, 2011
12:10 pm

Augusta, I think that once you reach a certain age, the availability of similarly mature (i.e. close to the same age) possibilities diminishes. That’s because once one is in enough relationships, one naturally gravitates toward a preference for a lifestyle that embraces a solitary home life.

Me personally, if not for my girl, I wouldn’t even consider dating or hanging out with chicks in pretty much any capacity. Just plain not interested. I think a lot of mature men are like that — been there done that and would just as soon not have to deal with it anymore.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
12:11 pm

I’ll co-sign that, Slim, with or without the optional cabana boy. I kid, I kid!!! :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 3rd, 2011
12:13 pm

If a man isn’t needed/appreciated I believe a confident woman will tell him so. We Need someone whether it’s a relative, friend, or spouse. Do you need your spouse more than you appreciate them, they go hand in hand. Folks can separate them if they want, what I think is they are tied together for a common cause. A need is immediate, appreciation is an afterthought.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
12:15 pm

@abc ~ if not for your wife, you would prefer not to hang or even date. No disrespect meant, but would you stop having sex? And, if you answer is no, how would you get it??

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
12:16 pm

“Do you need your spouse more than you appreciate them, they go hand in hand” – Excellent observation, BF

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
12:22 pm

ITL: Even though once I threw some oil on the beau he could be my cabana boy, I would not be opposed to some random eye candy to serve my drinks. I wouldn’t even be selfish either. He could have some limited eye candy to slide him a drink down the bar as long as she didn’t make any eye contact with him. (can’t have them doing too much interacting – afterall, this is MY fantasy) :lol:

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 3rd, 2011
12:27 pm

Leggs:
I see it this way, if I appreciate somebody I’m saying I like what you did for or to me. If I need somebody the beats in my heart would flutter if something happened to that person. Yeah I want to be needed in a constructive way, appreciating me is flattering but not neccessary.

abc

November 3rd, 2011
12:27 pm

Tough call, Leggs. I figure this, though: if someone is 40-something or 50-something or more, and single, it’s most likely due to being a widow/widower or divorce (ergo, failed relationship(s)). This thing has only ever been a completely happy experience with this girl. For sure, one needn’t have sex to be happy. Would I miss it enough to go seek it out sans relationship? Well, I don’t know, I’d hope so though.